Torn (20 page)

All in that second, I felt one of my tantrums coming on. I felt the fire in my eyes and my skin tingling for a fight.
Calm down, Samantha.
That new mantra really was getting old. And it wasn’t working. The air around me danced a bit, and my vision hazed over. A roar of venom boiled inside me as I prepared for confrontation. With my hands clenched into fists, I felt Jesse wrap his arms around me and heard him whisper, “He’s a friend.” Only then could I calm myself. Only then did my vision clear. Only then did my hatred dissipate to mere loathing.

“You weren’t kidding, Jesse. She needs control,” Cal said.

A raspy Irish brogue permeated the air. “We may not have time for her to practice that control, Cal.” The voice was Branna’s. I certainly wasn’t expecting that. I guess my image of red haired, green eyed, freckled leprechauns was way off base.

“I understand that, Branna, but we need to work with her in what little time we have. Even a small amount of focus could help her.”

I was about to butt in, to remind everyone that I was still here, when Noah voiced his concerns with a full dose of animosity. “Cal is right, Branna. She is unfocused and dangerous in her current state. Especially with what has happened, she needs the direction now. We must know on which side she is to fight.”

On which side?
What?
Wait a minute
. Now it was my turn. I was angry and offended and I didn’t bother keeping it out of my voice. “Hold on a minute, everyone. Stop treating me like I’m some ticking time bomb. I know I need focus. I know I need to control whatever it is that keeps rearing its ugly head. But if you think I’m going to just stand here while you all talk about me like I’m not even in the room, and look at me like I’m some abomination, you certainly have another think coming. I know I can get control of my focus. I’ll be ready to fight. I’ve been fine with Lucas and Ethan for the past six months and I’ve only been here a day and a half. Jesus. Cut me some slack. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t assume that you’d be fighting against me. I know what side I’m on. The question is, do you?”

Noah looked as though he was about to eviscerate me with some ugly diatribe but Cal got to it first. “You certainly are a bit feisty, Samantha. You should know what it is you speak of before you let the words fall out of your mouth. And as for ‘fine with Lucas and Ethan,’ you don’t seem to have the control necessary to resist the Exiled.” He stepped to me and wagged his finger inches from my face. “Your outbursts of negative emotion invite them, call to them, side with them. I do not trust you. I think you are a loose end that needs to be cut off. You are dangerous to yourself and everyone around you.”

I defiantly looked him square in the eye. “You have no idea who I am. You know nothing about me. Maybe it’s you who should know what it is you speak of. I don’t need you. I didn’t ask for you. I don’t want you here.”

At that, Cal let loose an ugly laugh that matched the scars on his face. “You are correct in your statements, Samantha. The only difference is we have proven to the Faithful on which side our allegiance lies. You, on the other hand, seem to bounce between the two sides with your emotional responses, almost like you are deciding which shirt to wear. You are close to the darkness.
Closer than any of us have been.
You are all at once intriguing and frightening. We aren’t sure what to make of you. You are not yet trusted enough to be called a friend. There is too much darkness peeking through you. As for me, and I cannot speak for either Noah or Branna, I knew your father. He was a good man. Though he came from the Exiled, he did not teeter on edge as you do. He was resolute in his decision to join the Faithful. Because of your father, I am alive and I am bound to do what I can to help you. But, in light of recent events, I do believe we must move more quickly than you could be ready for.”

“If you’re talking about what happened with Jesse and me at the cliff today, I know that was bad. But I need the opportunity to redeem myself. He told me things I didn’t know, things I was afraid of.”

Jesse looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. “It isn’t that of which we speak, Samantha. While you were up in your room, we began patrols. We need to guard this house now more than ever.”

I rubbed my hands over my face to contain the massive headache that was intruding.
“Patrols?
I don’t remember talking about that.”

“We’re pairing up to patrol the woods and
property to make sure the Exiled haven’t
come.”

“I don’t understand what the big deal is, then. Isn’t this the safest place for me to be? You said I was safe here. Did you find something? Are they closer than we thought?”

It was Branna’s turn to speak, her voice full of anxiety. “They are closer than we thought but it isn’t what we found. It’s what we can’t find.”

“What? What’s missing?”

“It isn’t actually
what
that is missing, Samantha...”

Just then, Ethan walked into the kitchen, a silver sword strapped to his back. He looked more serious than I’d ever seen him. Something was definitely on his mind; he didn’t even glance in my direction. With him were Scott and two more people I hadn’t met yet.

“Jesse, we can’t find him. We’ve looked everywhere. And he hasn’t contacted us yet. Have you heard anything from him?”

It felt like my stare was tearing layers away from the back of Ethan’s head. I couldn’t read him but he did turn and look at me with surprise. I could only assume he hadn’t realized I was standing there.

“Who can’t you find?”

His eyes turned soft for a moment as he searched my face. All traces of the disagreement we had were gone. I searched his eyes for the words I knew were coming but didn’t want to face.

“Ethan, who can’t you find?” I repeated.

“Sam, I am so sorry.”

“Who, Ethan?
Who?”

“Please, sit down, Sam.”

Don’t say it. Don’t say it.
“I don’t want to sit down. Just tell me.”

I am sorry, Sam.

Ethan, who
? I silently asked though I already knew the answer.

“Sam, Lucas is missing.”

CHAPTER 16

“Missing?” I could feel myself begin to hyperventilate. “What exactly do you mean by ‘missing’?”

Ethan took my hand but I barely felt his touch. He walked me to the kitchen table and sat me down. I was only slightly aware of him fetching a glass of water, bringing it to the table, and handing it to me. I lifted the glass to my lips and drank as if on autopilot. I barely noticed when Ethan settled in the chair next to me and turned my chair to face his.

