Trouble (6 page)

              “Do not drive. Let Ashley drive.” My mom takes the phone back.

              “Baby, what do you want?” I cry again, not able to control it around my mom.

              “I want you mommy, I need you.” She sighs.

              “I love you.” I realize she wasn’t coming.

              “I love you too mommy.” I hang up, and wipe my eyes as Ashley gets into the car.

              “Want me to drive?” I nod, switching places with her. We drive back to my house in silence. She gets out with me and we get the ice cream and go to the TV room to watch One Tree hill reruns. I refuse to answer my phone as it continually blows up with phone calls from J. It just wasn’t the right time. I glance as a text comes through.

             
Brandon: So did your night turn out as good as you hoped?

Another text.

             
J: I am not sure what happened back there, but like I said I am here for you.

              “Brandon or Mr. Jones?” Ashley whispers to me.

              “Both.” I left it like that as I feel myself drifting to sleep.

              “Lannie, honey wake up baby.” I peel my eyes open to see my mom standing there. Wait my mom?

              “Mom?” I embrace her into a hug, and cry some more. She came.

              “I am sorry it took so long, but the flight was delayed. I am here for as long as you need me.” I hold onto her.

              “Thank you mommy. You don’t get how much it means to me.” She wipes my makeup off my cheeks.

              “Don’t cry your pretty little eyes my sweet angel. How about we say screw school this week? You did have a death in the family.” I laugh, and nod my head. This was perfect. My mom picks up her phone and I assume she’s calling Ashley’s mom. I glance at the clock and see it’s four in the morning. Wow.

              “All set. She said that Ashley can take it off too since she is attending the funeral.” I love my mom.

              “Thank you. Love you I’m going to go to bed with Ashley.” She nods and I make my way up stairs where Ashley’s sleeping. She’s going to be excited. I am still shocked my mom came. I never in a million years thought that when I said I needed her she would show up. My parents care about money and the fast life. So this little thing made me realize that they do still love me. I glance at my phone and see I have two texts.

             
Brandon: I hope that you are okay. Haven’t heard from you lately.

              J: Please just let me know that you are okay. I am worried now.

I power down my phone as I fell back to sleep. My dreams are nightmares. My reality coming back to life.

             
“Why are you mad at me?” I stared into those green eyes. The ones that was so warm and comforting. Now hold nothing.

              “I am sorry, but it is best we don’t talk right now. I have to go.” I grabbed his shirt as he walked out of my house. He wasn’t leaving so easily.

              “Please talk to me.” I jump into his truck, and he tried to kick me out. He finally gives up and takes off down the road angry. I am pleading for him to stop. Just than a truck runs a red light and hits us straight on.

              I jerk myself awake feeling the pounding of my heart. Why after two years was I dreaming of that night. I try to calm down, but the anxiety of the dream has already kicked in. Ashley walks in and sees me, and runs to my bathroom.

              “Here take them now.” I down the pills and drink the water. I start to feel the effect of the pills. They do work, but it makes me feel like a zombie.

              “Please do not tell my mom. She booked a flight for tonight to head back and I don’t want her to know the dreams started again please.” Ashley nods her head, but don’t looks satisfied.

              The reminder of the week I walk around like a ghost. My mom left after I convinced her I was just drained and needed a monster. She went to the store and bought me a case. I tried to show her it worked, but then she thought it was the crying and lack of sleep. I just didn’t correct her. I had missed a month of school last year because of this and the year before when it happened I missed half a year. Barely passing. I’m now worried and scared of the dreams and the state my mind would go in.

              “Lannie?” I glance at Ashley as she walks through the door with her suite case.

              “Yeah?” She sighs before opening the door all the way. I haven’t powered back on my phone since Tuesday morning. There stood Mr. Jones looking like hell. I hadn’t mentioned to Ashley that each night I have been taking pills to help me sleep. I didn’t like her worrying about me.

              “I will give you two a minute. Is your bag packed?” I nod at her. She goes up to my room as I power the TV off.

              “Lannie?” I hear the hesitation in his voice. I close my eyes. Tears stung, but I refuse to let them fall.

              “Yeah?” He sits next to me putting his hand on my leg.

              “Are you okay? You haven’t been at school all week since Monday and neither has Ashley.” I look at him and smile the best I can.

