JENNY: So what else is new?
CHESTER: I don’t have time.
JENNY: You luck out ’cause you don’t live here. Me—there’s no way I can get away. When you leaving?
CHESTER: Tomorrow.
JENNY: Tomorrow? And you’re not packed?
CHESTER: Don’t rub it in. Listen, you still have my green suitcase?
JENNY: Yeah. I wish
I
had an excuse not to be here. All I need is to meet another old relative. Another goon.
CHESTER: Yeah. Where’s my suitcase?
JENNY: First you have to help me find Chickie.
CHESTER: Jesus!
AMA
(Offstage)
: Joanne!
CHESTER
(To Jenny)
: All right. I don’t want them to know I’m here.
(Chester and Jenny exit. Popo, Joanne’s aunt, and Ama, Joanne’s mother, enter.)
AMA: Joanne! Joanne! Jenny! Where is Joanne?
POPO: Probably busy.
AMA: Where is Jenny? Joanne?
POPO: Perhaps you can find, ah, Wilbur.
AMA: Joanne!
POPO: Ah, you never wish to see Wilbur.
AMA: I see him at wedding. That is enough. He was not at church again today.
POPO: Ah?
AMA: He will be bad influence when Di-gou arrive. Wilbur—holy spirit is not in him.
POPO: Not matter. He can perhaps eat in kitchen.
AMA: Outside!
POPO: This is his house.
AMA: All heart must join as one—
POPO: He may eat inside!
AMA:—only then, miracles can take place.
POPO: But in kitchen
AMA: Wilbur—he never like family devotions.
POPO: Wilbur does not come from Christian family.
AMA: He come from Japanese family.
POPO: I mean to say, we—ah—very fortunate. Mama teach us all Christianity. Not like Wilbur family.
AMA: When Di-gou arrive, we will remind him. What Mama tells us.
POPO: Di-gou can remember himself.
AMA: No.
POPO: But we remember.
AMA: You forget—Di-gou, he lives in China.
POPO: So?
AMA: Torture. Communists. Make him work in rice fields.
POPO: I no longer think so.
AMA: In rice field, all the people wear wires in their heads—yes! Wires force them work all day and sing Communist song. Like this!
(She mimes harvesting rice and singing)
POPO: No such thing!
AMA: Yes! You remember Twa-Ling? Before we leave China, before Communist come, she say, “I will send you a picture. If Communists are good, I will stand—if bad, I will sit.”
POPO: That does not mean anything!
AMA: In picture she sent, she was lying down!
POPO: Picture was not sent for ten years. Probably she forget.
AMA: You wait ’til Di-gou arrive. You will see.
POPO: See what?
AMA: Brainwash! You watch for little bit of wires in his hair.
(Popo notices the lone burnt chicken on the tennis court.)
POPO: What’s there?
AMA: Where?
POPO: There—on cement.
AMA: Cannot see well.
POPO: There. Black.
AMA: Oh. I see.
POPO: Looks like
gao sai.
AMA: They sometimes have problem with the dog.
POPO: Ha!
AMA: Very bad dog.
POPO: At home, dog do that?—we shoot him.
AMA: Should be punish.
POPO: Shot!
(Pause)
That no
gao sai
.
AMA: No? What then?
POPO: I don’t know.
AMA: Oh, I know.
POPO: What?
AMA: That is Chickie.
POPO. No. That no chickie.
AMA: They have a chicken—“Chickie.”
(They get up, head toward the chicken .)
POPO: No. That one, does not move.
AMA: Maybe sick.
(They reach the chicken .)
D Aiii-ya! What happen to Chickie!
POPO
(Picking it up)
: This chicken very sick!
(She laughs)
AMA: Wilbur.
POPO: Huh?
AMA: Wilbur—his temper is very bad.
POPO: No!
AMA: Yes. Perhaps Chickie bother him too much.
POPO: No—this is only a chicken.
AMA: “Chickie”
is
chicken!
POPO: No—this—another chicken.
AMA: How you know?
POPO: No matter now. Like this, all chicken look same. Here. Throw away. No good.
AMA: Very bad temper. Japanese man.
(Ama sees Popo looking for a trash can.)
Wait.
POPO: Huh?
AMA: Jenny—might want to keep it.
POPO: This?
AMA: Leave here until we know.
(She takes the chicken from Popo)
POPO: No, throw away.
(She takes it back)
Stink up whole place soon.
AMA: Don’t want to anger Wilbur!
POPO: You pig-head!
AMA: He do this to Chickie—think what he will do to us?
POPO:
Zin gao tza!
[Always so much trouble!]
AMA: You don’t know Japanese man!
(Ama knocks the chicken from Popo’s hands; they circle around it like boxers sparring.)
POPO:
Pah-di!
[Spank you!]
AMA: Remember? During war? Pictures they show us? Always—Japanese man kill Chinese!