Lucas is missing. Lucas is missing.
The words looped in my head, kicking in my gut with every repetition. Bricks filled my chest. I felt like I was going to break apart from the weight. The hollowed out section of my heart that I’d kept secret was about to cave in and consume me.

Lucas was missing.

“Samantha. Look at me. Sam. Samantha, please look at me.” Ethan was holding my hands in his and rubbing them with his thumbs. I looked everywhere but at him.

The kitchen was crowded and filled with tension. I saw Jesse and Scott standing together. Branna and Cal were looking at me with worry. Noah was looking everywhere but at me. And there were the two other people who had come in with Ethan. I didn’t know them but they seemed nice enough. One even kinda smiled at me. They were holding hands, and I wondered if they were married. They certainly looked like a married couple or, at least I thought they did. Wouldn’t it be nice to be married? Wouldn’t it be nice to love someone so much that you’d want to spend the rest of your life with them?

I’d spent everyday of my life with Lucas. We’d held hands. We’d smiled at each other, but never in a million years had I thought about what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with him.

Not so with Ethan. The minute he kissed me, I saw a forever I yearned for.

As all those thoughts whipped through my brain, I knew I was going crazy. I knew that whatever control I was supposed to “focus” on was running from me and the moment Ethan let go of my hands, all hell was going to break loose. I would become the storm.
Breathe, Samantha.

Ethan’s voice was easy. “Samantha.”

Slowly, I dared to look him in the eye. I could tell he was aware of the simmering beneath my surface. He, too, could see the danger about to explode from within me and did his best to calm me down. But deep down, I knew his effort was futile. I felt nothing but revenge, cold, and desperate.

“Samantha, listen to me. We are doing our best to find him. We will find him. I am sure he’s fine. You need to relax. Breathe for a minute and listen to me.
We.
Will. Find.
Him.”

I was barely able to croak out, “How?”

“We’ll figure it out.
Together.
We’ll all figure it out, and we’ll all find him.”

Though my stomach was rolling, and it felt like someone had punched me in the chest, I forced myself to pay attention, to not give into the raw instincts that had washed over me. I needed to listen. I needed to hold on. “What happened? When did this happen? How did this happen?”

“Lucas and Scott were first on patrol. After the incident this afternoon at the cliff, we all decided to begin the patrols now. You were up in your room, and we thought it best to leave you to your thoughts. I’m sure you were exhausted and confused.

“After Lucas and Scott went out, the others showed up, and we began planning what our next move should be. When Mara, Christian, and I went out to relieve them from guard duty, we found Scott unconscious and bleeding.”

I turned to look at Scott and noticed he looked like a rock had been thrown at his face.
Funny.
Maybe, it would fix his attitude.

God, what was
wrong
with me? The guy was in obvious physical and emotional pain, and all I could do was think of how he may have deserved the attack.

“We brought him back here,” Ethan continued. “He explained that he and Lucas were attacked. He has no recollection of what happened to Lucas.
Just that they were attacked.”

Not only was I trying to wrap my head around the fact that Lucas was missing, I was trying to control the growing urge I had to wreak havoc on anything and everything around me. And, simmering just below all that chaos was the very real ache I had for Ethan. After being deprived of his closeness for several days, my very real need and want for him was being provoked.

I needed him to hold my hands and look me in the eye and tell me it would all be okay. If he couldn’t do that, then I might as well have been as lost as Lucas.

“Samantha, we will do all we can to find him,” Branna said, his voice soft. “But we need you to continue with your training.”

“Are you assuming that I’m going to just sit here quietly while Lucas is out there somewhere? Possibly hurt?
Possibly dead?”
From somewhere a nasty laugh escaped from my lips. “You don’t know me very we—”

“Samantha,” Ethan interrupted, obviously trying to keep his voice calm. “You have to do what they say for now. It’s best that you work hard so that we can find Lucas. You maybe the only thing we have that will help us.”

“What am I?
A map?
Can I miraculously locate him? If so, tell me how.”

“It isn’t a matter of you locating him, dear,” Mara said. “With your focus and control, of the gifts you have shown and those we think are still cloaked, we think you can lead us to Sebastian himself. If we are correct, not only will we find Lucas, we will destroy Sebastian.”

“You want to use me as bait.
Fine.
Let’s do it.”

Ethan jumped. “Samantha—”

“No, Ethan,” I said, trying to reassure him. “It’s fine. This is my fate, right? Isn’t that what everyone’s been telling me? I’m going to have to face him sometime.
Why not now?”

Mara sighed and continued. “He has led the Exiled to such strength that we have not been able to defeat them. We win a few battles here and there but they are winning the war. The only weakness of those Dark followers is that they have but one leader. That leader is Sebastian. If we destroy him, we conquer the Exiled and all the Dark followers.”

Ethan asked, “Do you see? Do you see why we need you to stay calm, Samantha? You may be the only way we can win this and get Lucas back in one piece.”

His voice trembled at the mention of Lucas’s name and the storm inside me began to quiet to a dull roar.

I nodded slightly. “So, what you’re saying is that no one has any idea what happened to Lucas.” I voiced my concerns timidly, careful to avoid any inflection that would alert them to the fury that was still fighting to unleash itself. “All you know is that he was there, and then he was gone. Do we have any idea of what might have happened? Doesn’t Scott remember anything?”

“No. He doesn’t,” Jesse interjected. “We don’t know anything for sure. We can surmise that he was taken by the Exiled. We still aren’t sure if Sebastian himself has finally arrived. If he has, then it is imperative that we continue with your training while we make our plans. Not only will it help you with control and focus, but once the plan is in place, we can use you in the search.”