Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2) (12 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

tess

“
C
an we go to that park again?” Noah asked first thing Sunday morning.

“Sure, we can go to the park,” I answered automatically as I stood at the stove, scrambling some eggs for our breakfast.

“And I can hammer again too?” he asked. The excitement in his voice drove a wedge through my chest. Oh, he meant the play set where Ryan took us last week.

“Not this time. We’ll go to the other park. The one with the sandbox and the tall slide. You love that, remember?”

“But I like the other one better,” he whined. “I want to go there. You said we could go there.”

I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly as I pushed the eggs around the frying pan. Arguing with a three-year-old took strategy and calm. Two things I was sorely lacking this morning.

I promised it would never happen again.

“It’s either the sandbox park or nothing. But if we stay here, we can’t get an ice cream from that cart you like.” Yes, I had resorted to bribery, but I needed to get out of the apartment. I needed space and fresh air and to not have to look at the spot where Ryan got me off and we had almost had sex.

I could not forget what Ryan said last night and it only made the feelings worse.

“Okay, go grab your shovel and your hat while I finish making breakfast.” I watched Noah skip into the bedroom and my heart swelled. I had turned in my last assignment and was waiting for my final grades before I’d be an official AS holder. Soon I could start applying to four-year colleges, and after that, my father would see I was more than capable and let me have Noah for good. Our lives would change for the better; I just had to be patient. We were getting there, just not how I originally planned, that’s all.

There was a knock at the door that grabbed my attention. Sometimes Louisa would stop by on her way out to touch base for the next week. I pulled it open and came face-to-face with an enormous bouquet of flowers.

“Tess Maxwell?” a voice asked. Then a head popped out from one side and looked at me.

“Yes?”

“Sign here, please.” A clipboard appeared and I scribbled my name.

“Are you sure they’re for me?” No one had ever sent me flowers. Not for a very long time. And they were gorgeous.

“They’re yours now,” the guy said, and he shoved them at me. I grabbed the vase before it could fall, and the guy hopped away down the steps. I drove my face into the blooms and inhaled. Lilies and roses and . . . one red carnation.

My hands shook as I carried them to the table to look for a card. But I didn’t need a card to know who they were from. The only time I ever got flowers was from Ryan in high school. And it had always been a single red carnation.

I clasped my hand over my mouth as tears burned my eyes. What the hell was that idiot doing? I found the card with my name and opened the tiny envelope.

I meant what I said last night, but I’m leaving it up to you. I can’t promise anything except right now. If that’s not enough, I understand, but I need you to tell me in person.

R

There was another knock and I stumbled to the door. This time, when I opened it, Ryan stood there. Holding a damned red carnation.

I couldn’t stop the tears now.

“Damn you,” I croaked. “We both know this is a bad idea.”

“It probably is and it will blow up in my face, but all I know is that when we’re not together, I can’t stop thinking about you. I honestly can’t give you anything except a promise that I will always tell you the truth when it comes to us. I just . . . I want to be around you again. I want to get to know you, this you that is strong and holds shit together and who I admire more than anyone I’ve ever met.”

I choked on a hiccup and took a step closer. “You don’t play fair, Ryan.”

“I went and talked to Shari. I told her I couldn’t see her anymore because there was someone else I had to focus on. So it’s just you and me, Tess. I’m pulling out all the stops here. And every single one is worth it.” He held out the carnation and I knew that if I took it, that it would mean we were giving whatever this was a life. We could stop dancing around it and just admit there was something there.

I reached out and plucked the flower from his fingers. A yes to his question. He exhaled, then closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Thank you.” Then his lips brushed over mine and I wound my arms around his neck.

I still knew we could only end one way, but damn it, I was going to enjoy it while I had him because this time I had with him was worth a lifetime of heartache.

It was time for my own confession now.

“We should talk . . .”

“Hey, Ryan! Did you come to take me to that playground again?” Noah asked just behind us.

Ryan pulled away and I could see the reluctance in his eyes. I slid my fingers down his arm and clasped our hands together. If I was in, I was all in.

“Playground?” Ryan asked, looking to me for help.

“He means the play set at the house you’re remodeling. Sorry, it apparently made quite the impression on him. I managed to talk him into the regular park just before you got here.”

“You want to go back to the other one?” Ryan asked.

“Yep! It was so cool and had a slide and I didn’t have to share and maybe I can hammer again because I don’t have a hammer here and I can’t practice . . .” He took a big breath in and Ryan laughed.

