When I Love (Vassi & Seri 3: Russian Stepbrother Romance) (6 page)

H
is eyelashes were so long
.

Seri knew it was such a clichéd thought to have, and she had read and seen the exact same scene playing out in many of the shoujo manga and anime she had read and watched because of her work.

Even so---

Her fingers trembled a bit as she slowly reached for his face, and she bit her lip when she finally felt his soft skin.

Vassi.

He had made love to her the entire night, and oh, Holy Mother of Russia, but she had made love to him right back.

And yet, even so---

It didn’t feel enough.

After knowing how losing him tasted, after living for two long months with the knowledge that he was thousands of miles away, despising her, she didn’t think it would ever feel enough.

Leaving the bed as quietly and carefully as she could, Seri grabbed her phone from the bedside table before padding out of the bedroom. There were a couple of texts from Davey, but it was Max’s reply she read first.

Max:
Thanks for informing me. Take care.

Guilt made Seri squeeze her eyes shut, and for a long moment she could only stand there.

Oh, Max.

Her mind told her that she would never hurt the way she was hurting now if she chose to be with the other man.

But her heart didn’t want it.

Her heart, in spite of all the time she had spent trying to purge her feelings, had always and only belonged to one man.

Inhaling shakily, she opened her eyes and forced her limbs to move. As she headed to the kitchen, she checked on Davey’s messages next, with the first two having come in last night.

Davey:
Emergency in uni, sorry, I gotta leave.

Davey:
Oh, and I forgot to lock the door.

Seri rolled her eyes.
Yeah, right.
Did Davey really think she would fall for that?

The last message was just this morning.

Davey:
Have you seen the news?

She raised a brow at the vague message.

Seri:
What news?

Putting her phone down on the counter, Seri checked Davey’s fridge and decided on a quick morning fix of scrambled eggs, sausages, and slices of cheese. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, she thought, and Vassi did always like to start the day with a hearty meal.

As she arranged the food on the tray, she thought about her next steps. First, she would confess the truth about what she had done. And then she would---

Seri swallowed.

And then she would take the risk and ask Vassi if they could get back together – and stay together – if Fyodor ended up not supporting their relationship.

As she squeezed some oranges, her phone buzzed, and Seri tapped on the screen. It was Davey, sending her a link to click.

A
rielle answered
Seri’s call on the first ring, saying right away, “Do you want the good news or bad news?”

“Good,” she said immediately.

“Okay, let’s start with the bad.”
Her manager’s tone took a serious note. “Most of the report you saw on
Seiyuu Updates
is right.”

Seri paled. “M-most?” There was nothing at all good about the report.

“I
was
in talks with a gaming company who was hoping to get you to dub for one of its RPGs, and I had kept it under wraps hoping to surprise you once I had ironed out a couple of deals but---”

“It fell through,” she said dully.

Her manager said quietly, “I’m sorry, Seri. I just got off the phone with them half an hour ago. They’re not interested in reconsidering either.”

The old Arielle would have yelled at her for making a mess of things before promptly telling her what she should do to turn things around. This Arielle, however, exhibited no signs of anger or even the slightest inclination to shout at her.

“And the g-good news?”

“You still keep your spot as Aya in Drawn.”

“I see.” She wasn’t sure at all that was a good thing, if the part about the sound director threatening to quit proved true, too.

“I won’t lie. I asked some questions, and it does seem Marshall made some pretty harsh comments about your performance yesterday.” Arielle paused. “What
did
happen yesterday,
Seri?”

Seeing no point in lying, she said tonelessly, “Heartbreak,
sensei
. It got the better of me.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t understand why this is happening.” She had one bad day.
Just one bad day –
and now everything was falling apart.

“Can you think of any person who could be out to get you and pay for this kind of write-up?”

She thought about Fyodor.

“No.”

Arielle’s tone turned brisk. “If that’s the case, then it’s just plain bad luck. But we can and will weather this storm – as long as you don’t shit all over the place next week when rehearsals resume.”

“I promise.”

V
assi was alone
when he woke up, and rolling to his back, he stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling of Davey’s bedroom and thought about what he should do.

Last night…had been more than everything he had dreamt of. When Seri had left him for Rockford, he had lived his life with a gnawing sense of emptiness, like the part that made him
feel
had gone missing.

Even just
seeing
her had made him feel more alive than he had been in the past two months. Nothing, however, could compare to having her back in his arms.

The way she kissed him---

The way she arched her body against him---

The way she cried out his name---

Maybe it wasn’t love. Maybe it was just an unhealthy obsession. An addiction. Right now, only one thing was clear.

She couldn’t have responded to him the way she had last night if she hadn’t felt something for him.

And for that, he was willing to take a risk.

