Authors: Kate Benson
I decided to take him swimming before checking in with Lucy on our return back to the apartment.
As Chase returns, I’m just finishing the supper and we eat together while watching ‘Finding Nemo’ in the living room.
Once I’ve given him his bath, JT’s ready for bed, so I tuck him in and sing to him while Chase cleans up in the kitchen.
When I emerge from my room, Chase is sitting out on the porch and waiting for me in our usual spot. Ana’s staying with Drake for a couple of days before she has to return to work, so the apartment is pretty quiet compared to usual.
Walking outside and closing the door quietly behind me, I make my way over to him. Taking a seat beside him, I notice him gazing at me with a wide grin spreading across that gorgeous face of his.
“What’s that look for?” I ask, throwing him a look of suspicion.
He reaches down and gives me a slow, lazy kiss as he pulls me over until I’m straddling him.
“It’s eight thirty,” he whispers, his lips moving down my neck as his hands find my waist. I giggle and put my hands on his chest, moving them slowly downwards and towards his abs before pulling his shirt up, so I can feel his skin.
“Ah, yes! It’s time for your lesson,” I whisper seductively as he bites down on the spot between my neck and shoulder, while letting out a sexy growl.
His hands find the seam of my shirt and he pulls it over my head, dropping it onto the floor beside us. He quickly removes my bra before palming and sucking on my breasts. Once I’ve just removed his shirt, I start working on his jeans, but stop when I feel
him pushing me gently away.
“I’m sorry, Baby, but I can’t fuck you slowly right now,” he says before ripping my jeans off of me. “It’s been four days since I was inside you and I can’t wait any longer.”
I smile my agreement and watch as he pulls his jeans and boxer briefs down, just low enough to allow his erection to spring free, before pulling me back down on top of him. Within seconds, he’s plunging inside my slick folds, which forces a loud gasp to escape my lips.
“We have to be quiet, Baby,” he whispers, pulling my face towards his and kissing me deeply as he pushes himself harder inside of me.
I whimper into his mouth and sink my nails into his chest, causing for him to let out a loud groan. His hands are placed on my hips, controlling our pace, and before long, I’m riding him so hard that I think he might actually split me in half.
I’m unable to maintain the kiss at this tempo, so as I feel the need to scream out, I bite down hard on his neck instead. He growls in satisfaction, gripping my hair in his hand and pulling my head back so he can look at me.
“Fuck, Sophie! You feel so good, Baby,” he says, while continuing to drive into me mercilessly. “Tell me what you want.”
“Fuck me harder,” I manage through the thrusts and see him grinning at me.
“Hmm, my dirty girl …” he groans as he begins pushing into me even harder and faster than before. I know there’s no way I’ll last much longer at this pace. He grips my waist harder and pulls on my hair tighter. I can already feel myself climbing towards the brink.
“Oh my God,” I whimper as he pulls my nipple into his mouth before biting down, causing me to further spiral.
“Look at me, Sophie,” he orders through his clenched teeth and in a gravelly tone, with my gaze now meeting his. “I want to be the only thing you see when I make that beautiful pussy come.”
Those words are all I need. When he feels me tightening around him, a wicked grin spreads across his face. He’s barely skimming my clit with his thumb as he whispers the words that are always my undoing. “Go, Baby,” I ride him into oblivion. About halfway through my orgasm, I feel him beginning to pulse inside me. Before he’s even able to ask it of me, I give him what he needs.
“Yours,” I manage weakly between my panting, but he seems to hear me clearly enough.
“Good girl,” he whispers, pushing himself forward with a few more deep thrusts before he finds his release, emptying inside me. He slows to an almost stop, but neither of us move
from the position we’re in. I rest my head on his chest as he strokes his fingers up and down my back slowly, kissing my shoulder. “I missed you so much, Baby,” he whispers. Although we’ve been together the whole time, I know exactly what he means. I look to him and kiss him lightly on the lips.
“I missed you
, too,” I say, searching his face while running my hand over his jaw. Brushing my thumb over his lower lip tenderly, I steal another light kiss. “Want some ice cream?” I ask, watching as he bites down on his lip.
“I absolutely want some ice cream,” he says with all seriousness, making me laugh as I pull myself off of him.
I throw on his shirt and my panties as he buttons up, before helping me pick up the remaining clothes we threw onto the porch.
I walk through to check on JT and see that he’s sleeping soundly, so I grab some cotton shorts and throw them on to cover myself, just in case he wakes up, before closing the door quietly behind me.
Walking back through to the kitchen, I see Chase standing shirtless while dipping out our ice cream. I have no choice but to spend a moment admiring his body and the way his muscles ripple over his back and shoulders. I go and stand beside him, pulling myself up onto the counter as he looks over at me with a smile. He holds the spoon out and I take a bite, closing my eyes in appreciation and he laughs at me.
