Authors: Andrea Jackson
“I said I’d think about it,” she said carefully.
He flicked a sardonic look at her and gave a soft snort. “I know you, girl. I can practically see that mind of yours clicking away. And I can feel it in the way you kiss me—like it’s the last time.” His voice broke slightly at the end and he tightened his mouth in a harsh check.
“No, Key, no!” she said breathlessly, touching his arm and gazing beseechingly at his profile. “I don’t want to end it. I just want to take it a little slower.”
He said nothing for a minute. Finally he gave a curt nod. “How slow?”
“Can’t we just date awhile and see how things go?”
“But you don’t want to live with me?”
She pushed her hands through her hair. She hadn’t intended to have this conversation tonight. In fact, she was still sorting out just what she felt. Shaking her head, she burst out with the first thing that popped into her head. “As much as I’m tempted to, I keep hearing your mother’s voice in the back of my head telling me and Shonté about free milk and a cow.”
He started and turned a wide-eyed, shocked look on her. “You think I’m using you?”
“No, I don’t believe that’s your intent.”
“I should hope you know me better than that,” he grumbled. He stopped the car for a red light and turned to look at her again. “So what’s the problem?”
“I think you care about me and you’re enjoying having me as your lover. Having me move in with you gives you the best of both worlds. You get your friend along with some fringe benefits.”
His forehead furrowed deeply. “So what are you telling me? You’re gonna cut me off until you get a wedding ring?”
“No! That’s not it at all. I’m not trying to make you do anything you’re not ready for. But I want to be sure this is right for us.”
“It’s right for me, Crystal.”
“Is it? And what about me?” she asked, urgency in the questions.
The car behind them tooted a sharp reminder. Key shifted his foot to the gas pedal and drove forward, going a little too fast, she noted.
“But I want us to learn about each other. This is the way to do it, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. For some people,” she admitted. “But I don’t want to play house. Aside from the statistical data that says we’re not likely to have a lasting relationship if we do that, it just doesn’t feel right to me. When I’m ready to live with a man, I want it to be a full and mutual commitment.”
He gnawed his lower lip for a second or two. “So I’m just your sexual playmate of the moment?”
He turned a corner with a slight squealing of tires.
She grabbed the armrest and peeked at him warily. “I think that’s my line,” she murmured.
It took a beat, but he snorted with a reluctant laugh.
He slowed the car down and they didn’t speak for the remaining few minutes to the condo. He brought the SUV to a halt behind the row of cars parked at the curb. With the engine idling, he turned to give her a rueful smile. “We’ll do it your way for now. But I haven’t given up. I want you to be happy, and I believe you want me as much as I want you. I’m going to break down your psychobabble and your theories and make you just admit that you want me.”
Her lips parted with the impulse to do just that. His fingers were on her jawline, and his breath on her face carried the scent of wine. He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, sending longing pulsing through her veins. Leaning in, he kissed her with slow, deliberate sensuality. His tongue slid inside her mouth, flicking over her teeth and the soft tissues on the sides, melting her bones. He drew back slowly.
“So I’ll see you later today?” he asked, slightly breathless.
Her throat choked, she nodded. She cleared her throat. “Call me. We’ll work out a time when we can both meet Shonté and tell her about us.”
His smile lit up. She snatched a quick kiss and then slid out of the car and ran to her front door. Opening it, she waved goodbye and stepped inside. She locked the door and at last, let her whole face and body sag with the weight of her decision.
Maybe she was the biggest fool in the world and would one day regret letting an opportunity like this slip away. The man of her dreams wanted to live with her and love her body and soul. Was he right that she was too concerned with analyzing everything?
* * *
On Saturday, when the doorbell rang, Crystal came downstairs and opened the door to a delivery man who cradled a magnificent crystal vase filled with a frothy mass of pale pink lilies, roses, tulips, hydrangeas, orchids, and peonies. Crystal sucked in air, her world brightened by the sight of the magnificent arrangement.
Key
?
The man returned her smile. “Ms. Emerson?”
