Where the Beginning and the End Become One
People who are especially tuned in to BPM II tend to see human existence as utterly futile. They may feel that because everything is impermanent, life is in a very fundamental way bereft of any meaning; any goal-oriented striving is a naive, empty, and ultimately self-deceptive folly. From this perspective, any effort, ambition, or dream for the future is simply doomed to failure. In extreme cases, humans appear to be nothing but pitiful perennial victims, who fight a quixotic battle against forces greater than themselves, in which they do not have the least chance of victory.
At birth, we are thrown into this world with no choice in the matter and the only certainty we can find in all of it is that one day we will die. The old Latin saying expresses the human predicament very succinctly:
Mors
certa, hora incerta
(Death is certain, the hour uncertain). The specter of our mortality hangs over our heads, constantly reminding us of the impermanence of all things. We come into this world naked, without any possessions, in pain, and in anguish; and this is very much the way we will leave it. Whatever we do in our life or with our life does not change
this basic equation. This is the most cruel and discouraging message of BPM II.
The experiences of this matrix typically reveal the deep link between the agony of birth and that of death. Seeing the similarity between these two situations usually leads to a sense of profound nihilism and existential crisis. This is often depicted in visions showing the meaninglessness and absurdity of life and the futility of any effort to change it. We can encounter images showing the lives and the deaths of powerful kings, illustrious military leaders, glamorous film stars, and other people who have achieved extraordinary fame and fortune. When death comes, these people are no different than anybody else. This profound existential revelation that one realizes through reliving this matrix often makes one understand the deepest meaning of such expressions as "Thou art dust and to dust shalt thou return" or "Thus vanishes the glory of the world."
Individual Emotions and Cultural Reflections of BPM II
It is fascinating to note the deep parallels between the perceptions and sensitivities imprinted on human consciousness in the no exit stage of birth and the philosophy and art of existential writers such as Søren Kirkegaard, Albert Camus, and Jean Paul Sartre. These philosophers painfully felt and vividly expressed the primary themes of this matrix without being able to see the only possible solution—spiritual opening and transcendence. Many people who have confronted elements of BPM II within their own psyches have felt a deep connection with existential philosophy, which masterfully portrays the hopelessness and absurdity of this state. Sartre even used the title
No Exit
for one of his most famous plays. It is worth mentioning that an important influence in Sartre's life was a difficult and poorly resolved session with the psychedelic substance mescaline, the active alkaloid from the Mexican cactus peyote used as a sacrament by the native people. Sartre's personal notes indicated that his session was focused on experiences that were clearly associated with BPM II.
People suffering symptoms such as deep depression, loss of initiative, a sense of meaninglessness, a lack of interest in life, and an inability to enjoy anything, are generally found to be strongly influenced by this aspect of the unconscious. Even those of us who have not experienced clinical depression know similar feelings associated with separation, alienation, helplessness, hopelessness, and even metaphysical loneliness. And most of us have known a sense of inferiority and guilt when circumstances in our lives
seemed to confirm that we were useless, worthless, or simply bad. These feelings are often quite out of proportion to the events that precipitated them—a realization that comes only when enough time has passed to provide us with a measure of objectivity. And yet, at the time when we are experiencing these emotions, we are convinced that they are appropriate and justified, even if they reach the metaphysical dimensions of the original sin described in the Bible. The possibility that these feelings might have their roots in the early imprints of BPM II on our consciousness does not occur to us.
Experiences of BPM II are best characterized by the triad: fear of death, fear of never coming back, and fear of going crazy. I have already discussed the predominance of the theme of death; this often includes the sense that one's own life is seriously threatened. Once this feeling is present, the mind is capable of fabricating any number of stories that provide a rational "explanation" of why this is happening—an impending heart attack or stroke, an "overdose" when a psychedelic drug is involved, or many others. The cellular memory of birth can emerge into present consciousness with such a force that the person believes beyond any doubt that real biological death is possible and actually imminent.
