Authors: Kate Benson
The Promise
The
Promise
By
Kate Benson
“Could you walk away from your past if it
PROMISED
you forever?”
For my parents and my grandma for embracing my love for pickles
For my husband Sean for being my forever
I love you.
“Promise me you’ll never forget me because if I thought you would, I’d never leave.”
~A. A. Milne
Copyright ©2013 by Kate Benson
All Rights Reserved
COPYRIGHT © 2013 BY KATE BENSON
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission or the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is completely coincidental.
The Promise
Sophie
After twenty minutes of fighting I’m done. Huffing loudly
, I surrender to the idea that there’s just no way to get everything into this stupid suitcase and abandon my mission for a few minutes.
As I walk across the creaky, wooden floorboards into the family room, I see Ana is dealing with a similar situation. “Soph, can you come and sit on this bag for me? I’ve almost got it shut but it’s being a pain in the ass,” she grumbles.
“Sure Ana,” I sit down onto the case and notice the look of desperation in Ana’s grey eyes. “You know, we may just have to get another bag.”
“Oh no Sophie,” she starts. “I am not getting another bag. If I get another bag, then I admit defeat and I’ll die first.”
“You’re so dramatic,” I say rolling my eyes at her. “Are you sure this move is even a good idea? What if …?”
Ana cuts me off while still struggling with the latch. “No! We aren’t having this conversation again. We agreed that this was for the best. We need a clean start, Soph, both of
us do. If we live our lives in ‘what ifs’ then we won’t have lived at all. You know it so stop your arguing and help me with this God forsaken bag!”
I look down at the old suitcase beneath me and let out an exasperated breath. It’s beaten up, weathered and worn. I’ve never related so deeply to a material thing. I know Ana’s right, she always is. I guess I’m just scared.
Leaving our home in Camden now seemed to make everything so final and I just don’t know how to deal with that. But if I was honest with myself, I know that leaving might be the only way I’ll ever be able to move on from everything that’s happened.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Ana starts
. “I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too, but we both know that he wouldn’t want us living our lives this way. We have to do this or else we’ll never get over him.”
“What if I don’t want to get over him, Ana? What if I just can’t?” I ask her with tears stinging my eyes.
“Tough shit!” Ana snaps. “I’m not the only one who made promises to him, Sophie. You swore you’d watch out for me too and you’re going to keep your promise just as I’ve kept mine. I need to move on too. This house has a lot of memories and as hard as it is for me to leave it behind, I can’t keep going on like this. So put on your big girl panties and woman up.”
Ana
had
kept her promise. When Jack had left the first time, he’d made both of us swear we’d take care of each other while he was away. Ana had more than kept her part of the deal. It was a constant reminder of how I’d have to keep mine. Hearing the closure on the bag concede, I knew we were that much closer to putting this crazy plan of hers into effect. My stomach turned flips as I rose to face her. She resembled Jack so much that it sometimes hurt to look at her. I swallowed hard barely meeting her gaze and nodded.
“You’re right as usual,” I answer. “I’m being a sissy. I’ll go finish packing. I don’t have much left.” Sadly, I didn’t mean just possessions.
As I prepare to walk back to Jack’s room, I feel Ana’s hand catch my arm and she pulls me into a sisterly embrace.
“Sorry about the tough love Sophie,” she sa
ys. “I’m just worried about you. I know how hard this has been but I really think this is what Jack would’ve wanted. He’d want us to be happy and happiness is something we’re never going to find around Camden again.” I could hear her voice break but knew better than to say anything. Analise Walker was a closet softy and she hated it. Since the first time I’d met her, she’d put up this front to appear she was harder than stone. But in time, I’ve come to know better. I can still see the firm set to her jaw the first time I’d met her and it always made me smile.
“Who the hell are you?” She snarled at me from the doorway of the laundry room where Jack and I had stood drenched.
“Ana, chill out,” Jack started, rolling his eyes in exasperation in her direction. “This is Sophie. Soph, this is my sister Analise; but you can call her Ana,” he said smiling down at me sweetly.
As I’d put my hand forward to greet her she cut me off and glared at Jack.
