This Heart of Mine (14 page)

“You weren’t in the car, Mom. You have no idea what happened. You haven’t even listened, with any kind of open mind, to her side of the story.”

“Really? You’re going to let her twist the past? Lie to you and manipulate you into fighting her battles?”

His irritation went so deep he threw up a hand. “I won’t talk about this anymore. She hasn’t asked me for one damn thing—except to bring Jacob to see her when she was in prison. And I feel like shit that I never did it!”

“You made a calculated decision to do what was best for Jacob. You were being a responsible parent. And she doesn’t have to
ask
you for anything. You’re right there, with your big soft heart, ready to make her life as easy as possible.”

“Nothing has ever been easy for her, Mom! That’s what you don’t seem to understand. Or is it that you don’t care?”

She stood, too. “I care about my best friend and her murdered daughter. That’s what I care about!”

“What about the fact that Phoenix is Jacob’s mother? That he wants to get to know her? That maybe, just maybe, we should give her the benefit of the doubt in case she isn’t the monster we’ve made her out to be?”

His mother gave her head an impatient shake. “We’ve had this discussion before. He’s better off without her.”

Riley looked at his father. “Do you agree with that? Do you think I should’ve stood by while a 230 pound man pushed her around?”

His father got up. He’d come with Helen in a show of support—no doubt she’d demanded it—but his feelings on the subject didn’t seem nearly as intense as hers. If Riley had his guess, his father was probably sitting there wishing he was home in bed. “Perhaps you should let someone else help her. That’s all we’re saying.”

“Who?”
Riley demanded. “Who else is going to step up? The whole town hates her. They think she’s a murderer.”

His father made a sound of regret. “She
was
convicted, Riley. And we’ve seen the Mansfields’ pain up close.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’ve seen her pain, too. And maybe I see a different kind of person than her jury did—or you do, for that matter.”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” his mother cried. “Why did you ever have to get involved with her in the first place?”

After twelve months or so of trying to explain how attracted he’d been to Phoenix, and having his mother tell him he was just a kid and didn’t know what love was, Riley had dodged this question in all the years since. Helen made being with Phoenix sound so beneath him, so...disgusting. But it hadn’t been like that at all. He’d never felt more content than when it was just the two of them. They didn’t need to be making love or doing anything in particular. “I was in love with her, Mom. She’s the only person I’ve
ever
been in love with.”

“Sex at that young an age can fool you into thinking...”

“Don’t patronize me!” he broke in. “I’m not eighteen anymore. I know the difference between sex and love. Trust me, I’ve had sex since then. But not love. Nothing close to what I felt for Phoenix.”

There was a long silence. Then his mother said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. But I can’t help believing there’s someone else out there for you. Someone who deserves a great guy.”

“You’re driving me crazy,” he said.

“And you’re putting me in a very difficult position with my best friend. I hope you realize that.”

“At least you have friends,” he said. “Phoenix doesn’t even have any family she can depend on.”

“She seems to have
you
,” his mother snapped, and walked out.

As the door slammed, Riley turned to his father. “And you? What do you have to say?”

“Do what you think is right,” he said. “Just...”

“What?” Riley asked.

“Make sure you’re thinking with the right head.”

Riley felt his jaw drop. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t get pissy with me. Word has it she’s quite pretty these days.”

* * *

“Dad?”

Riley cringed as he reached the top of the stairs. He’d hoped his mother’s yelling and slamming the door wouldn’t wake Jake. The boy could sleep through an earthquake—at least when it was time to get up in the morning. “Yes?”

“I would’ve stood up for her in that bathroom, too.”

The last thing Riley wanted was for Jacob to get into an altercation. “Let me handle your mother’s situation, okay?”

“Since you
are
handling it, you’re making it easy for me to stay out of it. I’m glad of that.”

“I’m happy you approve.” His actions certainly weren’t going to make him popular with anyone else. But it was time Phoenix mattered to someone, and he was tired of denying, minimizing and ignoring how much she mattered to
him
. “Get some sleep.”

He waited to see if his son would offer a rejoinder, but Jake didn’t, so Riley went to his own bedroom. As he took his phone out of his pocket, he checked to see if Kyle had answered the text he’d sent before his mother and father arrived, and was pleased to see he had a message.
Of course. I went by her place like you said.

