Authors: KC Wells
“Not that you don’t deserve a lie-in, too.”
Paul halted in the doorway and turned. “You think so?”
Adam nodded. “How many chapters did you type up this week? Six?” He smiled. “I listened to them yesterday. You included all the changes I’d made, the references, quotations… Don’t think for a minute I’m not aware of how hard you work, Paul.”
Damn. Paul loved the fact that he’d pleased Adam. His cheeks grew hot and his chest swelled. “Thank you. It’s always good to receive praise.” He descended the stairs, head held high.
* * * * * *
Adam listened to the familiar sounds drifting up the stairs from the kitchen. Paul was singing while he prepared the coffee. That simple fact spread a wave of contentment through him.
I made him happy.
It was a great feeling. Of course, it wasn’t the only thing making Adam content.
He had a really good afterglow going for him.
Adam was no stranger to the sensual glow that followed good sex, but he knew from experience it never lasted very long. The bright flare of an orgasm, and then poof, it was gone. What was left was the memory and the benefits of a nice cardiac workout, as well as a reduction in stress levels. A real sexual afterglow, one that lasted long after the event, was rare for him, and it took more than good sex to achieve it. It was nothing to do with the type of sex, and
everything
to do with what both partners brought to it. There had to be trust, honesty, communication…
Is that why last night felt different?
It was true Adam felt a connection with Paul, something that was atypical of his hook ups. It was in man’s genes to be wired for sexual pleasure and reproduction, but also for attachment to others, to form bonds. For the first time Adam had to acknowledge that as a human being, it was also in his genes to be pre-programed to experience love.
Love. Sexual love. Romantic love. It didn’t matter which way Adam looked at it, all the signs were there. He was falling in love with Paul—and it was never going to work. Unless…
Adam sat up in bed, his legs hanging over the edge, and forced himself to be objective.
It didn’t matter that the sex was phenomenal. That Paul appeared to understand Adam better than anyone he’d ever met. No, if Adam couldn’t provide what Paul needed, then they had no future together. And everything was pointing in that direction.
Unless Adam had it all wrong.
What if… what if Paul wants what
I
want? A lover, a partner? More than just someone to help him explore his kinks?
Fuck. Thinking about it sent a jolt through Adam’s body and made him tingle all over. The irony of it all hadn’t escaped him. He’d gone into this so sure of what he wanted, so confident it was only a matter of meeting each other’s sexual needs, nothing more, no strings, no romance—
and now look at me.
He was a mess.
One way or another, Adam needed to know where this was going.
* * * * * *
Paul opened the fridge door, peered inside and closed it again, debating what to make for lunch. Not that he was thinking about food.
He was thinking about Adam.
Paul couldn’t help noticing how quiet he’d been since he’d come downstairs for breakfast. Adam appeared preoccupied, his mind elsewhere, and after the night they’d spent together, it was enough to set Paul’s stomach churning. Hell, all his insides were quivering.
What did I do wrong?
The one thing he could think of was that he’d been too tender, too intent on enjoying Adam’s body, too wrapped up in the sensuality of it all.
Think about it. He seemed to enjoy it last night, but ever since then he’s touched me differently
. Adam’s caresses had been softer, more sensual.
Is that because he thinks that’s how I want it to be?
But not how Adam wanted it.
He’s been thinking about it. He doesn’t want this. He wants to be dominant in bed, in control, rough, demanding…
Paul’s heart pounded, his breathing ragged.
Fuck. Adam wants a submissive, not a lover.
It didn’t matter that he’d had loved every single minute of their night together. If he and Adam were going to have a future, then Paul would have to provide what Adam needed, even though that might require some changes.
I don’t want to lose him.
His phone warbled in his pocket. He connected the call when he saw it was Taylor. “Hey.”
“Happy Sunday! The sun is shining, it’s an Indian summer and it’s lovely and warm down here. You’re coming to lunch at the Beach Shack with me, Mark and Sam.”
Paul had to smile at his forthright friend. “Lunch? Now?”