              “I am fine. More family issues. If you will excuse me I have to get to the airport. I am pretty sure that was my cab that just honked. Ashley, you ready?” She comes down with my suite case and nods. J walks out the door and down to his house. We get into the cab and leave. I decide to at least let Brandon know that I wasn’t ignoring him. I wish I knew who he was.

              “I love you La. We will get through this together.” I nod.

              “I am in love Ash.” She almost fell forward as she turns to look at me.

              “With who?” I turn to her as tears slide down my cheek. “Oh Lannie. No. What about Brandon?” She wipes my tears.

              “I don’t even know who he is. I text him for fun, if he would just show himself maybe. But no probably not. What am I supposed to do? I do not do love. Especially after what a great weekend and being in school for almost two months? Now look at me. I’ve had a mental break down at school and am on anxiety medicine to help again. Its sophomore year all over again.” I look out the window as the airport comes into view.

              “La, I love you and first off. That was a freak accident.  After the thing with Evan that was just the push that sent you over the edge. Also you can love again. Just not him, well, not now next year. Also I love Gage.” I laugh. I have known that, just been waiting for her to admit it. I pull out my phone and send J a quick text.

             
Me: I told you we should stop texting, hanging out, and even talking. I can’t do this. Please just be a teacher. This is goodbye. I hate having feelings that I can’t control, but I can control where to put a stop at it. This is the stop. This is me taking control of my life.

              I feel my heart break more than I want to admit. We get on the plane and I power down my phone again.

CHAPTER   4

              We wake up early to get ready for the day. The day I dreaded came too soon. I decide on a simple cute black dress that flows when it goes past my waist, black pumps, my hair is pinned to the side with curls, and my makeup is light. Ashley wears the same outfit, but did her hair in a curly ponytail. We hug and make our way to the rental car. Making it to the church just in time.

              “I will be here with you the whole time.” I hug her as we step out of the rental car. I know my mom, dad, and brother were already up front sitting. I told them that I would sit in the back with Ashley. Hoping no body recognizes me. I kept my thick blinged out sun glasses on to hide my face. Ashley holds my hand as we wait for it to start. I hear the man and woman whisper in front of me.

              “Can you believe that Jason’s own daughter hasn’t seen this family in five years? She didn’t even have the nerve to show up to her own grandmother’s funeral.” I clinch my fist getting angry. I should have taken a damn pill. The man turns to her talking back.

              “Oh I know right. That dang Clark girl was out of control when she was younger, what makes you think she any better now? She’s just a spoiled brat.” I look up, and my mom was in deep conversation with my dad. They glance back at me and he gives me a weak smile causing the couple in front of me to stick there nosey asses in my business. They turn and arch there head at me. I smile and wave. The woman leans forward.

              “We’re you close to the family? Jason Clark seems to know who you are. They live in Florida right?” I glance at Ashley’s who trying her best to keep her mouth shut. I lean forward towards her.

              “Why yes I am Ma’am. One might even say I am related at how close I am to the Clark family.” She smiles not knowing what I mean as Ashley giggles a little.

              “So where did you meet the Clark family?” Damn got to hand it to this woman she doesn’t give up.

              “I met them in Florida. I am from there. This here is Ashley she is also close to the family. We traveled from Florida to be here.” She nods at Ashley and then turns back to me.

              “I am sorry I didn’t catch your name dear.” I glance at Ashley who knows it’s about to get funny real quick.

              “Oh it’s not a problem. I didn’t give it to you. My name is Lannie. Lannie Clark. The spoiled brat who didn’t show up to her own grandmother’s funeral. Also according to him the out control child. Or was that you who had said that? Oh well who cares, right? All I know is if you don’t keep my name out of your mouth I will show you how out of control I can get.” Her eyes widen. I remove my shades, and the look her face has is priceless. I put them back on and sit back as the ceremony starts. The lady keeps glancing back at me. Serves her right for being disrespectful.

              An hour later Ashley and I get up, and walk out of the church. I for once need a cigarette or a pill. I see my mom and dad talking as Mark runs off to play with our cousins who are around his age. My mom waves at me and I wave back. Moments later the old woman was speaking in a crowd that my mom is in. They all glance at me and I see the glare from other family members. I wave and they all show disgust on their faces. That makes me actually laugh. If it weren’t for my parents I wouldn’t be here. My mom and aunt walk over here. I have never spoken to her really, other than hearing my uncle bash me, she never really speaks.

              “Lannie you remember your Aunt Caroline?” I look at my mom like really?