“Good, Baby?” he asks, while leaning over to lick the piece that’s just melted onto my chin. “Hmm, that is good,” he whispers, kissing me briefly on the lips before helping me down.
Sitting down on the couch, Chase sits in the corner and pulls me onto his lap, where we eat our ice cream in silence.
Once we’re done, he flips on the TV and pulls me closer to him, so I’m settling against his chest, “Do you have to work tomorrow?”
“No, I’m taking some time off since JT’s here with me. I had them take me off the schedule until I know when I’m available again,” I explain, briefly glancing up to him. He appears to be watching me thoughtfully for a moment before he averts his eyes back onto the TV.
“Can you afford to do that?”
“I have savings so I’ll be fine. I actually just started paying regular bills when we moved to Rockport. Most of the money I made at the bookstore I worked in back in Camden is sitting in my bank account right now,” I explain. His eyebrows raise as though he wants to ask but is being too polite to do so. “You can ask me whatever it is your thinking about, Babe. I told you I wouldn’t be secretive anymore and I meant it.”
“Okay. So how are you twenty-three and have only just started to pay bills?” he eyes me speculatively.
“Just lucky, I guess,” I wink and laugh as I answer him. “When I lived with my aunt, I never had to pay any bills. Then when I turned eighteen, I moved in with Jack and Ana. Jack wouldn’t let me pay any bills, even though I had some money saved and at that point I’d gotten my inheritance from my dad. When he went into the Army, I kept working to keep from going insane. He sent Ana money every month for the bills, and then when he passed away, he left me part of the life insurance money and shared the rest between Ana and JT,” I continue to explain, seeing the shocked expression that’s now over his face. “So even if I decide to never work again, I would be okay financially. I just work because I like to keep busy and it’s silly not to work if I’m able to. Plus, even though I appreciate the gestures, the money doesn’t mean much to me, it’s just a reminder. In instances like this, when I need to take time off, it helps but I have other things that mean much more to me.”
Chase nods his understanding as he begins to rub my tense shoulders.
“Like what?” he asks and I look at him and smile.
“Do you really want to know?”
“Why wouldn’t I want to know?” he asks with a shrug.
“I don’t know,” I answer him while studying his features. “I have a lot of pictures and those mean a lot to me. I have my dad’s wallet and a pocket watch that he got from his father when he married my mom. It’s been in my family for like four generations, so that’s pretty cool,” I smile as he moves the hair away from my face. “I have one of his jackets, his favorite pair of boots, and a necklace that was my grandmothers.”
“How come you never wear it?”
“I do sometimes, but usually only for special occasions,” I say while keeping my eyes on him.
“Sophie, I know you have things that belonged to Jack. You don’t have to feel weird about telling me about them. You were in a relationship with him for four years and lived together. It would be weirder if you didn’t. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I don’t want you to keep it to yourself because you think I’ll be upset. It’s really fine, Baby.”
“Well, you know I have this ring,” I say nervously, lifting it up to show him it again.
“Yes, you told me about that. It’s very pretty, and it suits you,” he says, while taking a hold of my hand.
“He gave me these earrings for our first anniversary,” I say and he looks at them while kissing the hand he’s now holding. “I have his dog tags, his watch, his knife, and a few little things he gave me over the years …some clothes and his acoustic guitar.”
“Is that the one I’ve seen you play?”
“Yeah, well, the electric one I played yesterday was his too, but he gave it to Matty. Jack taught me how to play on the acoustic guitar that I have,” I explain as Chase continues to stroke his fingers through my hair.
“He taught you well,” he says while kissing me on the temple. “You’re very good, Baby.”
“Thanks,” I smile shyly, accepting his compliment. “The truck was his too.”
“The
truck
?” I see the look of surprise creeping over his face before he attempts to mask it.
“Yeah. He bought it after he’d been in for a while and left it for me to use while he was away. He didn’t really get to drive it much, just when he was home on leave, but he loved it,” I tell him.
“I can see why. It’s a pretty badass truck,” Chase laughs.
“There are other things too. The most important thing he left me though was a goodbye letter,” I say, looking directly up at him now. “You can read it if you want to.”
This time, he doesn’t manage to hide his shock.
“You don’t have to do that—” he begins to say but I interrupt his line of conversation.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. I promised you complete honesty and openness, and we need to get everything out in the open now. You’ve been so unbelievably patient with me over the past couple of months, Chase. I really don’t think I deserve it most of the time but—” he opens his mouth to speak but I stop him. “Please let me finish … I’ve needed to say this for a long time. I don’t think I’ve completely earned your patience because I haven’t given you the honesty you’ve wanted and deserved, but I’m ready to do that now.” I touch his face gently with my palm, while searching his eyes. “I want you, Chase. I really want to be with you. I don’t want that to ever be a question in your mind again, so I’m going to tell you everything and I want you to read the letter. It will give me the closure I need to move on completely. So go ahead and ask away.”