Her excitement dimmed. Of course, no one sent her arrangements like that. She called over her shoulder for Shonté.
Shonté bounded down the stairs with a huge smile to gather the vase in her arms. “For me?” she breathed.
Crystal walked away to pick up the newspaper from the coffee table.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a smile.
“Oh!” said Shonté. She touched her jeans pocket and looked about vaguely for her purse, then at Crystal, who sighed and took out her wallet. She handed over a five to Shonté who pressed it into the hand of the delivery guy with a smile.
Reading the card, Shonté’s smile widened.
“They’re from Trevor,” she said. “He’s apologizing. He said he didn’t know what came over him.”
Crystal clamped her mouth shut, determined to withhold her input since Shont
é had rejected it. Inside she fumed and wondered how Shonté could believe that obvious lie.
Shonté carried the vase over to a display case in the living room. Clearing off the central position, she carefully placed the vase.
“Look, I’m not as stupid as you seem to think. I know it’s not some romantic relationship that’s going to last forever. I’m not you! I don’t care about that. Why can’t you accept that?”
She turned around to face Crystal, taking a deep breath.
“And what’s more, Trevor wants to take me away this weekend. His wife is going to her folks for Thanksgiving. He’s working Thanksgiving Day, but we’ll have the rest of the weekend to be together.”
“But we always see your family at Thanksgiving!” Crystal exclaimed, stunned.
“This year I won’t. I’m a grown-up. I’m allowed to change my plans.”
“But we always have a family holiday with them.” Crystal stared at Shonté in continued disbelief. She couldn’t get her mind around the concept that Shonté was choosing Trevor over her family.
“This is no big deal, Crystal. You don’t spend holidays with your mother, do you?”
“That’s because I’ve got you guys!”
“We aren’t
your
family, Crystal.”
Wounded, Crystal answered with a snap. “I know that. But I
thought
you were my friends.”
“That doesn’t mean we’re chained to you. Maybe a break is what we need.”
“But—”
Shonté’s stony look silenced her.
Crystal climbed the stairs to her bedroom and shut the door. She called Key on her cell phone.
“Key, I’m sorry to bother you, but I have to tell you that Shonté says she’s going away with Trevor for the weekend instead of home for Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah?”
“You know that will break your mother’s heart.”
“She’s grown, Cee. She can choose how she wants to spend her holiday.”
“She’s only doing this to get back at me.”
Key gave a heavy sigh. She pictured him rubbing his head and puckering his lips. “Maybe it’s about time we dropped this elaborate Thanksgiving weekend anyway.”
She forgot all about his lips and hair in her shock of confusion. “What are you saying, Emerson?”
“I was thinking of not going myself.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Think about it, Taylor. It’s a lot of work for mom when we all go.”
“Your mom
loves
it!”
“Okay. Here’s the thing. I don’t think it’s a good idea for both of
us
to go. You know—together.”
She couldn’t speak for a long moment. Her world tilted off its axis. This could not be happening. “You don’t want me around your family.”
“No, no, Taylor, that’s not what I mean. I’m just uncomfortable with this charade. Maybe it would be better if you went without me.”
She struggled to get control of her senses. She would
not
lose control. “I see. Maybe you’re right. You go ahead and spend the holiday with your family. I’ll go another time.”
It was Key’s turn to sound shocked. “But you love Thanksgiving dinner as much as my mom does!”
“As Shont
é pointed out, I’m not a member of your family. This is a family holiday.” She kept her voice clipped.
“But—”
“It’s okay, Emerson. I’ll be fine. You and Shonté go, and I’ll see your parents some other time.”
She hung up the phone before he said anything else or before she broke down completely.
She saw nothing in front of her, felt nothing, because her body was encased in a block of ice. Her thought processes had shut down, unable to accept the possibility that she might lose the family she thought of as her own. The loneliness inside her was a swirling, black void.
Some thread of rationality inside her babbled that this reaction was unreasonable, that she had lost nothing. But her soul recognized the death of something important to its existence and mourned.
CHAPTER 16
Fool! Fool! Fool!
Crystal pounded her pillow.
