‘Of course not,’ she said quickly, wondering why she felt so uneasy all of a sudden. She knew how quickly rumours could spread through out the town, and she would hate to think that people were talking about them. However, as she left the bedroom she couldn’t help wondering if Jack was more concerned about the people he worked with finding out, and one person in particular. How would Alex Ross feel if she discovered that Jack had spent the night with her?
The thought nagged away at her while she was seeing to Sam. Jack managed to slip away while she was getting the little boy dressed, so at least she didn’t have to explain what he’d been doing there at that time of the day. She’d given no thought to the implications of what had happened last night, but there was no way that she would allow Sam to be adversely affected by it. If she and Jack continued seeing each other, they would have to be discreet.
Fear clutched her heart, because it really was a question of
if
, wasn’t it? Jack hadn’t arranged to see her again, and there was no guarantee that he would. One night and one morning didn’t constitute a commitment on either side. This might be the beginning and the end of their relationship.
As the day wore on, Jack’s doubts about what had happened gathered pace. Although he didn’t deny that it had been the
most moving experience of his life, he knew in his heart that he should never have allowed it to happen. At the present moment he had so much else going on in his life that he didn’t have time for a relationship, at least not the sort of relationship he wanted with Alison.
It had been so simple in the past. He’d separated his life into two separate compartments—his career and his social life—and he had kept them strictly apart. That was why he had never shared his home with a woman or involved her in his working life in any way, shape or form. However, he couldn’t do that with Alison.
He wanted her to be involved in every aspect of his life, and that was bound to have repercussions not only for him, but for Freddie. Although Freddie seemed to like her, it was too soon to introduce her into his son’s life on a permanent basis. Freddie was only just getting used to
him
and it would confuse him if the dynamics of their relationship had to change. Bluntly, Freddie might not want to share him with someone else. The thought weighed heavily on him as he worked.
Becca had been discharged at the weekend, and Ryan had an appointment with the consultant in London the following day. Jack popped in to see him, to check that he understood what was going to happen.
‘So you’re quite happy with the arrangements? There’s an ambulance booked to take you up to London. I’m not sure how long you’ll be there—that will be up to the consultant to decide once he’s seen you,’ he explained. ‘Are your parents going with you?’
Ryan shook his head. ‘Mum can’t get the time off work and Dad’s no use. He’ll only start drinking and make a scene, so it’s best if he stays away.’
Jack sighed. ‘That means you’ll have nobody around to visit you.’
‘Oh, it’s OK. Becca has promised to come and see me every day.’ Ryan grinned at him and Jack laughed.
‘I see.’ He shook the boy’s hand. ‘Good luck, then. Not that you’ll need it. Take it from me that you’re getting the very best possible care.’
He was still smiling as he left the ward. Alex was just coming in and she stopped to speak to him.
‘You’re looking a lot happier than you did this morning. Has something cheered you up?’
‘I’ve just been speaking to Ryan Lovelace,’ Jack explained, somewhat surprised by the comment because he hadn’t realised he was so transparent. He hurried on, not wanting to dwell on the thought. ‘He’s arranged for Becca to visit him while he’s in London.’
‘I see. Do I detect a hint of romance in the air?’
‘I think the answer to that is watch this space!’
Alex laughed as she carried on into the ward. Jack went to the office and made sure that Ryan’s notes were up to date. He had just finished and was thinking about going home when there was a call from A and E. Jack responded, and decided that the patient needed to go straight to Theatre. The young man had suffered extensive tissue damage after his motorbike had skidded. He hadn’t been wearing protective clothing and a large area of skin and flesh had been sheared away from his right thigh.
Jack called Theatre and arranged for everything to be set up in readiness, then phoned Lucy and asked her if she would collect Freddie from the nursery. Although he felt bad about abandoning his son again after last night, he didn’t have a choice. Still, Freddie had been fine when he’d got home that morning. He’d obviously enjoyed having his grandfather there to spoil him, so Jack wasn’t too worried. The sooner Freddie got used to the people who loved him, the better it would be for him.
