By the time the coffee had been drunk, Alison was a bundle of nerves. Being with Jack was a strain, and there was no point pretending it wasn’t. She was so aware of him that every cell in her body seemed to be humming with tension. When he stood up, she breathed a sigh of relief. He would probably thank her for the coffee and leave, no more keen to prolong this meeting than she was.
‘Thanks for the coffee.’
‘It was my pleasure,’ she said politely, packing the flask into the picnic bag.
‘Was it?’ His voice was very deep all of a sudden, and her hands stilled. ‘Was it really a pleasure, Alison, or are you just being polite?’
‘Of course not!’ She gave a tinkly little laugh that sounded false even to her ears, and Jack shook his head. Crouching down in front of her, he looked into her eyes.
‘I made a complete hash of things the other day, didn’t I? I upset you and, worse still, I made you feel uncomfortable around me. It was the last thing I intended to do, Alison, believe me.’
‘It was my fault,’ she said softly, glancing down.
‘No, it wasn’t.’ He tipped up her chin so that she was forced to look at him. ‘You told me the truth, and if anyone is at fault then it’s me, not you. OK?’
She gave him a tentative smile. ‘If you say so.’
‘I do.’ He straightened up. ‘So, now that we’ve cleared up that misunderstanding, how about we spend the day together? It seems silly for us to go our separate ways when the boys are having such fun.’
Alison felt torn as she glanced at Sam and Freddie, who were happily playing with some of the pebbles that had been washed ashore. Although she was wary of agreeing to Jack’s suggestion, she didn’t want him to think that she was afraid to spend time with him. That would send out the completely wrong signals.
‘Stop it.’
The quiet command made her jump, and she raised startled eyes to his face. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Stop worrying about what I might and might not think. I swear I don’t believe that you’ve set your sights on me, Alison. Cross my heart and hope to die.’ He grimaced. ‘After all, I’m the one who made a pass at you. It’s a wonder you didn’t run for the hills as soon as I showed up today!’
Alison gave a small chuckle. ‘There aren’t that many hills around here,’ she pointed out, her tongue firmly lodged in her cheek.
Jack rolled his eyes. ‘I suppose I asked for that, but give a guy a break.’ He held out his hands, palms up. ‘Can I help it if I find you attractive?’
‘Me?’ She stared at him in astonishment. ‘You find
me
attractive?’
‘Of course.’ He frowned. ‘I’d have thought that was obvious from what happened.’
‘But you said that you were tired and weren’t thinking clearly…’ She stopped, wondering if it had been wise to quote him.
Jack’s expression darkened as he crouched down in front of her.
‘And you took it to mean that it wasn’t really you I was interested in,’ he said silkily. ‘That I’d have made a pass at any woman at that precise moment, in fact?’
She nodded mutely, afraid that anything she said would be too revealing. It had hurt to know that all she’d been to him was an available female body.
He sighed heavily. ‘When I mess up, I do it big time, don’t I?’ He didn’t give her time to answer before he carried on, and Alison’s breath caught when she heard the emotion in his voice. ‘Well, whatever impression I gave you the other day, Alison, it wasn’t true. It was you I wanted to kiss. You and nobody else. Got it?’ His voice dropped, sounding so husky and deep that she shivered. ‘And it’s you I want to kiss right now, too.’
He leant forward, and before she knew what was happening his mouth found hers. His lips were cool from the breeze and tasted faintly of salt. They were so delicious that she moaned a little with pleasure. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to be swept away by the magic of the kiss. She could no longer hear the flapping of the sails, the clink of the yachts’ rigging, the shouts of the people. All she could hear was her own heart beating as Jack plundered
her mouth, but that was enough. For the first time in ages she felt wonderfully, gloriously alive. She wasn’t a nobody any more, she was someone special—the woman Jack wanted to kiss!
J
ACK
could feel his heart racing as he gulped in a tiny breath of air. It felt as though he’d just had an out-of-body experience, and he couldn’t believe that a kiss could have had this effect on him. He had kissed a lot of women in his time, and enjoyed kissing them too, but kissing Alison had been a revelation. Quite frankly, that kiss had been better than full-blown sex!
