The Suit (25 page)

When I awake the next morning, I don’t want to open my eyes. Suit will leave today. I also don’t want to face him after my emotional breakdown last night. I can’t believe I cried. I knew this day was coming and I had plenty of time to prepare myself for his departure from my life. But last night I realized, it would be the last time he made love to me. The last time he slept in my bed with me and I couldn’t help it. My emotions got the better of me.

I reach out a hand to feel for him, but I find nothing. My eyes pop open and I realize I’m alone in the bed. My heart thunders.
Calm down, Edie.
He wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye. I climb out of bed, scurry across the hall to my bedroom and grab my bathrobe from the hook behind my bedroom door. After I tie it on, I head to the kitchen and find it empty. Then I calmly walk to his bedroom, not wanting to appear panicked in case he’s in there. But the room is empty, bare of any sign he was ever here. With the exception of a folded piece of yellow tablet paper on the bed, the room is cryptically abandoned.

I don’t bother picking the letter up, I just numbly walk back to my bedroom to dress for the day of work ahead of me. When I get out to the stables, Joey has most of the work done, but I grab a shovel and start cleaning stalls.

“You okay Edie?” Joey asks hesitantly. Everyone knew Suit was leaving today so I’m sure they’re expecting some kind of meltdown from me.

“Never better.” I shrug, avoiding eye contact with him.

Joey doesn’t push, he just goes back to his work. When the morning work is done, I head back to the house, deciding I need to take a shower. Trish and Joey said they’d finish up the day’s work and while I feel like a big piece of shit for letting them, I realize I’m not in the frame of mind to be around people right now.

I’m so stupid for letting myself get involved with him. I knew I would get my heart broken, but instead I listened to Nikki. “
Enjoy the summer
,” she said. “
Live a little
.” I know it’s not her fault and I’m lashing out, but it’s easier not to blame myself. When I get in to my old bedroom, I peel off my boots and clothes and tear open my bottom drawer to grab a night shirt. I have no plans but to sit on my sofa and eat a bag of Funyuns and a pint of ice cream while I watch
Pride and Prejudice
, a thousand times. As I’m angrily digging through my drawer, I find the T-shirt Suit put me in the night he brought me home drunk from the bar. I fall to my knees as I hold the weathered material in my hands and begin to sob.

After thirty minutes of crying on my be
droom floor, I finally manage to get up and shower. And as if I hadn’t already fallen into the deepest realm of pathetic, I put Suit’s T-shirt on and curl up on the sofa. I pass out somewhere in the middle of the second run of
Pride and Prejudice.

Over t
wo weeks pass and I manage my way through each damn day, making sure to not slack off on my work. Joey and Trish shouldn’t have to carry my load just because my heart is broken. I’ve taken over exercising the horses. Riding has always had a way of clearing my mind. We hired a new trainer, a tiny man named Jeremiah who is amazing and things, as far as the farm goes, are great. Parker’s uncle, Winston, had his yearlings delivered a week ago and ended up bringing me one filly named Roosevelt, ready to be trained. Joey, knowing me so well that he sees I’m trying to drown myself in work to hide from my heartbreak, drags me to Virginia for a weekend to Colonial Downs while he participates in the rodeo. I try to get out of it, but he insists, so I go because he’s one of my best friends and I should be there for him. His girlfriend, Charlotte, comes with us and I think he’s found the perfect girl. She does barrel racing and their passion for horses and the rodeo seems to be a strong bond between them.

Once I’m back at home, I only venture into to town once; Carl Wayward had phoned saying he had some papers I need to sign before he could forward them to Suit. I take a small package with me that I had put together to give to Suit the morning he was to leave, but I never got the chance since he snuck out on me. Carl agreed to send it for me.

Each night as I dress for bed, I put the same faded T-shirt on and curl up on my couch while watching some stupid romantic movie. Apparently I’m a masochist, because each movie makes me cry and in no way makes me feel any better.

“Edie,” Nikki’s gentle voice wakes me. I don’t even open my eyes. I must’ve fallen asleep halfway through
P.S.-I Love You.
Instead of answering her, I pull the aged quilt my grandmother made before I was even born over my head and groan.

“You’re taking it as well as I thought you would,” Nikki chuckles. “How many gallons of ice cream have you eaten?”

“Four,” I admit with a grumble. “And a bag of marshmallows and pounds of beef jerky.”

“Healthy,” she says, dryly. Nikki has called me every day and for the most part I’ve ignored her, but I guess that’s not going to work anymore.