Freddie would probably get used to Alison, too, a small voice whispered inside his head, but Jack blanked it out. Probably wasn’t good enough—not for Freddie and not for Alison. Until he was sure that neither of them would get hurt, he couldn’t do anything about the current situation. He intended to protect his son
and
protect the woman he loved.
A week passed and Alison didn’t hear a word from Jack. Every time the phone rang or someone knocked on the door, she kept thinking it would be him, but it never was. She even went back to taking Sam to the nursery at the usual time, but somehow she always seemed to miss Jack. She could only conclude that he was avoiding her, and it hurt. It seemed that sleeping together hadn’t been as wonderful an experience for him as he had claimed.
She tried to deal with her heartache by keeping busy. It wasn’t difficult because they were in undated at the surgery. An outbreak of some sort of particularly nasty stomach bug kept the phones ringing almost non-stop. Morning and afternoon surgeries were full to overflowing, and in the end Nick decided that anyone who was complaining of gastric problems should be told to stay at home. They would receive a home visit rather than run the risk of spreading the bug any further.
The decision had a knock-on effect for everyone. With all the doctors doing house calls each day, inevitably afternoon surgeries started late. Alison had to make arrangements for Sam to stay with the child minder for an extra hour each day, and that seemed to upset his routine, so he started playing up. After a week of temper tantrums, she was longing for the time when life would get back to normal. Dealing with
a fretful three-year-old
and
an aching heart was taxing her to the limit.
The day of Maggie’s hen night arrived, but Alison decided to give it a miss. Sam was still being difficult, and she didn’t want to leave him with a babysitter, plus she didn’t feel in the mood for partying. Gemma tried to change her mind but she stuck to her decision. She’d much prefer a quiet night at home.
The day flew past, although it wasn’t as busy as it had been. The bug was running its course, and there were far fewer phone calls and home visits. Consequently, it was only a little after her normal time when she collected Sam, and to her delight he seemed more like his usual sunny self. They had tea, then played a game before bedtime. Alison read him his favourite story and tucked him in, sighing in relief when he immediately closed his eyes. It seemed the crisis was over in more ways than one. If only her problems with Jack could be resolved so satisfactorily she would feel so much better. Should she phone him and ask him to call round? Or should she leave him to get in touch with her—if he ever did?
She spent ages thinking about it, but couldn’t make up her mind. In the end she went to bed with the problem unresolved, and woke up the following morning still worrying about it. Part of her wanted to make the first move, but another part of her was terrified of inviting a rebuff.
Saturday was another glorious day, so she decided to forgo the usual household chores and take Sam out. Once again, she headed to Rock, trying not to think about what had happened the last time she’d been there. She intended to enjoy this day with Sam and not keep thinking about Jack all the time.
She made for a sheltered stretch of the bay that over looked the Camel estuary. There were quite a few people already
there when she and Sam arrived, mainly family groups with small children who were playing in the sand. Alison chose a spot close to the water’s edge and helped Sam take off his shoes and socks so he could paddle. She had a spare set of clothes in the car so it didn’t matter if he got wet. As long as he was having fun, that was the main thing.
They’d been there about an hour when she spotted two familiar figures walking along the beach. Her heart leapt into her throat when she recognised Jack and Freddie. Had Jack guessed that she would be here and come looking for her? she wondered as she scram bled to her feet. All of a sudden the doubts that had plagued her all week long seemed so stupid that she laughed out loud. The only reason Jack hadn’t been in touch with her was because he’d been too busy!
She lifted her hand to wave to him, then suddenly realised that he and Freddie weren’t on their own. There was a woman with them, the tall woman with auburn hair she remembered from the christening. Alison felt her stomach roll with sickness as she saw Jack turn and reply to something Alex Ross had said to him. The tilt of his head and the smile that played around his mouth were all too familiar. He was looking at Alex the same way he had looked at her the other night, and she couldn’t bear it. She simply couldn’t bear it!
It was far too late by then for her to run away and hide. She had to stand there and wait as they approached. Her heart ached when she saw Jack’s expression alter when he spotted her. She turned away, not wanting to witness his discomfort. It wasn’t difficult to imagine how awkward he felt. He may have been happy enough to sleep with her, but she wasn’t the sort of woman he would normally be interested in. That honour went to someone like Alex Ross, someone
who was beautiful and sophisticated and worldly-wise. What would Jack want with a little nobody like her?