“I’m not gonna take no for an answer,” Taylor stated firmly. “I haven’t seen you for a couple of weeks. It’s the only day Mark and Sam have available to come over, and we want to see you. We’ve missed you.” Taylor’s voice softened. “David’s gonna stay at home: he’s into the final chapters of his book and he’d prefer to have me out of the way.” He chuckled. “Not that he’d ever say as much, but I know him.”
Ordinarily Paul would’ve said yes instantly, but Adam’s subdued mood made him hesitate.
“Taylor, thanks for the invite, but not today.”
“Aww, Paul!” he whined. “How often do the four of us manage to do this, huh? What with your job, Mark’s salon, Sam working till all hours on his computer…. ” He sighed heavily. “Give me one good reason why not.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to see you, Mark and Sam, it’s just that….” Paul paused, unsure of how to frame his apprehension. “I don’t want to leave Adam on his own, that’s all.”
“Fine,” Taylor huffed. “You’ll be missed though. Call me soon, okay?”
“I will, I promise.” Paul disconnected and pocketed the phone. There was still the matter of lunch to think about. And trying to ignore the dull ache in his chest.
“Call him back.”
Paul gave a start. “God, Adam, you made me jump.”
Adam stood in the doorway, his forehead furrowed. “Call him back and tell him you’ve changed your mind,” he repeated.
Paul was at a loss. “Why? I don’t mind not going, honestly. I was going to make us some lunch, and—”
“I am perfectly capable nowadays of making myself something to eat,” Adam said, his jaw set. “I can even cope with the intricacies of making a sandwich.” He bit his lip, his fingers gripping the door frame. “I know you don’t think of me as an invalid, Paul, but just now? You made me feel like one.”
Shit
. Paul swallowed hard. Adam had a point. “You’re right,” he said with a sigh. “And yes, you are perfectly capable of feeding yourself. I’m sorry, I… I wasn’t sure if you were having a bad day, in which case I didn’t want you to be on your own.”
Adam smiled and his expression grew less tight. “Thank you for thinking of me. I do appreciate it. But now get out and go eat some of Andy’s delicious crab tart or something with your friends. I shall be fine.” He left Paul in the kitchen.
Paul fished out his phone and went to his call history. “Taylor? I’ll be down there in a minute.” He disconnected the call, the last sound he heard a whoop from Taylor. Paul took a deep breath. If he were honest, he could do with talking to his friends.
Anything to try and sort out the mess in his head.
* * * * * *
Adam leaned on the railing of the veranda, the sun warm on his face. Paul had left about ten minutes ago, under strict instructions to enjoy at least a couple of hours with his friends. He needed some downtime.
And Adam needed to think.
Screw that
. He’d done enough thinking. What he really needed was some advice from someone who understood. Trouble was, his choices were pretty limited. He could count on one hand the number of calls he’d received since he’d come back to the island. It was as if he ceased to exist once he’d left London.
More like, since I lost my sight.
Well, if they didn’t want to associate with a blind guy, fuck them. Adam had no need of friends if they were that shallow. Not that they’d been such great friends when he was sighted, come to think of it. There’d only really been…
Seth.
Adam straightened, got out his phone and opened HeyTell. “Seth, can you call Adam, please, when you get this? Thanks.” He shoved the phone back into his pocket and leaned back on the railing, breathing in the sea air. It couldn’t have been more than a minute later that his phone vibrated.
Bloody hell, that was quick.
“Adam? Well, fuck me. It’s only taken you two months to answer my last message, you git.” Seth chuckled. “How you doing? Or is that the wrong thing to ask?”
A wave of relief flooded through him. A good dose of Seth was exactly what Adam needed.
“Damn, it’s good to hear you. I’m doing okay. Actually, better than okay. I’m getting my act together.”
“About fucking time,” Seth said bluntly. “Don’t mind admitting, you had me worried. I mean, seriously worried. And when you stopped answering my calls and texts…” Seth went quiet. “Gotta be honest, Adam. I expected the worst.”
That stopped him in his tracks.
Did I get
that
low
? He thought back to how he’d been when Paul had arrived. Yeah, no wonder Seth had been worried.
Adam took a deep breath. “You got time for a chat? I need to talk through some stuff, and you’re the first person I thought of.”
The only person.
“I’ve always got time for you,” Seth replied. “What’s on your mind?”