“Nikki, I love you, but I’m really not in the mood for company.”

The blanket is ripped off of me and Nikki stares down at me, shaking her head. “Well, we’re going out tonight. I’ve stayed away, trying to give you some time, but
time’s up. Joey says you’ve been acting like a zombie.”

“Well, Joey should mind his own business,” I snap as I stand up and stomp towards my bedroom. I’ve been sleeping in my old room, not the master bedroom. I haven’t even gone in there to make the bed. The memory of my last night with Suit still lingers and I’m not ready to face it.

“He’s just trying to help, Edie.” She pauses before asking, “Have you heard from him?” I know she means Suit and I freeze. My eyes tear up, but I refuse to cry.

“He left before I woke up. He screwed me and then as soon as I dozed off, he left without a word.” I heave a heavy sigh.

Nikki lets out a long breath as her eyes close in disappointment. “Wow. Not even a letter? I wouldn’t have thought he’d be so ruthless.”

“Well, he left a letter…on his bed. But I haven’t read it.”

“Why not?”

“Because it will just say goodbye and he’ll apologize for being such a coward.”

“You should read it, Edie. Maybe there’s more.”

“No. I’m done. I can’t stand the thought of reading his excuse for running out on me in the middle of the night.”

“Okay. I get it, hon.” She steps toward me, hesitantly, as if I might lash out at her with fangs and tear her head off. “I know you’re hurting, but you knew this day was coming and you’ve had quite a few days to mope. Now it’s time to push on.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” I whirl around and yell. “Don’t you think I know how pathetic I’m being?”

“You’re not being pathetic. You’re in love with him and he left. It hurts like hell, but you can’t hide on this farm forever.” I stare at her as she pushes past me and opens my closet door. “It’s Dierk’s birthday and we’re going out. You should probably take a shower.”

With an exaggerated sigh, I say, “I don’t want to go out.”

“Too bad. Go bathe.”

“Nikki…” I want to argue more with her, but I know better. Nikki will get her way, one way or another. So, I spin around and go shower. When I’m done, Nikki does my hair and makeup and picks out a little black dress for me to wear, even though the only place we’re going is to Earl’s and no one goes all out on attire for that place. As we leave my house, Nikki assures me we’re going to have so much fun tonight, but I can’t help but wonder where Suit is and what he’s doing.

“Dude. What’s up with you? You’ve been acting weird,” Parker asks before he sips his Starbucks coffee.

“I have?” I question, even though I know what he’s talking about. It’s been over two weeks and I haven’t heard from Edie. I thought for sure she would’ve called by now, but maybe she doesn’t miss me as much as I thought.

“Okay. We’re going to pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. That’s cool,” Parker snorts.

I shake my head as he focuses on his laptop. After we packed up our apartment in Raleigh, we put our belongings in storage and came straight to New York to search for apartments. Parker’s uncle is letting us stay at his place until we find something, but everything that’s available is either too small or too expensive. “Your friend Nikki friend requested me on Facebook.”

“She did?”

“Well, technically I friend requested her. Like five times and she just accepted it today,” he admits.

I snort
. “She’s not just my friend. I think since you banged her, you can safely call her your friend, too, Parker,” I add.

“True. That girl is a stone cold fox, dude. I wish we lived closer because I’d be on that like white on rice.”

“Riggghhhhtttt...” I laugh.

“Looks like she and Edie
had a ladies night out last night.” He turns the laptop toward me so I can see the album of photos Nikki posted. The album is titled:
On The Mend
. What the hell is that?

In the first few photos, Edie poses with Nikki, half-smiling. In quite a few of them they’re both holding shot glasses and by the fifth one I can see by the shiny glaze in Edie’s eyes that she’s buzzed. Her hair is down, long and sleek, and her makeup is done dramatically, enhancing her stellar eyes. The next picture is of the girls dancing and I almost lose my shit. Edie’s wearing a tight-fitted black dress that’s low cut and short, showcasing her amazing legs. I click to the next photo and I have to leave the table before I snap Parker’s laptop in two. In the photo, Edie is kissing Dierk on the lips.

“What?” Parker asks, spinning the laptop to face him again. Then he rounds his mouth in a silent ‘O’ when he sees the photo. I’m pacing by the table, unsure of how to respond. I guess it’s not my place to respond, after all, she’s not mine, but damn if my insides don’t feel like they’re on fire.

“I think you’re being baited, man.” Parker chuckles when he takes in my demeanor.

