The Road to Her (16 page)

I sprinkled sugar onto my macchiato and stirred it in, an image of Elise in the tightest, lowest-cut dress swimming into my head and back out again. Blowing across the top of my mug, I noticed her still looking at me.

“What?” I laughed.

“Nothing.” She leant her head to one side. “Just thinking how nice this is, that’s all.” She took a drink from her coffee. “You’re so right for the part of Jasmine, you know,” she suddenly said.

I leant over the table and lowered my voice. “What, because we’re both gay, you mean?”

“No, silly,” Elise said. “It’s a compliment. Take it as one.”

“Well, thank you,” I said, taken aback. “You think I make a good Jasmine, then?”

“Definitely.” She thought for a moment. “You’re both kind, funny…good company. There’s not many people out there like you and Jasmine.”

“That’s a nice thing to say.” I sipped self-consciously at my coffee.

“I mean it,” Elise said. “And I can totally see why Casey would fall for her.”

“That’s just clever writing by the scriptwriters, though,” I said, laughing.

“Maybe,” she said, watching me. “But you bring something extra to it as well.”

I took a large drink from my cup, my pulse beating rapidly. “Sometimes it feels like the part of Casey was written just for you, too,” I said, trying not to stare at her as she licked more froth from her lips.

“I love Casey.” Elise put her cup down. “I love being in
PR
with you. It’s been the best thing ever just lately, and that’s all down to you.”

The warmth from the sun, coupled with Elise being right across the table from me, maintaining eye contact all the time she spoke to me and looking so damned hot, were making it near impossible to concentrate on anything but her. Just as I was thinking that if I didn’t go inside and order us both another coffee, like,
right now
, I might be tempted to leap across the table to her, a voice sounded beside me, making me tear my eyes away from Elise and look up in surprise.

“Holly?”

I squinted into the sunshine, dazzled for a bit, then froze when I saw a slim figure silhouetted against the sun, smiling down at me.

Grace.

Chapter Fourteen

“Grace?” I looked aghast at her. “What the…what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been waiting for you outside the studio,” Grace said, waving an airy hand down the road. “Then I followed you down here.”

“You did what?” I stared up at her, open-mouthed.

“Well, if you won’t answer a girl’s e-mails, then what’s she supposed to do?” Grace stood next to me, hands in her pockets. She looked just like I’d remembered, to be honest. Most people change a bit in two years don’t they? Different hairstyle, a little weight gain or weight loss—but not Grace. She looked exactly as she’d done the last time I’d seen her when I’d gone to her parents’ house only for her to tell me she was leaving me.

Her hair was just as I’d remembered it so many times in my dreams about her and in the days, weeks, and months of longing for her after she’d gone—black as night, hanging in tendrils around her shoulders. I’d always loved her hair, so beautiful, framing her striking olive-skinned face and her gorgeous dark eyes, deep brown, like chocolate that you wanted to dive into and lose yourself in.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” She nodded her head towards Elise.

I snapped myself from my trance and glared at her. “No, I’m fucking-well not.” I scraped my chair back noisily and stood up, making some other people who’d been sitting outside look over at us.

I glanced down at Elise, sitting in silence, watching what was going on.

“I have to go,” I said, reaching down for my bag, my hands shaking. “I’m sorry.”

I ushered Grace away from the table before Elise could even answer, practically frog-marching her down the road before any wise guy watching what was going on thought to either photograph it or video it on their phone and sell it to some tabloid.

I walked with her, occasionally glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one was following, back to the studio car park, not saying a word to her all the way there.

I was fuming. How dare she think she could come and find me when I’d made it clear—or at least thought I had, by ignoring her e-mails—that I didn’t want to see her? Was she so arrogant that she hadn’t cottoned on that my lack of contact with her meant I didn’t give a damn?

I unlocked my car and told her to get into the passenger side, which she did without a word. I watched her as she settled herself into the passenger seat and looked uncertainly over at me. It was like the last few years had never even happened, and we were both eighteen again, just about to finish school, so full of love for each other and so full of plans.

“Hello would’ve been nice,” she finally said.

“What did you think you were playing at?” I swung round to face her. “Waiting outside the studio, then coming to find me, like some bloody stalker!”

