This Heart of Mine (10 page)

“Thanks.”

When he glanced up again, he noticed that she was waiting expectantly, eager to get into her room. No doubt she wanted to change into an outfit that made her feel less vulnerable. But she didn’t approach, and he knew she wouldn’t as long as she had to come anywhere close to him. She’d made her escape when she maneuvered past him in the hall and was bent on keeping her distance.

Who could blame her? She’d been punished enough for sleeping with him seventeen years ago.

“The soup’s delicious,” she said, leaning against the wall and holding the bowl as she ate. “What do I owe you for that?”

“Nothing. It’s my treat.”

“You got it from a restaurant. Let me pay you back.”

That damned pride! “With your bracelet money?”

She seemed startled by the comment. “That’s just a little something I started in prison. I don’t know how it will go.”

“Looks like it’s going pretty good right now.”

“Better than I expected,” she admitted with a shy smile.

“How’d you get into that?”

“They offered a class on working with leather at the prison. I took it and...came up with a few things that some of the other women liked and wanted to buy. So I sold them, took the money and bought more supplies. Then I sold those and did the whole process over again. There was a prison guard who especially liked them. After she bought several for gifts, she talked to me about posting them on Etsy.com and eBay. I had to share the proceeds with her, but I couldn’t have done it on my own. And that’s what gave me most of the money I sent you.”

He chafed at the reminder. That money must have been such a sacrifice, and he hadn’t really needed it. Most of it was still in a savings account for Jake’s college fund. Jake knew she’d sent money once in a while, but he didn’t know Riley hadn’t spent much of it.

“Now that you’ve been released—is it strictly your business?” He hoped the prison guard wasn’t still getting a cut.

She nodded. “That was always the understanding.”

“That’s nice. So people pay you via PayPal?”

“Yeah. And it goes right into my account. I’m not earning a lot, but...it’s something.”

“Why didn’t you tell Jacob you’d made what you gave him?”

“No reason,” she said, but he knew that was a lie. She must’ve been afraid he’d reject it—or she didn’t want him to feel obligated to accept it.

She tried hard not to expect anyone to love her, he realized.

“Thanks for...coming to the rescue yet again,” she said.

If she apologized once more for the trouble she’d caused him, he was going to throttle her. “Like I said before, I don’t mind.”

Finally satisfied that his body was no longer demanding sexual fulfillment, he returned the nail to his pouch and approached her. But the closer he got, the more she backed up, until they were both in the kitchen.

“I told Jake he could stop by when he was done with his homework, so you might want to go ahead and get dressed.”

She stiffened. “Jake’s coming here?”

The panic in her voice surprised him. “Where else?”

“But...I’m not ready. I don’t want him to judge me by...by what he sees around here. And look at me!”

“He’s not going to judge you at all,” he said, but thanks to her mother, she’d been judged her whole life. He knew he wasn’t going to convince her.

“His room isn’t ready,” she went on. “I’d like to repair some of the furniture I have in there. And paint. And clean up outside.” She did a double take when she noticed the wallpaper she’d been removing was gone. “What happened to— Did you finish it?”

He shrugged. “It didn’t take long.”

“Thank you. That was really hard to get off.”

“It helps to have a scraper.”

“What else did you do?” she asked.

He listed the various chores, but she didn’t seem pleased. “You didn’t need to do all that.”

“I didn’t have anything else to keep me busy.”

“Still...”

“It’s not a big deal. So what do you want me to do about Jake? Would you rather I told him he can’t come?”

She worried her bottom lip. “If you wouldn’t mind. I’d like to have everything perfect before he sees it.”

He couldn’t help responding to her earnest expression. “Of course.”

Her body softened in relief. “Thank you.”

“I’ll head out, then.” He stepped to one side.

“Okay. I’ll be right back with your shirt.”

While she was gone, Riley checked the soup container and was gratified to see that she’d eaten quite a bit. She must’ve been starved...

“Phoenix!”