He groaned as he went back for a second. He knew how dangerous it was to repeat the process, but he couldn’t help himself. One kiss wasn’t enough. He needed another, and knew he would need another after that. In fact, it would be easier if he started claiming these kisses in dozens. One dozen now, two dozen later, and so on and so forth. Even then he might never have his fill.
His lips closed over Alison’s again and he sighed. Her lips were so soft and so smooth that it was sheer heaven to kiss her. She wasn’t wearing any lipstick again that day, and he realised with a shiver of delight just how delicious the natural sweetness of a woman’s mouth could be. His tongue flicked out as he tasted the delicate curve of her Cupid’s bow, the fullness of her lower lip. When her mouth opened and gave him access to its inner sweetness, he groaned. Maybe he should start claiming these kisses in hundreds rather than mere dozens!
‘Mummy, why are you kissing Jack?’
The shrill little voice burst the bubble of euphoria that had enclosed him. Jack drew back abruptly, his face flooding with heat when he found both Sam and Freddie watching them with undisguised interest. He had no idea how long the children had been standing there, but it was too long in his view. They were far too young to witness something like this.
‘I…um…Jack and I are friends, darling. And some times friends like to kiss each other.’
Alison sounded breathless, but Jack didn’t dare look at her to check. He needed to be sure that he had his emotions firmly under control before he took such a risk.
‘Oh.’ Sam looked at Freddie, then suddenly looped his arm around the other child’s neck and planted a noisy kiss on his cheek. ‘Freddie and I are friends, so that means I can kiss him, too, doesn’t it?’
‘I…er…well, yes, I suppose it does,’ Alison said weakly.
Jack couldn’t stop himself chuck ling as the two boys happily went back to their game. ‘Life is all black and white at their age, isn’t it? There’s no grey bits.’
‘No.’ She turned to him, her pretty face awash with colour. ‘I think I’ve just made the situation even more confusing for them, though. Sorry. I didn’t mean to mislead Freddie that way.’
‘There’s nothing to apologise for.’ He took her hand and raised it to his lips, feeling her shudder in response as he pressed his mouth to the centre of her palm. It was an effort to stop there and not let his lips trail up the length of her arm. ‘It was a great explanation. I certainly couldn’t have come up with anything as good if I’d been put on the spot like that.’
‘It wasn’t true, though, was it?’ she said, and he could tell that she felt guilty about misleading the children.
‘It wasn’t a lie either,’ he said firmly, squeezing her hand. ‘We are friends, aren’t we, Alison?’
‘Yes, of course we are.’
She gave him a tight smile as she freed her hand, and Jack could have kicked himself. He’d made it sound as though being her friend was all he was interested in, and it wasn’t true. He wanted to be more than just a friend to her, a lot more. A
whole
lot more.
The strength of his feelings stunned him. He knew that he shouldn’t be contemplating starting a relationship at the moment. Helping Freddie recover from the trauma he’d suffered was a full-time job, and he didn’t have the time right now to spare for anyone else. It wouldn’t be fair to expect Alison to hang around until he was able to devote some time to her, although there was no point pretending that he would find it easy to let her go either. In the short time that he’d known her she had come to mean a lot to him, and the thought of not being able to be with her was something he didn’t want to contemplate.
He sighed. It might turn out that it would have to be friendship or nothing, and he knew what he would choose if it came down to it. But how would Alison feel about such an arrangement after those kisses they’d shared? Would she be happy to be his friend now that he had over stepped the boundaries of friendship? The thought that he might lose her because of his own stupidity was very hard to bear.
Alison picked up the empty squash cartons and sandwich wrappings and took them over to the bin. Jack and Freddie had shared their picnic, and now Jack was helping the boys to build a fort. At least it had helped to take the edge off the tension, although she still hadn’t fully regained her compo sure.