Riley dropped onto the bed before texting Kyle back.
And?

She said she didn’t want you or anyone else fighting her battles for her.

That sounded like Phoenix.
What was her plan? Did she think she could take Buddy herself?

She didn’t have a plan. She’d just rather be the one to get hurt.

He frowned at the screen before texting back.
She said that?

No. I could tell, though. She still worships you.

Riley felt a strange sort of awareness creep over him as he read those words—as well as a certain amount of perverse hope.
Don’t even suggest that.

Why not? It’s true.

She’d be upset if she heard it.

Because she’s terrified you or someone else will think she’s out to catch you again. But there’s no reason to worry about that. She won’t come near you unless she absolutely has to in order to see Jacob. She’s so convinced her love isn’t good enough, she’d die before she’d acknowledge those feelings.

Where are you coming up with this stuff?
Riley wrote. He liked reading it, wanted to believe that Kyle was right. And yet the idea of anything between him and Phoenix frightened him. Not because he thought she’d start driving by his place or calling him like she did when she was a teenager, but because he was probably just as attracted to her as he’d ever been, and there was no telling where that might lead. It could lead them right back into trouble, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her again.

A ping told him Kyle had responded.
Her sheer panic when you got into it with Buddy. Dylan said it was all he could do to stop her from throwing herself in front of you. Had any other guy stepped up, I don’t think she would’ve been quite so desperate to protect him.

Riley rubbed his chin for several seconds as he considered what Kyle had written.
She’s afraid something will upset me and I’ll refuse to let her see Jacob—that’s all. She doesn’t have the money to take me to court, and she wouldn’t have much of a case even if she did.

You only want to see the practical side of things. But there’s more going on here—on both sides. I doubt you’re as indifferent to her as you’d like to believe.

Kyle had been watching him closely, which made sense. If they weren’t such good friends, he’d probably be interested in Phoenix himself.
Stop with the bullshit
, Riley typed. I
don’t need you screwing with my mind.

Can you honestly tell me I’m wrong?

He couldn’t. That was the problem.
Don’t push me on this.

Fine. You’re not ready to be honest with yourself—or me. So let’s change the subject. Your birthday’s coming up.

And?

That means our big party at Lake Melones is less than two weeks away.

I know when my own birthday is. Don’t tell me you’re going to ask if you can bring Phoenix as your date. The answer is no.

Because you’re still attracted to her. But we’re not talking about that, remember? For the record, I’m bringing Samantha.

Riley ignored the part about Phoenix.
The chick you met via that online dating site? Isn’t that kind of risky? You don’t know each other that well, and we’re talking about a whole weekend.

We might hate each other by the end of it, but...you never know. The opposite could also be true. So, who are you going to ask?

Phoenix came immediately to mind. He suspected Kyle was hinting that he should ask her. But that would be crazy. She wouldn’t join him even if he invited her.

Still, with almost everyone else in the group married, he didn’t want to show up without a date. They’d agreed it would be couples but no kids, which wouldn’t be a problem for him, since Jake was older. Jake would spend the weekend with Tristan. He loved doing that, anyway.
Maybe Stephanie will want to come.

That’s the woman you brought when we went to San Francisco last month, right?
Kyle texted.

Yeah.

Are you still talking?

We’ve texted once or twice. But we’ve both been pretty busy.

Where’d you meet her? I can’t remember.

I did a bathroom remodel for her parents down in Angel’s Camp, and they introduced us.

She’s cute.

She
was
cute. He’d been sort of excited about her after they went out the first time. A nurse at the regional hospital, she fit in well with his friends, was attractive and nice.

So why did he suddenly have so little interest in following up on their date by actually seeing her again?

“Don’t answer that,” he grumbled to himself as he texted Kyle back.
It’s late, and I have a headache. I’ll talk to you later.

Your nose okay?

Could be better, but it’ll be fine in a day or two.

Don’t forget to ask Stephanie. You wait any longer, she might have plans, and you’ll be the only schmuck without a date. That wouldn’t go over very well for the birthday boy.