Riley couldn’t see Lizzie, but he could hear her shrieking her daughter’s name, and then, “
Where are you?
Where the hell is my dinner? You want me to starve in here?”

Phoenix didn’t respond, but Riley was quite certain she could hear; all the windows were open. If he had to guess, she was hesitant to scream across the distance as her mother was doing.

He imagined her in the bedroom, changing as fast as she could so she could hurry over to the other trailer, where she’d do whatever Lizzie asked, just to shut her up. But Phoenix had a possible concussion, with six stitches, and Riley felt she should be left alone to rest.

Telling himself he’d bring more food for the next day, he grabbed the leftover soup and stalked over to Lizzie’s with it. “Here you go,” he said. “Phoenix told me to give you this for dinner. She’s been meaning to bring it by but she was too busy with bracelet orders.”

Lizzie’s eyes just about bugged out of her head as she recognized him. And when her gaze lowered to his bare chest, he knew he should’ve at least put on his shirt. What had happened was so innocent, and he was so used to working without a shirt, that he hadn’t even considered how it might appear.

“What are
you
doing here?” Lizzie asked, as if the devil had shown up at her door. “Don’t tell me you’ve been sleeping with my daughter again! Surely, she isn’t
that
stupid.”

Footsteps padded on the packed earth and Phoenix came running around the corner, dressed in a pair of denim shorts that were far too big for her and a simple tank top. “Thank you for this,” she said, thrusting his shirt at him. “I’ll take care of my mother. Don’t worry.”

“Did
he
do that to you?” Lizzie demanded the second she saw the scrapes and bruises and the stitches on her daughter’s forehead.

Phoenix tried to come between the two of them. But she faltered and her hand went to her head as if she might pass out.

Riley took her arm so she wouldn’t fall. “You shouldn’t be out.”

She ignored him but didn’t jerk away as she normally would have. Since she’d been home, she wouldn’t let him get within two feet of her. The way she’d behaved when she’d had to pass him in the hall was proof. But he could tell her head was swimming; she needed the support. And she was focused completely on her mother.

“No. He didn’t hurt me,” she said, struggling with the effects of having moved so fast in her current condition. “Of course not. I...I fell and he lent me his shirt to...to mop up the blood.”

Except there wasn’t a drop of blood on it, and Lizzie didn’t miss that. Contempt curled her top lip as Phoenix rushed on. “Wait, that was actually a different shirt.” She was getting flustered in her attempt to explain. “But still. Riley gave me a ride home. That’s all.”

“And then you let
him
have a ride, huh?” she snapped. “I guess seventeen years in prison didn’t teach you what spreading your legs for the Stinsons’ coddled boy will do?”

Riley glared at her. “That’s enough,” he growled. “I don’t care what you say about me, but watch how you talk to your daughter.”

“Oh, that’s right. You’re the only one who’s allowed to treat her like shit,” she said with a cackle, and backed her considerable bulk into the house.

The slamming of the door echoed in the ensuing silence.

Phoenix seemed to realize that he was supporting her and reached for the railing instead. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s get you back to bed.” So he could leave. He wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing here, anyway.

Gingerly, Phoenix began to go down the steps. “She’s not as bad as she seems, you know. She’s just...protective of me in her own way.”

When she stumbled, he caught her and would’ve swung her into his arms. She was so light it would’ve been easier to carry her. But he knew she’d protest. “You need to go to bed, and you need to stay there until you feel better,” he said.

“I will,” she agreed. “But...don’t go home upset, okay? She’s wrong. You’ve had the best life has to offer because you deserve it. I’m
glad
you have so much.”

The crazy thing was that he believed she meant what she said. She wanted him to be happy despite the disparity in their situations, despite the past. Not many people could be as generous. Which brought a question to mind—if he deserved what he had, did that mean she deserved so much less?

His mother would answer that with a resounding yes. But it sure as hell didn’t feel that way to him.

