Authors: Sinéad Moriarty
‘
J
ess
, I need you to be polite to me in front of your grand-parents. I don’t want them to see how rude you’re being or it will reflect badly on both of us.’
‘Yeah, well, if you weren’t so mean and let me do fun stuff, I’d be happy.’
Jess was still furious with me because I hadn’t allowed her to wear a tarty dress Pippa had bought her in London. She was being really difficult. We drove on in silence, Jess staring out of her window with her shoulders hunched. On days like this, being a mother was a big fat pain in the arse. Sometimes I had to sit on my hands to stop myself slapping her sulky face.
The annoying truth was that she hero-worshipped Pippa. Everything Pippa did, wore and said was amazing. I was just her old mum. She was completely smitten with Pippa and kept telling me how fabulous her figure was, her clothes, her hair and her job … I’d been biting my tongue almost in half, trying not to snap.
I was tempted to get out my old photos and say, ‘Look! I was young and beautiful, too.’ In fact, I’d looked great until Jack lost all our money. I’d aged ten years overnight when it happened. Between that, selling my designer clothes on eBay and not being able to afford Botox, I was nothing like I used to be. I was like an older, faded, jaded version of the girl who used to be Sophie Wells, the socialite.
To be honest, I missed my old life. I knew I was a better person now – stronger, more rounded, more empathetic – but I remembered those carefree days fondly. I could see now that my life had been shallow but I wasn’t aware of it then, so I was happy. Now it was all about bills, work, dealing with Jess’s moods, fighting with Jack about parenting and hearing how Pippa did everything better than me.
Truth be told, I was jealous of Jack. He seemed really happy with Pippa. I wanted that. I wanted to meet someone and be happy, too. I wanted someone to talk to at night. Someone to take me out to dinner. Someone to cuddle up to. Someone who actually gave a damn about me. Someone who thought I was amazing. I was lonely. I’d never been on my own. I’d had a steady stream of boyfriends all my life. I hated sitting in night after night when Jess was asleep or, worse, when she was with Jack and the apartment was empty.
I didn’t want to tell my sisters how lonely I was because they had their own lives to lead and their own issues to deal with. Besides, they’d been so good to me when everything had fallen apart that I had no intention of burdening them with something silly like loneliness. And I didn’t have any single friends I could call on either. Everyone I knew was married with young kids. When Jess was with Jack, the weekend stretched out endlessly and I’d no idea how to fill it. By four o’clock on Saturday afternoons, I was ready to give up. It was just so lonely.
I glanced over at Jess. Thanks to Pippa, I felt lonely even when my daughter was with me.
I
rang
the doorbell and Mum ushered us in. She kissed Jess, and led us into the kitchen where she had tea and Jess’s favourite brownies ready.
I sat back and watched as Jess chatted easily with her grandmother about school and her friends, then gushed about Pippa. Mum caught my eye as Jess was in mid-flow and winked. When she finally paused for breath, Mum suggested she went to watch TV for ten minutes while she talked to me. Jess obediently went into the lounge.
‘Well,’ Mum said, pouring me another cup of tea, ‘she certainly seems very enamoured of this Pippa.’
‘She thinks she’s a goddess,’ I said.
Mum patted my hand. ‘Don’t worry, pet. It’ll wear off.’
‘I’m not so sure.’ I suddenly felt weepy. There was something about being in my childhood kitchen with Mum pouring tea and fussing over me that made me want to wail. I brushed away a tear. ‘Sorry, it’s just that it’s harder than I’d thought it would be. I knew Jack would meet someone, but I didn’t think Jess would adore her so much.’
‘Is she a nice person?’ Mum asked.
‘I don’t know, but the things she says to Jess really bug me, and the way she pushed for Jess to be in her show in London a few weeks ago put me right off her. I’m Jess’s mother and she needs to remember that.’
‘Of course you are, and you always will be. And you’re dead right not to have your nine-year-old prancing about on the television.’
‘I know, but I’m always the bad cop. Jess never wants to be with me any more. She’s nine, Mum. Surely I’m not going to lose her already. She’s all I’ve got.’ Tears now began to flow.