‘Hi! I had no idea you’d be here,’ he said quietly as he and Alex stopped. Freddie spotted Sam and immediately ran over to him. Alison shrugged as she watched the two children laughing together.
‘It was just a spur-of-the-moment decision.’
‘Oh. Right. I see.’ A frown darkened his face for a second before he turned to Alex. ‘You remember Alison, don’t you?’
‘Of course.’
Alex gave her a brief smile, but Alison could tell that she wasn’t keen to prolong their meeting. She didn’t blame her. If she’d been in Alex’s shoes she wouldn’t have wanted to share even a second of the time she had with Jack with some other woman. The thought brought a rush of tears to her eyes, and she quickly bent and gathered up Sam’s shoes and socks.
‘Actually, we were about to go home. It’s been nice seeing you again, Alex,’ she added politely.
‘You, too,’ Alex replied graciously. She carried on walking, but Jack hung back.
‘You’re not rushing off on our account, I hope.’
‘No. You may find this hard to believe, Jack, but the world doesn’t revolve around you.’
His jaw tightened. ‘You’re angry with me because I haven’t been in touch. I don’t blame you. I should have called you. I almost did—several times, in fact. I just didn’t know what to say.’
‘Really? I wouldn’t have thought it would be that difficult. All you needed to say was that you’d made a mistake. How hard is that?’
‘It isn’t like that!’ he denied hotly. ‘You don’t understand.’
‘Oh, I think I do.’ She stared back at him, bolstering up her anger to stave off the pain that was knifing through her. ‘Making love to me the other night was fine, wasn’t it, Jack? But you’re not interested in making a commitment to me, are you?’
‘No, I’m not,’ he said bluntly. ‘It’s not the right time, for many reasons.’
‘Not the right time, or not the right woman?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m not your usual kind of woman, am I?’
‘No, you’re not.’
His voice was husky, and she shivered when she felt it stroke along her nerves, but she was too hurt and too angry to stop. She laughed harshly. ‘That’s what I thought. At least you have the decency to be honest with me. That’s something in your favour.’
She tossed back her hair as the wind whipped it across her face, knowing that she had to end this for good. She mustn’t allow herself to hope that Jack might come to love her one day. ‘I’m not sure why you slept with me. Maybe it was a way to thank me for looking after Freddie for you, or maybe it was just an urge that needed satisfying—who knows? But it definitely won’t happen again. Understand?’
‘I understand. And you’re right, Alison. It would be wrong for us to start something right now.’ His expression was bleak. ‘I need to focus on Freddie. I can’t afford to take any chances where his happiness is concerned. He’s been through too much already, and I won’t risk up set ting his life any more.’
‘And I feel the same way about Sam. I won’t allow his life to be disrupted either.’
Jack nodded. ‘Then it seems we’re in complete agreement, doesn’t it?’
‘Yes.’ Alison left it at that. There was nothing else to say
anyway. Jack had made his position perfectly clear, although she wasn’t stupid enough to think that he wouldn’t change his mind if the circumstances were right.
The thought of what might make those circumstances conducive to him reconsidering his stance was very hard to deal with, and she shut it out of her mind. She didn’t want to think about him and Alex, didn’t want to imagine them making plans for their future together. It was none of her business what Jack did. It never had been.
She fetched Sam and dried his feet, then popped his shoes and socks back on. He begged her to let him stay and play with Freddie, but she was adamant that they had to go home. That set off another tantrum, but she didn’t back down. Sam needed consistency in his life; he needed to know that when she said no she meant it.
If only she could make herself understand that concept when it came to Jack, she thought bitterly as she took Sam back to the car. She might have told Jack that she would never sleep with him again, but she knew how hard it would be to stick to that decision if the occasion ever arose. Where Jack was concerned she was as weak as a kitten, and it worried her to think that she might end up doing the one thing she would regret.
It made her wonder if she should leave Penhally Bay and remove herself from temptation, but where would she go? All her friends were here, as well as her job, and it would mean making a completely fresh start. It would also mean uprooting Sam, and that wouldn’t be good for him either.