Adam took a good gulp of salty sea air and poured out everything that had happened: Paul, the sex, Paul’s curiosity about BDSM, the lot. He laid bare his feelings, because if Seth was going to advise him, he needed to know everything. Seth listened without a sound and when Adam had finished, he felt wrung out.
There was a moment’s silence before Seth spoke. “Well, fuck. I leave you alone for five minutes and you go and fall in love.”
Adam wasn’t about to deny it. “It doesn’t matter if I have. I don’t think this can work.”
“Why not? Paul sounds perfect for you. He stands up to you, sasses you, encourages you… and he clearly cares for you.”
“And what if he wants more than I can give him?”
Silence. “Adam, what
does
he want?”
“I don’t know!” The groan was wrenched from his lips.
Seth sighed. “Then you need to find out,” he said practically. Another brief silence. “Adam, if you need me, for
anything
, I’ll be there for you, okay? Even if it means getting on a bloody ferry and coming over to that mouldy rock you live on, I’ll do it.”
Adam snorted. “My God. You’d actually leave London? I thought London was the centre of the universe?”
“Anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves. But after months of not knowing if you were alive or not, you think I’d pass up on the chance to visit?” He paused. “I mean it.” Seth lowered his voice. “Chris is at lectures during the day, and besides, that boy can take care of himself. Just say the word, all right?”
Adam let out his pent-up breath. “Thanks, Seth. I mean that. And if I do need you, I won’t hesitate to call, I promise.” He breathed easier. “I’ll make you laugh now. Wait till you hear what he did for my birthday.” He spent the next few minutes regaling Seth with the story of the cake. When Seth stopped laughing, Adam said his goodbyes and disconnected. He slipped his phone into his jeans pocket and stood on the veranda, listening to the cries of the seagulls overhead. It was such a beautiful day.
Adam’s heart pounded when the idea occurred to him.
Time to step out of the comfort zone.
“Wow.” Sam’s eyes shone. “That was the last thing I expected to hear.” Beside him, Mark nodded in agreement.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Taylor’s voice was soft. “You love him?”
Paul stared at the remains of his lunch. He’d not done Andy’s crab salad justice: every mouthful had been like swallowing an orange. “Yeah, I do.” Behind them the café’s customers chatted loudly, children ran around and were admonished by their parents, dogs barked, and underneath it all was the constant sound of the sea. Paul let it wash over him, dialed it out
“Then why aren’t you doing your happy dance?” Mark demanded. “Is being in love with Adam so bad?”
“If he doesn’t want me, yes!” Paul pushed his plate away. The others fell silent. Paul expelled a sigh. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I… I need to… ” He swallowed. “What if… I offered to go further? To show Adam I want more with him? To show him how serious I am about… us?”
The silence was tangible.
Paul jerked his head up to regard his friends. “What?”
Taylor spoke first. “That would depend,” he said, enunciating carefully, “on what you mean by going further.”
Paul held his head high. “By that I mean, stepping out of my comfort zone. Maybe doing something that intrigues me, but scares the shit out of me at the same time.”
“I’m not liking the scary as shit part so far,” Sam said, biting his lip. “Explain.”
Paul took a couple of breaths in an effort to compose himself before speaking. “I went to a club in London a few months back. It was a bit… different.”
“What kind of club?” Mark asked quietly, leaning forward.
Paul opened his mouth but Taylor got there first. “Think Fifty Shades and you’re on the right track—except it’d be Fifty Shades of Gay.” He snickered until Paul stared at him. Taylor gave him an apologetic glance. “Sorry. I’ll shut up now.”
Sam snorted. “Yeah, that’ll be the day.” He gazed across the table at Paul. “Go on,” he urged.
Paul told them what he’d seen, and what he knew about Adam. No one commented until he’d finished speaking.
Mark frowned. “You’re not talking about doing something dangerous, are you?”
“God, no! I’ve just been thinking I might agree to try something more.”
“In the hopes that Adam will see you in a different light?” Taylor interjected. His forehead creased into a frown. “Not sure I like this, Paul. It sounds to me like you’d only be doing this for Adam, not for yourself.”
“It would be for me, too,” Paul stressed. “I’m in the dark here. I want to explore, to try things out.”