Read The Sexy Vegan Cookbook Online
Authors: Brian L. Patton
The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (24 page)
Things are much cooler when you replace an s with a z. Just ask Jay-Z — his original last name was S. Just imagine if he’d kept it.
2 large russet potatoes
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper
8 strips Tempeh Bacon, chopped into bits (see recipe,
page 32
)
4 tablespoons Smoked Cheddar Sauce (see recipe,
page 215
)
4 tablespoons Sour Creaminess (see recipe,
page 205
) or other vegan sour cream
½ cup diced seeded tomato (see Tip, next page)
1 scallion, thinly sliced
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Pierce the potatoes a few times with a fork, coat with 1 teaspoon of the oil, and season with salt and pepper. Bake for 75 to 90 minutes. When you can easily insert a fork or toothpick all the way to the middle, they’re ready. Remove from the oven and let cool.
Turn off the oven and set your broiler on high. When the potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut them in half lengthwise, and scoop out the flesh, leaving a ¼-inch layer still attached to the skin. Save the flesh to make gnocchi or to stir into soup as a thickener. Rub the inside of the potatoes with the remaining 1 teaspoon of oil, salt, and pepper. Place the potatoes, flesh side up, under the broiler for 1 to 3 minutes, or until browned. Remove them from the broiler, and top each of the skinz with one-quarter of the bacon bits, and top that with 1 tablespoon of cheddar cheeze sauce. Place
the skinz back under the broiler for 1 to 2 minutes, or until the cheddar sauce begins to brown and bubble. Take them out of the oven and top each with 1 tablespoon of sour creaminess, 2 tablespoons of tomato, and a few scallions.
To seed a tomato, cut the tomato into quarters lengthwise, thus exposing the pockets of seeds. Run a paring knife along the inner flesh of the tomato, just under the seeds. Discard the seeds and gel-like substance around them.
Ahem…serve this dip with a healthy, elegant assortment of fresh vegetables…pffft, who are we kidding? Polish it off with a family-size bag of potato chips, crack some brew-dogs, and yell at the sports players through your TV. I’m so manly.
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 cups diced yellow onion
Salt
2 cloves garlic, sliced
½ teaspoon chopped fresh thyme
1½ teaspoons brown sugar
1 cup Sour Creaminess (see recipe,
page 205
) or other vegan sour cream
1 tablespoon vegan mayo (see WTF,
page 42
)
1 teaspoon chopped fresh Italian parsley
Pepper
In a frying pan, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and a pinch of salt, and give it a quick stir. Let the onion cook for 3 to 4 minutes on one side, then stir and let cook for 3 more minutes. Stir in the garlic and thyme, and cook for 2 more minutes. Lower the heat to medium-low, and stir in the brown sugar. Let this mixture slowly cook for 15 to 20 more minutes, stirring occasionally. When the onions are soft and caramelized, they’re ready. Let them cool.
In a food processor or blender, combine the onion mixture, sour creaminess, mayo, and parsley. Blend until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
If you leave the beets out of this one, you’ll have a basic hummus that can act as a blank flavor canvas. You also may need a little more water to get the desired consistency. Add olives, sundried tomatoes, roasted peppers (as shown in the corresponding video), or any number of spices, like cumin or smoked paprika. Serve the hummus with pita or fresh veggies, or on a sandwich, in a wrap, or in your cereal…just making sure you were still paying attention. Seriously, though, this stuff is good on just about anything.
2 baby golden beets (about 4 ounces), greens removed and bottoms trimmed
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper
One 15-ounce can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
4 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
¼ cup water
1 tablespoon tahini
1 clove garlic
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Toss the beets with olive oil and a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper. Individually wrap the beets in foil, leaving a little opening for steam to escape. Roast the beets for 1 hour, or until a fork easily pierces them. Remove the beets from the foil, and when they are cool enough to handle, scrape off their skins with a small spoon. Cut the beets into quarters.
In a food processor or blender, combine the beets, chickpeas, lemon juice, water, tahini, and garlic, and blend until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
The reason for using potato chips as the coating for these bad boys is threefold. Fold 1: chips are crunchy. Fold 2: they are already evenly coated in oil. And the third and final fold: they are perfectly seasoned. I recommend using the thickest chip possible, as it makes for a very hearty coating for that sauce to stick to. A vegan blue cheese dressing has eluded me thus far; however the dressing for the Grilled Cobb salad (see recipe,
page 84
) will work very well here. Okay, let’s get wangin’!
1 recipe Basic Seitan dough, uncooked (see recipe,
page 24
)
1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 cup ground crinkle-cut or “ruffled” potato chips (ground in a food processor or blender)
½ cup unbleached all-purpose flour
½ cup water
¼ cup vegan margarine
¼ cup your favorite hot sauce
1 teaspoon arrowroot dissolved in ½ teaspoon water (see WTF,
page 69
)
Salt and pepper
1 stalk celery, cut into six 3-inch spears, with one pointed end
1 carrot, cut into six 3-inch spears, with one pointed end
Divide the uncooked seitan dough into 12 pieces. Roll each piece into a football-like shape and wrap individually in foil, leaving a little room for the dough to expand but making the packet tight enough that the foil will not open as it expands. Using a steamer basket, steam for 45 minutes, then remove the dough from the foil and let cool.