Read Uncle John’s Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
First Western movie:
Kit Carson
(1903).
YOURS TRULY, JOHNNY DOLLAR (CBS, 1949–62)
Detective series were commonplace during the golden age of radio. This one set itself apart from the pack by making Johnny Dollar a freelance investigator for insurance companies (instead of a typical gumshoe) and structuring the narration of the story as if Johnny was itemizing his expense account in a letter to his client. Each story began with “Expense account item one,” followed by another item or two to get the story rolling. The show ended 30 minutes later with the last item on the account, followed by the signature—“Yours truly, Johnny Dollar.” The gimmick worked: the show became one of the longest-running detective shows in radio.
INNER SANCTUM (NBC/ABC/CBS, 1941–52)
Before
Inner Sanctum
, the hosts of horror shows were as deadly serious and spooky as the stories themselves. Then came Raymond Edward Johnson, a.k.a. “Your host, Raymond,” who introduced each story with bad jokes and one morbid pun after another. He was the inspiration for all the smart-aleck horror hosts that followed, including
Tales from the Crypt
’s wisecracking Crypt-keeper.
Things to Listen For:
The squeaking door that opened and closed each broadcast—probably the most famous sound effect in radio history. The sound was actually created by a squeaky office chair…except for the time that someone fixed the squeak without realizing its importance. That forced the sound man to make the squeak with his voice until the chair returned to “normal.” Also, do you like tea with your nightmares? For a time Raymond was paired with Mary Bennett, the singleminded spokeswoman for Lipton Tea, who rarely approved of his jokes and always found a way to insert Lipton Tea and Lipton Soup into their conversations. Listening to how she does it is one of the best parts of the show.
THE LONE RANGER (Mutual, 1933–54)
The Lone Ranger
was one of the most popular radio shows of all time. It was targeted at children, but more than half of the listeners were adults. If you listen you’ll understand why—crisp storytelling and vivid characters make the show a treat. Earle Graser, who played the Masked Man from 1933 until 1941, delivers a wonderfully over-the-top performance—sometimes he sounds like a crazy man who only
thinks
he’s the Lone Ranger.
Most common way Americans acquire their cats: by adopting a stray.
Things to Listen For:
Tragedy struck the show in 1941, when Graser was killed in an automobile accident. For the next five shows, the Lone Ranger spoke only in a whisper until the producers found a replacement—Brace Beemer, the show’s longtime announcer, who played the Ranger until the series ended in 1954.
THE GREEN HORNET (Mutual/ABC, 1936 –52)
The Lone Ranger
was such a huge hit that the show’s creators, Fran Striker and George Trendle, decided to create a second show by bringing the formula into the 20th century. Like the Lone Ranger, the Green Hornet wore a mask and had an ethnic sidekick (his valet, Kato, a Filipino of Japanese ancestry). The Lone Ranger had a horse named Silver; the Green Hornet drove a car called the Black Beauty. Trendle and Striker even made the Green Hornet the Lone Ranger’s great nephew.
Things to Listen For:
The show had several announcers over the years. One of them was Mike Wallace, who later became a correspondent for the CBS-TV show
60 Minutes
. One more thing: In the early episodes, the announcer claims that the Green Hornet goes after crooks “that even the G-men (FBI agents) couldn’t reach.” In later shows that line was dropped, after J. Edgar Hoover complained that
no
criminals were beyond the Bureau’s reach.
CHALLENGE OF THE YUKON (ABC/Mutual, 1938–55)
Why stop at
The Green Hornet
? In 1938 Trendle and Striker reworked the
Lone Ranger
format a third time, this time moving it to the Alaskan Gold Rush of the late 1890s, and combining the hero’s sidekick and his animal companion into a single character, that of Yukon King, Sergeant Preston’s lead sled dog.
Things to Listen For:
Yukon King’s astonishing insight into the human condition: He growls and barks at the bad guys before they are revealed to be bad guys, and whimpers in sympathy when murder victims are discovered. “That’s right, King, he’s dead!”
First television sitcom:
The Goldbergs
(1949).
More questions and answers from the world’s top trivia experts
.
E
ATING RAINBOW
Q:
Why aren’t there any blue-colored foods?
A:
“In the search for blue foods it is important to discount impostors like blueberries, blue cheese, and Blue Nun wine, which are usually gray or purple. There is, however, a variety of corn known as blue corn, commonly obtained in the form of blue tortilla chips. This is but one example of a large range of plant pigments of the
anthocyanin
family, which are pink when acid and blue when alkaline. Since most plant foods are mildly acidic when fresh, anthocyanin-colored foods are rarely seen in their blue form.” (From
The Best Ever Notes & Queries
, edited by Joseph Harker)
BARKING UP THE FAMILY TREE
Q:
Why do dogs bark so much, and what are they saying, anyway?
A:
“Breeding animals to make them more docile tends to make them more cublike. And that’s what scientists believe happened naturally to the wolf-dogs, who for thousands of years hung out on the outskirts of human settlements, scavenging for food. As dogs evolved to be docile, they essentially became overgrown puppies. Even in the absence of danger, dogs may bark for no reason at all, just for the puppy-like thrill of it. So when a yapping dog is driving you crazy, think ‘toddler.’” (From
How Come? Planet Earth
, by Kathy Wollard)
NO O
2
FOR YOU
Q:
We need oxygen to breathe, and there is oxygen in water. So how come we can drown in water?