Mum fished up her sleeve and pulled out a tissue.
‘Thanks,’ I said, mopping my face.
‘Now listen to me. You are not losing Jess. She’s just excited by this young, glamorous girl. The shine will soon wear off. You continue being the wonderful mother that you are to Jess and she’ll come out of this phase. That is all it is, a phase. Jess loves you. The two of you have been as thick as thieves since she was a baby.’
‘That’s just it. We used to be so close and now we’re not at all. I miss her.’
‘Welcome to motherhood. You and your sisters went through different phases. Mind you, you were the easiest and Louise was the most difficult. But you all had times when you were sulky. And, remember, Jess has had a lot to deal with and adjust to, what with the divorce and everything. It’s normal that she’s acting out a bit. Just stay firm and steady with her.’
I blew my nose and nibbled at a brownie. ‘Thanks, Mum. What do you think I should do about Pippa, though? Just ignore her?’
‘In so far as you can, yes. But if she starts filling Jess’s head with silly notions, you might have to step in. My advice is to keep communicating with Jack and make sure you’re on the same page. As long as you and Jack are in agreement about how to raise Jess, Pippa won’t matter.’
‘Generally we are, but I’m worried Pippa will influence him badly.’
Mum clicked her tongue. ‘Jack’s a grown man and he’s a great father. You just keep talking to him, and if you don’t agree with something Pippa does, don’t make a scene, just calmly tell Jack why it’s not OK. You have to play it cool. If Jack thinks you’re criticizing her, he’ll take her side.’
I was impressed with Mum’s wisdom. ‘You’re a wise woman.’
She grinned. ‘I’ve been around a long time.’
I hugged her. ‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘You’re welcome. Now go home and have a nice time with your daughter.’
A
s we were driving home
, I asked Jess if she wanted to go ice-skating on Saturday. I had taken her once before and she’d loved it.
‘Really? Cool.’ She smiled at me for the first time in days.
‘And let’s make popcorn and watch a movie tonight.’
‘Seriously? On a school night?’ She looked surprised.
‘Why not? It’s Thursday, so you’ve only one day left before the weekend. Once you’ve finished your homework we’ll make the popcorn.’
Jess grinned.
My heart sang. It would be lovely to sit on the couch with my little girl and be together.
Jess’s phone beeped. ‘Oh, my God!’ she squealed.
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Pippa has … Oh, my God, Mum … She’s got VIP tickets for the One Direction concert on Saturday. I’m going to the concert and then backstage to meet them after.’ She screamed and hugged her phone. ‘This is the coolest thing ever. Pippa rocks!’
‘But it’s my weekend with you,’ I reminded her.
She looked at me in disbelief. ‘Are you crazy? Who cares? Mum, this is the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t wait to tell all my friends – they’re going to be so jealous. Pippa is just so amazing.’
I wanted to cry. I wanted to take her phone and smash it into a thousand pieces. But instead I plastered a smile on my face and pretended I was happy for her. Because that’s what a good mum does … until her jaw breaks.
I
changed
for the sixth time. ‘How do I look?’ I asked Harry, who was shaving in the en-suite.
‘Julie, you looked good in all of the outfits you’ve shown me. What’s going on? Why are you so nervous about a cake sale? Come on, you’re only selling a few buns.’
I sat down on the edge of the Jacuzzi. ‘You don’t understand. It’s not easy for me. I don’t fit in.’
‘What are you talking about? You fit in everywhere – everyone loves you.’
I shook my head. ‘Not at Castle Academy. The women are very glamorous and confident. I find them intimidating. They all seem to know each other and that awful Victoria is the queen bee.’
Harry wiped the last bits of shaving foam from his chin. ‘Julie, you’re worth ten of any of those women. Just go in there and be yourself.’
‘It’s not that easy. I’m doing this stupid cake sale because I really want this school to work. I want the triplets to have a good education. They’ll never be speaking ten different languages, like Clara, but I want them to have the best shot in life.’
Harry grinned. ‘I reckon by the time poor Clara is nine she’ll be speaking ten languages, playing ten instruments and be the world chess champion.’
