When Love Hurts and Ghosts Linger (15 page)

“However…..” he prompts “If I see you at another crime scene ma’am, then we will be having words.”

I look into his eyes, a sort of 
‘I doubt it’
look, turn on my heel and walk away. I walk over to Lucy’s house, she is still there hovering behind me, she knows her daughter was murdered, she had to go identify her, my god, the pain of having to do that, no-one should have to suffer the pan of having to identify their own dead child. I hope that fucker rots in hell but right now I need to give Lucy’s mum some peace. I stand outside the front door, Levi by my side holding my hand.

“How we going to do this?” his voice a little uncertain.

I inhale deeply, “I don’t know, just roll with it I guess.”

I knock the door softly, Lucy’s ghost hovering beside me, I feel her cold hand touch mine as if to hold it. The door opens, it’s her mother.

Her eyes are red and puffy where she has been crying constantly, she’s wearing pyjama bottoms and a thick woollen cardigan that looks far too big for her, her face is gaunt and thin, this woman is clearly destroyed.

“Uhh hi, are you…Lucy’s mum?”

Her eyes widen “Yes”

“May I come in; I need to speak with you….”

She’s hesitant but she invites me in eventually. Pictures of Lucy are everywhere; she seemed a happy little girl, full of life and so beautiful. 

I look down and whisper to her “you’ll have to help me if you want mummy to be happy ok”

She nods in agreement. We go to the living room, it’s a mess, this woman obviously hasn’t done much since Lucy died and not that anyone could blame or judge her on that matter. 

“Please take a seat” she says politely.

“Thank you”

Levi and I sit on the sofa, he’s a little agitated and he’s making me feel nervous. I look to the other side of me, Lucy is giving a soft smile and I can see she is trying to grasp my hand, I’m bloody freezing with her around but I can’t stop now.

“I’m sorry to disturb you and what I’m about to tell you will probably have you screaming and shouting at me, I completely understand if you do but there’s something you need to know” my voice is soft.

She shifts uncomfortably in her seat “Yes, go on….”

I look at Lucy and take a deep breath “I’m here because of Lucy….”

She goes to talk but I raise my hand up politely and stop her.

“Please let me finish…..”

She looks at me, her face shifting from sad to angry but I have to tell her, any parent would want to know, well, I’m guessing they would, so that they can find peace.

“I know this is going to sound completely insane and trust me, I’ve said it aloud so many times I know that it does, I ummm…..I’m able to communicate with the dead” I guess that’s a nice way of putting it “Lucy is here with me, I know that you must be feeling so much pain and believe me I’m not here to hurt you, I’m here because she wants me to help you, show you that she is ok…..”

“Do you have any fucking clue what happened to my daughter?” she snaps.

“Yes I do, that’s why she has brought me here…..”

“My daughter is dead and she is never ever coming back” tears stream down her face.

I move off the sofa and kneel before her placing my hands over hers in her lap “I know this must be hard, I have a little boy and if I was going through what you’ve been through I would be just as distraught if someone came to my house saying the things I am saying to you now…..”

She cries, small sounds come out from her mouth as she breaks down.

“I know this is hard, she’s here and she will show you she is here through me….” 

I look at Lucy who knocks a photo of her and her mum off the unit; it falls onto the floor and makes her mother jump. Lucy starts telling me about that photo and I relay that information to her mother.

“Lucy says that’s your favourite photo, she said when the man took it that day you turned to her and called her your beautiful princess.”

Her mouth drops open but I can see she is still a little weary.

Lucy shows me something else; a card falls from above onto hers and mine hands as she clutches me tight.

“This is a card she made for you on mother’s day in school, she said when she brought it home your cried, when she thought you was upset you hugged her and said she was your shining star sent from the heaven’s so you could be her mummy…” I see belief on her face but Lucy isn’t done.

“She tells me she’s never had a daddy and that daddy went before she was born but you promised her that your love was enough for two and you told her this every night before she went to sleep and the necklace she has around her neck, her father bought it before she was born, it has a picture of the both of you inside.”

