Authors: Kate Benson
“I actually wanted to talk to you about that, Soph,” he sa
ys quietly.
“Talk to me about what, B
aby?”
“They want me to sign on for another four years and they’re offering me a lo
t of money to do it,” he starts. “I know you …“
“No, Jack, please! Please don’t do it. I don’t care what they’re offering you, I want you
home,” I plead with him. This isn’t the first time this conversation has come up and maybe it won’t be the last, but I know I won’t change my mind on this.
“Sophie, listen, I want to be home too
, but we have to be realistic …“
“I
am
being realistic, Jack. I hate being away from you and besides we’ve already talked about this. I can’t come with you and we’re just going to have to spend the next four years doing this and I can’t do it all over again, Baby, I just can’t,” I feel the tears running down my cheeks because it hurts to admit this truth to him. I know that I’m being selfish, but I have to tell him how I feel. Jack is quiet for a few minutes before he speaks again.
“What are you saying, Sophie. What do you mean you can’t do it? Are you saying…” he pause
s as he takes a deep breath. “Sophie, are you telling me that if I re-enlist you’re gonna leave me?” I hear his voice break as he asks this.
“No,” I answer him
immediately. How could he even think that? “No, that’s not what I’m saying, Jack. I’ll never leave you, but I am
saying that I can’t take being separated from you anymore. I’m ready for us to start our life together and I don’t feel like we can do that until you’re home. I hope that when the time comes to make your decision, you’ll take my feelings about this into consideration.”
Jack clears his throat nervously
. “I did, Baby. I did what I thought was best for us when I signed the papers today.”
No. Please tell me I’d misheard him. Please tell me this isn’t happening right now.
“Are you there, Baby?” he asks. I can’t speak. The tears are too much. I can’t breathe. “Sophie, can you hear me?” I nod dumbly as though he can hear it. I still can’t speak through the tears but manage a squeak so he knows the line hasn’t betrayed us. “Please don’t cry, Soph. I did this because I thought it was the best thing for our future.” I finally find my voice when he says that.
“How? How was it
the best thing for our future if you’re not here, Jack? How?” I began screaming at him through my sobs. I can’t believe he did this to me, to us. “How could you do something like this without speaking to me and Ana about it first? How could you think I would be okay with this, Jack? Why would you do this to us?”
“Sophie, listen to me. W
e need the money and I have to protect you. As long as I’m out here then I’m doing my part to make sure that you and Ana are taken care of …” He’s getting upset but I don’t care. I hate fighting with him but I can’t help it, not tonight. I’m so mad. So hurt, scared and heartbroken that he would have made this decision without me.
“I don’t give a fuck about the money Jack! I don’t fucking care
!” I shout into the phone.
“Damn it Sophie! Listen to me! Please
!” he shouts back. He’s never shouted at me and the sound of his voice startles me just enough to shut me up. “It’s not just about the fucking money. I get it, Baby, I do. But as long as I’m here, I’m helping make sure you’re safe and I don’t give a shit who gets mad about that. I’m doing it. I’m sorry, Soph. I’m so sorry that you feel like I didn’t listen to you but I did, Baby. I know you want me home but there’s not shit for me there for work. I can’t support you, let alone a family, working at those jobs. I just can’t. We want a family, a house, a reliable car and to be able to enjoy our life together. We’ll never have any of that as long as we’re in Camden doing the same shit we’ve been doing, Baby. It’s just a little longer and I’ll retire. We’ll have enough saved up so we can move somewhere. I can get a desk job and give you everything you want, okay?” His voice is cracking again and I can tell that he’s upset but is trying desperately to hold it together. I understand everything he’s saying, but he just doesn’t seem to get it.
“Jack, all I’ve ever wanted is you. None of that other stuff matters to me,” I
whisper over the line. How can he not see that?
“I know that b
ut being able to give the other stuff to you matters to me, Baby. You deserve so much better than what I can give you if we stay in Camden. Please support me on this. I promise after this I’ll retire if that’s what you want. I swear it. And we’ll get married as soon as you want. I’ll be home next month like I promised, we can do it then if you want. Whatever you want, Baby,” he says, “Just please try to understand and support me on this.”
“There’s no getting out of it, huh?”
“No, I already signed the papers.”
I ta
ke a deep breath. Four years. Four more years.
“I’ll always support you. Ju
st promise me you won’t get hurt, Jack,” I begin crying again. I miss him so much and I can’t stand this.
“What did I tell you,
Babe? I’ll always come home to you. Me and you forever, Soph,” he whispers over the line. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Jack. I love you so much.”
The next thing I hear is screaming. It takes a few seconds to recognize the screams as my own. Even though almost a year has passed since I’ve woken up in any other way, I’ve never gotten used to hearing the screaming that’s coming from my own lungs. The next thing I know, Ana is rushing into my bedroom and shaking me awake, trying her best to calm my sobbing.