9

W
hen Phoenix woke up, it was the middle of the night. Since her windows were open, she remained still, listening for sounds that might indicate trouble. She should get up and close them, she told herself. Hot was better than unsafe. But all she heard were the cicadas and frogs down by the creek.

It’s okay. Everything’s okay.
She hoped Buddy would be satisfied with the damage he’d caused, that her injuries would somehow dissolve his anger...

Unwilling to focus on that frightening event, she remembered that instance with Riley when she came out of the bedroom and the door locked behind her—and nearly laughed out loud. What were the chances of something like that happening? Especially when Riley was around?

He must’ve thought she was up to her old tricks—as if she hadn’t learned her lesson!

Phoenix hoped she’d been able to convince him that it was an accident, because it honestly was.

She rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but she should never have allowed herself to think of Riley. Once she did, other thoughts and images intruded—memories, too. She remembered how reverently he’d touched her the first time they’d made love, how he’d trembled when she’d touched him...

That was in another lifetime, she reminded herself, when she was another person. She could no longer think about it, even occasionally, even deep in the night, or she could rekindle that desire and destroy everything she was trying so hard to build.

Maybe she should go out to Sexy Sadie’s sometime this week, and drink and dance—possibly get laid. Maybe that would put a stop to these inappropriate thoughts and memories.

But she couldn’t risk the gossip that kind of behavior would cause. She wasn’t even sure she
could
have sex with a man she didn’t know. Riley was her only experience.

She’d just have to continue stumbling along and do the best she could.

Dragging herself out of bed, she went into her office. She needed money, and that meant she had to work. The incident with Buddy had cost her an entire day. But she didn’t start with anything that would make a profit; she started by creating a bracelet for Kyle. His late-night visit to her place, and the clothes and food he’d brought, gave her a kindness to cling to, one that came without the risks associated with being grateful for Riley’s soup and repairs.

She didn’t want to make Kyle feel he was now obligated to treat her as a friend when they bumped into each other in town. She thought he’d be smarter to stay away from her and planned to make that clear. But she did want to thank him, and give him what she could, little though that was.

* * *

“Did you tell her?”

Riley sat back on the floor joists. He’d just climbed into the attic of his current project to fix some wiring when Kyle called. “What are you talking about?”

“Phoenix! Did you tell her we left those clothes and things?”

Riley brushed insulation from his shoulders. Attics were hot, hellacious places. “No, of course not. I was more concerned about keeping that a secret than you were. Why would
I
tell her?”

“Then how’d she find out?”

The heat pressed in from all sides. “What makes you think she did?”

“She dropped off a small thank-you gift sometime during the night—or early this morning, before I got up.”

Riley pictured Phoenix staggering toward him completely naked and shook his head—but that image had popped up repeatedly since he’d left Phoenix’s last night. She had a beautiful body despite the scars; there was no denying that. “What kind of gift?”

“A leather bracelet.”

That was from Jacob’s mother, all right. “Anything else?”

“A note.”

Too anxious to remain seated, especially in such a confined space, Riley stood and accidentally banged his head on the ceiling. “Shit!”

“I know.”

“It’s not that. Never mind,” he grumbled. “Read me what she wrote.”

“One sec.” There was a brief pause, then Kyle came back on the phone. “‘Dear Kyle, thank you. It couldn’t have been easy for you to break ranks with everyone else (don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone). I just had to let you know that I’m very grateful for what you gave me and will pay you back once I get on my feet. In the meantime, I hope you can accept this small token of my appreciation. (Please don’t feel you need to acknowledge me in public.) P.’”

Rubbing his head where he’d whacked it, Riley mulled over what he’d heard.

“You still there?” Kyle asked.

“Yeah.”

“So? What do you think?”

“I’m trying to figure out how she caught on.”

“I gave her a ride home a little while before we went back with those clothes. Maybe that was enough to tip her off. Did
you
get a bracelet?”

“No.”

“Then that has to be it. The good news is she probably has no idea you were involved, so you’re in the clear like you wanted to be.”