“I did, how do you know that” she looks into my eyes shocked.

“Because she’s here, she wants you to know the bad man has been caught and he can never hurt anyone else and that she’s ok, she’s found peace and she wants you to find peace too.”

Even my eyes are filling up now, this woman’s love and the love I can see from Lucy is overwhelming, nothing is stronger than that of a bond between mother and child. Lucy comes by my side and kisses her mums cheek; I smile softly as she is saying goodbye. It gives Lucy’s mum shivers, as if she can feel her daughter’s lips touch her cheek.

“Lucy” she whispers as she touches her cheek.

She looks back at me and wraps her arms around me embracing me with a hug and sobbing as she feels a sense of relief. I look behind me and Levi is smiling, his eyes are a little red where he is trying to hold back his own tears. I look at Lucy, her appearance changes to that like Amy’s was when Amy found peace, she gives me a smile and disappears as a gust of wind passes by us.

Lucy’s mum looks at me “she’s gone isn’t she?”

I nod in agreement; finally they are both at peace and with the evil in this world and in the afterlife its nice knowing that I have helped these two people. My heart aches with sorrow and happiness all at the same time.

We say our goodbyes and as we leave I look back to see Lucy’s mum smiling holding what I believe to be one of Lucy’s tops, she can move on now. We see the police are still at that house and we are not sure if that fucker has actually been arrested but knowing they are there and they know who is, he will never be able to hurt another child and those three girls will be safe back with their parents. 

“Well done” Levi says as he smiles proudly at me.

“That was intense” I breathe deeply.

“I know, but you gave a mother peace that even though her child is gone, and might I add horrifically, she is happy and safe in the after-life” he puts his arm around me.

“I know, if only it was always like that,”

He looks at me knowing what I mean, there are some evil spirits out there and one of them is after me and Jack. Levi clutches my hand tightly as if to say 
‘I’m with you all the way’  
and I feel my heart skip a beat.

I’m sore, I’m tired, it’s been a long ass day and very eventful I might say, I just want to go home, curl up with my man and feel bright eyed ready to see my beautiful boy tomorrow, in this moment, right now, I feel peaceful, fuck Ivan, I have what he wants and I am not going to let him take it from me.

I open my eyes, my sight is blurred, not quite awake yet but my god I’m hot and in a bit of pain, I look and Levi is cuddled into me, wrapped around me like wrapping paper, his body is on my ribs and it hurts.

Today I get to see Jack after all that palaver and I’m so happy, the sun shines through the window so brightly, I must have forgotten to shut the curtains, Levi is dribbling as he’s asleep, he looks so peaceful and I don’t want to wake him. I sneak out of bed and head to the bathroom, bless him, he’s been through so much, me being hospital and my big secret oh and not to mention the paedophiles house we broke into. I don’t want to think about him and I’m hoping the police caught him, I’m not going to check up on it, Lucy is at peace now and so is her mother, that’s the main thing.

Looking in the mirror I notice that my hair is dull and bags under my eyes, wow, the stress this is causing is now starting to show. Why can’t I be normal? Why was I chosen to have this gift? I don’t know, fate I guess, maybe God bestowed it on me thinking I was the best one to help, is there a God? I don’t know! Mind is racing with a million things, like how I’m meant to stop Ivan. I mean, Jack is growing up; surely he would want a baby not a five nearly six year old boy.  If you were going to start your life and be reborn wouldn’t you want the use of a baby?

Why Jack? He has nothing special to offer, yes he has the same gift as me but does that mean some monster has to try and take him from me? And does Jack have something I don’t know about? 

Wow, thinking of all this can make a person go crazy, I know I have to find a way to stop him and I know that one day he won’t just be attacking me, he will want to take it further, but how do I do that? He wants my soul but how does he take something not even I know how to give or for that fact, stop him from taking it.

“Babe?” 

I hear Levi’s voice on the other side of the bathroom door, I open the door to see this love of my life stood there, bed hair, boxers on and a naked body, he is mighty fine.

