Read The Sexy Vegan Cookbook Online
Authors: Brian L. Patton
The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (27 page)
When it’s cool, drain liquid from the vegetables, but
do not throw away the liquid!!!
That vinegar is now infused with all those great flavors, and it will last for months in a sealed container in the fridge. It will be used elsewhere in this book under the name
crazy shit vinegar
(I’m so creative).
In a blender or food processor, pulse about half of the veggies until they are chopped into a relish-like form. Transfer them
to a bowl, and repeat with the rest of the veggies. We don’t want them pureed, just chopped really finely. That’s why we do it in two batches. And they don’t need no salt, pepper, oil — nothing!!
Make extra Crazy Shit and instead of processing it, keep the veggies whole as a great accoutrement to tacos or a garnish for the Dirty Dudetini (see recipe,
page 14
).
Use this for all your barbecue needs. It’s sweet
and
smoky…like when a piece of candy has sex with some smoke, and they have a kid. You’ll see what I mean when you make it.
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 cup diced yellow onion
Salt
3 cloves garlic, chopped
¼ cup fresh orange juice
cup Crazy Shit Vinegar (see recipe,
page 194
) or apple cider vinegar
2 cups ketchup
¼ cup water
1 tablespoon molasses
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
1 drop liquid smoke (see WTF,
page 32
)
Pepper
In a saucepan, heat the oil over medium heat, and add the onion with a pinch of salt. Cook for 4 to 5 minutes, until the onion is soft. Add the garlic, and cook for 3 to 4 more minutes. Add the orange juice and vinegar, and cook for 3 to 4 more minutes, until reduced by half. Then whisk in the ketchup, water, molasses, mustard, and liquid smoke, and gently simmer for about 15 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
½ cup vegan mayo (see WTF,
page 42
)
¼ cup Crazy Shit (see recipe,
page 194
)
¼ cup ketchup
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
Put it all in a bowl and whisk it together. Boom!
Keep it as is for slathering on sandwiches and burgers, or thin it out with a little water for a creamy salad dressing.
½ cup tahini
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
½ cup water
½ clove garlic
2 teaspoons chopped fresh Italian parsley
2 teaspoons chopped fresh mint
1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
Pinch of smoked paprika
Salt and pepper
In a food processor or blender, combine the tahini, lemon juice, water, garlic, parsley, mint, oil, and paprika, and puree until smooth. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
I have an aunt who, for the life of her, cannot say the word
balsamic.
It always comes out as
boz-monic.
She also says
tur-let
instead of
toilet.
And since I have made fun of her for it for years, I now catch myself saying it. So please enjoy this boz-moni— (get out of my head, Aunt Donna!!) I mean
balsamic
— glaze drizzled on pizzas, salads, desserts, and fruit.
cup2 cups balsamic vinegar
¼ cup brown sugar
Salt and pepper
In a small pot, bring the vinegar and sugar to a boil. Reduce the heat to low, and stir until the sugar is completely dissolved. Simmer for 10 to 15 minutes, until it reduces by two-thirds and thickens. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
This is my go-to tomato sauce. Pasta, pizza, cereal — it goes on everything. I don’t kill flies or spiders, but I’ll murder the crap out of some tomatoes.
2 pounds Roma tomatoes
4 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper
6 cloves garlic, sliced
1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano
Pinch of chili flakes
1 tablespoon chopped oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes
2 tablespoons roughly chopped fresh basil leaves
Preheat the oven to 400°F. Toss the whole tomatoes with 2 teaspoons of the oil and a healthy pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper. In the roasting vessel of your choice, lay out the tomatoes so they’re not all up in each other’s shit (leaving a little space between them allows for more even browning), and roast them in the oven for about 1 hour, turning them over after 30 minutes. When they’re soft and browned, they’re done. Remove, and let cool.
In a saucepan, heat the remaining 2 teaspoons of oil over medium heat, and add the garlic, oregano, and chili flakes. Cook for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the garlic begins to brown around the edges. Add the sun-dried tomatoes, the roasted tomatoes, and a pinch of salt. With a wooden spoon, break apart the tomatoes so their juice comes out, and simmer for 5 minutes.
Carefully pour the contents of the pan into a food processor or blender, add the fresh basil, and puree. Return the pureed sauce to the pan, bring to a simmer, and cook for 5 more minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste, and it’s done!
VARIATION
Instead of using fresh tomatoes and roasting them yourself, you can be lazy and use one 28-ounce can of fire-roasted diced tomatoes.