              “Sorry mom I can’t say I do. I have never been wanted by this family since I was born. Faces seem to run together. So you are my aunt? Who is your husband? The bastard that talks shit about me while I am on the phone with my mom?” Her eyes grow wide as she nods. I smirk at her. I know she never said anything about me, but the point is that she hasn’t said or did shit about it.

              “I’m sorry Lannie it is just so complicated. So are you going to the lunch thing at our house?” I glance at Ashley who has the same dumb look on her face.

              “You know I can’t it is complicated. Oh wait no isn’t I am not wanted by this family and your husband speaks to kids like their dogs. Excuse me if I decline and not put myself through that.” She bows her head as I sigh.

              “You are not welcomed here you little bitch.” I look up to see my uncle standing there next to Caroline. She stiffens and he glares at me.

              “Well I guess it is a good thing that I was here for my dad, and not for you or anybody else. I am leaving mom. Tell dad I love him.” I go to walk away when Uncle Tim grabs my arm.

              “I wasn’t done talking to you, you little brat.” I slap him which makes him slap me in return. I stand there as my dad does nothing, my mom does nothing. My whole family did the same shit when my grandma would beat me.

              “I am done talking. Next time you fucking touch me. Not only will I call the cops on you, I will tell them that you rapped me which isn’t true, but who are they going to believe? I can ruin your life in matter of seconds. So please hit me again. Bye mom, bye dad.” I get in the car as Ashley’s already in there waiting.

              “Let’s go home.” She nods as we head to the hotel and grab our bags. I call the airport to see if we could change the flight time. They have two seats available it will charge more, but since its daddy’s credit card that was on file I went ahead and bumped us up to first class. It was the least he could do. We loaded on the plane and I snuck off to the bathroom. I look at the pill bottle in my purse. I debate on whether or not to take them. I throw two in my mouth and walk out like nothing happened. We land around five in the afternoon. Ashley and I were supposed to take a cab, but when I see the familiar Jeep parked out on the curb I laugh.

              “Really? Ashley?” She smiles at me.

              “That is your ride. Mine is that cab. You need to have the closure and be okay. You need to tell him bye.” I nod as she hugs me and runs to the cab. He walks up, grabs my bag and we take off for my house.

              “So did you get my text?” I wait for him to answer.

              “Yeah. You are right. This has to stop before feelings go any deeper. I need to leave you alone and you need to leave me alone.” I nod.

              “I am going to miss you. Hey at least it was only two months and one great weekend.” I look out the corner of my eye and he’s smiling.

              “Yeah you are right. Well this is you.” I laugh and he turns to look at me when he notices the now purple mark on my cheek.

              “What happened to your cheek?” I chuckle before placing my hand over his hand which was on my face.

              “I ran into a door. No biggie.” The anger flashes in his eyes.

              “A door? So who the fuck hit you?” I shake my head as I climb out the Jeep going to the back to get my things.

              “Don’t run Lannie! I can protect you. Please.” I slam the back of the door to his jeep and make it to the door when he grabs my hand. I turn around.

              “You can’t protect me. Don’t you get it? You are just another person to play me on their fiddle. You are no better than Evan, my dad, mom, uncle, and mostly you are no better than Chad. Making me miserable when I start getting better you just appear all over again.” He stares into my eyes as I stand there unable to breath. Panic attack was coming on.

              “First off, how am I like them? I don’t leave you, abuse you, and I am always here for you. Second who is Chad?” I hadn’t even known that I said his name. I close my eyes.  I spoke quietly before the full panic attack happened.

              “You going to burn me. I am playing with fire, you my friend are that fire. You will leave they all do. Once they get what they want they leave. I become another mark on the bedpost and they go onto the next girl. Not anymore. I am taking control. Chad’s a nobody now.” He runs his hands through his hair obliviously frustrated.

              “You are not making sense Lannie.” I move forward and take a few breaths.

              “I’m falling in love with you. Weird huh? Haven’t even know you until two months ago and then last weekend, it was fun. You didn’t judge me and then you show up here before I left yesterday. Ugh. So this between us is done. You are my teacher and I am the student. That is it.” I walk into my house, slamming the door all while falling onto the ground. I have to remain calm as I dig my cell out of my bag. I power it on and hurry up and send a text to Ashley.

             
Ashley: At home, having a big panic attack.

             
That was the last thing I remembered before blacking out.