Overly enmeshed, co-dependent, needy.
She knew all the psychological terms for it. Why hadn’t she realized how she’d set herself up for rejection? She wasn’t a part of their family. They were nice, but none of them owed her anything.
She tried to convince herself that it was good to realize this now. It was time she moved out, moved on—
She broke down in tears at the emptiness of her future.
She thought about Key. He enjoyed their relationship as much as she did, but he would choose his family if it came down to it. How could she blame him? They might even go on seeing each other for a while but they’d drift apart….
Crystal was weeping silently when a knock sounded on her door. She struggled to sound normal. “What?”
Shonté spoke through the door in a pleading tone. “Cee, we need to talk. I’m sorry.”
Oh, hell, Key had talked to Shonté and now they both felt sorry for her.
“I don’t want to talk. Forget the weekend. I’m not going to your folks’ house.”
“What are you gonna do, Cee?”
“None of your business.”
“Come on, Cee, don’t be that way. I won’t go away with Trevor. I’ll go home if you will.”
Key arrived shortly afterward. Outside her door, she heard him and Shonté bickering. Then he knocked, pleaded and ordered Crystal to come out.
She shouted at them both to leave her alone.
Her cell phone rang and she saw by caller ID that it was from their parents’ home. Crystal clutched her pillow and cried more. The phone stopped, started, stopped.
A few minutes passed and then Key’s voice boomed outside the door again. “Mom called me on my cell phone. She says if you don’t answer your phone she’s on her way here. Do you hear me, Crystal?”
Her ring tone began before he even finished talking. She sighed and flipped on the talk button.
Vonetta’s voice blasted out of the earpiece. “I don’t understand what those brats of mine have been telling me, but you’d better get packed and be on your way here on Wednesday. Once you get here, I’m going to sit you all down and find out what they’ve done to hurt you.”
“No, no, Vonetta. They haven’t done anything wrong. I just want you to have your family to yourself for once.”
“But baby, you’re part of our family.”
Her throat threatened to choke up on her again. “No, I’m not. Not really. You’ve all been so sweet to me all these years, but—”
“Sweet, nothing,” Vonetta broke in. “You belong to this family. We are not giving you up without a damn good reason.”
She heard Joe Emerson in the background, demanding to know what she was saying and instructing his wife on what to reply.
He and Vonetta argued back and forth for a few minutes and then he took the phone from his wife to speak directly to Crystal. “Don’t make me have to come down there and get you.”
A half-laugh broke through her throat. “No, I wouldn’t want that.”
“All right then. You get down here and we’ll straighten out whatever has happened between you and the other kids.”
The other kids. Like she belonged. Tears washed her cheeks again as she closed her eyes.
“I’m not sure,” she said in a half-whisper, afraid to say more because her despair would come spilling out.
She managed to tell him good-bye without making any commitment. She turned her phone off and let it drop to the floor beside her bed.
From downstairs, she heard the sound of Shonté and Key arguing. Somehow she couldn’t seem to work up any emotion one way or the other. It all seemed so distant. She was unbearably weary and she wanted nothing more than to sleep for a long, long while.
* * *
She didn’t know for a few minutes what had awakened her. Her head felt groggy, her stomach grumbled ferociously, and her body was sweat-clammy in the clothing she had slept in.
Realizing from the blackness pressing in all around her that it was quite late, she sat up to look at the bedside clock, only to be hit with the memory of what had thrown her into this state. Despair drowned her.
That was when she registered the sound of raised voices. Shonté’s—but the angry male voice wasn’t Key’s. Alarmed, Crystal pushed her way out of bed and out into the hallway. She stopped short when she saw Key poised at the top of the stairs with an alert look on his face. Speaking tersely out of the side of his mouth, he explained.
“Graham. He needed to talk to her and Shonté
wanted privacy. I only came up here because Shonté told me to.”
The sound of Graham’s angry roar interrupted him.
“I want to know how long you’ve been screwing him!”
Key vaulted down the stairs with Crystal on his heels. She saw Graham, wild-eyed, furious, crowding Shonté back against the wall between the entertainment center and the window.