“You don’t have to take him back there. The regular park is perfectly fine.” I didn’t move away from Ryan, but I did turn around so that I could make sure Noah understood that it was up to Ryan. I felt Ryan squeeze my hand, and I tried not to smile like a giddy teenager.

It felt so good having him close again.

“I don’t mind as long as you’re coming along.” He said those words so close to my ear that his hot breath washed over the sensitive flesh and gave me goose bumps. “There are a few things I’d like to show you too.”

I giggled. God, when was the last time I giggled?

“Okay, buddy. You ready?” Ryan asked.

Noah jumped up and down. “Let’s do this!”

“Hold on there, mister.” I held up my hand. “At least four bites of egg first. It’s on the table.” Noah was over to our small table in a flash, seated and shoveling egg into his mouth as fast as he could swallow.

I felt Ryan’s laughter against my back and I joined in.

H
alf an hour later, we were at Ryan’s remodeling site. Noah was headed right for the play set while Ryan and I followed behind at a slower pace.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he said. “I was an ass and I hope you didn’t get into trouble at work. And I am so sorry about the text.”

“I get it.” I stopped just out of earshot of Noah. “What we’re doing isn’t exclusive and we never actually talked about other people. You don’t have to explain.”

He took my hand. “But I do. Shari is a friend of Avery’s, Seth’s girlfriend, and we all just sort of hang out together. We used to get together, no strings. Jesus, I’m fucking this up aren’t I?” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “Yesterday when Shari texted me, I wasn’t in a good place. I was feeling guilty as hell and hadn’t heard from you and I didn’t want to just show up in case you were regretting everything because I didn’t have your number and I know it’s no excuse, but I can promise you that as soon as I sent it, I regretted it. I wasn’t going to meet her.”

Jealousy burned in my stomach, though I had no right to feel anything. “I should have given you my number so you didn’t have to wait for me to call you. And I don’t regret any of what happened between us, Ryan. I just needed to figure out what I was doing. We’re too good together and it blurs the lines.”

“Right,” he said, leaning down to kiss my nose. “But you have to admit we were always good at the us part.”

He was right. We made an amazing couple before. But we weren’t really a couple now, and I had to remember that. I just had to remember not to fall back in love with him.

“So are we going to do this?” he asked.

“Casual exclusive dating for the time being?” I said. “Has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?”

He grinned. “I like the sound of it.” He took my hand and we walked over to where Noah was pumping his legs on the swing.

“Hey, guys,” Noah sang out. “Swing with me!”

I looked at Ryan and he inclined his head. I sat and he immediately pulled me back and gave me a huge push. I screamed. Noah laughed so hard that he had to stop swinging and urge Ryan on. I went higher and higher and begged them both to slow me down.

“Should we let her stop?” Ryan asked Noah.

“No way. Higher,” Noah squealed.

“You are so grounded,” I yelled at Noah, who only laughed harder.

When Ryan finally showed mercy and grabbed on to my hips to slow me down, I thought I was going to lose my breakfast. I took a few unsteady steps and sat down in the grass. I hadn’t been on a swing since I was probably eight.

Ryan plopped down next to me as Noah kicked off on the swing again.

“I see where your loyalties lie.” I smacked him on the shoulder and he fell back with a chuckle. Then he reached out and drew me down into the crook of his arm. I settled in and looked up at the sky. Puffy white clouds drifted across a stunning blue background.

“So if we’re going to be seeing more of each other, is it okay to ask questions?” Ryan asked.

I already knew what he wanted to ask, and I had already decided to tell him the truth.

I plucked a few pieces of grass and looked up at him.

“I’m not Noah’s mother.”

I felt him stiffen under me and then he sat up, taking me with him. We ended up facing each other. “What?”

“He’s my brother.” I took a deep breath. “It’s kind of a long story.”

Ryan looked over to where Noah was now playing in the sandbox under the play structure. “So that’s why he called you Tess in the truck and not mom. I thought it was just some silly thing he did, like some kids do.”

I shook my head and looked at Noah. I could feel love filling my face and a smile ghosted across my lips.