Dressing himself, he stepped out of the bedroom and found Seri seated alone in the kitchen with her back to him. When Vassi spied the tray of food on the table, his lips curved in a smile. “Should I go back so you can still serve me breakfast in bed?”

Jerking at the sound of Vassi’s voice, Seri hastily wiped the tears from her face.

Vassi frowned when Seri turned towards him. “You’ve been crying,” he said grimly. Crouching in front of her, he asked simply, “Why?”

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

“
Seri
.” He tipped her chin up, forcing her eyes to meet his. “I can only help you if you tell me---”

“But that’s the thing, Vassi.” Seri’s lips curved in a smile that cost her everything. “I d-don’t need your help. I have Rockford, remember?”

Vassi’s voice was ominously soft as he asked, “What the
fuck
are you saying?”

The words almost made her flinch, but it was the way the light went out of his silver eyes that threatened her control.

I’m sorry, Vassi.

I love you, Vassi.

Hanging on to her smile, she managed to say lightly, “Did you think last night would change things?” She watched him slowly rise to his feet, and she forced herself to look up.

“Are you saying last night meant nothing?”

“It was great. It’s always great, but it doesn’t change a t-thing. I’m with Max---”

“
Don’t say that.
” When Vassi suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled her up, she tried wrenching out of his hold, but it only made his fingers tighten. “Why are you doing this?” he demanded tautly. “You couldn’t be with Max and respond to me the way you did last night---”

She forced herself to shake her head. “Y-you misunderstand.”

He stilled.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” she whispered. “I’m saying you’re right. Last night couldn’t have happened – it couldn’t have been the way it was if you didn’t meant anything to me.
And you do.
That’s one of the things I realized when I was in Tokyo, Vassi. You will always mean something to me. But it doesn’t change a thing.”

“What,” he bit out, “doesn’t change?”

“The fact that I’m with Max.” And when his fingers loosened its grip, she knew she had finally made her point clear.

I love you, Vassi.

“I can’t be yours alone, Max. You m-might not have heard it, but my c-career’s suddenly going downhill. I need Max more than ever---”

“Whatever he can afford, you know I can fucking afford---”

“Can you really? Can you?” He might have loved her, but they both knew he loved and needed their family – no,
his
family – more. “C-can you afford losing Fyodor Grachyov’s love for me?”

And with those words, Seri expected it to be all over.

But it wasn’t.

“If I say I can?” Vassi’s silver eyes stared straight at hers.

Oh God.

“What will you do if I say I can?”

She dug her nails into her palm.

I love you, Vassi.

She said simply, “Then I’ll say thanks but no thanks.”

His face turned ashen, and she fought the urge to cry.

I love you, Vassi.

“I’m not willing to take the risk, Vassi.”

I love you, Vassi.

“I can’t. I don’t want to be poor again.” She stepped forward, reaching out to him, saying, “So can’t you just share me---”

He gripped her hand---

She froze.

---and flung it away.

“Thanks---” Vassi smiled tightly. “But no thanks.”

Ah.

Seri watched him walk away.

I love you, Vassi.

And because she loved him, she had to be the kind of girl he would never ever care to defend.

V
assi was about
to step inside the elevator when he heard a familiar voice call out, “Wait up, Grachyov.” Continuing inside, he automatically pressed the hold button, and a second later Daniela appeared beside him, looking out of breath.

“Thanks.” She flashed him a grateful smile as the doors closed on them.

He eyed her curiously, taking note of her strangely unkempt appearance. Her shirt looked like she had slept in it for a week, and her face was unusually free of makeup. “Hangover.”

Her smile became brittle. “You can say that.” She combed her hair with one hand, and that was when he saw it.

He took hold of her wrist and, ignoring her cry of protest, he turned it around, palm out, and his gaze narrowed when his suspicions were proven true. There were bruises around her wrist, the kind that only someone cruelly manhandled could get.

“Who did this, D?”

She snatched her hand away. “None of your business.”

“Surely you can’t be that stupid,” he said sharply, “ to think being treated this way is---”

Daniela snapped, “As stupid as falling for one’s stepsister, you think?”

Vassi’s lips tightened.

Daniela’s face suddenly crumpled. “I’m sorry.” Furiously wiping her eyes, she said unevenly, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to take my anger out on you.”

“You’re forgiven,” he said easily, “but say something like that again and I
will
sue you for defamation of character and slander.” He paused. “Among other things.”

“I got it the first time, okay? It won’t happen again.”

He didn’t answer.

Daniela exhaled. “
Again,
I’m sorry. I’ve had a really bad time, and yes, I know it’s no excuse, but that’s what it is.” Looking down on her bruised wrist, she muttered, “It’s my boyfriend who did this.”