Characteristically, the loss of any sense of linear time that is associated with this matrix can lead to the conviction that this unbearable moment will last forever. This conclusion involves the same error that we find in mainstream religions in relation to the understanding of eternity as an interval of clock time rather than an experience of timelessness, that is, of having escaped the boundaries of time entirely. In BPM II, the sense of utter hopelessness and concern about "never coming back" simply belong to the experiential characteristics of this state and have no predictive value in relation to the outcome of the experience. Paradoxically, the fastest way out of this situation is to fully accept the hopelessness of the predicament, which really means conscious acceptance of the original feelings of the fetus.
The world of BPM II—with its all-pervasive sense of danger, cosmic engulfment, absurd and grotesque perceptions of the world, and the loss of linear time—is so different from our everyday reality that we may feel we are on the verge of insanity when we encounter it. We may feel that we have lost all mental control or that we have slipped over the edge and are in serious danger of becoming permanently psychotic. The insight that the extreme form of this experience only reflects the trauma of the initial stages of birth might or might not help us to cope with this situation. A milder version of this state is the belief that through the experience of BPM II we have gained an accurate and ultimate insight into the total absurdity of existence and that we will never be able to return to the merciful selfdeception required to operate effectively in this world.
Spiritual Imagery and Insights Associated with BPM II
Like the first perinatal matrix, BPM II has a rich spiritual and mythological dimension. Archetypal images expressing the quality of experiences belonging to this category are found throughout the cultures of the world. The motif of unbearable emotional and physical suffering that will never end, finds its fullest expression in the images of hell and the underworld found in most cultures. Although the specifics of these images may differ from one cultural group to another, most of them have important similarities. They represent negative counterparts and polar opposites of the different paradises that we discussed under BPM I. The atmosphere of these dark, underworld environments is oppressive, with no nature or with nature that is spoiled, contaminated, and dangerous—swamps and stinking rivers, infernal spike trees with poisonous fruit, icy regions, lakes of fire, and rivers of blood. One may witness or endure tortures involving sharp pains inflicted by demons using daggers, spears, and pitchforks; boiling in cauldrons or freezing in cold regions; strangling; and crushing. In hell, there are only negative emotions—fear, despair, hopelessness, guilt, chaos, and confusion.
Poignant archetypal figures represent eternal damnation and torture. The ancient Greeks seemed in particularly close contact with this dimension. Their tragedies, built around themes of irreconcilable curses, guilt that passes from one generation to the next, and the inescapability of one's fate, accurately depict the atmosphere of BPM II. The Greek mythological figures, symbolizing eternal tortures, reach heroic proportions. Sisyphus in the deepest pit of hades is portrayed in his futile efforts to push a large boulder up the mountain, losing it each time he feels even the smallest hint that he might be making progress. Ixion is fixed on a burning wheel that whirls through the underworld for eternity. Tantalus is vexed by agonizing thirst and hunger while standing in a clear pond of water with luscious grapes above his head. And Prometheus suffers, chained to a rock and tortured by an eagle who feeds on his liver.
In Christian literature, BPM II is echoed in the "dark night of the soul," envisioned by mystics such as St. John of the Cross, who saw it as an important stage in one's spiritual development. Particularly relevant is the story of Adam and Eve—in their expulsion from Paradise and the origin of primal sin. In Genesis, God links this situation specifically to birth and labor pain when he announces to Eve: "In pain and sorrow shalt thou bring forth children." The loss of the celestial realm is described in the story of the Fall of the Angels that leads to the creation of the polarity between heaven and hell. Christian descriptions of hell show specific connections to the experiences of BPM II.
In non-ordinary states many people have the insight that religious teachings about hell resonate with the experiences of BPM II, which gives a ring of truth to the theological concepts that might otherwise seem implausible. This link with these early unconscious memories could explain why the images of hell and the underworld have such a powerful impact on children as well as adults. In the Bible, the description of Job's excruciating trial and Christ's torture, despair, humiliation, and crucifixion are closely related to BPM II.