“I had just finished up my freshman year at Brown when my father . . . when he was caught with one of his students. This wasn’t the first time he’d done something like that. Once I left for college, I didn’t go home, so I didn’t know about Noah until I got the call from social services. I guess the other student before the one who got him arrested got pregnant and decided she didn’t want the baby anymore after about a year. She dropped Noah off with him and disappeared. When they arrested my father, Noah was just one year old. They put him in temporary foster care until I got home. As soon as I held him I knew I had to take care of him. I quit school and used what was left of my college savings to get an apartment in a decent neighborhood. After that ran out, I got the job at the club and, well . . . you know the rest.”

Ryan was staring at me so intently that I shifted away from him. “Too much baggage?” It was a lot to take in and something I had never told anyone else before, but I was glad it was Ryan who knew.

“Hell no. Jesus, I thought you were amazing before, but now? You are definitely the strongest person I’ve ever known and I’ve known some pretty good fighters. Not many people would do what you did, Tess.”

I swallowed against the lump in my throat. I guess I never realized how nice it would feel to hear someone say that. I did what I had to do without any kind of acknowledgment, and that was okay, but hearing the admiration in Ryan’s voice sort of made it worth it.

“Thank you for saying that. No one’s really told me that before.”

Ryan pulled me into his arms. “Someone should tell you that every fucking day.”

As I buried my face in his neck, all I could think was that so many parts of me wanted it to be him.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

ryan

E
ven though we were keeping things casual, it was damned hard to actually find any time to spend with Tess alone.

I went over Monday and Tuesday after work and brought pizza one night and sub sandwiches the next. We all ate together, and then Noah showed me the house he was building with his blocks. Then Tess gave him a bath and read him a bedtime story while I watched whatever was on TV that didn’t require cable.

Tess and I got to snuggle on the couch, and do a few other things, but so far there hadn’t been a repeat of that disastrous—but awesome—night yet. Monday night Noah wandered out when I had my hand up Tess’s shirt and there had been some scrambling and a quick good night.

Tuesday we weren’t interrupted but the idea that we could be pretty much killed anything more than kissing. Now it was Wednesday already and Tess was working tonight and I was sitting home with nothing to do.

Literally. Because the place was spotless and Dad had pasta boiling on the stove to go with the homemade meatballs he’d cooked up earlier.

I forgot that Dad was cooking again, so I had grabbed steak sandwiches from the deli down the street before I came home. They were both sitting in the fridge now and I was waiting for dinner to be ready. The last time he cooked dinner, I was a sophomore in high school.

He stood at the stove and stirred the pot and he was wearing some ridiculous apron that read,
Go ahead and kiss the cook. You might get seconds.

“How’s work going?” he asked.

“Gut job down by the lake.” I hated talking shop with him because in the beginning, when I had to pick up the slack and fix his screwups, he never liked it when I asked what I needed to do. After a while I stopped asking and he stopped even trying and we just didn’t talk about work.

He nodded while lifting a piece of pasta out of the water and testing for doneness. Satisfied, he carried the pot to the sink to drain it.

“You seem to be busy all the time—that’s great. Do you like doing it? Working with your hands, I mean.” As he mixed and carried things to the table I watched him. What the hell had happened to him?

I figured that after a week or so, he’d slip back into his old ways and this would all be a blip on his radar. But if anything, he was doing more. I couldn’t remember the last time I did laundry, yet I had clean clothes every time I checked.

Even the bathroom sparkled.

“Dinner’s ready,” he said just as someone knocked on the door. “Hope you don’t mind but Sabine is joining us tonight. We have an argument going on about who makes the best meatballs.” He wiped his hands and actually patted his hair before letting her in.

Sabine beamed when she saw Dad and then her eyes widened in surprise when she saw me at the table. She was just like Pops had described her: bohemian-looking, flowy clothes, with a mess of curly hair that was swooped up in a towering bun. “Hello, you must be Ryan.” She held out her hand and I shook it. “Your father talks about you all the time. He’s very proud of you.”

That was fucking news to me.

Dad pulled out a chair and Sabine sat down across from me. She had on a red off-the-shoulder blouse and her skirt had about ten different colors on it. Her feet were bare too.

“I brought you something,” she said to Pops, then pulled a wind chime out of her enormous bag. It wasn’t fancy or anything, just a simple triangle with metal tubes hanging down. I waited for my father to explode.

“That the one you were telling me about?” he said instead.

I looked from her to him. They’d actually talked about wind chimes? When?

Sabine nodded enthusiastically, then looked at me and smiled. “Wind chimes disperse the bad energy and encourage good chi. I make these to sell at that little flea market on Pine Avenue. I told your father I would make him one that was manly and not all covered in butterflies and flowers.”