I hold his eyes for a moment while he thinks about what he wants to ask. He continues to stroke my hair lovingly, but his eyes speak more than he knows. I know I’ve surprised him with my confession. The truth is, I’ve surprised myself a little as well, but I think I knew the other night when I was beside Jack’s grave that I was taking one of the first steps towards my final goodbye.
It’s time for me to move on, and I want to move on …
with Chase.
***
I can’t believe what Sophie has just said to me.
On one hand, I’m ecstatic that she’s ready to move on and that she’s putting her life with Jack to rest. On the other hand though, she kind of has me at a loss for words. A million things are whizzing around my mind, things I want to ask, but I realize that only one question really matters to me.
I touch her face and keep my eyes locked on hers as I go to speak.
“Are you still in love with him?” I ask quietly, watching carefully for her reaction. She looks down to her hands and appears to be taking a few moments to think. I swear this has to be the longest minute of my whole life.
“I do still love him,” she answers me, her eyes meeting with mine. “I’m always going to love him, Chase. I’ll always miss him, but I guess I’m not
in love
with him anymore.”
“Are you sure?” I ask her. “Are you absolutely sure that this is what you truly want? That I’m what you want?” She nods slowly and gives me a light kiss on the lips.
“Yes, I’m sure,” she reassures me as she goes to stand. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
I watch her walking out of the room, r
eappearing a few minutes later carrying a shoebox in her hands as she comes to sit beside me on the couch again.
“If this is weird, then I’m sorry. I can’t explain why it will help, but I really think that it’s what I need to do,” she says before lifting the lid off of the box. Inside, there are pictures, matchbooks, guitar pi
cks, ticket stubs and envelopes. “This is a box of all of the letters Jack wrote me while he was gone,” she begins, taking in my overwhelmed expression while smiling gently. “Don’t worry. I don’t want you to read them all.”
I can’t help the breath of relief that escapes from me when she says this. I brush my fingers through her hair again to make contact because I need to touch her all the time, especially since I refrained so much while we were in Camden.
I can’t explain it, but since she doesn’t seem to mind, I don’t worry about it. I watch her thumb through the letters with great care before she pulls one out from the back, running her fingers over the dried ink on the front that reads ‘My Beautiful Girl.’
She pulls the folded pages out, and after a brief look at them, she hands them over to me. I’d be lying if was to say that it doesn’t feel as though a boulder is sitting on my chest right now. The last thing I want to be doing is to read a love letter that her ex had written for her but she said that it’s what she needs to do. I raise the pages so I can see them better before almost immediately lowering my arm again.
“Baby—“
“Please read it, Chase. I want to move on and I need you to help me. I know it doesn’t make sense. I know you probably don’t want to read it and I know I’m being selfish, but
please do this for me,” I look deeply into her eyes and know that I can’t deny her this. “I’m ready to let him go and by showing you everything, I feel as though I’ll get the closure that I need.” I nod and kiss her temple, pulling her closer to my side before raising the letter back up to begin reading it.
Sophie, My Beautiful Girl,
Even as I’m writing this letter, I’m praying you’ll never have to read it. If you are, that means I’m not the person giving it to you and now you think I’ve broken my promise.
Please believe me when I tell you that I love you more than I ever thought I could possibly love another person. The day you walked into my English class and ruined all my plans, I knew right then I was destined to love you. I have loved you for each and every day since, and I know I will, forever. I know we waited to say it, but I knew I loved you desperately the first time I saw you. I’ve always loved you, Soph.
There are so many things I know I should tell you. Some words of wisdom, something philosophical to carry with you forever. Something that will help you through each and every obstacle that will ever come your way, but I’m not going to. Even if I had those things to give you, they aren’t important to either of us right now. All I want to tell you is that I love you. I love you so much that my heart feels like it might never recover. I hope it doesn’t. No matter what happens to me, I want you to know that you changed me. With every smile, every kiss, every touch of your beautiful skin on mine, every song and every ‘I love you’, you changed me, Baby. You took a lonely boy from a small town that didn’t believe in this kind of love and turned him into a sappy, lovesick fool. You took my darkened soul and shone your light on it. You gave me hope. You gave me purpose. You brought me to life.
