This Could Be Rock 'N' Roll (18 page)

“No?”

“Ask Cathy.”

“No, he hasn’t, Jake. He’s not really my boyfriend. That was a story for you.”

“For me?”

“Yes, for you, love. To stoke your boiler a bit. I  didn’t want to lose you to another set of groupies.”

“So what is he doing here?”

“I contacted him. Well, actually, I fell across him. He was a telesales call. A private investor. Anyway, we got talking over the phone and he mentioned that he managed rock stars and I said ‘Oh, my husband is a rock star’ and he asked who you were and said ‘Never heard of him’. Then he asked whether you were any good, so I said yeah, actually you were, but you had never had a break, and he told me to send over some of your stuff. Then he phoned back about five days later and said that he believed that you were good too and that his company was looking for seasoned unknowns with a regional following, would you be interested? So I explained our position and he said that he would send his boys out and not mention me at all. Now you are plastered all over Hull I hear.”

“Yeah, I thought that I was on the wanted list for thumping Harry and that there was a price on my head.”

“Oh, there will certainly be a price on your head,” Trevor agrees. “You are about to make us all a lot of money. That old material of yours has really brushed up well.”

“In that case, Trevor, I owe you a huge apology. I was right out of order.”

“Well, I did pretend to be Cathy’s boyfriend to your mates so it was to be expected. They didn’t seem to like me much.”

“They thought you were all right.”

“Right.” He is not remotely convinced. “Well, I had better be off and leave you two lovebirds to it. See you soon, Jake. We can go to rallies together in our stretched limousines.”

“That’ll be the day.”

“It will. Trust me.”

I trust nobody in the music industry.

After he has gone, I turn to Cathy. “So you forgive me my escapade with Bel and Nancy then?”

“We had split up. You did that to Jade not to me but, yeah, I was spitting blood at the time until I found that I had got it wrong the first time round, that you didn’t have it off with that groupie when I kicked you out of the house. Sorry, I really over-reacted there.”

“I got a bit trapped covering up for a friend. I said that I was there to provide him with an alibi and then he denied that he was there, leaving me and the bird there overnight all alone. How did you find out?”

“Well, I should have heard it from you, of course, but I wasn’t listening at the time. Nick told me all about it. We had a heart-to-heart because I was really missing you and Harry was becoming a nightmare and I was telling Nick that I could never forgive you for what you did and he said well, actually, you didn’t. And I said ‘What do you mean?’ And he said that you were covering up for a mate who was doing the dirty on his wife and while what you were doing was not that honourable it wasn’t what I thought it was. So I asked who the mate was and he said Jerry and then it all sort of fell into place. So I then phoned Jerry - I found his phone number in the desk - and after a bit of pressure and his agreeing to phone me back so that he could get out of Mary’s earshot, he came clean. He said that he had been feeling really guilty about it. Jerry feeling guilty. That will be the day. Then he let me in on the final irony and I nearly fell off my chair.”

“What was that?”

“You don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?”

“Do you know who the girl was that Jerry was with that night?”

“No, I went to bed. Never saw her. Who was it?”

“Sit down, Jake.”

“Is it that bad?”

“I think you may faint.”

“Who then? Out with it.”

“Jade.”

“Jade?”

“Yeah, Jerry was with Jade that night.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Of course, he couldn’t tell you.”

“That’s unbelievable.”

“That’s life.”

*  *  *

So Cathy and I are back together again as we always should have been. I crawled into bed with her and it felt like home and as I slipped inside her it felt like heaven, and as we came together there was nothing better for it to be.

“Mum, Dad, what’s going on? Are you fighting?” Josh has his head round the door and is looking most concerned.

“No, Josh, we are definitely not fighting. We are tickling each other. Daddy is so pleased to be home, and Mummy is very happy too.”

Josh wanders back to bed.

“Night, Josh. See you in the morning.”

One day the war will be over

And there’ll be no need for to fear

Farmers will fill in these trenches

And the world will forget we were here

But a new breeze will blow through the barley

And whisper the names of good men

We’ll reap a sweeter harvest

When peace can breathe again.

One day the war will be over

And we’ll rise up out of the ground

I’ll sail back to Sally my sweetheart

Back to that little old town

And when they ask after your story

My comrade, my brother, my friend

I’ll tell them you died not for glory

But so peace could breathe again.

Chapter 19

I wrote this this morning. It probably isn’t relevant to anything except to that aggressive bugger up on his horse next to the Alexandra Hotel on the Hessle Road. Haven’t got the tune yet:

The journey’s so long

The road is so hard

The future’s so tough

His armour’s like lard

I wish I wasn’t squashed

Up the arse of this card

I feel like El Cid’s bloomers,

Oh I feel like El Cid’s bloomers.

There’s never an end

There was barely a start

The biscuits are weavelly

The fruit is so tart

And to top it all off

Here comes a big fart

I feel like El Cid’s bloomers,

Oh I feel like El Cid’s bloomers.

Yes, I feel, oh yes I feel

Oh yes I feel, I really do feel,

I cannot but feel

Just like El Cid’s bloomers,

Just like El Cid’s bloomers.

Onward to victory

Back to defeat

Above his great breastplate

Fellow are his feet

And I just wish he wouldn’t

Scoff so much meat

I feel like El Cid’s bloomers,

Oh I feel like El Cid’s bloomers.

Yes, I feel, oh yes I feel

Oh yes I feel, I really do feel,

I cannot but feel

Just like El Cid’s bloomers,

Just like El Cid’s bloomers.

I was meant to be writing a song called ‘This could be rock ‘n’ roll’ but this turned up instead. Oh well, it won’t be the first time I’ve produced an album with the title track missing.

Featured Joe Solo songs (in order of appearance) ….

1. ‘Me & Billy The Kid’

2. ‘St. Martin’s Square’

3. ‘I Wonder’

4. ‘Nothing’s Perfect’

5. ‘One of Them’

6. ‘Too Many Ghosts’

7. ‘Like Sinatra Sings’

8. ‘English Dreamer, American Dream’

9. ‘Gram & Emmylou’

10. ‘Way Too Late Now’

11. ‘Hell In Disguise Pt.1’

12. ‘We’re All Gay’

13. ‘Don’t Know What I Want Anymore’

14. ‘Mug Tree Blues’

15. ‘The Undefeated’

16. ‘I Ain’t Finished Yet’

17. ‘It’s The Simple Things That Make You Happy’

18. ‘For Harry Smith’

19. ‘Peace’

The final set of lyrics – ‘(Just like) El Cid’s Bloomers’ – was written by Tim Roux.