A:
“Sure, there’s oxygen in the water, but we’re not equipped to access it. Oxygen in the water is not in a free state as it is in the atmosphere. The one oxygen atom and two hydrogen atoms are so chemically bound together in the water molecule that they can only be separated by a complicated process called
electrolysis
, which involves running an electric current through the water to separate the hydrogen from the oxygen. Only then could you make use of the oxygen, now in a free state.” (From
How a Fly Walks Upside Down
, by Martin Goldwyn)
The ancient Sumerians were the first to record sightings of Mercury, in about 3000 B.C.
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS HOTTER
Q:
Why does a pile of grass clippings get hot in the middle?
A:
“What is happening is that the grass has already begun to rot and produce heat. It feels hotter in the middle because the heat is trapped. Chemical changes begin when organic materials begin to break down; it is these chemical changes that produce the heat.” (From
Why?
, by Eric Laithwaite)
FREE FALLIN’
Q:
How does a parachute work?
A:
“A parachute is deployed by a skydiver to increase the amount of air resistance and slow down the fall. Once it’s deployed, the air resistant force is greater than the force of gravity, so the diver slows down dramatically. Terminal velocity with the open parachute is achieved within a second or so, allowing the person to land safely on the ground at a speed of about 9-16 mph.” (From
The Handy Physics Answer Book
, by P. Erik Gundersen)
LET’S JAM
Q:
What’s the difference between jam, jelly, preserves, and marmalade?
A:
“The preparation of each involves adding sugar or other sweeteners to the fruit to insure flavor preservation, and the removal of water to increase the intensity of taste. Most also include citric acid (for tartness) and pectin (a jelling agent). The main difference is texture. Jellies are prepared from strained fruit juices and have a smooth consistency. Jams are made from crushed fruit. Preserves use whole fruit or pieces of whole fruit. Marmalades use citrus fruit only and include the peel.” (From
When Did Wild Poodles Roam the Earth?
, by David Feldman)
Stubborn: The state animal of Missouri is the mule.
So you didn’t suffer enough on
page 61
? Here’s another bunch of questions to take your self-image down a couple of notches
.
S
CIENCE AND MATHEMATICS
Tossup Question:
If a plane travels 300 yards in 10 seconds, how many feet does it travel in a fifth of a second?
Bonus Questions:
1.
There’s a rhyme that goes like this: “Poor James is dead. We see his face no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.” What was the cause of death?
2.
There are three states of matter: solid, liquid, and gas. Which state has a definite volume, but no definite shape?
3.
Who discovered the radiation belts that surround the Earth? (
Hint:
They’re named after him).
4.
There are an infinite number of
prime
numbers (whole numbers that are divisible only by themselves and 1). How many of them are even numbers?
5.
If you’re suffering from a myocardial infarction, should you buy a larger pair of shoes, or call 911?
U.S. HISTORY
Tossup Question:
Only one crime is defined in the U.S. Constitution. Name it.
Bonus Questions:
1.
Who was president when the United States bought Alaska from Russia? (Extra credit: Who was president when it became a state?)
2.
Name the one U.S. vice president to preside over the Senate while under indictment for murder.
3.
In 1858 a man named Duff Armstrong went on trial for murder. A witness for the prosecution claimed that he had been able to see the murder, which happened after dark, by moonlight from 150 feet away. Armstrong’s lawyer won his freedom by producing an 1857 almanac, which showed that on the night in question the moon was too low in the sky for that to have been possible. Who was Duff Armstrong’s lawyer?
Stay home! In Thailand, it is customary to
give
presents on your birthday.
4.
The United States declared war on what three countries on June 5, 1942? (
Hint:
They’re not the countries you’re thinking of.)
5.
When President Dwight D. Eisenhower called out the National Guard in Little Rock, Arkansas in 1957, he did it to enforce desegregation of the public schools. Why did George Washington call out the National Guard in 1794?
GEOGRAPHY
Tossup Question:
If you start from Pakistan and travel over the Khyber Pass, where will you end up?
Bonus Questions:
1.
In 1917 the United States purchased some real estate from Denmark for $25 million. What territory did America buy?
2.
The country of Liechtenstein is only about 5% the size of Rhode Island, and yet it still has room for a capital city. Name it.
3.
New York City used to be known as New Amsterdam. What used to be known as New Holland?
4.
What misleadingly named lake is the largest lake in the world?
5.
The Fox Islands and Rat Islands are both part of what larger chain of islands?
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Tossup Question:
What four U.S. states refer to themselves as “commonwealths” instead of states?
Bonus Questions:
1.
In the old days, this kind of produce (fruit or vegetable) was called a “love apple.” What is it?
2.
He fought in World War I, and other than George Washington, he’s the only general to hold the rank “General of the Armies.” What is his name?
3.
The Sea of Tranquility is found on what kind of map?
4.
John Chapman made a name for himself wandering around Ohio and Indiana at the turn of the 19th century. How’d he do it?
5.
According to legend, what was the name of Robin Hood’s wife?
How’d you do? The answers are on
page 514
.
Scary stat: Every year, U.S. doctors leave surgical tools in approximately 1,500 patients.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, it hurts.
I
n 2005 Ahmed Salhi, 24, was sentenced to nine months home arrest in Ferrara, Italy, for violating immigration laws. He begged the judge to change the sentence to nine months in
prison
…because he couldn’t bear his wife’s nagging. “I need some peace,” he said.
• A couple in Aachen, Germany, had been sleeping in separate beds for months when the wife finally woke the husband up in the middle of the night and demanded he fulfill his “husbandly duties.” He refused. She called the police and demanded they make him do it. “The officers did not feel able to resolve the dispute,” a police spokesman said, “let alone issue any kind of official order.”