‘I feel sorry for her sometimes. She’s so quiet. I think Louise overdoes it.’ Much as I admired Louise’s determination to stimulate Clara, she was completely over the top.
‘Maybe you should say so to her.’
I stared at Harry. ‘Have you met my sister?’
He walked into the bedroom to get dressed. I followed him. ‘I know Louise mightn’t react well initially, but Clara is very introverted,’ he said. ‘I think as her sister you should say something to her.’
‘There is no way I’m going to tell Louise how to raise her child. She’d rip my head off. Besides, Louise always felt
she
was under-stimulated when she was young. She’s overcompensating with Clara.’
Harry sat on the bed and put on his socks. ‘Well, I’m glad you’re not like that. I want our boys to be well rounded.’
We could hear them thundering around downstairs. ‘Do you think they’ll ever calm down?’ I asked.
Harry buttoned his shirt. ‘Of course they will. In the blink of an eye they’ll be moody teenagers who never want to get out of bed.’
That sounded great to me. The boys, without fail, woke up at six. I hadn’t had a lie-in for nine years.
I handed Harry one of his new silk ties. As he knotted it, he said, ‘To be fair, they’ve been really well behaved since they moved to Castle Academy. I know you were against it because of the fees, but I think now you’ll admit I was right. The school really does suit them.’
I still hadn’t told Harry about the Sebastian ‘incident’ and the official warning. He was so happy, so sure that Castle Academy was the right school for the boys, that I didn’t want anything to ruin it.
He put on his suit jacket. ‘Maybe the other mothers aren’t so bad when you get to know them. Sophie used to be friendly with one of them, didn’t she?’
I flicked through the rails of clothes and fished around for something else to try on. ‘“Used to be” are the key words. Victoria dropped Sophie like a hot potato as soon as she lost her money.’
I pulled on a pair of cream Capri pants and a pink chiffon shirt with little cream daisies on it. I twirled. ‘Well?’
Harry kissed me. ‘You look gorgeous. Now go and knock ’em dead.’
‘Can you meet me for lunch later so I can tell you how it went?’
‘Sorry. I’ve got a day of meetings about a new computer program we’re working on that could really help to speed up internal communication.’
I stifled a yawn. After fifteen years of marriage I still had no idea what Harry did. I knew he was a computer programmer, but after that it got a bit hazy. I’d thought he might give up work when he inherited the money from his aunt but he said he wanted to keep working. I was glad because, with the golf club and all of the fund-manager chat, Harry needed something of his old life to keep his feet on the ground.
‘OK. I’ll tell you all about it tonight.’ I was disappointed he couldn’t meet me. I had already rung Sophie, Louise and Marian to see if any of them were free for lunch, but none of them was. Everyone was so busy all the time. Everyone except me.
‘I’m not around tonight. I’m meeting Donald McGreegan for dinner at the club.’
‘Again?’ I was exasperated: it was the eighth time Harry had met Donald or one of his other golf cronies for dinner that month. I didn’t like the sound of Donald McGreegan. From what Harry had told me about him, he sounded like a pompous old git, but Harry was mesmerized by him and his success in business. He hung on Donald’s every word. It was Donald who had persuaded Harry to send the boys to Castle Academy – he had been a pupil there.
Another night in by myself, then. I was fed up with Harry ditching me for his new friends. I seemed to have been on my own all the time recently.
Harry set off for work and I stomped down to the kitchen to get the boys ready for school. As I opened the door I heard, ‘Run for your life.’ The triplets tore out of the back door into the garden. I surveyed the scene. The two chocolate roulades I had spent ages making the night before were in tatters on the table. They both had big chunks cut out of them. Not content with eating lumps from one, they had attacked the other, too.
Tom was sitting in the middle of the chaos with a spoon in his hand and crumbs all over his face.
‘What the HELL is going on?’ I shouted.
Tom blinked. ‘Sorry, Mummy. The boys said we were allowed to eat cake for breakfast for a special treat.’
