There was only one thing that could salvage the rest of my day. I just wanted to curl up with Ben, and he was the sick one. I had to be strong. So, I decided to eat my emotions. I bought a cupcake and a soda before I headed back to the ER.
“Babe,” he said simply when he saw me. Then he opened his arms. I set my stuff down on his tray, took two more steps and walked right into the hug I needed. “I missed you,” he murmured into my hair.
“I came back as quickly as I could,” I said. “In that period of time, I managed to reconcile with Jolie and break up with my mother.” I sighed.
“Did you and Jolie have a falling out?” He asked, looking worried.
“No, but she was very disappointed in me when she thought that I was going to run,” I said as I hung my head in shame at that memory.
Looking at me, I could tell he knew precisely what I was feeling. “You are here now. Are you here to stay?” He asked hopefully.
“Absolutely. No turning back now.” I sat on the side of the gurney beside him. “I have to tell you…I’ve learned a lot about myself today. I’ll get into it when you are feeling better.”
He gripped my thigh. “You are in luck! I feel better when you are distracting me. Tell me what you have learned Enlightened One,” he teased.
I gave him a slight smile. Finding out my father died had been a crushing blow. Discovering that one lie had shaped my life had me questioning everything.
“My father is dead,” I said quietly. Ben said nothing. He simply lay there and waited for me to finish explaining. “I woke up one morning and he was gone. I was about five. And my mother told me he left us.” I swallowed hard. “I based my whole life on a lie. I thought that all men left. Daddy had, all her boyfriends did. I never really trusted after that. I expected disappointment. I built a nomadic lifestyle so that I would never get left, never be hurt like my father hurt us.” My throat constricted. It was getting more difficult to speak. “Worse, I hated a man who never harmed us in any way, a man who should have been honored, loved, respected, and mourned.”
“Oh, Sin,” Ben said. “I hurt for you.” He grabbed me and hugged me close. “I am sorry about your past. Let me love you through this. Let’s build our best possible future.”
Nodding against his chest, I knew no words were necessary. I loved Ben. I loved everything about him. I loved that he didn’t make empty promises, that he knew how to love me, and that he forgave me my many flaws. I would do anything for this man.
Just then a nurse walked in. “Well, I hope you aren’t doing anything that will mess with your blood pressure,” she joked when she saw me in his arms.
I sat up slowly then. I knew she needed to work with him. I also knew it was hard for me to let go, to give him space, when all I wanted was to keep him close and safe.
When I slipped off the gurney, I happened to look up and see that Brenda was standing in the hall. Ben’s eyes were closed. I knew he had to be worn out. “Ben, just rest. I’m going to go out in the hall for a moment.”
He squeezed my hand and mumbled something indecipherable as I walked to the door. When I reached his sister, I gave her a weak smile. “He’s doing okay for now. Nothing has changed. We’ll see what tomorrow’s test results show.” I shrugged, unsure of what else to say to her.
“Will you be staying at the estate tonight?” She asked. It sounded like an innocent enough question, but I could tell that there was a right and wrong answer.
Shaking my head vehemently, I responded. “Absolutely not. I won’t leave him. I’ll be with him all night. When they take him for his test, I’ll shower and grab breakfast. Otherwise I might just as well be his vestigial tail because I will be connected to his butt non-stop.” I chuckled.
“I’m glad for that,” Brenda said quietly. “I’m glad he has you.”
I looked at her, completely taken aback.
“Listen, you can’t blame me for my concern,” she said by way of explaining.
“I would be more worried if you didn’t question. Just know I will never hurt him again.” I swallowed hard at what I was about to say. “I was scared. I just found him and I don’t want to lose him.” I crossed my arms over my body tightly and looked down. I have a terrible time admitting my weaknesses.
“I understand,” Brenda said. “I can see how much you love each other.”
At first, it seemed like she was going to say more, but the nurse exited the room then. “He’s asking for you,” she said. “He keeps saying he needs his wife.” She smiled at me.
“We’ll talk more,” I assured Brenda. “I just need to be there for him.”
“Of course, I just wondered if I could get you anything?” She offered.
I pondered the idea. “I would love a change of clothes. I can’t imagine not having pajamas in here or clean underwear.” Then I chuckled. “I just realized I don’t own any pajamas. Don’t bother looking for any of those, but if Ben has a big t-shirt lying around I’d love to use one to sleep in.”
