White is for Virgins (43 page)

“Was Nick worth it?” I questioned.

She rolled her lips once, as if she were spreading lip gloss and nodded. “Yeah,” she faintly whispered with an equally faint smile. “He was perfect. Completely perfect for me. I don’t remember ever being so happy. But that one night when we got into that accident… and it tested us. I forgave him on the spot, but he was so sorry, Emery. It ate him up. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone more genuinely sorry... I didn’t see him much because I needed physical therapy for my leg and my dad was pretty pissed about the whole thing, but things worked themselves out. And then… um,” she paused, stuck on her next words.

“Lily, I’m right here,” I told her, watching as a tear slipped down her cheek. I was about ready to cry too; I hated seeing her so torn up. “I’ll stay all night if I have to; you need to let everything out.”

“I had this horrible pain,” she breathed, wiping a few stray tears and continuing on, “in my stomach, and I started bleeding. It was weird, ‘cause I had my period the week before. I didn’t really pay attention to it but it got so bad, and I just dropped in the kitchen after dinner that day. I told my mom and she took me to the doctor. She asked me a lot of questions, my doctor, and she seemed pretty confident in what she was telling me…” she was sobbing at this point. I moved closer to Lily and hugged her.

“You lost it,” I guessed, thinking back to health class in the beginning of the school year.

She let it all out, shaking silently into my shoulder. “Two months,” came a muffled cry. Tears welled in my eyes and I hugged her as tightly as I could until my right shoulder was completely soaked and she pulled away. “All I could think about was what I would’ve named him or her… if she’d have Nick’s eyes or if he’d have my thick hair, my stubborn head or Nick’s sense of humor…”

“You never told him,” I guessed again.

She shook her head, and a fresh batch of tears formed in her already glossy eyes.

“Did you ever tell anyone?”

She shook her head again and continued to cry. It was a quieter cry, but I could tell it’d be a long one.

“Why not?”

“I was ashamed,” she shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t want my family being disappointed. I didn’t want my
friends
thinking badly of me. I didn’t want pity from anyone.”

“Nick wouldn’t have felt any of that,” I reasoned.

“Nick would’ve blamed himself, because it happened about a week after the accident. He would’ve said it stressed me out and he would’ve never forgiven himself,” she explained. “I didn’t want him to feel guilty for something my body just couldn’t handle.”

“Lily, a miscarriage is something nobody should deal with on their own. It’s too much for one person,” I said, hugging her again. She cried some more.

“I know,” she said. “But I couldn’t do that to him.”

“It wasn’t your fault, or your choice. He deserves to know,” I told her. “I know it’s difficult, and it always will be. But that boy loves you just as much as he did then, and it’s killing him not knowing what he did to make you push away like you did. If anyone could’ve helped you through all this, it’s him.”

“You’re helping me now,” she sniffed sheepishly.

“I’m not the guy that wants to be with you, though,” I laughed. “I’m glad you can tell me all of this, Lil, ‘cause you’re one of my best friends but… you need to tell him.”

“I know, Emery, I know,” she said calmly. “But it’s just going to break us both all over again.”

“You’d have to be fixed to break all over again.”

“Gee, thanks.”

I laughed a little. “Lil, if anything, I think this is what could give you guys a chance to fix each other.”

She looked almost hopeful as she chewed on her lip in thought.

She finally looked at me. “I have to tell him today, because I’ll chicken out tomorrow. Thank you so much, Emery, I don’t know what I would do without you. I know I can totally trust you and you won’t judge me.”

“Never ever,” I promised. “Good luck with everything, Tiger. It’s going to be hard, but he deserves the whole story.”

“Before you go,” she asked, “can you wait until after I call him over? I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it unless you’re here staring me down.”

“Of course,” I laughed, putting on a serious staring face as she dialed his number with shaky hands. I held one while she put the phone to her ear with the other.

“Hey, Nick,” she said softly. She cleared her throat and squeezed my hand. “Could you.. please come over? …I um – there are things that I haven’t been able to tell you up until now… things you deserve to know.”

I nodded, hugging her reassuringly and walking to the door.