“You’re not pleased to see me, then?” Grace raised an eyebrow. “I would have thought after two years you would be.”

“I’m not,” I said bluntly. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to see you.” Grace shrugged. “I sent you three e-mails but you didn’t reply, so I thought I’d come find you, in case you hadn’t got them.”

“Of course I got them!” I spat. “I chose to ignore them like you’ve chosen to ignore me for the last two years.”

“I just thought it would be good to hang out while I’m in London,” Grace said. “Catch up on old times.”

“Great idea!” I said. “Maybe we could re-enact the day you pissed off to Spain without a second thought for me.”

“I always regretted that, Holly,” Grace said.

“Only once Pillow, or whatever her name is, dumped you.”

“Pilar, Holly. Her name was Pilar. And she didn’t dump me,” Grace said. “We just drifted apart.”

“And then you thought you’d drift over to me?” I said. “Well, think again.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Grace said. “I just wanted to catch up, but I can see you don’t.”

She looked across to me, one playful eyebrow arched. “You’re still looking hot, though, I have to say.” She looked me up and down, making me feel uncomfortable.

“Don’t mess with me, Grace.” I surreptitiously shuffled in my seat.

“Who’s messing?” Grace said. “I mean it. You always were hot, though.”

“Not hot enough to stop you dumping me, hey?” I turned and glared at her.

We didn’t speak for a few seconds after that, the awkward silence filling the car.

“How long are you in London for?” I finally asked.

“Just until tomorrow,” Grace said. “That’s why I came to find you, ’cos I knew time was running out.”

“Time ran out a long time ago.” I turned my head from her, desperate not to start crying.

“What I did was shitty, and it was immature of me just to leave you like that,” she said. “So I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” I didn’t look at her.

Grace didn’t say anything for a minute. Instead, she stared out through the windscreen of my car, deep in thought.

“She looked nice,” she finally said, glancing at me from the corner of her eye. “The girl you were with. Who is she?”

“You really don’t watch
Portobello Road,
do you?” I said, turning to face her again. “It’s what I’m in. Remember?”

“I know what you’re in.” Grace shook her head. “But, no, I don’t watch it. Not for years,” she said. “Not since, well, since you and I were together.”

“She’s called Elise. The girl, I mean. She’s Elise.” I loved how her name sounded when I said it.

“And is she your girlfriend?” Grace looked at me curiously.

“No,” I snapped. “She’s my co-star in the programme.”

“She’s fit!” Grace playfully slapped my arm.

I didn’t answer her. Instead I chewed, childlike, at one of my fingers, wondering just what I could do to get myself out of this situation.

“So are you seeing anyone at the moment?” Grace asked.

“Maybe,” I said. “Maybe not.”

“I’m only in Ireland for a few weeks, Hol.” Grace reached over and touched my leg. I looked down at it for a second, thinking about how much I loved it when Elise called me Hol, and how I’d give anything to be with her right now, rather than stuck in a car with Grace.

“Don’t,” I said, taking her hand and putting it back on her own leg.

“We could get together when I get back…” Her voice trailed off.

“Or not,” I said brusquely.

“Not even for a drink?” Grace put her hand back on my leg. “Come on, it’s been two years. Okay, I know we both said some stuff we didn’t mean, but…”

I thought back to Elise again, who was going to be wondering what the hell was going on and why I’d left the cafe so suddenly. I knew I ought to text her, say sorry for bailing out on her, maybe even go and find her. She wouldn’t still be outside the cafe, surely? She’d have realised I meant it when I said I had to go, and wouldn’t be coming back, would she?

“I think you should go now,” I suddenly said, ignoring Grace, “before I say something I’ll regret.”

I waited as Grace finally opened up the door and got out of my car, turning to speak to me through the open door. “I’ll call you,” she said.

“Don’t bother,” I replied, leaning over and pulling the door shut.

*

I returned to work the next morning, desperate to see Elise and to explain about Grace. I’d written out at least three different texts to her the previous night but just hadn’t been able to say the right words and hadn’t been able to bring myself to send them. I don’t know why. Perhaps I knew I wouldn’t be able to explain myself in so few words, and that it would be better to tell her face-to-face why I’d just run off like I had. I knew she’d be curious at being deserted like that, and I knew she’d have questions, but I figured they could wait until I saw her again.