“Graham, it doesn’t matter any more,” Shonté answered, her voice high pitched and tearful.
“You led me on. You played me like a fool. All your friends knew what was going on. Everybody but me!”
Key crossed the room in a headlong run and snatched Graham by the back of his shirt collar.
Gurgling, Graham struggled to fight off the hold.
“Stop, Key!” Shonté cried out. “Don’t hurt him!”
Key’s hold relaxed slightly, but he loomed over the other man like a guard dog.
“I’m sorry, Graham,” Shonté
went on. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear.”
His voice cracked with suffering. “Didn’t mean to hurt me? You thought what you were doing was okay?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking, I guess. I didn’t think anybody would get hurt.”
“No, you weren’t thinking! You were too busy spreading your legs for any man that walked by. How many more have there been, you slut?”
Key leaned forward and growled. “You must want me to knock you down. If you talk to my sister like that again, I’ll—”
Graham made a half-hearted attempt to push past Key. His fury focused so directly on Shonté he seemed hardly aware of Key. He flung his arm up to point at Shonté, cowering against the wall.
“Do you know what she’s been doing? She’s been screwing some man behind my back.”
“You better check yourself, man.” The menace in Key’s low voice emanated from every pore.
Graham paced a couple of steps back and forth, shaking his head, breathing heavily.
Key spoke to him in a hard voice. “I understand you’re upset and I agree that what happened wasn’t cool. I’d be pissed too, man. But you should just walk away now while you still got some pride.”
“Pride?” Graham looked as if he was about to gag. “What kind of pride do you think I have left? I thought I had a future with that bitch.”
He caught sight of Crystal watching from the bottom of the stairs.
“You!” He pointed at her, making her jump. “You knew about this all the time.”
Guilt and sympathy sent a spike through her heart. “Graham, I—”
“Yeah. I heard all about your little
m
énage a trois
at the theater!”
“What?” she squealed, sympathy gone.
Key grabbed his arm and gave him a push. “You better get out of here
now
!”
Graham stumbled out of reach. “That’s right,” he yelled. “Were you in on it with her? Both of you playing with me, leading me on?”
“It wasn’t like that, Graham. I felt sorry for you,” Crystal yelled over Graham’s tirade.
His teeth made a gnashing sound. “Dammit, you think that makes me feel any better? You’re both whores!” More furious curses spilled from his mouth before they were choked off by Key’s big hand on his throat.
Graham threw a punch, but Key blocked it easily, whirled the man around and twisted the arm behind him. Graham cried out in pain. Eyes blazing, Key half-carried the other man toward the door.
Shonté sobbed hysterically. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” she murmured over and over again.
“Just remember—what goes around comes around!” Graham yelled over Key’s shoulder. “I just want to be there when you get what’s coming to you.”
Key opened the door and hustled Graham outside.
Shonté sobbed in great heaving gasps. Crystal, her heart pounding, was torn between following Key and going to Shont
é. Finally she went to the distraught girl and put an arm around her. Drawing her to the couch, she patted her back while keeping an eye on the doorway. She didn’t relax until Key came back inside and shut the door with a weary sigh.
He leaned against it for a moment and shook his head.
“Wow. That was intense.”
Crystal nodded her agreement. Shonté had stopped crying but leaned on Crystal’s shoulder in misery.
Key walked toward them and Crystal could sense the angry energy still exuding from his pores. “I think I should probably stay here tonight,” he said. “Just in case he comes back again. I think he’s got it out of his system, but we won’t take a chance.”
“Thanks, Key.” Shonté scrubbed at her wet cheeks and sniffed. “You can use my room. I’ll crash with Cee tonight.”
He met Crystal’s gaze. She had a feeling he was waiting for her to say something.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Crystal responded to Shonté in a low voice. Key stiffened, his eyes widening.
Shonté stared at her too. Then her face crumpled and she turned away. “Fine! I guess I deserve that. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
Crystal hesitated and then shook her head subtly at Key. She longed to lie in his strong arms tonight. But this was no time to introduce more controversy. She couldn’t deal with it, and she didn’t think Shonté
could either.