“You are the strongest person I know, Lily,” I whispered. “Call me after, okay?”

She nodded, looking beautiful even though she had just cried a Nile River full of tears… and the Mississippi was bound to flow in the next few minutes.

I wished I was that strong.

Chapter 27

Lily didn’t call me.

I figured everything was fine; didn’t stress it too much. Halfway through the school day I got a text confirming she was fine – for lack of a better term – and that she and Nick had fallen asleep and had decided to skip school to talk more.

I was hopeful for both of my friends. Because I wanted them to really get everything out and rebuild some kind of relationship, I didn’t mind sitting at the lunch table alone.

Fox Evans and his nosey self, however, seemed to mind.

“Hey. Where’re Nick and Lily?” he asked, running a hand through his hair before folding his arms against the table and leaning in.

My internal organs were doing acrobatic stunts at the sound of his voice. I fought the urge to blush and hide my face in shame.

Deciding to take Lily’s advice, I opted for the friendly route. I loved spending time with him; I figured it’d be easy enough. I’d just have to stop letting him phase me… and I’d have to forget that kiss.

“They skipped together,” I told him simply. “They’re talking more about… things.”

“How do you know this and I don’t?” he asked, arching a brow.

“People trust me more, I guess,” I smirked, tapping my yogurt with a plastic spoon.

“Yeah,” he laughed, “Okay, Em.”

“I don’t blame them,” I shrugged, taking a spoonful of raspberry-flavored goodness into my mouth.

“Tell me more,” he prodded, watching me intently. “What exactly are they talking about?”

“I’d love to,” I said indifferently, “but it’s their secret to tell, not mine.”

Fox stared at me for a long time with his classic, unreadable expression. Then he slowly and understandably nodded.

“You’re right,
Em,” he said. “Lily would be proud to know you can keep a secret. So what’s up?”

That I did not expect.
What’s up?
This “friend” business seems easy enough.

“Um… not much, just eating lunch,” I smiled, gesturing to the desolate table before us.

“I see,” he nodded with a similar, awkward smile.

“Hey Fox?” I asked quietly, leaning forward a bit after eating another spoonful.

“Yeah?” he whispered back.

“Why aren’t you with your friends right now?”

“Who says I’m not?” he responded naturally.

Not even Justin could wipe the grin off my face in that moment.

“We’re friends, huh? You sure you wanna enter dangerous territory, Fox?” I teased – I don’t know what possessed me to initiate such flirtatious comments.

“I’m pretty sure I got it,
Em, but can
you
handle it?” he smirked back.

“Let’s just say I’m more than ‘pretty sure’ I can handle it,” I said before ingesting the last of my yogurt.

“Okay there, champ, we’ll see,” he laughed, getting up from the table, “I’ll see you later,
friend
.”

“’Kay,
friend
.”

Mentally, I patted myself on the back for keeping my cool. I was confident I was becoming a pretty good liar around Fox – hiding my feelings didn’t seem too difficult.

***

I cautiously made my way to the RCC on a bright January afternoon after school. The forecast was showing more storms coming in, and with all the snow and ice still on the ground I was anticipating school cancellations galore.

Shaking at the sudden temperature change, I took off my scarf and coat and went to greet Nina.

“Hey you – where you going?” I asked as she picked up her bag and slipped some black gloves on.

“Ultrasound,” she said, patting her visible bump. There was a hint of nervousness in her chuckle.

“Oh wow,” I smiled, “Would you mind if I came with?”

She pondered the idea. “Who will stay here..?”

Ironically, Fox strolled in through the door. Snowflakes were melting in his spiked hair, loosening the gel’s bonds.

“I’m pretty sure he man the house for an hour,” I shrugged.

“Talking smack,
friend
?” he called from the lobby, sensing he was the topic of conversation.

“Actually, she was speaking in your behalf,” Nina cut in, hooking her arm around mine and leading me to the back door exit. “We’re going to my ultrasound, so you’re in charge. If anything goes wrong, call me. If anything goes really wrong, call the cops and then call me. Got it?”

He saluted her with a stern face before grinning sexily and hopping over the counter. I never heard him hit the ground, though.