Under the July Sun (12 page)

When the Ward Sister appeared and announced that visiting time had commenced, Lize breezed through the doors, which swung shut behind her. Ellie and Cat stared at each other.

‘Well! Would ye believe that one?' Ellie said. ‘What a nerve! Lize clearly wants to be the only star in his heaven.' She looked at Cat. ‘What d'ya want to do? Will we stay, or go?'

‘For two pins I'd go, Ellie. But I'd really like to see Louis.'

‘Right then, we'll stay. But don't ye let that one push ye around Cat, d'ya hear me? The nerve of her!'

‘Oh well don't worry too much Ellie. After all she is his sister.'

‘Sure she is. But
she's
not the Virgin Mary and
he
isn't the baby Jesus. He's a grown man and ye've every right to visit him too - she doesn't own him.' Cat saw the colour rising in Ellie's cheeks and knew she was in battle mode!

After half an hour, Lize's image appeared again inside the circular window of the ward doors. Cat could see her waving goodbye. As she came through the doors, she turned once more and waved at Louis and blew him a kiss, then approached Cat and Ellie.

‘You can go in now,' she said pulling on her gloves, ‘but don't stay too long, he's very tired. Got to rush now. 'Bye.' She turned away and marched off down the corridor and out of sight.

‘She's jealous, that one.'

‘Jealous?'

‘Sure, 'tis what's up with her. Ye'll see if I'm not right.' She propelled Cat through the door then let it swing shut in front of her, but Cat pushed it open again.

‘Aren't ye comin' with me Ellie?'

‘Ah g'w'on. Grab yer man, Cat, and be quick about it before I do.' She laughed, ‘I'll look in and say hello later on, now off with ye.' She waved her fingers at Cat to shoo her away.

Cat turned and looked along the ward. She could see Louis sitting up in the bed. He gazed at her as she walked towards him.

‘Hello, Louis.'

‘Hello Cat.'

He was wearing pyjamas. Cat felt a little embarrassed seeing him in his nightclothes and a slow blush spread across her face. ‘How're ye feelin' today?'

‘A bit weak and shaky. but not too bad.'

There was an awkward silence and Cat fiddled with her gloves.

‘I came to see ye yesterday, but ye were sleepin.''

‘Yes I know.'

‘Oh.' She couldn't think of what to say. She looked away, then back at him, and saw that he was grinning.

‘What're ye smilin' about?' she asked beginning to relax a little.

‘Nothing really. Look, could you adjust my pillow, it's slipped down a bit.'

‘Sure I will,' she said and approached the head of the bed. ‘Can ye lean forward a little?'

She plumped up his pillows, feeling the nearness of his cheek to hers and when she told him to lie back, he was smiling. She stepped away from the bed and looked at him.

‘What are ye smilin' at again, Louis?'

‘Come here and I'll tell you,' he whispered, so she stepped nearer.

‘Closer,' he said, ‘I can't tell you at that distance.'

She shifted toward him, until she felt his hand close over hers. ‘Thanks for the kiss,' he said, ‘I just couldn't stay awake long enough to ask for a repeat.'

‘
Louis
, ' she hissed, ‘everyone's listenin'!'

But they were both smiling.

Lize was in making a fuss over Louis. Pillows under his leg; endless cups of tea; always there when needed. She could not have been happier.

She had enjoyed every minute of the week since bringing him home from hospital, trotting back and forth, from the kitchen to the front room where a temporary bed had been made up for Louis.

Lize carried his breakfast tray to him; morning paper; freshly baked cakes; lunches, afternoon teas and anything else that he desired. She had even temporarily given up her job to look after him. She thought he looked underfed and definitely needed some decent food inside him; and Lize knew
she
was the one to do it!

But something had bothered Lize about Louis since his return, though she just couldn't put her finger on it. She could wait on him hand and foot, give him everything he asked for, but still there was a strangeness about him – almost as though he had committed a terrible crime, she thought, and could not shake off the guilt or discuss it with her.