POPO: Go away, pig-head!
AMA: In picture—Japanese always kill and laugh, kill and laugh.
POPO: If dirty, should throw away!
AMA: Sometimes—torture and laugh, too.
POPO: Wilbur not like that! Hardly even laugh!
AMA: When he kill Chickie, then he laugh!
(They both grab the chicken; Joanne enters, sees them.)
JOANNE: Hi, Mom, Auntie. Who cleaned up the chicken?
AMA: Huh? This is not Chickie?
POPO
(To Ama)
: Tell you things, you never listen.
Gong-gong-ah!
[Idiot!]
JOANNE: When’s Hannah getting here?
POPO: Hannah—she is at airport.
JOANNE: We had a little accident and I need help programming the microwave. Last time, I put a roast inside and it disintegrated. She should be here already.
AMA: Joanne, you prepare for family devotions?
JOANNE: Of course, Mom. I had the maid set up everything just like you said.
(She exits)
AMA: Good. Praise to God will bring Di-gou back to family. Make him rid of Communist demon.
POPO: He will speak in tongue of fire. Like he does when he is a little boy with See-goh-poh.
(Wilbur enters the tennis court with an empty laundry basket. He heads for the barbecue. Joanne follows him.)
JOANNE
(To Wilbur)
: Hon, what are you going to do with those?
WILBUR
(Referring to the burnt chicken)
: I’m just going to give them to Grizzly
. (He piles the chickens into the basket)
JOANNE: All right.
(She notices that the mess in the lanai has not been touched)
Jenny!
(To Wilbur)
But be careful not to give Grizzly any bones!
(She exits)
WILBUR
(To Ama and Popo)
: How you doin’, Mom, Auntie?
AMA
(To Popo, sotto voce)
: Kill and laugh.
WILBUR: Joanne tells me you’re pretty excited about your brother’s arrival—pretty understandable, after all these years—what’s his name again? Di-ger, Di-gow, something...
AMA: Di-gou!
WILBUR: Yeah, right. Gotta remember that. Be pretty embarrassing if I said the wrong name. Di-gou.
POPO: Di-gou is not his name.
WILBUR: What? Not his—? What is it again? Di-gow? De—?
AMA: Di-gou!
POPO: That is not his name.
WILBUR: Oh. It’s the tones in Chinese, isn’t it? I’m saying the wrong tone: Di-gou? Or Di-gou? Or—
POPO: Di-gou meaning is “second brother.”
WILBUR: Oh, I see. It’s not his name. Boy, do I feel ignorant in these situations. If only there were some way I could make sure I don’t embarrass myself tonight.
AMA: Eat outside.
WILBUR: Outside?
POPO: Or in kitchen.
WILBUR: In the kitchen? That’s great! You two are real jokers, you know?
AMA: No. We are not.
WILBUR: C’mon. I should bring you down to the club someday. The guys never believe it when I tell them how much I love you two.
AMA
(To Popo)
:
Gao sai.
(Jenny enters the sunroom.)
WILBUR: Right. “
Gao sai
” to you, too.
(He starts to leave, sees Jenny)
Wash your hands before you play with your grandmother.
JENNY
(To Wilbur)
: Okay, Dad.
(To Ama)
Do I have to, Ama?
AMA: No. Of course not.
JENNY: Can I ask you something personal?
AMA: Of course.
JENNY: Did Daddy just call you “dog shit”?
AMA: Jenny!
POPO: Yes. Very good!
JENNY: Doesn’t that bother you?
POPO
(To Ama)
: Her Chinese is improving!
JENNY: We learned it in Chinese school.
AMA: Jenny, you should not use this American word.
JENNY: Sorry. It just slipped out.
AMA: You do not use such word at school, no?
JENNY: Oh, no. Of course not.
AMA: You should not use anyplace.
JENNY: Right.
POPO: Otherwise—no good man wants marry you.
JENNY: You mean, no rich man.
AMA: No—money is not important.
POPO: As long as he is good man.
AMA: Christian.
POPO: Chinese.
AMA: Good education.
POPO: Good school.
AMA: Princeton.
POPO: Harvard.
AMA: Doctor.
POPO: Surgeon.
AMA: Brain surgeon.
POPO: Surgeon general.
AMA: Otherwise—you marry anyone that you like.
JENNY: Ama, Popo—look, I’m only seventeen.
POPO: True. But you can develop the good habits now.
JENNY: I don’t want to get married till I’m at least thirty or something.
POPO: Thirty! By that time we are dead!
AMA: Gone to see God!
POPO: Lie in ground, arms cross!
JENNY: Look at it this way: how can I be a good mother if I have to follow my career around?
AMA: Your career will not require this.
JENNY: Yeah, it will. What if I have to go on tour?
AMA: Dental technicians do not tour.
JENNY: Ama!
POPO: Only tour—one mouth to next mouth: “Hello. Clean your teeth?”