I’ll give her a call
, he wrote. But the next day passed, and the day after that—even the day after
that
—and he still hadn’t invited her.

13

R
iley wasn’t sure he wanted to go to coffee at Black Gold this Friday. Now that his son was older, he was normally one of the most consistent in the group. He enjoyed catching up with his friends for twenty or thirty minutes before arriving at his current construction site. But he knew everyone would have a lot of questions for him this morning. The last time they’d gotten together, he’d stormed the women’s restroom and punched Buddy Mansfield in the face. And although he’d received several texts from his friends after that incident, as well as a few calls, he hadn’t returned most of them.

He told himself he’d skip the get-together. It was difficult to explain what he was feeling for Phoenix; he didn’t want to be tied down to anything.

But in the end, he saw their cars in the parking lot and couldn’t just drive by.

“Hey!” Dylan was on his cell phone but gave him a nod. Riley waved and got a cup of coffee before sitting down with Eve, who ran the B and B down the street. She lived with her fiancé, Lincoln, in Placerville these days, but still made the thirty-minute drive to run the B and B. Dylan’s wife, Cheyenne, was there, too—with her five-month-old baby, who was in an infant seat.

“Skeleton crew this week, huh?” he said, dropping a quick kiss on the baby’s head.

Eve checked her watch. “It’s early. I bet Ted and Sophia will show. Kyle, too.”

That reference to Kyle reminded him that Callie, their friend who’d undergone a liver transplant, had been harboring some sort of information she was supposedly sharing with the group. “What about Callie and Levi?”

Cheyenne nodded toward the door. “Speak of the devil.”

Callie and Levi came in, followed closely by Kyle, Kyle’s stepbrother, Brandon, and Brandon’s wife, Olivia. “Now we’re talking.”

It took several minutes for everyone to order and settle into their usual booth in the corner, but Riley didn’t mind. He liked that everyone seemed preoccupied. He planned to insure they remained that way by mentioning Callie’s secret. But Dylan foiled that plan by bringing up the fight with Buddy as soon as he got off the phone.

“How’s Mansfield, you maniac?” he teased.

Riley nearly cursed but managed to hold back. “I’m sure he’s fine. It was a minor skirmish.”

“Not so minor,” Eve said. “It scared the hell out of me. I’ve never seen you like that.”

Riley shrugged. “He has no right to bully Phoenix—or anyone else.”

There was an uncomfortable moment when he thought someone might take up his mother’s argument—“She murdered his sister, remember?”—but no one did. “By the way, your nose looks fine.”

“Like I told you...minor skirmish.”

“Phoenix was mortified that you got involved,” Levi said.

Dylan slid into the booth. “It was more than being mortified. She was so afraid Riley might be hurt she was fighting like a wildcat to get loose. I have no clue what she thought she could do, but she was bound and determined to help.”

“She’s a fighter,” Riley muttered.

“What made you lose your temper like that?” Callie asked. “I mean, we could’ve just called the police.”

“It would’ve been over by the time they got here,” he replied. “I did what I had to do.”

“Does she appreciate it?” Olivia asked.

Riley took a sip of his coffee. “She doesn’t want me in her life. And considering our history, I guess that’s understandable.”

Dylan stretched out his legs. “What do
you
want?”

“For everyone to stop tormenting her. She’s Jacob’s mother, after all.”

“That’s your only reason for protecting her?” Eve asked.

Riley buried his nose in his cup again before answering. “Of course.”

Kyle didn’t say anything, but he was smirking the whole time, and that drove Riley crazy. He almost wanted to slug his friend.

“So what’s
your
news?” Riley asked, turning to Callie.

She stared at him. “Excuse me?”

“I hear you’ve got something to share.”

She blushed and glanced at her husband. Then a smile spread across her face as she gazed around the table. “Actually, I do. I was going to make the announcement last week, but...we had that fight. Then I thought I’d wait until Baxter could be with us. He’s been talking about moving back, as you know.”

Cheyenne leaned forward. “But...”

“That could take months. He can’t even come to the cabin for Riley’s birthday, and since Kyle must’ve let the cat out of the bag to Riley, anyway...”

“I haven’t said anything!” Kyle protested.

Eve gripped the table. “What is it?”