Crystal stood up hastily. “Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I need some refueling after all that. Let’s call out for pizza. I’ll see what else is in the fridge.”
Shonté and Key trailed her to the dining room table. She put out soft drinks, cheese and bread sticks while Key called the pizza place.
Shonté ignored the food, sitting with her forehead cradled in her hands. “God, my love life is cursed,” she announced.
“You aren’t cursed, Shonté,” Key comforted her. “Chalk it up to a bad experience. Things like this happen.”
“But it always happens to me!” she cried, lifting tear-filled eyes. “Nothing ever goes right.”
“The guy was a jerk,” Key pointed out.
“What about Trevor?” she asked.
“An asshole,” said Crystal.
“Can I pick ’em, or what?” mumbled Shonté.
Crystal pressed her lips together against an overwhelming urge to say ‘I told you so.’
Shont
é’s tears started flowing again. “I’m a terrible person. I’ve treated everybody so badly. What is
wrong
with me? You should hate me too, Crystal, after the way I treated you this weekend.”
Crystal spoke in a gruff voice. “No, I don’t hate you. You were angry. We both were.”
“But how could I accuse you of going after Trevor?” Tears threatened to brim in her eyes again. “I don’t deserve your support, Crystal. You were right about everything.”
Crystal sighed. “I shouldn’t have nagged you. I guess you lashed out.”
“Listen to you two,” Key broke in. “Neither of you is to blame for any of this mess. It was Graham who busted in here acting like a fool.”
“You don’t think this is my fault, Key?” Shonté asked with a plea in her eyes.
“I think it’s time you grew up, princess.” His look was steady.
She folded her arms on the table and rested her face on them.
“Do you think,” Shonté ventured again. “That karma comes back around?”
Key gave a dismissive snort. “Don’t listen to Graham.”
“You don’t know some of the things I’ve done,” she whispered.
“How bad could they be?” he asked, sounding exasperated.
Shonté winced. She lifted her head and stretched her arms across the table, eyeing Crystal.
Crystal didn’t look at her, flicking the pop top of her soft drink can back and forth to make a rapid clicking noise. “Stop punishing yourself, Shonté, for one stupid mistake you made a long time ago.”
“Maybe God is punishing me for—”
“God isn’t doing this. You are! You’re punishing yourself for something that’s long gone.”
“Then why do I keep having one disastrous relationship after another? Maybe God is trying to tell me something.”
“I can’t explain why God allows bad things to happen. All we can do is pray and trust.”
“I don’t think I’m that trusting anymore,” Shonté said.
Key’s gaze moved from one to the other as they spoke. “We aren’t talking about Graham anymore, are we?”
Shonté tensed, stopped breathing for a long beat. Crystal stared at her, tension crackling along her skin. She was certain that Shonté was about to shatter Key with her revelation.
The doorbell rang.
Everyone leaned back with a collective sigh.
“I got it,” said Key, pulling out his wallet and heading to the door.
Shonté and Crystal sat across from one another with their heads bent.
Shonté fidgeted with her napkin. “I should forget it, shouldn’t I?” she murmured.
Crystal shook her head, weary and helpless. “If it’s still bothering you that much, maybe you should talk to a professional.”
Shonté inhaled sharply, her lips drawing into a thoughtful frown.
Crystal immediately felt something inside her unwind. “Yes,” she said with firmer resolution. “I’m too close to help you, Shonté. I can’t tell you what to do anymore.”
Shonté ventured another question. “Will—will you go with us to Mom and Dad’s for Thanksgiving? I can’t face it without you.”
Crystal gazed at Shonté
in puzzled weariness. Why wasn’t she glad that Shonté was asking for her help again? She didn’t get a chance to think it through.
Key returned to the room with the box of pizza and plopped it in the center of the table.
“So are you girls still talking in code or can anyone join the conversation?”
They both flashed him weak smiles. Crystal took a slice of pizza from the box and nibbled on it. Shonté took a slice and picked burnt cheese flecks off the crust without eating.