She sighed as she stared across the harbour. She should
never have let Jack kiss her. All it had done had been to confuse the issue even more. There was no point pretending that she hadn’t enjoyed the experience, though, when it had been a revelation to her.
She’d had little experience when she’d married Gareth, and she had blamed herself when their sexlife had turned out to be less than satisfactory. It had never occurred to her that it might have been her ex-husband’s fault, but after what had happened just now she might have to reconsider. She had felt more during those few minutes while Jack had been kissing her than she’d felt the entire time she’d been married, and the thought shocked her. Surely she couldn’t be falling in love with Jack?
The idea filled her with panic as she made her way back. She knew that she needed to get away from Jack and stay away from him, too. It was the only way that she would put an end to all these stupid ideas she kept having.
Jack glanced up when he heard her footsteps, and her heart sank when she saw the wariness in his eyes. Was he having second thoughts, too, wondering how he could ease himself out of a situation that wasn’t to his liking? Maybe he had enjoyed kissing her, but the last thing Jack wanted was commitment. The thought spurred her on.
‘I’m afraid I’m going to have to break up the party.’ She smiled at the boys, avoiding looking in Jack’s direction in case she weakened. She knew what she had to do and she mustn’t allow herself to be side tracked. Anyway, if Jack wanted a proper relationship with a woman, he would chose someone glamorous like Freddie’s mother, not a dull little country mouse like her.
‘It’s time we went home, so say goodbye to Freddie, Sam. There’s a good boy.’
Sam reluctantly obeyed, dragging his heels as he made his way over to her. It was obvious that he didn’t want the day
to end so soon, and she couldn’t help feeling guilty about spoiling his fun. Just because she had problems keeping control of her emotions, it shouldn’t mean that her son had to suffer.
‘It’s time we were going as well.’ Jack stood up and rubbed his hands down his jeans to wipe away the sand. ‘If I don’t make a start on that decorating it will never get done. Come along, tiger, I’ll give you a piggy-back.’
He lifted Freddie onto the wall, then bent down so the little boy could scramble onto his back. Once Freddie was safely settled, he turned to Alison. ‘It’s been really great today. Thanks for sharing your lunch with us. Next time I’ll bring the picnic. OK?’
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him there wouldn’t be a next time, but she managed to hold back. Jack was only being polite; he wasn’t seriously planning they should meet up again. If the truth be told, he was probably as keen as she was to avoid any complications.
They left the harbour and walked back through the town together. Jack stopped when they reached her car, his eyes very blue as he stared down at her. ‘I enjoyed today, Alison. I hope you did too, and that what happened hasn’t upset you.’
She gave a little shrug, and his jaw tightened. ‘If I’ve made you feel at all uncomfortable, I can only apologise. Again!’
‘You haven’t…well, not really,’ she amended honestly. She took a quick breath, then rushed on before her courage deserted her. ‘I think it might be best if we steered clear of one another, though, don’t you, Jack? Neither of us is in the market for a relationship, and I don’t do affairs. I don’t think I’m genetically programmed for them,’ she added, to lighten the mood.
‘I understand, and I think you’re right, too. At the moment
I need to concentrate on Freddie. I simply don’t have the time to spare for anything else.’ He bent and kissed her softly on the cheek. ‘I suggest we stick to being friends, if that’s all right with you.’
‘That’s fine,’ she said quickly, very much afraid that she was going to cry.
She unlocked her car and helped Sam climb into his seat. Jack gave her a crooked grin as he opened the driver’s door for her to get in.
‘Drive carefully. There’s quite a bit of traffic on the road today, and a lot of these drivers aren’t used to our narrow country lanes.’
‘I’ll take my time going back,’ she assured him, starting the engine.
He slammed the door, then waved her out of the parking space after he’d checked for any oncoming traffic. Alison glanced in the rear-view mirror as she drove away and felt a lump come to her throat when she saw him walk over to his car. Even though he had Freddie with him, he looked so alone that it touched her heart.