And the bad news was that she probably thought Kyle was some knight in shining armor.

Not that he cared, Riley told himself.

“It has to be the ride,” Kyle was saying, growing more confident that his assumption was correct. “But...I don’t live all that close to her. How do you suppose she got over here?”

“She must’ve walked.” Riley had dropped her bike off at Noah’s before heading to work, so she couldn’t have found a way to fix and use that.

“In the dark?”
Kyle exclaimed.

That she’d go to so much trouble to thank someone for a little human kindness was crazy. “And with six stitches in her head,” Riley added.

“What are you talking about?”

As much as he wanted to stand and move around, the lack of space forced him to crouch down as he told Kyle what Buddy had done.

“That pisses me off,” Kyle said. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I went to see Chief Bennett. I’m going to let him handle this one. He’s asked me to stay out of it, and so has my mother. But Buddy had better not do anything else.”

Kyle didn’t immediately respond.

“What are you thinking?” Riley asked.

“I’m thinking you’re in a tough spot with your mother. Maybe I should be the one to deal with this if it comes up again.”

“No, I want you to stay out of it.” He hung up, but Kyle called right back.

“What?” Riley said.

“That was an offer of help, you know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on with you, man?”

“Nothing. This is a difficult time for me. It’s been an adjustment since Phoenix got out.”

“But you’re reacting in a way I never would’ve expected.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t tell me you’re suddenly attracted to her...”

Suddenly?
He’d been attracted to her since he first got to know her when he tutored her in math. Other things, other people, were what had come between them—his friends, parents and teachers, and then all that far more terrible stuff. Everything had worked together to convince him that she was evil or crazy or both, unworthy of him or any other normal person. And with time, he’d managed to forget the incredible chemistry they’d shared, how unassuming and real she could be, how delighted she was with the smallest kindness.

With effort, he’d minimized what he’d felt and assumed that was all in the past.

But he was feeling
something
now that she was back. “Why do you say that?” he asked, hoping to dodge a more direct answer.

“Um, the fact that you’re
jealous
?”

“I’m not jealous! It’s just that...I’ve slept with her before. She’s not someone I’d like to see you get involved with.”

“I’m not interested in her romantically. That would be too weird considering I’m one of your best friends. And to be honest, I don’t know if I could put up with all the negative crap I’d get from my own friends and family. Whoever ends up with her is going to have a battle on his hands. I’m only trying to be fair and do what I think is right. This can be a hard place to live, with so many people united against you.”

“She’s Jacob’s mom. I’ll look after her,” Riley insisted.

“
You’ll
look after her? That’s nuts,” he said, and disconnected.

Riley dropped his head in his hands. It
was
nuts. Why had he reacted so negatively to Kyle, who just wanted to be kind?

When his phone rang again, Riley was so sure it was Kyle calling back yet again he answered without looking at caller ID. “Hey, I’m sorry, dude. I’m confused as hell right now,” he said, but this time it wasn’t Kyle.

“What are you talking about?”

Riley sucked in a quick breath when he recognized his son’s voice. “Hey, Jake. Why aren’t you in school?”

“I
am
at school. I’m between classes.”

“Then...what’s going on?”

“I checked my schedule. I have a home game on Wednesday.”

“What time?”

“Right after sixth period.”

“I’ll be there, like always.”

Following a slight hesitation, he said, “Are you still going to check on Mom like you said at breakfast?”

Given the conversation he’d just had with Kyle, Riley knew he should keep his distance. If she’d walked all the way to Kyle’s and back, she must be okay. But the fact that she had no one to even check in on her, and no phone in case she needed help, made him worry. There was nothing to stop Buddy from going out to her place and raising more hell. “Yeah, I guess. Over lunch. Why?”

“Will you let Mom know? About my game? I sent her a message on Facebook but I’m not sure she’ll get it.”

Riley hung his head as he rested his elbows on his knees.

“Did you hear me, Dad? ’Cause I gotta go. The bell’s gonna ring.”