Often she found him staring blankly at the floor, hardly aware of her presence and she would slip unseen from the room, leaving him to brood about whatever it was that was tormenting him.

She had asked if there was anything the matter, but he didn't want to talk about it. She realized she would have to wait until he was ready to talk and only hoped it wasn't anything to her detriment!

Quite suddenly one day, Louis said to Lize.

‘We haven't had much time to talk about your moving out of Mum's house, Lize.'

She immediately stopped what she was doing and feeling alarmed turned to face him.

‘What about it, Louis. Is there something you are not saying? Did I do something wrong?'

‘No. Of course not, Lize. You haven't done anything wrong. It's just that we haven't discussed how it all came about – that's all.'

She was rooted to the spot waiting for him to continue; but then she became aware that he wasn't really listening, and was staring out of the window.

‘Louis?' she asked hesitantly, ‘are you planning to ask us to leave when you come back?'

‘No,. I was not meaning
that
, Lize, I just wondered how it all happened so suddenly. And as for the other matter of my wanting a house for myself if, say, I were to marry, well, I have not given it much serious thought really; and anyway─'

She cut him off. ‘Only without Charlie now, I find it difficult to manage,' she said, ‘let alone try to find rent as well now, especially as I've had to give my job up.'

He looked at her and she could tell he was now paying attention.

‘Look Lize, there's no question of you finding either rent, or other accommodation. This place was a gift to me, and I now gift it to you and the children. I promised Charlie that if anything ever happened to him, I'd look after you.' He took a deep breath, ‘If it makes you feel better I'll have the house put in your name, to show I mean it.'

She beamed at him. ‘Oh Louis, would you
really
? What can I say?'

‘Don't say anything. But a nice cup of tea and a slice of your cake would be nice.'

She giggled and hurried to the kitchen to make the tea, singing a song as she cut Louis an extra large slice of cake.

The war in Europe ground on. Every newspaper Louis read, his sense of relief increased, knowing that he was away from it all. He struggled with the paradox of yearning to walk unaided once more, but thankful that it had kept him from the war.

As the months advanced, he made his first uncertain steps aided by crutches; and by the time summer arrived, it was warm enough for him to sit outside in the front garden where he could chat to passers-by.

‘Can you put the chair just there, where I can see everyone coming up the road?' he would ask Lize, ‘so I can talk to anyone who stops.' But it was always Cat walking sprightly along the road he really sat waiting for.

Cat often travelled by tram to Plumstead to see Louis and her visits were something he looked forward to with growing eagerness.

Lize noticed that he became rather excited whenever Cat visited and that he was irritable towards her and the children if he did not see her for a few days. She complained to him about his mood, maintaining he only seemed to smile and be happy when he saw Cat. Her remarks surprised him and he realised he would have to be more careful about her feelings in future. He knew his sister was capable of saying something to Cat and offending her. The last thing he wanted was to have Lize saying anything that would stop Cat's visits.

As the season ripened into early summer, Louis struggled with whether to tell Cat how he felt about her. He practised what to say when he had the chance, but on several occasions when he had plucked up the courage, had found it impossible because Lize and the children were around.

Early in June at Louis' regular hospital appointment he was told he could dispense with crutches and use walking sticks, so he left the hospital feeling ecstatic and could not wait to see Cat and share his good news.

When Cat arrived the following Sunday Lize was out with the children visiting her mother-in-law. Louis answered the door with a big grin on his face and held his hands out wide to show her he could stand without crutches.

Cat was delighted. ‘Thanks be to God, now I can stop worrying about the ironmongery inside ye goin' gangrenous and ye getting' yer leg chopped off.' She went inside the house and began taking her jacket off. ‘Well aren't ye the king of the castle today, then?'

‘Here, let me help you,' he said attempting to lean against the banisters for support, but he misjudged the distance and toppled. Cat grabbed him to save his fall.

‘Steady on now, Louis,' she laughed.

