Unbroken (11 page)

For the first time, I find myself wishing that I’d come clean from the start, and told Daniel just how intense that summer really was. Maybe if he’d known that all along how much I loved Emerson, then he could understand the strange power my ex has over me even now. I sigh. It’s way too late for that. And besides, Daniel wouldn’t believe it, even if I tried. He’s never seen that side to me, not even close. The Juliet he knows is reserved and thoughtful, not recklessly wanton. I never wanted to be that girl with him. It took three months of dating before I’d sleep with him, another six before I said, ‘I love you’. Our sex life is good, sure, but it’s regular—sweet, and tender, not wild or burning up out-of-control. I thought I was past all that. I figured, that was just about being eighteen, and inexperienced, where everything felt so new and dangerous. A real, adult relationship doesn’t have those highs, but it wouldn’t send me plummeting into the abyss of lows either.

No, I realize with a sinking heart that Daniel would never understand. He could never imagine I could come undone from a single touch, or just the look of passion in a man’s eyes. He’d think I chose this: that I set out to cheat, and hurt him, with a clear mind. Like it was ever a conscious decision to fall into Emerson’s embrace.

So that’s it then, I realize, as the city comes into view. Lacey’s right. Hurting Daniel isn’t worth it just to absolve myself of my own, crushing sense of guilt. Not when this is a one-time mistake, and not ever going to happen again. It’s a burden I’ll bear alone. My future is here with Daniel. Cedar Cove and Emerson are all in my past.

They have to be.

* * *

I park on the street and let myself up to Lacey and my apartment. We’re off-campus, in a busy neighborhood, and when I walk in the front door, I find that Lacey has left the place in a messy whirlwind: dirty dishes in the sink and textbooks abandoned in a study nook on the floor.

I head to the bathroom, and run the shower hot; stripping off my shorts and pajama shirt, and stepping under the jets of water as if I can blast all memories of Cedar Cove off my skin with the trickle of sand down the drain. I lean against the tile, letting the hot water beat away at my body. It’s been over twelve hours since Emerson’s hands were running over me, but I can still feel the imprint they left behind.

The desire that shocked through me like lightening…

No.
I scold myself. There’s no room for that in my mind, not now I’m back in the city. The only way I can keep my life together is if I scrub him out of my system for good. So, I try my best: lathering shampoo in my hair, and rubbing briskly at every inch of flesh with a loofah until my whole body is raw and fresh again.

In my room, I dry off, and lay out a new outfit. A preppy pencil skirt and silk blouse—a million miles away from anything I’d wear at the beach. I blow-dry my hair into a neat cascade, apply makeup, and fasten on the pretty gold and sapphire studs that Daniel gave me for our one-year anniversary. I look like my old self again: cool, collected.

Back in control.

I drive over to the college campus, and head to the law library. Daniel will have spent the morning in study sessions, but he takes a break for lunch around this time every day. I settle in to wait on one of the benches outside the library entrance, but it’s only a few minutes before he emerges, looking tired and distracted.

“Hey, babe!” I wave him over, and he brightens, just at the sight of me.

“Juliet, what are you doing here?” He sweeps me into a hug, and lands a soft kiss on my forehead, grinning. “You said you’d be all week.”

“I know,” I hug him tight, relieved at the feel of his body against mine. Safe. Secure “But I missed you. And, I need to check in with one of my professors about review notes,” I add, to cover for my unexpected return.

“Are you heading back today?” Daniel asks, looking down at me. His brown hair is cut neatly in a stylish cut, and even on a study day—when the rest of his classmates are wandering around in PJs and raggedy jeans—he’s cleanly-shaven and dressed in a button-down Oxford shirt and preppy pants.

I breathe him in, the familiar clean scent of citrus and aftershave, and just like that, Cedar Cove recedes way to the back of my mind.

I don’t know what I was thinking, wanting to tell him about Emerson. I wasn’t thinking at all. I’d have to be crazy to fuck things up with a man like this. A good man who loves me—not the bastard who broke my heart.