I charged outside. The triplets were hiding in their tree-house. ‘How could you do that?’ I roared. ‘I spent ages making those bloody cakes for your stupid school cake sale and now they’re ruined. Why do you always have to make a mess of everything?’ My voice shook. I had really wanted to make a good impression. I’d placed the roulades on my best plates, surrounded by fresh berries. I knew none of the other mothers was remotely interested in me, but I was pleased that at least my cakes would impress people.
But now everything was ruined and I didn’t have time to make anything else. The triplets climbed down and shuffled into the kitchen, where Tom was trying to stick bits of cake back together.
‘Look, Mummy, I fixed this one,’ he said, pointing to a mound of mushed cake.
‘Thanks, Tom, but it’s ruined.’
‘Sorry, Mum,’ Leo said.
‘We only meant to take a bit, but it was really delicious,’ Liam added.
‘Your best cake ever,’ Luke said, ‘like, by miles. We just couldn’t stop eating it.’
‘It was
soooooooooo
yum.’ Leo was trying to get round me.
‘I feel sick,’ Tom moaned, and threw up all over my trousers.
I
tried not
to cry as I changed into a pair of jeans and a plain blue jumper. What was the point in trying to impress the other mothers? I was just boring old Julie. Expensive clothes weren’t going to make me fit in. The triplets would always be in trouble and no one would ever want to invite them or me to their house. I might as well give up now.
I dropped Tom to school. After vomiting all the cake he had eaten, he felt much better. Then I headed for Castle Academy. I stopped at a garage on the way and bought a coffee cake.
‘Well, thanks to you three, all the other mums are going to think I made no effort at all,’ I huffed.
‘We said sorry,’ Leo reminded me.
‘I’ll tell them that we ate the cakes,’ Luke offered.
‘Why don’t you take that cake out and put it on a plate and pretend you made it?’ Liam pointed to the box.
‘Because it’s too late for that. I just wish that once in a while you could be good. Really good, like Jess and Clara and Tom.’
‘What? Tom just puked all over you, remember?’ Liam was incredulous.
‘Yeah, he spewed on you,’ Leo agreed, warming to the theme.
‘It was, like, alien vomit,’ Luke said.
‘It came flying out like –’
‘STOP!’ I shouted. ‘That’s enough.’
‘All Jess does is play on her phone and Clara just reads and talks about boring birds. What’s so great about that?’ Leo demanded.
‘And Tom’s Mr Perfect. You always say he’s great and we’re terrible,’ Luke said.
‘Yeah, Tom’s never in trouble. You never shout at him and get all red in the face with crazy eyes.’ Liam imitated my eyes bulging.
‘That is because he doesn’t break things and answer back and get into trouble at school. If you behaved properly, I wouldn’t have to give out to you and my eyes wouldn’t bulge and we’d all be a lot happier and calmer. I’m begging you to be good this term. I do not want the headmaster to call me. If you get into trouble again, I’m going to give your Ronaldo football tops to the kids in Africa.’
The triplets were clearly shocked. ‘You wouldn’t dare,’ Leo said.
‘She would.’ Liam knew me better than his brother.
‘Dad wouldn’t let you,’ Luke said.
‘I’ll do it while he’s at work.’ I had all the angles covered.
‘You’re mean,’ Leo said.
‘No, I’m not. If I was mean, you’d be in boarding-school.’
‘I’d love to go to Hogwarts,’ Liam said.
‘Duh, it’s a made-up school in a book,’ Luke told him. ‘You’re such a dork.’
‘You’re a moron,’ Liam retorted.
Luke hit him. Liam thumped him back. A fight ensued, just as I was pulling into the gates of Castle Academy.
‘STOP IT!’ I roared, trying to park as Luke’s foot smacked the side of my head.
I narrowly missed crashing into Victoria’s Porsche. She got out of it and glared at me. She was wearing a camel-coloured wrap dress with an amazing gold necklace and nude stiletto court shoes, and she was carrying a cake that looked as if it had been made by the Queen of England’s baker. It had two tiers, for goodness’ sake!
We clambered out of the car and I tucked my garage-bought cake under my arm.