Callie took her husband’s hand. “Levi and I are going to have a baby.”

Silence fell as everyone took that in. Riley had never considered that her secret might be a pregnancy. He’d assumed she
couldn’t
get pregnant, because of her health problems and all the meds she was on.

“Really?”
Eve looked dumbfounded but managed to pump her voice full of enthusiasm. “That’s wonderful!”

Callie frowned at their lame attempt to show the proper excitement. “Stop it! I know what you’re thinking. You’re afraid I can’t handle this pregnancy—that it’ll hurt me somehow, or that the meds I’m taking might affect the baby. But Levi and I have talked long and hard about this, together with my doctor, of course, and we’ve decided we want to move forward despite the risks.”

“What
are
the risks?” Brandon asked, obviously as stunned and concerned as the rest of them. Rarely was it this quiet at coffee.

“I don’t want to go into that. I’d rather focus on the fact that there are a lot of people who have experienced what I’ve experienced, and they’ve given birth successfully. The doctor says there’s no reason Levi and I can’t start a family.”

Riley happened to glimpse the shadow that crossed Levi’s face. But Levi quickly hid that hint of doubt and kissed his wife’s temple. “She’ll be fine,” he said.

“When’s the baby due?” Olivia asked.

“Right before Christmas,” she announced with a smile. “This is going to be the best holiday season of our lives.”

At that point, Riley wished he hadn’t dragged the information out of Callie. What was the hurry in learning that they’d now have to worry about her for the next seven months?

It actually made him a little angry, probably because he would never have made the choice to risk any woman
he
loved.

* * *

Phoenix had spent the past three days working on bracelets. She’d had so many orders to fill. She’d also been getting up early to finish cleaning her trailer, and to get some healthy food cooked for her mother. At the end of each day, she visited Kyle’s office to check for more orders, communicate with her customers and package what she’d finished so far. Fortunately, she’d figured out how to buy postage online, and Kyle had been kind enough to let her packages go out with his business mail. That saved her considerable time. Now she no longer had to bike to town to use the internet or to arrange shipping.

It was getting late on Friday evening when Kyle came in to find her still using one of his computers.

“Wow, it’s almost nine,” he said. “I thought you’d left and forgotten to turn off the light.”

“No, sorry. I’ve been swamped. But I’m just about done. I need to get home and make three more bracelets.”

“
Tonight?
It’s the weekend. Don’t you ever do anything for fun?”

“I’m taking Jacob to breakfast in the morning, which should be fun.” Jacob hadn’t said whether his father would be joining them, but she’d let him know he could invite Riley.

“Your boy had an amazing game last night.”

A warm feeling passed through her. Jacob had messaged her about it, told her he’d struck out several players and they’d won by five runs. She was sorry she’d had to miss it. She would’ve pulled away from work for that. Nothing was more important to her than he was. But she hadn’t wanted to upset his grandparents or anyone else by showing up again, since it was another home game.

She’d promised to go to the next game, against Ponderosa, instead. That was coming up at Shingle Springs on Tuesday. Now she just had to determine a way to get there. It was a forty-minute drive. Jake had said his father would be happy to give her a ride, but she couldn’t imagine spending that much time alone with Riley. She hadn’t seen or communicated with him since he’d gotten into that fight with Buddy. For all she knew, he was pissed at her for dragging him into it—even though she hadn’t expected, or asked for, what he’d done.

“I’m excited for Jake.” She sent off her final email and turned to face Kyle. “You’re not going to the Ponderosa game, are you?”

“On Tuesday? No. I’ve got meetings that won’t end until after the game starts—and it’s so far. By the time I could get there, it wouldn’t be worth the drive.”

She nodded.

“Why, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” she said. “I was just curious.”

“Do you need to borrow a vehicle?” he asked. “I’ve got an old pickup my foreman uses on the property. You can take it if you like.”

“Thanks, but I don’t have a current driver’s license.”

“Riley will be going.”

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll catch a ride with him,” she muttered.

Kyle must’ve heard her sarcasm because he peered at her more closely. “He wouldn’t mind. As a matter of fact, I bet he’d like it.”

“Sure he would,” she said with a laugh.