She sighed. It wasn’t going to be easy, but she had to forget about Jack and get on with her life as she had been doing before he’d arrived. The problem was that now she’d had a taste of how wonderful life could be, it would be hard to settle for second best.
Jack knew that he’d made a complete and utter hash of things with Alison. He also knew there was nothing he could do at the moment to put things right. The thought weighed heavily on him, so that he found it hard to concentrate as Alex explained about the new clinic.
She had accepted an offer to be the clinic’s director, and Jack knew that she was hoping to persuade him to be her second-in-command, which was why she had invited him to meet her at Rock that day. A site had been chosen and the plans were being drawn up, so it looked as though everything was going ahead. While he was flattered by her faith in his abilities, he couldn’t make a decision while his life was in such a mess.
He made all the right noises, but he knew that Alex sensed he had reservations. She cut short their meeting, declining his offer of a cup of coffee with a quick shake of her head.
‘Thanks, but I’ll get off home. If there’s anything I haven’t covered, you know where I am.’ She smiled at him. ‘I won’t take offence if you turn me down, Jack. You have to know that it’s the right decision for you. I couldn’t have imagined doing this type of work a few years ago either, but I’ve had enough of the NHS and all its problems. That’s why I’ve accepted this job.’
‘Thanks. I know it could be a great opportunity for me, but I’m just not sure if the time is right for me to make such a move.’ He glanced at Freddie. ‘I need to consider the impact it will have on Freddie’s life, not just on my own.’
‘If it’s that which is bothering you then private medicine would suit you perfectly. No more callouts at the weekend or during the night, regular hours and a top salary.’ She shrugged as she unlocked her car. ‘However, I get the feeling it’s more complicated than that, so take your time. The offer’s there if you want it.’
Jack sighed as he watched her drive away. It would make
a lot of sense to take the job at the clinic, yet his gut feeling was to refuse it. He enjoyed what he did, and loved the fact that he could make such a difference to so many people’s lives. He couldn’t imagine giving it all up, even for the benefits of working in the private sector.
It was yet another uncertainty, and he could have done without it right now. He took Freddie home and settled down in the sitting room while they watched a cartoon together. For the first time ever Freddie climbed onto his knee, and Jack’s heart over flowed with happiness. He desperately wanted to share the moment with Alison, but he couldn’t phone her after what had happened that day. He had to let her get on with her life while he got on with his, and the thought took some of the shine away. He simply couldn’t imagine living out the rest of his days without her.
As the end of the month drew near, Jack couldn’t believe how much had happened in the weeks since he’d been back in Penhally Bay. Despite his heartache over Alison, he knew he’d made the right decision when he had moved back to Cornwall. Freddie was slowly adjusting to his new life. Although he still hadn’t spoken, he seemed more content. He had fewer nightmares too, and even smiled at times. He seemed to enjoy nursery and he loved Lucy. He was also devoted to his grandfather, and Jack had to admit that he was surprised at how good Nick was with him. Nick genuinely seemed to care about Freddie, and that helped to smooth some of the rough edges off their own relationship.
When Nick phoned one night and asked if he could pop round, Jack didn’t hesitate. He was happy to agree to anything that would help to build those all-essential bridges between them.
He had a pot of coffee ready when Nick arrived. He
showed him into the sitting room then poured them both a cup. Nick smiled when Jack handed him his cup.
‘I see you’ve remembered that I prefer it black.’
‘With two sugars,’ Jack said easily, sitting down on a chair.
‘Spot on.’ Nick sat on the sofa. He took a sip of the coffee and nodded. ‘It’s very good, too. I am impressed.’
‘I’m becoming quite domesticated,’ Jack said, grinning.
Nick laughed. ‘Your mother would have been de lighted to hear that. She used to worry herself to death when you were at university in case you weren’t eating properly.’
‘I probably wasn’t, but I survived.’
‘Indeed you did.’ Nick paused for a moment, then carried on. ‘I’m really impressed with how well you’re coping with Freddie, too. It can’t have been easy for you, giving up your life in London, but you’re doing a first-rate job with him.’