‘Hey, Sebastian,’ Leo called.
Sebastian looked terrified. ‘Hi,’ he said, giving the boys a shaky wave.
Ignoring me, Victoria hissed at the triplets, ‘If you ever upset my son again, I will have you expelled from this school. The headmaster is a very good friend of Sebastian’s father, and he’s watching you three.’
‘Good morning, Victoria.’ I moved to stand between her and the boys. Much as I would have loved to shove her perfectly made-up face into her cake, I decided to take the higher ground. Besides, I didn’t want the boys to see or hear me being rude. ‘The boys apologized to Sebastian and it’s all in the past now. We don’t need to rehash it.’
She flushed. She clearly wasn’t used to being stood up to. Spotting my cake, she asked, ‘Is that your contribution?’
I had two options: be embarrassed, which I was, or ballsy, which I pretended to be.
‘Yes. I just picked it up in the Texaco garage.’
‘The mothers are supposed to make the cakes,’ Victoria drawled.
‘So you’re telling me you made that.’ I pointed to her elaborate cake.
‘Of course I did. I make one every year. It’s the headmaster’s favourite.’
‘Does he really need two tiers?’
She smirked. ‘Well, I’ve surpassed myself this time. The second tier is new.’
Another mother came over, carrying a large tray of perfectly symmetrical cupcakes with different-coloured icing. ‘Oh, Victoria, that’s not a cake, it’s a work of art,’ she brayed.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Liam reach over and stick his finger into the side of Victoria’s cake. As he pulled his finger out, covered with cream and sponge, the second tier wobbled. I held my breath and prayed it wouldn’t fall. Thankfully, Victoria was so busy basking in praise that she was oblivious to the potential disaster. By some miracle the cake didn’t collapse and I was able to grab Liam and drag him away before he made a second raid.
W
ith the boys in class
, we volunteer mums went into the main hall and set up the cake stands. As head of the parents’ association, Victoria was in charge, and she proceeded to boss everyone around. I was the only mother who hadn’t baked her cake or buns. Well, I was the only one admitting it. One or two of the cakes seemed a little too perfect to me. I was sure they were also shop-bought, but no one was going to admit it and lose face.
‘You’re very brave bringing that,’ Emily whispered to me, as she placed her chocolate cake on the table. It was decorated with little red icing flowers.
‘I actually made two roulades last night, but the boys ate them for breakfast.’
‘Oh, no. Poor you.’ Emily looked genuinely upset for me.
‘It’s fine. Your cake’s amazing.’
She smiled proudly. ‘It took me ages, but I’m really pleased with how it turned out.’
‘Victoria must have been up all night making hers.’ I jerked a thumb at Victoria’s creation.
Emily didn’t reply. She was normally so eager to compliment Victoria that I was surprised.
‘Do you think it’s over the top?’ I prodded her for a reaction.
Emily began to fold paper napkins. ‘No it’s just … well … I just think that … I …’
‘Spit it out,’ I said.
‘I’ve seen it before,’ she whispered.
‘Where?’
‘In Le Beau Gâteau.’
‘What’s that?’
‘A very fancy patisserie in town. I went there yesterday to buy ingredients for my cake and I saw Victoria’s on the counter.’
Yeeeesss!
Victoria was the lying, conniving cow I’d had her pegged to be. ‘Did you say anything to her?’
‘No!’ Emily looked shocked.
‘Are you sure it’s the same one?’
Emily nodded. ‘It had a card on it with Victoria’s name and it said, “For collection at seven p.m.”’
Before I had time to whoop and cheer, Victoria sashayed over to us, followed by one of her fans, a looky-likey called Heidi. ‘Nice cake, Emily,’ Victoria said, adjusting its position slightly. ‘It’s so nice to see that
almost
all of the mums made such an effort to bake for today.’
‘You’re probably very busy with the triplets,’ Carol said, looking at my coffee cake, still in its box.
‘We’re all busy,’ Victoria snapped. ‘It’s about prioritizing. I was up until three a.m. finishing mine. I literally had to drag myself out of bed this morning.’