“I’ll tell her about it,” he said.

“How much would it cost me to get her a phone?” Jacob asked.

“You’re not old enough to get anyone a phone.”

“We could put her on your plan.”

Riley shook his head. His world was going crazy. “She wouldn’t let us even if we offered.”

“Why not?”

“She’s a very independent person.”

“That’s good, though, isn’t it?”

When Jacob said that, Riley realized Phoenix’s independence and strength, her determination to fight back without leaning on anyone, was partly what drew him to her. He doubted he’d met anyone else with so much resilience. “Yeah, that’s good.”

“Tell her I can pick her up if she needs a ride.”

“You won’t have time to get her. I’ll see if she wants a lift.”

“I’m excited that she might be there. I hope I have a good game.”

“Me, too,” he said, then ended the call. Phoenix was doing a better job of winning over his son than he’d anticipated—and that made Riley feel as dubious as he did about all the other changes going on.

* * *

When Riley arrived at Phoenix’s trailer, her face was devoid of makeup, her hair was pulled back and she wore those ugly cutoffs that were several sizes too big.

“Hey.” She held the door, but her eyes immediately took on that wary look she seemed to reserve for him—as if he was a poisonous snake that had just slithered within striking distance.

He handed her the chicken sandwich he’d bought for her on his way here. “Lunch.”

When she didn’t take the bag, he scowled. “
Your
lunch, which is why I’m handing it to you.”

“Riley, I don’t want you to keep bringing me meals. I can’t afford it.”

“It’s
food
, Phoenix. Everyone’s got to eat.”

She gestured in the general direction of her kitchen. “I have some canned goods.”

Which he’d also bought; she just didn’t know it. “This will taste better. How’s your head?”

Finally accepting the sack, she moved out of the way when he walked in. Heaven forbid they should ever come in physical contact. “Good as new.”

Maybe the pain was gone, but the bruising was more apparent. She looked like she’d been beaten up.

“You’re black-and-blue all over.”

“I’ll heal.”

The smell of fresh paint registered, and he noticed some beige splotches on her clothes and in her hair. “What are you painting?”

She pointed to the farther bedroom, the one she’d designated as Jacob’s. Of course she’d apply herself to his room before any other.

Riley thought of all the money she’d sent over the years, and the cards and letters for Jacob. Jacob got the best of whatever she had. Riley had once chosen to view that as manipulative, but he was beginning to see her attempts to reach her son in an entirely different light...

“How’s progress?”

She frowned. “I’m not much of a painter, and this paint is pretty old. Someone gave it to my mom years ago. To be honest, I’m not sure it’s going to work. But I decided to try it out.”

“Let’s see.”

She shook her head. “That’s okay. It’s not finished yet.”

He moved toward the bedroom, anyway. She followed and stood behind him as he surveyed her work. “Did you stir it?” he asked.

“As well as I could.”

It needed more vigorous stirring. And she needed masking tape. “You’re trying to do this freehand?”

“It takes more time, but I’m being careful.”

She hadn’t done a
bad
job, considering that she’d probably never painted a room before. But he’d painted so many things, he could do better in just a couple of hours.

He thought about the rolls of tape he carried in his truck, in case he ran into something that required a quick coat, and was tempted to offer them to her. But if she was leery of a chicken sandwich, she wouldn’t thank him for getting involved in her latest project.

“It’s that bad, huh?” she said when he didn’t speak right away.

“It’ll be fine.” He turned back to her. “Is the pain in your head gone?”

“For the most part.”

“And you’ve heard nothing from Buddy?”

“No. Is that why you’re here? You didn’t say anything to him, did you?”

“I went to Chief Bennett. He said he’d handle it.”

“That won’t turn out the way you want if he says the wrong thing. You know what a hothead Buddy is.”

“It’s where we have to start. Or
we
look like the troublemakers.”

Concern entered her eyes. “There is no
we
. This has nothing to do with you. I’ve tried to tell you that.”