I went immediately to my dressing room that morning, my mind full of Elise, passing Bella on the way down to the set, made-up and dressed in her character’s supermarket uniform.

“Hey you,” she said, stopping as I approached her.

“Hey,” I said, reaching over and straightening her name badge.

“You okay?” She rubbed her hand up and down my arm. “Anything more to report since we last spoke?”

“Well, I came out to Elise,” I said.

“And?”

“And she didn’t freak.”

“Well that’s a positive.” Bella leant her shoulder against the wall. “Did you tell her anything else?”

“You mean, did I tell her I like her?” I prompted. “Not a chance. Telling her I was gay was nerve-racking enough.”

“But she was okay about it?” she asked.

“Totally.” I leant my shoulder against the wall, too, facing Bella. “It’s been such a relief to tell her. My head feels clearer about Elise than it has in days.”

“Did you tell her about Grace?” Bella asked.

“See, that’s when my head clouds up again.” I sighed. “When I think about Grace.”

“What happened?”

I moved and leant my back against the wall, my hands in my pockets. “She turned up unannounced at some cafe I was in with Elise yesterday,” I said, turning my head to look at Bella.

“Grace did?” Bella’s jaw fell open.

“Yuh-huh.” I recounted the whole scene from the coffee shop, then glanced at Bella. “Elise knows who Grace is, but I guess I’ll still have some explaining to do later, huh?”

“Guess so.” She leant over and rubbed my arm again. “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks. I’ll need it.”

Bella looked at her watch. “I’m late,” she said. “Again.” Her face clouded with concern. “I’m off to film those ghastly scenes where I get accused of stealing from the tills this afternoon.” She looked at her watch again, as if the time might have changed in the two seconds since she last looked at it. “Talk to Elise. Tell her that Grace is bugging you to see her,” she said. “At least it’ll let Elise know why you’ve been so uptight lately, in case she thinks it’s her that’s done something wrong.”

“I suppose you’re right,” I said.

“I’m always right.” Bella started to walk away. “Talk more about it later, yes? I’ll have a large coffee with my name on it in our room by three, I can guarantee it.”

I watched her turn the corner and disappear, then pulled myself away from the wall where I was still leaning and headed to my room, entering and closing the door tightly behind me. I sat on my swivel chair in front of my dressing-table mirror and dug my script from my bag, figuring it would be good to get some lines learned while I had few minutes’ peace and quiet.

I’d been reading for about twenty minutes—barely taking a single word of it in—when my mobile rang from somewhere deep in my bag. I pulled it out, frowning at the unknown number, and answered, one eye still on my script.

“Well how about that? You kept the same number!” Grace’s voice sounded at the other end.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared quizzically at it, like you see them do in the movies, then pressed it back to my ear. “Grace?”

“Who else?” She laughed down the phone.

“What do you want?” I asked, irritated that she’d had the audacity to call me. I shook inside, my stomach churning and my brain rebelling against taking in another tiny detail of anything.

“It was so good seeing you yesterday,” Grace said. “It got me thinking that I’d like to hang out some more with you, that’s all.”

I sat up straight in my chair, as if that would make my point more forcefully. “Well I don’t want to see you.”

“But I just thought it would be cool to hook up again,” Grace said. “And when I saw you last night, Holly…jeez! It was like the last two years had never happened.”

“Well, they did happen,” I snapped.

Grace’s voice sounded softly at the other end of the phone. “I told you last night I was sorry, and I really am, Holly. I just want to make amends.”

“You can do that by staying away from me,” I hissed.

“I don’t want to do that,” Grace said. “You looked so cute last night, Holly. I mean, oh my God, I must have been mad to—”

“Stop it,” I said furiously. “Just stop it right now, okay?”

I jumped as there was a knock on the door outside. Instinctively I killed Grace’s call and sat back in my chair, thinking that my head was going to explode at any minute. I put my elbows on the table and rested my head in my hands, mumbling a “Yeah?” to whoever was outside.