“What?”

“Nikki
accepts my friend request on the day that she happens to post pictures of her and Edie all dolled up for a night on the town and adds this picture of Edie kissing a dude? I think she knew I’d show it to you.”

“But why? To torture me?” I don’t mean to sound as pissed as I do.

Parker stares at me for a moment. “Are you, like, in love with her?” he asks, as if the thought just occurred to him. “I thought you said it was just a casual thing.”

I groan and plop back down in my seat, running a wide palm over my face. “It was. Or it was supposed to be, but…”

“Don’t be embarrassed, man. She’s a great girl and she’s fucking hot.”

“I’m not embarrassed. I’m just confused. She never called.”

“Did you guys discuss communicating after you left? Maybe she thinks you wanted all ties severed.”

“But I left her a letter.”

“Saying what, exactly?”

When I left Edie in the bed that night, her words of
I love you
coursed nonstop through my head. I knew being with her was all I wanted. But I wanted her to be sure. And because I was too scared to say it to her face, scared she might reject me, again, I left the letter. “I wrote a letter and left it on my bed in the guest room telling her to take a day or more to think about if she’s willing to give us a real shot. I told her to call me if she did.”

“And she didn’t call?”

“Nope.”

“Maybe this is all Nikki. Maybe she’s using me to get to you to try and tell you something.”

“Like what? Edie’s moved on?”

“Or maybe Nikki’s trying to make you jealous enough to come back.”

“Damn, women are fucking confusing!” I say a little too loudly, earning me a few dirty looks from some ladies at a table nearby.

“Another species, man,” Parker agrees.

“I gotta go, man,” I grumble as I toss my coffee cup in a trash can.

“See ya,” Parker replies as he shrugs and continues ogling over Nikki’s photos on Facebook.

I leave Parker at Starbucks and head back to his uncle’s apartment. There’s a package waiting at the front desk for me from Carl Wayward. Once I’m in the apartment, I open the box and find a smaller box inside and the final paperwork stating I’ve settled my debt with Bud. The small box is taped tightly and I have to pull a knife from the kitchen drawer to cut it open. There’s a letter on top, which I open immediately.

This is from Edie. Ross and Jessica were who we played the night we first kissed. The night we agreed to our no strings attached arrangement.

If that didn’t go straight to hell in a handbasket.

I check inside the box again and find my tie, the red one she took from me that night and wore to the bar. I never even realized she kept it. She’s giving me a memento
; something to remember her by.

I know I sound like a huge pussy, but I fucking miss her. I feel like I’m going crazy without her. In this moment, I would give it all up; the job, New York; everything—to be with her. I shuffle through the papers, eyeing them briefly when an envelope falls to the floor. It’s sealed with no name, and I tear it open.

Johnny,

I hope your summer at my farm wasn’t too terrible. I hope Edie was accommodating and welcomed you wholeheartedly.

I close my eyes. It’s a letter from Bud. And she was definitely accommodating. “I fell in love with her, you bastard!” I shout at the ceiling. I remind myself he’s dead and in no way had anything to do with me falling for his granddaughter. He didn’t even want me to look at her. “Sorry, Bud,” I offer quietly.

Life is never easy. I know you loved your family’s farm. And I know when you lost your parents and discovered that things weren’t as picture-perfect as your childhood memories, it left a bad taste in your mouth. I can understand why you wanted to pursue another life. But I know I see in you what I see in my Edie Bug. You were born for the horses and racing. It’s in your blood. And just because your father failed, doesn’t mean you would or will.

I’m no matchmaker, and Edie would probably dig my grave up and beat me, but I had hoped you two would find solace in each other. It’s rare to find someone who loves what you love most. If it didn’t work out, maybe you two can be good friends.

Either way Johnny, I hope you find happiness in your life, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, your grandfather would be proud of you.

Take Care,

Bud

I set the letter down and stare at it confused. The old man was trying to set me up with Edie? But he told me to stay away from her. I stare up at the ceiling and say, “Were you playing reverse psychology, Bud? Telling me I couldn’t have her because that would make me want her more?”

I can’t do this anymore. I have to speak with Edie. I open my laptop and book the first flight I can to North Carolina. I can be at Edie’s house by seven tonight. If she shuts me down, it’ll hurt like hell, but at least I’ll know it’s over and I can quit agonizing over
what-ifs.

I’m really hoping she doesn’t shut me down.

Practicing my hand at optimism, I open my laptop back up and click on Microsoft Word.