“Hey babe, you ok?” he asks me.

I smile at him “I’m fine, just using the bathroom, what time can we go get Jack?”

“Well we’ll have breakfast and a shower then we’ll go straight to him.”

I can’t hide my smile, I have missed my little boy so much and inside I’m so worried about him, it’s a nice sunny day. Levi kisses me and I can hear my phone vibrating on the bedside table, it’s from Pete.

*I’d like to see my son please… can I have him this coming weekend? Oh and what’s wrong with you*

Look at him trying to act like he cares when really I know he’s being nosey, so I reply;

*Yeah not a problem, you can have him this coming weekend and nothing is wrong with me I’m fine now….*

Quickly he texts back;

*You can tell me, I just want to make sure you’re ok, I care about you….”

I tut and get all huffy and Levi notices my reaction.

“Who is it babe?” he asks.

“No-one, just Pete trying to pretend he cares….” I show him the message.

I don’t hide things from Levi, he is welcome to see my phone, messages, pictures, anything because I want no secrets, ok yes I did have that one big secret but that wasn’t because I was being sneaky, that was something that could possibly harm him, ya know?

“What the fuck? He’s texting you that knowing you’re with me?” his face goes red, angry.

“I know, but he does things like this, tries to show he cares because he thinks I will give up and you and then I will go back to him because he believes in his twisted mind that, that is what I want”

Levi frowns angrily; I know this isn’t sitting well with him.

“I’m going to speak to him….”

Without hesitation I hand Levi the phone, he is texting furiously, he won’t ring him as there is not point, Pete will hang up as soon as he hears it’s Levi and Levi won’t be able to get his words across.

I read the message he has sent;

*Hi Pete it’s Levi, I have just read the message you have sent Robyn and read others and I am not happy about it, she is with me now, my girlfriend and not yours, we are happy to allow you seeing your son as let’s face it, you are his father, but Robyn does not need your concern, she has me now so stop texting her bullshit or you will have me to deal with*

Well it’s actually calmer and politer than what I was expecting to read.

“I’m not going to call him names, what’s the point? Besides I have you in my arms and that’s all that matters and Jack is mine as he is part of you” he smiles softly and kisses me.

I smile at him “I am yours baby, all yours and I’ll never be anyone else’s.”

My phone buzzes again, no surprise it’s a response from Pete.

*This has nothing to do with you Levi, I speak to Robyn about OUR son which also has nothing to do with, you maybe the current guy she is sleeping with but I DO care for her and I DO love her so I will always make sure she is ok, don’t threaten me with your little school boy words, Robyn won’t let you hurt me*

What a deluded fucker, Levi is practically on fire with the amount of anger cursing through his body right now; I can practically see the steam coming out from ears.

“Babe he doing it to get a rise out of you, he thinks he can push you away” my voice is low.

“Well I’m not going anywhere” he snaps.

“Wow, ok, look I will text him….”

I lift my phone, Levi behind me so he can see what I am typing.

*Pete, it’s Robyn, I don’t give a flying fuck that you care or love me because I do not have the same feelings for you, believe me, as for Levi, yes he is the man I am sleeping with but he is also the man I love and the man I plan on spending the rest of my life loving, get it into your thick skull that I will NEVER EVER come back to you, that I will NEVER want you again and my life is with Levi, I will not stop you seeing Jack but if you continue to cause issues then the only way you will be seeing him will be through a solicitor. You can pick him up on Friday as agreed, now kindly fuck off and stop trying to butt in on my life, oh and I can't stop Levi hurting you and quite frankly I don't care if he does*

I press send, now I’m a little furious, we wait a while but there is no reply, maybe the dickhead finally got the message. I mean what woman of sound mind would give up someone amazing for a two-timing asshole? No-one I hope.

Levi and I shower together; it’s heavenly, the water running between our bodies as we are up against each-other, kissing under the fine sprinkles of the warm water, lovely.

We get dressed, have our breakfast and head over to Levi’s mums. My stomach is swirling with excitement, I can’t wait to see and hold my little boy.