All of a sudden, Brenda hugged me close. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for being here for him. I know I said it before, but really…I’m so glad he has you.” She sighed and let me go. “I’ll bring you some things in a few hours. Okay?”
I nodded. “I really appreciate that.”
When Brenda returned, she brought me clothes and toiletries as well as a care package from Lucy and George. By then we had been moved to a room in the cardiac care wing of the hospital. One of the nurses had pulled me aside when we arrived in our room.
“Just so you know,” she said, “we don’t let people sleep in the CCU. If he gets moved off the floor, you have to go.”
I could tell she was tough and used to bullying people. It just so happened I was used to dealing with bullies. “Just so you know, if he gets moved, I’ll go with him and I’ll just stay awake.” I raised my eyebrow and urged her to argue with me. Instead, she smirked.
“I like you,” she said. “You’ve got spunk.”
“Well, I like you, too,” I said. “You’ve got attitude.” Then I winked at her and returned to Ben’s bedside.
Due to the meds, he was in and out. I knew he needed the rest, so I mostly left him alone. After visiting hours, I finally changed into one of his big old t-shirts that Brenda had brought me. After his 9pm vitals, I hopped into bed with him. It was no small task. I had to sneak in between his body and the side railing of the bed. I had to relocate his IV tubing and watch out for his blood pressure cuff that was set to automatically inflate every thirty minutes. With careful planning, I finally managed to get comfortable enough to rest.
“What are you doing?” He asked with a huge grin.
“I’m sleeping with you,” I announced.
He laughed. “Somehow I doubt this is allowed.” Even as he said those words, he snuggled into me and wrapped himself around me as much as he could with all his tubes and wires.
“Somehow, I doubt they could stop me,” I murmured into his chest.
With that, we fell asleep.
Morning came early in our cozy little hospital room. We had woken up every time that the nurse came in to check his vitals over night. At 6am we finally just gave up and stayed awake. I took a quick shower because I wasn’t sure when the doctor would arrive and I was determined to speak with him. Something told me that despite Ben’s disclosure about his illness, he wasn’t going to be quick to reveal any of the necessary details. I would have to get those directly from a medical professional.
Sure enough when I came out of the bathroom fully dressed, the doctor was there. Yeah, he told me his name three times, but honestly…I didn’t care. I’m horrible with names. It didn’t matter to me as much as the diagnosis and the prospective outcome. I smiled and then realized that he was done with his rounds and was heading out the door.
“Wait!” I yelled. “What’s going on?”
The doctor stopped and turned. “Oh, and you are?” He asked.
I’ve watched television. I know how things work at the hospital. They wouldn’t just give details out to just anyone. It was obvious Ben was about to speak, but I cut him off. “I’m his wife,” I responded.
The doctor looked at Ben as he lay there in his bed for verification. Once Ben nodded, he looked to me once more, but before he could speak, my fake husband jumped in.
“Why don’t we let the doctor get back to his rounds; I’ll catch you up,” he said quietly.
“What if I have questions? I’d rather ask the doctor directly. I need to know you are okay.” That was the truest thing I had said all morning. Ben understood finally what I felt, that it was reassurance I was seeking.
“Oh, Sin,” he said, finally waking up, “I’m fine. Really I am. It was just a little strain on the heart at the thought of losing you.” He had this really pretty way of distracting me that I was onto by now.
Walking over to him, I sat by his side and took his hand in mine. “I love you, but you had your chance to talk to me about your condition and you blew it.” I kissed his cheek. “Now, I’m going to get the answers to my questions from the nice man in the white coat. He still has credibility.” I smiled and chuckled.
Looking over at the doctor, I realized he was trying to hide a smile. He walked over to the chair on the other side of Ben, sat and said, “Well, Mrs. Everly, what would you like to know?”
At 9:30, I was alone in the room, staring out the window while trying to work on my laptop. They had a really cool window seat that was supposed to double as a twin bed had I not opted to share with Ben. I kept looking at my phone, a combination of checking the time and hoping that maybe just maybe Jolie would contact me. We had never been apart for so long, so out of touch. We had never ever had a disagreement like this before. I trembled some when I considered how close I had come to losing everyone I loved in one foul swoop the day before.
What if I had broken up with Jolie after she revealed her deception? What if Ben hadn’t been revived? My stomach hurt thinking about it. Being sedentary so long in his absence had me stiff and ill at ease. I stood to stretch and prepared to pace as a method to kill time while Ben was gone having his stress test.
“You want me to crack your back?” A voice from the door asked.