“Jack, don’t take liberties with my name. I’ll decide who calls me what! Don’t tell me to chill out either when I catch one of your strange little friends rummaging through my shit.” Ana redirected her glare at me and I followed her gaze to my hand that held one of her shirts. I was completely mortified. Jack rubbed the small of my back reassuringly, a shadow crossing his face as he addressed his sister.
“First of all, you don’t need to talk to her like that. She’s not just one of my ‘strange little friends’ and it’ll do you good to remember that the next time you speak to her. We were looking through the laundry for a shirt for her. We got soaked on our way over. Maybe you shouldn’t mix your laundry with mine,” Jack spat out.
“Well I don’t care who she is! I don’t trust her and I don’t want her touching …“ Ana started another rant as she snatched the shirt out of my hand.
“Excuse me, Soph. Analise. Kitchen. Now!” Jack glared as he pulled her into the next room. I’d heard rumors about Analise Walker’s monumental temper but the stomping and grumbling coming from her now surpassed anything I’d ever be able to prepare myself for
.
In that moment, I’d considered leaving just so I wouldn’t have to deal with Ana’s hostility but quickly rescinded the thought when I realized it would take me away from Jack. We’d just met but already I knew I was in trouble where he was concerned. Just one look into those crazy beautiful blue-green eyes of his and I’d been hooked. I remember hearing hushed whispers coming from the other room as Jack quietly put Ana in her place. He was always so laid back and reserved but that sudden intrusion with his sister had quickly darkened his mood.
“Stop acting crazy Ana. Start being respectful and be nice to Sophie. I like her. A lot, Ana,” Jack said in a loud whisper. He probably didn’t think I’d heard him but hearing his admission made my heart swell. I already liked him a lot, too. Probably more than was healthy for having just met him.
“Fine. But I’m still watching her, Jack. I don’t care how much you like her, you’re still my baby brother,” she huffed.
When they started back towards me, I mentally shrank. But I told myself to hold my head up high to greet her because no matter what happened in the next thirty seconds, Jack liked me. I smiled to myself again. I’m not just some random girl. He liked me a lot. He said it himself. The smile on my face began slowly turning into a goofy grin.
“Hi, Sophie, I’m Jack’s sister Analise,” she said guardedly, her arms crossed in front of her chest. Jack softly elbowed her in the ribs causing her to roll her eyes. She looked at me with the most saccharin sweet smile I’d ever seen as she thrust her hand forward. “But you can call me Ana…apparently.”
With the awkward pleasantries out of the way, Ana had left us and went to sulk on the couch.
“See? That wasn’t so bad,” Jack whispered to me with a sexy, sideways grin. Winking he handed me a Jimi Hendrix shirt.
“Were you here for any of that?” I giggled nervously.
He quietly laughed with me as he pressed his lips against my temple. “Come on, my beautiful girl. Let’s go get some food.”
“Okay,” I’d said as Jack grabbed my hand to lead me to his room to change. “Jack?”
He turned back to me and for a moment I was taken aback by those eyes. “Yeah, Soph?”
“I like you a lot, too,” I smiled shyly and kissed his cheek watching his features turn crimson.
I recount what ha
s become one of my most cherished memories. Standing in the very same room it’d taken place I feel the tears threatening again. I know I can’t keep on this way and ever expect to get over Jack. I know he would want me to move on. He’d want me to live a full, happy life. However, I don’t expect that to happen.
***
When I got back to Jack’s room, I look at the sad little collection of boxes I’ve accumulated over the course of my life. If you’d have asked the eight year old version of me what life would be like at twenty three, this is the last thing I’d have come up with. My dad passed away when I was sixteen. I guess for my mother, raising a teenage girl on her own was too much. That’s when she pawned me off on my aunt.
My Aunt
Debbie had been amazing, more of a mother than my own, but she’d two children of her own to worry about. She’d helped me get through the abandonment of my mother and the loss of my father, for that I’d be eternally grateful. However, the last thing I wanted to be was a burden. So when Jack asked me to come and stay with him and Ana after my eighteenth birthday I didn’t hesitate.