In any other circumstance, she would have gone back and told him that she’d changed her mind about them avoiding each other. Jack needed all the help he could get, and she would have been more than happy to try and lighten his load. However, it was too risky to involve herself in his affairs. If she allowed Jack to become a part of her life, she would find it impossible to let him go. She couldn’t bear to think that at some point her heart might get broken again.
The next week passed in a trice. Jack was so busy both in and out of work that he never seemed to have a minute to himself. He didn’t complain, though, because it meant he had less time to brood about what had gone on between him and Alison.
Although he respected the decision she’d made, he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t miss her, especially when he dropped Freddie off at nursery each morning and she wasn’t there. She’d obviously changed her routine to avoid bumping into him, and he missed their brief exchanges more than he would have believed. Several times he thought about phoning her to check that she was all right, but each time he stopped himself. As she had explained, she didn’t do affairs, and he wasn’t in a position to offer her anything else. It was easier for both of them if they kept their distance.
Thankfully, his working life was turning out to be a lot less stressful. Hazel had been sent home the day after her accident, but only after she had promised to rest her leg. Becca’s skin graft had taken beautifully, and Jack was more than satisfied with the results. So long as there were no hitches, she would be discharged at the end of the week.
Ryan Lovelace’s arm had been far more complicated, however. The muscle damage had been more extensive than Jack had hoped. Extra tissue had needed to be removed, and that had made the reconstruction process even more difficult. Ryan had been quite stoical when Jack had explained that he might never regain full movement in his arm. The boy had also accepted without a murmur that he would need intensive physiotherapy for some time to come.
Jack was so impressed by his attitude that he was more determined than ever to do everything he could for him. He contacted a former colleague in London who had a particular interest in that type of injury and arranged for Ryan to see him the following week. If there was someone better versed in this area he was willing to admit it, if it meant the boy had the best chance possible of making a good recovery. And if he worked hard, and learned all he could, one day other surgeons would refer patients to
him.
He went into work on Friday morning and made straight
for the staff room. Freddie had had a particularly bad night and it had taken ages to settle him down. Jack felt decidedly jaded, and a shot of coffee would be a welcome pick-me-up. He filled a mug, shuddering as the caffeine hit his system. Lilian, their SHO, happened to be passing, and she grinned when she heard him groan.
‘It sounds as though you needed that!’
‘I did. In fact, I could do with it served intravenously—it would hit the spot even quicker that way,’ Jack replied, gulping down a second mouthful.
‘Heavy night, was it?’ Parkash said with a wink as he reached for the pot.
‘Yes, but not in the way you imagine.’ Jack leant against the edge of the table so he would be on hand to top up his cup. ‘It wasn’t wine, women and song that kept me up into the wee small hours, but one very unhappy little boy. Freddie had a really bad night and kept waking up all the time.’
Lilian grimaced. ‘I don’t know how people cope when they have kids. This job is stressful enough without having to factor in a family and all the problems that entails. I certainly couldn’t do it.’
Jack shrugged. ‘I felt much the same way. Kids definitely weren’t on my agenda, so it was a bit of a shock when I found out I was a dad.’
‘It must have been awful for you,’ Lilian sympathised. ‘Didn’t you ever think of refusing to take on the responsibility for Freddie?’
‘No way. The poor kid had been through enough without having his father abandon him as well. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d done that,’ Jack said truthfully.
‘Then you must be a better person than me,’ Lilian said wryly.
She let the subject drop, but the conversation stayed with Jack through out the morning. It had never occurred to him
not to take charge of Freddie. From the moment he had learned that he had a son, he’d known that he’d wanted to do everything possible to protect him.
Had Nick felt that way when he’d become a dad? he wondered suddenly. And was that why he had always seemed so demanding?
It was the first time that Jack had considered the idea, yet it seemed to fit. Nick wanted the best for his children and that was why he had been so hard on him, Lucy and Ed while they’d been growing up. It had been less a desire to rule their lives, as Jack had assumed, than a deep-seated desire to protect them from harm.