In Buddhist spiritual literature, the symbolism of BPM II is found in the story of the "Four Passing Sights" from the life of the Buddha. These refer to four influential events that precipitated Gautama Buddha's decision to leave his family and his life at the royal palace to go in search of enlightenment. During his journeys outside the city, he encountered four scenes that made an indelible impression on him. The first was his encounter with a decrepit old man who had broken teeth, gray hair, and a crooked body, which represented Gautama Buddha's confrontation with the fact of aging. The second was his encounter with a person lying in the ditch by the road, his body racked with disease, which represented his confrontation with illness. The third was his encounter with a human corpse, which represented his full realization of the existence of death and impermanence. The last sight was his encounter with a monk with a shaven head, clad in an ocher robe, who radiated something that seemed to transcend all the suffering that flesh is heir to. It was the sudden awareness of the impermanence of life, the fact of death and the existence of suffering that gave Gautama Buddha the impulse to renounce the world and embark on his spiritual journey.
In experiential work with BPM II, people often encounter similar crises to those encountered by the Buddha in the "Four Passing Sights." During such episodes, the person's own unconscious provides the images of old age, sickness, death, and impermanence that ultimately precipitate the existential crisis. She or he sees the futility of life without spirituality, limited to superficial pleasures and worldly goals. That revelation is an important step toward a spiritual opening that starts as the cervix opens and the no exit situation of BPM II changes.
Artistic Expressions of BPM II
People often make references to Dante's
Inferno
as a dramatic description of BPM II. They see the entire
Divine Comedy
as an account of the transformational journey and spiritual opening. Additional pieces of art that convey the atmosphere of this domain are Franz Kafka's novels and stories reflecting abysmal guilt and anguish, Fyodor Dostoyevski's works, filled with emotional suffering, insanity, and senseless brutality, and passages from Emile Zola's writings describing the darkest and most repulsive aspects of human nature. Edgar Alan Poe's tales of horror often portray elements of the second matrix as well, as exemplified in "The Pit and the Pendulum." The curse of the flying Dutchman and of the Eternal Jew Ahasuerus, condemned to live and walk around until the end of the world, are additional relevant examples from the world of the arts.
Paintings depicting the atmosphere of BPM II include the images of hell in Christian, Moslem, and Buddhist art, as well as representations of the Ecce homo scene, the Way of the Cross, and the crucifixion of Jesus. Hieronymus Bosch's world of bizarre, nightmarish creatures, Francisco Goya's images of the horrors of war, and many surrealist images certainly belong in this category. Especially powerful are the paintings by Hansruedi Giger, a Swiss artist who is a true genius of the perinatal realm. His imagery alternates between BPM II and BPM III (discussed in the next chapter), representing the symbolism of the perinatal matrices in a strikingly explicit and easily recognizable form. Giger was awarded a Golden Oscar for his macabre artistic designs for the film
The Alien,
all of which have dramatic perinatal features. For the sequel of this film,
Aliens,
he created a fantastic archetypal image of the Devouring Mother—a terrifying spiderlike extraterrestrial female with her diabolic hatchery. Many perinatal themes can also be found in the movies by Frederico Fellini, Ingmar Bergman, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and many others.
BPM II and the Victim Role in Everyday Life
Like BPM I, this matrix links up with memories from later life whose qualities are similar to the experiences encountered here. The events recorded in the memory in close connection with BPM II are various unpleasant situations where we feel threatened and hopeless, where an overwhelmingly destructive force imposes itself on us, and our roles as helpless victims are emphasized. Especially significant are memories of incidents where physical well-being and survival were at risk, be it through surgical intervention, physical abuse, an automobile accident, or maiming in war. Because of their similarity to certain aspects of the birth trauma, these memories tend to be recorded in memory in such a way that they are connected and overlap with BPM II.