I knew Jack would be leaving for boot camp soon and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. He asked me to help keep Ana company while he was away, and since we would both be without him it made sense. We could take care of each other better if we were living together and other than the misunderstanding the first day we’d met, we now got along perfectly. Not to mention being together to support each other made Jack happy so it made it hard to say no.
Ana and I had gotten close when Jack went to boot camp and since his passing last year, we’ve become inseparable. I’d already moved in long before then, but there was no way we could be without each other now. Our friendship has taken on what most would say to be an unhealthy codependency but it works for us as well as anything else ever will.
As I look back over Jack’s room there
’s so much that reminds me of him. I saved his stuff for last, I couldn’t bear to move it before now, but it’s time and I’ll have to start packing his things. He doesn’t have much in here, but it’s exactly as he’d left it with the exception of the few things I brought over. Ana had taken a few of the things he had in here that had been their parents, but otherwise, Jack is everywhere. His old acoustic guitar is still sitting in the corner next to his favorite pair of beaten up black Chucks. The bulky, old black dresser still holds his favorite baseball cap, his stereo, his MP3 player and a few CD’s he loved listening to. His desk still held his computer and the picture of us at the lake that I’d had framed for him. I love that picture of us. It had been the perfect day and we were both exhausted and a little sun burnt, but as he held my camera out in front of us and planted a kiss on my cheek while he wore my bejeweled sunglasses, all we could do was grin.
A few of his favorite movies a
re still stacked to the right of the DVD player next to his TV. His watch and pocket knife sit on the nightstand next to the lamp where he’d left them. I’d asked him before he left for boot camp why he hadn’t taken them with him and he’d said he just didn’t see the point.
“I don’t think I can take my pocket knife on the plane and I’m sure Uncle Sam won’t let me forget what time it is. I’ll just leave them right here with you where I know they’ll be taken care of.”
I can still feel his soft, full lips kissing the tip of my nose.
I play with the dog tags I
wear around my neck, the last thing Jack had ever given me and sigh. I haven’t lived here long, but in my heart it’s the only real home I’ve ever known. Life with my parents wasn’t bad but I’d always felt oddly out of place in a way that I could never explain. Aunt Debbie was amazing to me but I never really felt like I belonged there, either. This house, old and rickety as it has become over the years, is home. It will be weird not waking up and seeing the same wood paneling of Jack’s room, hearing the creaky wood floor under my feet and the drip of the old leaky faucet in the bathroom as I count sheep. As I stare back at my own green eyes and pale, freckled complexion in the mirror, I know these are only half truths.
Yes, it will
be weird to wake up somewhere different. It will be weird to call somewhere new home, but I know the wood paneling isn’t the thing I will be missing most.
Jack and I had made so many memories in the short time we’d been together in this house. Cuddling next to him to watch a movie while waiting for the rain to pass
, only to find two hours later we’d fallen asleep. The two of us studying for finals at the kitchen table over endless pots of coffee until we were delirious or spending hours discussing music in his room. I’d never met anyone who loved music as much as me until I found Jack, and we would spend hours listening to the radio or singing together as Jack played his guitar for me. The days I spent with Jack in this house were the happiest of my life.
I smile
as I remember the week I’d had the flu and Jack had taken care of me making sure I was taking my medicine and staying in bed. With my stubbornness this was not an easy job, by the way.
I kn
ew if I could just get out of this bed and sneak to my car, I’d feel better. I didn’t care what Jack or Ana said, no one’s ever gotten better from wallowing in germ infested sheets. What I needed was fresh air and a few hours of getting my body moving and I’d be right as rain.
In order to prove it though, I’d have to orchestrate an escape that would rival scaling the walls of Alcatraz. I
’d rolled my eyes at them. ’They are totally overreacting,’ I mumbled under my breath as I planned my route. I tiptoed up the long hallway that led out of Jack’s room and into the main family room. Jack was around the corner in the kitchen, his back to me, probably concocting another thoughtful but disgusting Alka Seltzer and tea mixture to con me into drinking. Sure, I’d felt better after, but it was still disgusting. I shuddered as I remembered the one he’d made me drink the previous night before bed. I had been dreading it all morning.