“It’s true.”

Kyle obviously didn’t have a clue. “That would give the whole town something to gossip about.”

“Not really. You
are
the mother of his son.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

“How’s your business going?” he asked as she gathered up her stuff.

“Right now it’s booming. I have no idea why, but my bracelets seem to have caught on in Southern California. I can hardly keep up with the orders—which is good, since I need the money. And now I can contribute more to Jacob’s care. Riley has always had to carry most of that, so I’m glad I can be a better partner now.”

“You’re one of a kind,” he said with a smile.

She looked at him in surprise. That wasn’t something she heard very often, yet he sounded sincere. “Thanks. I’ll get out of here so you can lock up.”

“I’m having drinks at Sexy Sadie’s with some friends tonight, if you’d like to join us.” He raised his hands. “Don’t worry. This isn’t a date. Just an offer of friendship.”

“Who else is going?” she asked.

“Riley. And the rest of the gang.”

She rolled her eyes. “Riley doesn’t want me horning in on his friends.”

“He doesn’t want you getting close to his single
male
friends—namely me, since Baxter’s gay—but he’d be fine with this.”

Laughing, she walked out ahead of him. “Thanks, anyway. You guys have a great time.”

“It’s Saturday tomorrow, so my staff’s off. But I can leave a key under that plant by the door if you think you’ll need the computers.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d really appreciate it.”

“No problem. I’ll get you your own key next time I’m in town.”

With a smile and a nod, she headed toward the road, but he called after her.

“Can I give you a ride home on my way to Sexy Sadie’s?”

“Sexy Sadie’s is in the opposite direction,” she pointed out.

“Doesn’t matter. It’d only take a few minutes, and it would make me feel like a gentleman.”

“So I’d be doing
you
a favor,” she teased.

He chuckled. “If that’s what you have to believe in order to agree.”

It was already dark and there were no streetlights out in the country. She’d made the journey three times this week. It didn’t take long, but...

“Okay,” she said, and let him put her bike in the back of his truck.

But once she was home and he’d left, she had difficulty concentrating on making more bracelets. Her hands were tired, her back ached and she kept thinking about Kyle’s invitation to go to Sexy Sadie’s. She hadn’t been anyplace remotely like that since she was released from prison, and she hadn’t been old enough to go before she was convicted.

Just sitting somewhere unobtrusive, listening to the music and sipping a cold drink sounded nice. Maybe she could ride her bike over, slip in and find a safe corner from which she could watch all the fun.

* * *

Phoenix’s first concern was whether she’d find Buddy Mansfield at Sexy Sadie’s. She couldn’t possibly stay if he was there. One glance at her, and he’d start another problem.

But as she sidled around the edges of the crowded bar, she felt safe. She didn’t even see Kyle and his friends. She checked her watch—nearly midnight. It’d taken her so long to make the decision and get ready, they must’ve gone home.

That was
another
reason to be relieved, she told herself as she straightened the pretty sundress Kyle had given her.

Suddenly glad she’d decided to embrace this adventure, she settled in a corner. She wasn’t expecting a great deal of tonight. She merely wanted to see what it was like to be out on the town. She thought she might also have a drink. She wasn’t driving; if she fell off her bike, she’d only hurt herself, no one else. Before she could approach the bar, a big, bearlike man came over.

He offered to buy her a beer, but she didn’t want to feel indebted to anyone, even for something that small. So they just talked for a few minutes—or tried to talk above the music. Then he asked her to dance.

When Phoenix tried to refuse, he grabbed her hand and tugged her onto the dance floor as Alice Cooper’s “Poison” came on. She wanted to hear the lyrics—“I want to love you but I better not touch...”—so she agreed to dance with him. If she didn’t, she suspected he’d talk through the whole thing. She’d missed so much in seventeen years—hadn’t danced since the few high school events she’d attended—but she remembered listening to this song over and over and over when Riley broke up with her.

She enjoyed the dance enough to remain on the floor for a second song with her current partner. After that she accepted several invitations from other men. She even had that drink she’d been meaning to have—a glass of wine she sipped while sitting at the bar. She was just beginning to feel warm and loose when she realized that someone was staring at her and looked across the room to see Riley.