              “Lannie, get up.” I roll over and see Ashley’s face staring at me.

              “Yeah?” She smiles her big smile showing her perfect white teeth.

              “I have a surprise for you. Come get up and put your bikini on. Oh, your mom called they won’t be home until the will has been read. It supposed to be done Wednesday, but who knows. You think they will move there?” I didn’t get what she meant. Why would they move there?

              “I am getting up. What time is it?” She throws my phone at me and all I see is a text from Brandon.

             
Brandon: Hope your morning is going better than mine
.

             
Me: I wish you would tell me who you are. Until than please do not text me. Thank you and goodbye.

Brandon: Okay. Bye.

I throw the covers off and decide a shower was good. I don’t remember yesterday, which means that Ashley gave me more medicine on top of what I took on the plane. I get out of the shower; I need to take control of my life. No more J and no more Brandon was a start.

              “La, you ready? Gage is here.” Why is Gage here? I throw my bikini on, a tank top, shorts, flip flops and then finally throw my hair into a pony. Grab my phone and walk out the door.  I love my phone case, it’s a wallet and case all in one.

              “I am here, hey Gage.” He takes me into a bear hug, which makes me giggle.

              “I want to take you guys to my buddies BBQ at his beach house. He’s having a little Sunday get together. This day two years ago he lost his little brother. I think that it will be good for him to have friends.” He smiles at me.

              “Who is your friend?” He shifts and looks at Ashley before me.

              “Oh no, I am not going.” I turn around, but Ashley stops me.

              “Lannie, Gage told me something and I always go with you on things and you know that. I think this is best if you go and talk to him. Seriously I think that it will help you a lot.” I nod my head and walk with them. I don’t want to face him. J was the last person I wanted to see. Maybe it will be best to talk shit through to where school won’t be awkward. We get into Gage’s big truck and drove all the way to the same beach house the party was held at. That is how he knew I was going to go. We pull up and park and I notice a few cars in the driveway, but not many. We step out and I mentally start freaking out.

              “Gage, I need a cigarette! Please. Now. Or I’m going to end up taking another pill.” He looks at Ashley who nods, he pulls one out of his pack, lights it for me, and hand it to me. I blow out the smoke staring at it and just realizing I found my new addiction than those pills. This was taking the stress of the world off me. Ashley and Gage head in as I sit there and smoke the cigarette. I need to be okay, because I was going to see him considering we did hang out with same crowd and Ashley is with Gage, who seems to be extra close to him. I head for the beach; I need to clear my head before facing him. I know I’m chicken shit, but I confessed my love for him and shut the door in his face.

              “Hey Lannie.” I look over to see him. Ugh this was unfair. He held up a plate and sets it on the sand next to me with a drink and walks away. I look down at the food not hungry then look back at the ocean. It’s so pretty. I did live in a pretty state. I yawned, feeling still not rested. I lay back and let the sun beat down on me. It was around three in the afternoon and it wasn’t even hot. 

              “Lannie, there you are.” I look up to see Ashley staring over me.

              “Hey, what time is it?” I sit up and Gage was with her. I am not ready to leave.

              “It’s about six, you fell asleep and we didn’t want to wake up. You’re lucky you don’t burn. Anyways Gage and I are leaving. You ready?” I look down and notice that I wasn’t even red.

              “No, I want to stay. You go ahead I will text or call if I need anything.” They nod while walking away. I turn my attention back to the ocean. The waves are splashing on my feet.

              “I am sorry. You don’t have to turn around, just listen. Then I will walk away forever. I know it was stupid to talk to you outside of the party. I know it was even dumber for me to take you to my house. Or showing up there the next day. Or at the airport. I truly want to believe that I am not in love with you after that weekend. I want to so bad, but I can’t. I saw a side of you that weekend that I’ve never seen before. You were sad, hurt, and needing help, but didn’t want to burden anyone with it. I saw the light in the eyes at school start to disappear. I for so long had been in search of answers. My brother dyeing in a car wreck was the most painful thing I have ever been through. I am thankful my parents didn’t have to go through it. They were dead for a few years. He was all I had. I even taught at a different school so it wouldn’t conflict with him. He was the light of my life and now he is gone.  The first day of school when I bumped into you, there was something in your eyes that I saw. I am not sure what it was, but it was there I see it from time to time. Before you speak. Lannie you are a wonderful girl. Please don’t lose insight of that.” He stood there as I had tears streaming down my face.