“Jules?”

I blink. Daniel is staring down at me. He releases me from his embrace, and frowns. “I asked when you’re going back? Hey, are you OK?” He looks at me quizzically.

“Fine!” I answer quickly. “Just, tired, from the drive.” I catch my breath. “I’m not sure when I’ll go back. It’s so much work. Maybe it’d be better to get a packing service in,” I add, “The realtor said she knew some people.”

“I thought you wanted the time to study.” Daniel takes my hand in his and starts walking. I don’t need to ask where we’re going: he always takes his lunch break at a sandwich shop down the street. Roast turkey on wholegrain, mustard, no pickle. “You said it’d be easier to focus out there, with no distractions.”

Focus? Ha. There’s no way I’m getting any study done in that house, not with Emerson ready to come sweep me off my feet and slam me up against the porch door.

“I don’t know,” I give a vague shrug. “That house… there are too many memories.”

Memories of what, I don’t tell him.

Daniel gives my hand a sympathetic squeeze. “Whatever you want, babe. Maybe you should wait until after finals,” he suggests, sounding enthusiastic. “Then we could both go down together. Take a couple of weeks, have a real vacation. Pack up while we’re there.”

My blood freezes. Daniel and Emerson in the same five mile radius? Hell no!

“No!” I yelp. “I mean, dad wants to sell now. Like, in the next month. It’s sweet of you to offer,” I tell him quickly, “But it’s my problem. I’ll figure it out.”

“Sure you will.” Daniel smiles at me. “Hey, that reminds me. Your sister invited us to dinner with her and Alexander tonight. I said you were out of town, but I’ll let her know we can make it now.”

I stop. Just the mention of my sister is enough to make me tense. “Dinner? Really? I kind of just wanted to chill with you tonight.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Daniel urges me. “And we have to go. You’ve been blowing off her invites for months now.”

“That’s because I don’t want to go.” I mutter darkly.

Daniel laughs. “She’s your sister, it’ll be fine. I’ll drive, so you can even have a glass of wine.”

Try the whole damn bottle, I silently add.

“So, I’ll call her,” Daniel smiles, hugging me. I want to argue, but I know, family is important to Daniel. He talks to his older brother all the time, and calls his parents every Sunday like clock-work. Back when we started dating, I didn’t want him knowing how fucked up my folks are, so I acted like we were just regular people: distant, but fine. Instead of leaving things be, now he acts like it’s his duty to bring us all back together any opportunity he gets.

I look up at him. Daniel seems so expectant, and I feel so guilty, that I sigh and nod. “Fine, we’ll go.

“Great.” Daniel looks satisfied: one more step in his ‘reunite the family’ plan accomplished. “I’ve got a review session at one, but you good to meet later?”

I nod again.

He smiles. “I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.” Daniel pulls me closer and kisses me, soft and slow on my lips. I sink into his embrace, trying to block out all my guilty thoughts, but when I close my eyes, it’s not Daniel’s face I see, or his lips I feel pressing against mine.

Emerson.

I pull away. “You better get going if you don’t want to be late!” I exclaim brightly.

Daniel checks his watch. “Shit, you’re right. See you at my apartment later?” His hands slide around my waist and squeeze suggestively. “I really missed you,” he adds with a meaningful grin.

My heart catches in my throat. “Me too!” I squark, backing away. “Later!”

Daniel heads off across campus. I take a breath. I’m surprised he can’t tell everything just from looking at my face. My skin is prickling with a guilty blush, and my heart is racing like I just robbed a bank.

Like cheating is any better?

I block out the whisper of my conscience, and turn and hurry across campus. I walk quickly through the midday crowds towards the business center. I tell myself it’s because I really do need those review notes, but deep down I know, it’s because I want some of what I told Daniel to be the truth. I haven’t fled Cedar Cove because I can’t keep my tongue out of my ex-boyfriend’s mouth, I’m back because of totally legitimate study needs.