For so long, it was just me and Ana against the world. That’s what I thought my life was destined to be. I was okay with that until you came into my life. You changed my heart and made me want more. You made me want to be a better man. You made me want to change the world the way you changed mine. All I’ve ever wanted since I saw those gorgeous green eyes staring back at me was for us to do all of it together. I wanted us to get married and see you walking towards me in your wedding gown, with tears in our eyes as we made our vows. I wanted us to have babies who had your dimples and freckles and those same beautiful green eyes. I wanted us to grow old and cranky together and make arthritic love on our front porch, and complain about the neighborhood going to hell. I wanted us to be in love until the day we died in each other’s arms, before then taking that love to Heaven for all eternity. I know it sounds crazy, but this is what your love has made me believe we had in front of us. This is what I know we had in our future and if you never have to read this letter, I know this is the life we have ahead of us. I’ve never wanted anything more than this life with you. Never. Nothing has ever meant to me what you do and it’s been an honor to belong to you. I will always belong to you, Sophie. I’m yours forever.
If the day ever comes when you have to read this letter, I want you to know that everything will be okay, Baby. I’ll be okay, and someday I know you will be too. I want you to know that it’s okay to move on when you’re ready. When you find the right person, I don’t want you to feel guilty about loving someone else because I know that this will never diminish the love we have for each other. I only want you to be happy, Baby. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. You have so much beauty, love, perfection, wonder and talent in your heart. I want you to share it with someone who will appreciate it and love you like I always have and always will. If God forbid I’m forced to leave this life, I don’t want you to leave yours behind mourning me and what we were lucky enough to find in each other. I want you to be in love again. You were perfect that first day I saw you but my God! My Sophie in love is breathtaking!
I want you to have babies, Sophie. Be the amazing mother I know you’re meant to be someday. I want you to have a long, happy, beautiful life filled with love and laughter and everything you would have had with me if you never had to read this letter. Please don’t let the broken heart you’re feeling right now ruin your chance for the beautiful life I know you’re meant to have, even if it’s not with me.
Before I left for boot camp, I told Ana you were my forever and I know that’s true. No matter what happens to me, Sophie, you’ll always be my forever. My heart is forever changed. My eyes are forever opened. I am forever your heart as you’ll forever be mine. I love you, Sophia Paige Ryan, and I always will. Forever. I will never break my promise to you. I
promised you I’d never leave you and I meant it. A love like ours is rare. I know that, and nothing, not even death, can stop it or keep me from loving you. Your heart is my home and I promise you that I’ll always come home to you, Sophie. I will always, always, always be with you, Baby, forever.
Thank you for proving me wrong about love, Soph. You made my life worth living and dying is so much easier knowing I’ll have done it for you and that we’ll be together again in Heaven someday.
I will love you for the rest of eternity, Sophie, my beautiful girl. I promise.
Love,
Jack xoxo
I recognize the lyrics from ‘Bleeding Love’ by ‘Leona Lewis’ at the very end of Jack’s letter and just as Sophie had promised, the last piece of the puzzle clicked firmly into place.
It all makes sense.
I lower my arm when I finish reading the letter, as Sophie gently takes it from my hand. After a silent moment from her side of the couch, she opens her eyes and I watch as she folds it back up before placing it back inside the box. I don’t know what to say to her, so I just pull her close to me and kiss her on the temple again. She looks at me but stays silent and I can see the tears threatening to spring free from her eyes. “Say something,” she finally whispers.
“I don’t really know what to say,” my voice breaks as she chews on her lip nervously. I pull gently on her chin and she releases her lip, her eyes meeting mine. “Stop biting your lip, Baby,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry, I’m just feeling a little nervous,” she admits, her voice laced with concern.
“I don’t want you to ever be nervous with me, Sophie,” I say and nods slowly before speaking.
“Then say something, Chase. Tell me what’s going through your head right now,” she whispers as I pull her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her tightly.
“Do you want the truth?” I ask and I feel her nodding her answer against my shoulder. “I can’t say that I understand why my reading that letter would help you get closure, but if it helped you, then I don’t think that I really need to understand.” I pull away from her and push her hair away from her face. “I just want to be with you, Sophie. The how’s and why’s don’t matter to me as long as you’re happy and you’re mine, Baby.” I watch her let out a deep sigh of relief and smile at her, leaning over so I can give her a light kiss on the lips. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me. I know that it couldn’t have been easy for you.”
“Thanks for not giving up on me,” she whispers while kissing me again. When she sits back on my knees to face me, I see that she has tears in her eyes again and so I brush my thumb across her cheek.
“Hey,” I whisper to her, “why the tears, Baby?” I ask, but she only shakes her head briefly at me.
“No, they’re the good ones … I’m happy,” she says while aiming her smile directly at me. She takes another deep breath, releasing it along with the tension in her shoulders. She reaches up, winding her arms around my neck before kissing me deeply.
We’ve shared hundreds of kisses over the past couple of months, but this one is different.
She’s different
. I know that in this very moment, whether it makes sense to me or not, she’s gotten her closure.
Finally, Sophie is mine.