“The rocker?” With the other guy being famous and his fangirls preferring him single, his relationship with Daniela had been kept under wraps from the start. The only reason he knew about it was because Daniela had entrusted him with her secret.

Daniela gave him a small nod. “He promised me that he’d stay clean, but last night I caught him snorting whatever the newest thing is. I told him I’m leaving, and that’s when this happened. I managed to get away, but he’s been harassing me ever since, texting and calling.” She showed him her phone.

Taking it, Vassi scrolled through her messages and shook his head at the threats the rocker had been sending to Daniela. As the elevator’s doors opened to their floor, he gave Daniela her phone back, saying quietly, “You should sue him for this.”

As they walked side by side, she muttered, “I know I should. But I won’t.”

He glanced at her in exasperation. “Because you love him?”

“Yes.” He saw her unconsciously rub her bruised wrist as she spoke, almost as if she was trying to convince herself the damage wasn’t that bad.

Daniela entered the recording studio first, and following her inside, the first thing he saw was, of course, Seri. Even after everything, the way he sensed her presence first and before everything else hadn’t changed, and for one moment he allowed himself the bittersweet pleasure of gazing at her.

It had been almost a week since he had left her at Davey’s place, and a part of him had foolishly hoped that by the time they met again, he would see her with eyes that were no longer blinded by the past.

But it wasn’t to be.

She was still the most beautiful girl in his eyes, and he despised her as much as he still---

Vassi deliberately cut the thought off.

Move on, Grachyov.

No matter how much he wished, Seri was not the kind of girl he thought she was.

As he and Daniela headed to their positions, the other actors started grinning and elbowing each other.

“Did you two come to work together?”

Daniela blinked. “What?” Then, as if realizing what their colleagues were hinting at, she gasped, “No.” When everyone kept grinning, she rolled her eyes, saying, “Oh,
please.
Grachyov’s not my type.”

“Oh, please, back,” Malinda, the actress voicing the main female protagonist, scoffed. “Vassi Grachyov is
every
girl’s type.” She then added, “I’m a lesbian, and even I know that,” which caused everyone to laugh.

As Vassi took his place beside Seri, he told Daniela solemnly, “Why don’t you just admit it? You’ve got the hots for me.”

“Pleeeease.” Tiptoeing to catch Seri’s eye over Vassi’s shoulder, Daniela pleaded, “Tell me you’re siding with me on this.”

Vassi heard Seri say sweetly, “I can’t. He’s my favorite brother, after all.” And then Seri was peering at him, asking, “Right?”

They stared at each other.

Seri struggled not to lose her smile. Seeing Vassi and Daniela arrive together was like a slap to the face, and even now, the pain lingered inside her, making it hard to breathe and think beyond the words she was doing her best not to cry out.

Words like---

Is it so easy to forget me? To see someone else? Did you really love me?

In front of her, Vassi’s lips curved in a smile. “Thank you for the vote of loyalty, leech – even if we both know your type of guy is someone more like Maximilian Rockford.”

It was another slap in the face, but this one was completely unexpected.

She searched his gaze for anger or bitterness – anything that would let her know saying the other man’s name had hurt him the slightest bit.

But there was none.

She wrenched her gaze away from him as her body started to tremble hard. Taking her script out, Seri began flipping through it, pretending she was looking for something even though all she really wanted was for anyone not to know that she was breaking into a thousand pieces inside.

If it had been the other way around, she knew – she
knew
she wouldn’t have been able to so easily say Daniela’s name in connection to him.

Because she loved him, and she would always love him.

But Vassi---

She flipped the pages faster, trying to distract herself from the urge to cry.

Was it different for him because he was better at hiding his pain – or was it different because he hadn’t actually loved her at all?

“Morning, everyone.” Marshall’s voice boomed through the speakers. “Just a quick reminder – today’s our last day of rehearsal, we’ll have the press conference tomorrow, and then when we meet again, that’s when work officially starts.” As everyone cheered and clapped, Marshall finished, “That’s all, and break a leg.”

Vassi joined in the celebration, clapping with everyone else, but inside him the feeling of hollowness only grew. If his life had been a movie, something dramatic could and would have happened by now.

Something like him turning to Seri, kissing her and forcing her to see the truth, which was that she loved him more than she loved the security she could get with her fucking Plan B.

Vassi’s grip on his script tightened.

He could do that, but at what cost?

Because that was the thing about movies.

Actors and actresses were able to say whatever they wanted to say, do whatever they wanted to do, knowing that at the end of the day, the people in their real lives wouldn’t be hurt by it.

In real life---

Some words cost too much to say, and it was why, five minutes later, Vassi found himself working side by side Seri like nothing had ever happened between them.

Seri.

