Authors: Ellen Lane,Taylor Young
Jimmy
This past year has been so difficult without her. I have no idea what is going on in her head, but I love her so much. I know it has something to do with Eddie, but that’s something she will not tell me. If only she would talk to me, then maybe we could figure it all out. If she truly did not love me, then I suppose I could accept it with more—humility. She never said a word. I have tried to be understanding. I have tried to be there. I have done all that she has asked me to do. I simply don’t understand.
However, Gage has gotten so big this past year. He’s my ‘little buddy’. When I’m outside in the yard on weekends he is with me, he likes to think he’s helping me while I work on the truck or take care of the yard. For a little boy that’s almost three years old, he’s quite intelligent. I can ask for a three-quarter-inch wrench, and he always gives me the right one! I read to him every night he is with me.
As I think back on everything we have been through from the time we dated in high school to the time I asked her to marry me to last year’s events—I suppose I can see where she might have trouble figuring things out. I just hate that now, our son is involved in this mess. I love my son. I really thought that after she had Gage, she would alter her perceptions a little. I hate to sound backwards, but I thought she would settle down. Don’t get me wrong. I love her spark. I love that she is so passionate about things. She’s the antithesis of my personality. She keeps me alive. When I’m with her, I feel like I’m connected to this world, to our son, and to the others in the community.
Most people simply don’t get me. I like people, but it’s so much easier to simply be alone. I can fix a truck. I cannot always fix a person, and that bothers me a lot. I hate to see people hurting. I suppose that’s why I have let Krystal get away with so much—more than most men would take from their wives. I mean, most men upon hearing their wife slept with another man would immediately file for divorce and label their wives a ‘slut’ or ‘whore’. Not me. My wife was taken advantage of and her emotions were played with by a scheming con artist.
Still, this year has been difficult. It would seem that our little group from high school has been completely torn apart—Eddie, Jen, Krystal, and myself. Many people fail to realize just how much real life changes after high school. We are only children for such a short time in our lives. What is strange is that during that time, rather than be patient, we are in a hurry to grow up. Why? It seems that aside from typical childish drama from high school, we all have much more complicated lives as adults. At least, I know my life is more complicated as an adult. Here I am, almost twenty-five years old. My heart resides with a woman who wanted another man, but now has no clue what she wants. This world is broken to me, but I just don’t know how to fix it.
Krystal
I inhaled deeply as I prepared to tell Eddie my story—about that night I left Jimmy, how I felt after we last saw each other, and what this past year has been for me. But first, we needed to go somewhere that we could talk without hundreds of screaming and adoring fans shouting his name right outside of the door.
“Eddie,” I asked. “Can we go somewhere a little more private?”
“Sure. I’ll have my car brought around. Where do you wanna go?”
“Well, we could go to my place if you want?” I almost regretted those words out of fear of what our last encounters in a private setting have been, but we’ve had the same type of encounters in ‘not-so-private’ settings as well. So, who cared?
“I think that would be okay. It seems you have a lot on your mind and I can see how that,” he said as he pointed to the door separating us and the screaming crowd of people. “…can be distracting. So, where is this new place of yours?”
I turn toward the door, preparing to exit through the sea of faces on the other side. Eddie follows behind me, but something suddenly feels at home as he places his hand lightly on the small of my back. He’s never made that gesture before. That was something Jimmy always did as a way to ‘guide’ me or show me he was there to support me no matter what—or at least that’s how he explained it when I asked. Still, it just felt right.
We make our way through the crowd relatively unscathed. Outside, Eddie’s Chevrolet Suburban is waiting outside. He has a driver, I think to myself? Wow.
He and I get in, and I give the driver directions to my home. The ride there was cloaked in a heavy silence. It felt like wool on my skin. I itched to say the first word, but fear gripped me by my throat. I struggled to catch my breath. Suddenly, I was cold and hot all at the same time, wracked with anticipation and partial guilt. I was feeling guilty because every other time I was alone with Eddie, we slept together. Somehow, logic and reason was tossed out of the window and I acted like a ‘slut’. That was not my nature, was it? I did not know anymore. I no longer had a clue who I was inside. I no longer knew anything about myself, and that unnerved me greatly.