The closeness of her body aroused him. He folded his arms round her and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. When she didn't move away, he kissed her lips. She gasped, and Louis began kissing her throat.

‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Louis,' she said pushing him away, ‘No. No. I can't. I can't.' She covered her face with her hands and in the uncomfortable silence that followed, turned away from him.

Placing his trembling hands on her shoulders he turned her round to face him.

‘Oh God, I'm sorry. That should not have happened. Please believe me, Cat. It's just that I...'

He dropped his hands to his sides, unable to continue, but stood looking at her, thinking he had probably ruined their relationship now.

Cat looked up and surprised him by gently stroking his cheek. ‘Louis, 'tis me who should be sorry. Sorry that I can't give meself to ye. But I just cannot.'

He fondled her hair, pushing stray curls away from her face. ‘I had no right to expect it, Cat. I know you are not that sort of girl.'

‘Louis, I wish I were. I wish I could change the way I am, but I just can't.'

‘No.' he said stroking her hair, ‘you are so right. And I would not wish you to be any different. He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head, then straightened up and cleared his throat. Perhaps now was the time to tell her what he had practised. ‘Cat, I have no idea when this war will end, but one day when it is all over, if I manage not to get myself killed, I hope to begin a new life away from the army.' He looked down at her clear grey eyes and thought how beautiful she was. He felt like a beast for spoiling things and losing control. ‘But until that happens, I…' he faltered, ‘I just want you to know that I - admire you, and…'

He stopped and Cat waited for him to go on. But he had lost the courage to continue, so as though he had suddenly remembered something else, he changed the subject. ‘Lize has made some fruit cake, would you like some with a nice cup of tea?'

Puzzled, she nodded, and without saying another word he turned and hobbled into the kitchen. She followed him and watched as he began fumbling with the lid of the tea caddy. His face reddened with frustration as he tried to stand steadily while wrestling with the lid.

‘Would ye like me to do that?' Cat asked and he passed her the tin.

He watched her deftly spoon the tea from caddy to teapot, feeling he had acted like a fool and had been unable to tell her that he loved her.

* * *

Lize battled against a gale-force wind, one hand pressed against her hat; the other clutching her shopping bag. Once home, she forced the front door closed relieved to be inside again.

‘Phew, it's wild out there, Louis, ‘she said entering the kitchen. Reggie was reading a comic and Iris sat patiently dressing her doll. Louis was leaning against the sink reading a letter. He wore a worried frown on his face.

‘Not bad news is it?'

‘I've been re-called.'

‘What about your leg? You've only just come off crutches?'

‘There's no arguing, Lize,' he said holding the letter out to her, ‘read it.'

She turned to Iris and Reggie, ‘Children, go into the parlour and play. Uncle Louis and I want to talk.'

The children left the kitchen silently as Lize began reading the letter. Angrily she looked up at him after reading. ‘How can they say your injuries were not serious enough to discharge you from your duties?' She handed him back the paper, ‘and it says you have to return immediately!'

‘I know.'

Lize slumped into a chair.

‘I don't understand it. You've barely been able to put any weight on that leg until now.'

‘It doesn't matter to them, Lize. They're short of manpower and everyone is being re-called unless unfit to continue permanent service. I expect the hospital let them know I was more-or-less fit for duty.

‘Fit to stand in the front line and get killed you mean.' She was clearly upset. ‘When will you leave?'

‘In two days.'

‘
Two days
? But that's ridiculous!'

He could not answer her, and silently stared out of the window watching the clouds race across the sky.

When Louis rejoined his unit, he realised more than ever that he definitely did not want to remain a soldier. He was saddened to discover that only a few of the original men were left. Most of them had been killed in battle, but some, he was shocked to learn, had been shot for either desertion or disobeying orders.

Louis could tell that, though the replacement soldiers were now better trained for the job, they were less confident and many of them were dispirited.

In the dead of night, he sometimes heard the younger men cry and wished he could just let them go home.