The girl he had loved almost his entire life – and the girl who had only needed minutes to break his heart, over and over.

“Good job, everyone,” Marshall said jovially at the end of rehearsals. “How about one last run?”

Unsurprisingly, the question was met with tired groans. It was already ten in the evening, and they had only been given a thirty-minute break for lunch and then an hour-long break for dinner.

“Kidding, kidding. You all did great, and I’m counting on you all to impress tomorrow’s crowd. That’s it, pack up and go. See you at the press conference.”

Vassi forced himself to turn to Seri. “You did a good job.”

“You, too.”

There was something in her eyes, something he knew he could decipher if he wanted to, but he deliberately ignored it, saying with a charming smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Something died in her eyes. “See you.” He watched her smile at someone behind him. “See you, Daniela.”

“See you.” Daniela’s voice was cheerful enough, but because he had known the other girl for some time, he knew right away something was wrong. Turning his back on Seri, he asked Daniela without preamble, “What’s wrong?”

She showed him her phone wordlessly.

His gaze narrowed when he saw her boyfriend’s message about waiting for Daniela at her place.

“You can’t go home.” His voice was flat.

“I know. And I don’t want to go to any of my friends’ places. I don’t want to get them involved.”

Vassi nodded even though half of his attention was still attuned to Seri. In the corner of his eye, he saw her head to the couch, where she had placed her bag and a couple of graphic novels.

“Can I ask a favor, Grachyov?”

As Daniela spoke, Seri looked up and he swiftly turned away before Seri realized he had been watching her.

“What is it?”

“Could I crash at your place tonight?”

He saw Seri stumble almost right after Daniela’s question, and something inside of him felt…
glad.

Vassi heard himself say, “Sure.”

Seri walked out of the recording studio in a daze. Had she heard them right? Had Daniela asked if she could stay at Vassi’s place, and had Vassi really said yes? Granted, she knew that Vassi was still staying in the family home, and that meant they wouldn’t even be alone.

But even so---

It wasn’t like not being alone had ever mattered to Vassi
, she thought numbly as she pressed the up button for the elevator. Shelby was proof of that. Oh God,
she
herself was proof of that.

Behind her, Seri heard Vassi and Daniela’s voices, and she quickly pressed the button again even knowing it wasn’t going to do any good. A few moments later, the doors finally opened, and she nearly threw herself in it. She reached for the down button---

Vassi suddenly appeared in front of her---

D’err mo.

He grinned. “Hold it for us, will you?”

Never.
She grinned back at him. “Of course.”

“Ladies first,” Vassi said as he turned towards Daniela.

The other girl unceremoniously shoved him inside. “Stop pretending you’re a gentleman. It’s just making my skin crawl.”

Vassi chuckled. “You always did have a way with words.”

As the doors slid close, Daniela rolled her eyes. “No, Grachyov. It’s just that I’m the only girl who tells you the truth.”

Seri stared hard at the elevator doors. Why couldn’t she have superpowers? Why? Why? Right now, she just needed something simple, like being super deaf, so she wouldn’t feel she was about to puke at Vassi and Daniela’s banter, which was oh so cute and witty.

The elevator reached the lobby and she stepped out, but the two stayed behind.

“Basement parking,” Daniela told her with a smile.

I didn’t ask.
She smiled back. “Oh.”

“She’s driving me home,” Vassi added unnecessarily.

Like I said,
she wanted to scream,
I DIDN’T ASK.
But out loud all she said again was, “Oh.”

Walking out of the building, she wasn’t surprised to see Max’s limousine already waiting for her.

Max put his phone away as soon as Seri climbed inside the car. The door shut, and a moment later, the car was speeding steadily down the building’s driveway. He took one look at her face and asked sympathetically, “That bad again?”

She managed a smile. “An understatement.”

“I always have a shoulder for you to cry on if you want.”

Slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t want to cry anymore.” Wry humor flashed in her eyes. “I’m sure you’re sick of the sound of me crying, too.”

Never,
Max thought. What he did feel was anger – not at her, but at Vassi Grachyov for being so damn blind.

He told her, “If my shoulder’s not what you need, then maybe this is?” He patted his lap, hoping to tease a smile out of her, but to his surprise, she inched closer towards him---

His eyebrows shot up.

But instead of curling up in it, she put her legs up on the seat and laid her head on his lap.

Her eyes closed.

And then she whispered, “I really wish I could be smart enough to fall in love with you, Max.”

Ah.

“Unfortunately for both of us,” he told her evenly, “you’re an idiot.”

She laughed and choked. “Oh, Max.”

Slowly, he started to stroke her hair, knowing that it was what a friend would do, and – in spite of what she had said – they both knew a friend right now was also what she needed him to be.