Finally, my home came into view. My stomach was all twisty—filled with butterflies. My nerves were a wreck. What was I doing inviting him over to my house? Seriously? God, I’m such an idiot sometimes.
“Beautiful place you have here.” Eddie said. It was not a bad place. It was one of those modular homes. It had two bedrooms—one for me and one for when I had Gage—and two bathrooms. We were working on potty training with Gage, and it got a little messy sometimes.
“Thanks.” I said as I slid my key into the knob to open it up. “It’s a decent place. I have neighbors who pretty much leave me alone.”
“That’s always good to have your privacy respected. Sometimes, I almost forget what that’s like, but it’s the price you pay for success in the public eye, I suppose.”
“Yeah. Eddie, I’m really proud of you. You’ve done it. You have made your dreams come true.”
“And what about you?” he asked, closing the gap between us. “Are you successful?”
“Eddie, you know the answer to that.” I was almost offended by his question, but he looked like he had more to say, so I gave him a chance.
“Krys, you know how I feel about success. I don’t think money makes one successful. You know it’s all about happiness. So, Krystal, I ask again—are you successful?”
I knew he was going somewhere philosophical with this. To most people, it was annoying, but I found it rather endearing.
“Will not you sit down?” I asked him. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?”
“No, thank you. So, Krystal, tell me what happened? Last I knew, you had chosen Jimmy and went home to him.”
“How much time do you have?” I asked, slightly teasing.
“However long you need to talk.” His eyes showed someone who had aged well into his years. Wisdom had obviously decided to pay him a visit since we last saw each other.
“At first, I did. See, I was on the way to your house. At that point, I was not certain who I was going to choose. I knew I had Gage, so whatever I decided would have to be carried out carefully. As I was getting out of my car, Jen cut me off at the pass.”
“That bitch!” Eddie exclaimed. I looked at him with a confused expression, but continued.
“She came up to me and asked me to take a ride with her. I was hesitant at first. Then, I realized that what we did was not your fault entirely. I was an active participant. So, I let her speak her mind and went with her. She asked only that I listened first completely before speaking. She told me that what we did was wrong and selfish. She asked about our morals. She also asked me to put the proverbial show on the other foot by imagining if it had been her and Jimmy together.”
“Krys, I’m so sorry.” Eddie said, but I put up my hand and said, “Wait. I’m not quite done. You see, she also brought Gage into it. She made it sound like I was leaving my son behind for ‘temporary pleasure’, as she called it, and asked me which life would give me the most long term happiness. I knew that you were my best friend, Eddie, but I was not sure where we were heading. I did not want to be just some chick you banged.”
“You really thought that?”
“I did not know, and it was the not knowing part that scared me more than what she had to say. I mean, you did lie to me about the whole cancer thing. How was I supposed to know that there was merit to what you were saying? It was a difficult time, you know. Anyway, she and I talked for quite a bit. She even asked me to ‘pray’ with her.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. After that, I just couldn’t think about anything else except going home.”
“I saw you walk back to your car—not even coming to the door to tell me goodbye. I’m sorry I was such an asshat in the fast food place that night. Had I known that Jen had her hands on this, I would have never assumed it was entirely your fault.”
“You had every right to do so, Eddie. You saw what you saw. I could have, probably should have, come up to the door, but I would have lost my resolve as I had done so numerous times around you. Still, Jimmy and I did not last very long.” I looked at my feet. I was kind of ashamed at how it all turned out. This was definitely not how I saw my life as an adult.
“Krystal, you were following your heart. That’s all I have ever wanted was for you to be happy. I guess I just got a little heated when I realized it was not with me.”
“The story doesn’t end there, Eddie.”
Eddie
I cannot believe I was such an asshole to Krystal. Had I simmered down long enough to listen, maybe she would still be mine. I liked Lydia a lot. She let me do things with and to her that I know I would have never gotten to do with Krystal, but it was not the same. Listening to what her life has been over the past year has shown me that while I have done a good bit of growing up, I still had a lot to do. It seemed that she was a great mom. She was willing to put aside everything for the sake of her son, but something told me her story was not over—aside from her actually telling me.