Right.

My route takes me past the arts building, and I pause for a moment, watching the students out on the front steps, and gathered after class. You can tell the art majors a mile away. It’s not like they all walk around with paint stains on their clothing (although some of them do), it’s more the way they look: funky and eclectic, in vintage outfits. Individual and creative. The group of girls near me are wearing red lipstick, and cute thrift store floral dresses, and they’re carrying huge sketch-pads and portfolios with curled paper peeking out from inside.

I remember what Emerson said to me on the beach, the confused accusation in his voice. When he knew me last, I was all set to be one of those girls. I’d been accepted into a photography program at a college in California, and I was so excited to go off and start my life, plunging myself entirely into my art. Even when I fell so hard in love with him, my dreams didn’t change, only the location. We talked about me taking a year out and reapplying to art schools on the Gulf Coast, or even the Carolinas. Raleigh, Asheville—there were tons of places within a few hours’ drive of Cedar Cove. Emerson had to stay in town to take care of Brit and Ray Jay, but I could move in with him and get a job in town, and then start school nearby the next fall.

My parents flipped out when I told them the plan, but that didn’t matter to me. I was always going to work my way through school on my own, so what difference did it make it I took a while to get there. As long as I was with Emerson, nothing else mattered.

At least, that’s what I thought. But then everything changed.

I feel the dark pang of sadness ripple through me, but I push it back.

I hurry on, past the arts building, to the familiar libraries and classrooms over on my side of campus. One month out from finals, and everyone’s walking round with panic on their faces and shadows under their eyes. Luckily, I’m on top of things: I have my color-coded study schedule, and a system to review all my work in time. I’ve kept my GPA high all through the year, taking on whatever extra projects and extended essays I could, so now, I only have a few finals to get through before graduating. It’s all part of my strategy to keep the panic attacks to a minimum: lots of smaller deadlines, instead of one big do-or-die series of exams. Daniel helped me plan it all out at the start of the year, and now, I’m the envy of all my classmates, who are stuck rushing around like crazy trying to cram all their revision in time.

See? I remind myself, stepping inside the building. Just another reason why Daniel is perfect for me. He understands and supports me and my goals, he doesn’t judge like Emerson did.

I feel a buzz in my bag, and when I check my phone, it’s another text from Emerson. Like he can tell I’m thinking about him.

You won’t talk, so I’m coming to you.

I look around guiltily, then quickly duck in an alcove back from the hallway. I dial his number.

“Jules?” Emerson picks up on the first ring. “Where the fuck have you been? We need to talk—“

“No.” I cut him off before he can say anything. Before his sexy drawl makes me forget myself all over again. “Don’t come here, I won’t see you. You can’t.”

“I’m on my way.”

“No!” I cry, loud enough for people nearby to look over. He can’t come here, it would ruin everything! “Please, Emerson,” I beg, “promise me you won’t. If you care about me at all, you won’t come here.”

“Jules…”

“Promise me!” I demand fiercely.

“Only if you promise me you’ll come back.” Emerson challenges.

I hesitate.

“Just to talk. You can’t just disappear on me again,” he says, voice rough with emotion and old memories. “Not after what happened. You owe me that much, at least.”

I gulp. He’s right. And if the last twenty four hours have taught me anything, it’s that running away doesn’t solve any of my problems, it just leaves them, boiling away, ready to erupt at the slightest chance.

“Fine,” I whisper, with a wash of defeat. “I’ll come back. To talk. But not right now. I have stuff to do here, and, I need time to think.”

“How much time?” Emerson demands.

“A few days, a week.” I offer helplessly. I could use a whole year to pull myself together, but hell, I tried four years, and that didn’t work either.

“One week. Then I’m coming for you,” Emerson promises, and I can hear the deadly intent in his tone. He’s not fucking around. He would march right up the steps of campus and into a lecture, and carry me out over his shoulder if he wanted.