Pops chuckled and took the damned thing. “So I hang it near the front door?”

“That’s the best place for it, but I’ll double-check to make sure it’s in the right segment of the house.” Sabine glanced at me and must have seen something on my face. “I practice the ancient art of feng shui. It makes all the difference in the energy of the home. Just wait, I’m sure you will feel it too.”

I wanted to get up and leave. Go someplace where people were not talking about chi in a serious voice. But I stayed, because seeing Pops like this was like watching a movie you haven’t seen in so long, you forgot the actual plot.

“So this is my competition?” Sabine asked, cutting into a meatball.

“I will put it against any other meatball.” Pops watched her put a bite into her mouth and I saw the hopeful expectation on his face.

She chewed slowly and then closed her eyes. “Basil. A little oregano and . . . Romano cheese. Not too much, but enough to give it that tangy flavor.” Her eyes popped open and she grinned. “I will have to make some of mine to make this a fair competition, but you are already ahead in the poll.”

For the rest of the meal, I watched the two of them interact. It was clear Pops had been leaving out a lot of what went on during the day when I wasn’t there. Already I could see inside jokes and quick glances.

“So I guess I didn’t know you two knew each other well enough to exchange recipes,” I finally said after I finished my pasta.

Sabine giggled. There may have been gray streaking her black hair, but she glowed with energy most younger people didn’t have. I didn’t want to like her. She’d done something I’d failed at for six years: pulling Pops out of his funk, but it was hard not to get caught up in her larger-than-life personality.

“I think it was the apple turnovers that did him in,” she said with a wink.

What the hell? She made turnovers and he didn’t bother to share. I narrowed my eyes on him, and he lifted his hands in defeat.

“I didn’t mean to eat them all before you got home. They were just so damned melt-in-your-mouth good.”

“I had to do something to butter him up. All he did all day long was complain about my wind chimes. And, Ryan—” She reached out and patted my hand. Her touch was surprisingly smooth and warm, and comforting. “I’ll make you a batch that you can share with your new friend. Everyone loves a good apple turnover.”

Now I glared at Pops. He was talking about my personal life with a stranger? He went from grunting at the TV to getting up close and personal with our new neighbor pretty damned fast.

I’d had enough with the floor show. Pops was laying on the charm, and I couldn’t stand to watch much more of it. It was almost unnatural, and it put me on edge.

I got up and rinsed off my plate. “Thanks, Pops. Sabine, it was nice to meet you. I’m just going to head out for a while.”

I grabbed my keys and pushed the door open. I had nowhere to go, but I needed some air. Seeing my dad acting all . . . normal threw me.

“That boy’s aura is so chaotic. I have some crystals that you could hang around that would help to balance his emotions. Maybe I should make him a wind chime too. If you show me where his room is, I can tailor a few things that might help him,” I heard Sabine say to Pops as I pulled the door shut. I didn’t need a fucking wind chime of my own. Or crystals or anything else. Everything was fucking fine.

None of that voodoo shit was going to change anything.

Pops had checked out during the hardest part of my life, and pulling himself together now was just a little too late. I was all grown up. I didn’t need a father to cook me dinner and give me advice now.

I didn’t need to ask him what he thought about Tess. About what we were doing. I didn’t need his opinion at all. Things with Tess and me, they were complicated but there was a lot of history between us and that’s what the pull was.

I was just trying to recapture a time in my life before everything fell to shit. She’d been a part of it when things were very good. Being around her reminded me of that, of what it felt like to be carefree and happy. That was all. And yet I still found myself pulling into the parking lot of Girls! Girls! Girls!

When I told Tess I didn’t do permanent, I meant it. But this was new territory to me, this need to be around her all the time without the expectation of falling into bed together at the end of the night. I never just hung out with any of the women who I slept with. Well, except for Shari, but that was a different situation.

We hung out because of Seth and Avery. Without them, it would just be about the sex.

I’d spent the last three days with Tess and Noah doing nothing special, and I couldn’t wait to see them again. If anyone had told me I’d like spending time with some chick and her kid, I would have laughed.

And technically, Tess and I hadn’t even had sex yet.

I glanced at the door to the club. I wasn’t even sure they’d let me in again. Not after I made an ass of myself and got arrested. Yeah, coming here might not have been a smart idea.

So I sat in my truck instead, just because I knew she was on the other side of that wall. How fucking pathetic had I become?