“Eddie, I ended it with Jimmy last year, not long after you and I saw each other at the restaurant. It was hard, but I had to do it. I could no longer live the lie.”
“Oh, goodness. I’m so sorry, Krystal.” I placed my hand gently on hers. I wanted to convey the sympathy I felt inside. I just did not feel words would do it justice.
“All of my friends, his friends, and both of our families blamed me. They said I was selfish and narcissistic for leaving Jimmy like I did—that a marriage that was cracked was not broken. You were not supposed to just throw a marriage away. I cannot say that I agreed with them, though. I thought I was sparing him the hurt of lying next to a woman every night that did not love him the way a wife usually loves her husband. I thought I was saving him.”
“You were, Krystal. You were. Do you remember Tommy from high school?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, his parents stayed together for the sake of the kids, but Tommy used to tell me all the time how miserable all of them were. Every night, they would fuss, fight, and argue. Every night, Tommy and his brothers would end up not getting sleep. So see, you actually have spared not only Jimmy from the hurt and pain of a miserable marriage, you have also spared Gage from growing up like that. And what if he or you had cheated on each other? If he had cheated on you and maybe gotten someone else pregnant?”
“True. I understand what you’re saying. I do feel bad for hurting him. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt anybody at all—you, him, Gage, or myself.”
Well, if it helps, Lydia ditched me.”
“Lydia?”
“Oh, I was not sure if you knew about her.”
“I knew you were seeing someone—you made sure to tell me on several occasions. I just did not know her name.”
I sheepishly ran my fingers through my hair. I was certainly embarrassed about my treatment of Krystal over the past couple of years. I cannot believe that I have treated someone I’m supposed to have loved in such a horrendous manner.
“Well,” I said to her. “Looks like we are both single now.”
“Yeah.”
I thought back to a journal entry I wrote so long ago.
Krystal has always been beautiful to me. From the day I laid my eyes on her, she took my breath away. I knew I loved her from day one. I transferred to Piedmont High my freshman year. She befriended me right away. It’s the love I feel for her that has me making my plans. One way or another Krystal will be mine…
“Krystal,” I say. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“Let’s go to New Orleans.”
“New Orleans? Why there?”
“You need to get away and frankly, I need to be with you. I want to make up for my cruelty.”
“But, Eddie,” she says. “I have to work.”
“What if I could arrange it to where nothing here suffered? I only ask for two weeks of your time. Certainly, you can take two weeks off. Better yet, let me make some calls.”
Jimmy
I just got a phone call from some guy who says he’s Eddie’s personal assistant. He’s asking if it’s okay that Krystal miss her visit with Gage. Really? Miss a visit with Gage? It’s not like she’s just ‘visiting’ with Gage. We have an arrangement. I knew she’d pull this stunt. Any time Eddie is involved, something goes wrong with mine and Gage’s life. I wish I had beaten him to a pulp that night. All I knew right now was that my trigger finger certainly itched. I am not normally a violent person, but I certainly felt like being violent the more I thought about his involvement in our lives. He certainly better hope I don’t see him in public. I might have to give him what I should have before.
I told the personal assistant, “Fine, she can go where she wants. I don’t care.” I slammed the phone shut. Truth was, I did care. I was hoping to reconnect with my wife. I was hoping that she would come home. I was hoping she still wanted to be my wife, but I suppose not. It looked like I was going to have to make a life for myself alone. I couldn’t see being with anyone else. I just don’t understand it. If she did not love me, that’s fine. I can deal with that. My problem is the fact she seems so willing and able to just move on so easily.
I look at Gage. What is going to become of his life?
Krystal
Eddie has just asked me to take off for two weeks with him to travel. Not only that, but he’s also made arrangements for me to take off from work and change up the schedule a little with Gage. I don’t know how he pulled it off with Jimmy. He’s usually been pretty rigid on keeping to the exact same schedule. Then again, Jimmy has always been about his routine.
“Eddie, if you would like to stay the night here, that would be fine by me.” I offered. “On the couch, that is.”