As usual, she ho
lds me until it subsides. She has always been there for me and I know there will never be any way for me to repay her for that or to explain what it means to me. I hold onto her for a few more minutes, even after my breathing regulates and when I pull away, both our eyes are stained with tears.
“Thank you, Ana,
” I whisper.
“You’re welcome, H
oney,” she tries to smile.
“No, Ana, I mean it. I know losing him hasn’t been easy for you
either and on top of all that, you’ve got this to deal with,” I say while pointing down to myself. “You could’ve easily turned your back on me but you never have, that means a lot to me. I love you so much.”
S
he hugs me back, “I love you too, Soph. You don’t ever have to worry about me turning my back on you. You’re my family, Honey. I always try my best to look after my family.”
When she pulls
away, she gives me a weak smile but I know she meant every word she’s just said. I sit quietly thinking about everything that had happened earlier in the evening between Chase and I. I know I need to talk to Ana about it but I just don’t know what to say.
As if reading my mind, Ana asks,
“What’s on your mind? You seem like you want to talk to me about something.”
“I’m feeling guilty and confused about something,
” I admit.
“Let me guess, Chase?” Ana
always sees straight through me. “And you’re feeling guilty because you still love Jack but confused because you have feelings for Chase, right?”
“How do you do that?” I stare back at her in awe and
watch as she just laughs.
“It’s not so hard to figure out. I’ve been watching the two of you for awhile.
I can’t help you feel less confused about your feelings. However, I can tell you that I don’t think you should feel guilty about them. That’s not what Jack would have wanted and you know that,” she says.
“What about you?”
“What about me?” she asks.
“Aren’t you upset that I’m interested in him? Jack was your brother.”
“Jack will
always
be my brother, Sophie. I know what you meant to him thought and I know what he will always mean to you. I also know that you deserve to be happy and it’s what Jack would want. I think you know that too,” she says as she rubs my shoulder to console me. I nod at her, knowing she’s right.
“I don’t know if I
can
be happy without him, Ana. I’m still so in love with him and miss him so much. Just thinking about him hurts my heart.” My eyes are brimming with fresh tears as she hands me a tissue. She leans down from the edge of the bed and hugs me.
“I know, Sweetie. Y
ou’re always going to love him. The kind of love y’all had? That doesn’t happen every day. Even I know that.”
“Then how can I expect to ever find it twice in my life? I already found
my once in a lifetime love and that was Jack. Why even bother?” I ask. “Even if I knew it’s what I wanted, I can’t expect to find it again.”
“You’ll never know if you don’t t
ry, Soph. I know it’s scary. I know that your feelings for Jack make it even more confusing, but switch places with Jack for a second. Tell me what you’d want for him if the roles were reversed,” she says. “Wouldn’t you want him to be happy?”
“Yeah, but I think I’d rather him be happy wit
h a cat or something!” We laugh as she playfully smacks my arm. “I know what you mean and you’re right. Is it right to do that to Chase when I’m still in love with Jack though?”
“I think you just need to talk to him before you start anything serious
,” she starts, pausing when she sees the guilty expression cross my face. “Or immediately after … What did you do Soph?” she looks both shocked and amused.
“Nothing like that you pervert
! He came over earlier and we … we kissed,” I blush, feeling shy after my admission and watch as she gives me a small smile.
“Good, S
oph. I’m really happy for you, but I do think that you need to talk to him as soon as possible,” Ana says seriously.
“I will
. I just need some time. You won’t say anything to him or to Drake will you?” I ask her. “I will talk to him. I just need to do it on my own, you know?”
A
n odd look washes over her face but it only lasts a second before she nods. “I promise I won’t say anything to anyone about it, Sophie.”
We hug
again before she excuses herself back to her room after a few more minutes. I glance over at the clock and see that it’s about time for the sun to come up so I decide to get up and take a shower.
When
I get out, I throw on my short robe and walk into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee only to find Drake standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist. He seems just as startled to see me as I am him when he notices me standing in the doorway, words escaping us both for a moment.
“Good morning Sophie,” he smile
s at me.
Does the man have no shame
? He’s basically naked in my kitchen. As though he’s reading my mind, he chuckles awkwardly down at me as he rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I didn’t think you’d be awake so early or I would’ve put on some clothes before I came out here. Would you like some coffee?”
“Oh, it’s okay,” I sa
y awkwardly, trying to look everywhere but at the small towel. “I can get it, but thank you.”
It’s then when
I realize with horror that he must have stayed the night and heard my screams. He doesn’t seem to be acting strange but he’s always so laid back and comfortable in any situation. He’s proving as much right now as he talks to me in my kitchen in just a towel, drinking his coffee while I’m in full fledge panic mode. I know he’s speaking but my mind is so locked on the fact that he heard me I can’t focus on his words.
“What are y’all do
ing in here?” Ana’s voice breaks my thoughts. I turn to see her coming into the kitchen in her robe.
“I di
dn’t know Drake stayed last night, Ana,” I say, staring at her as my tears threaten.
“Yeah, we got in late and he was too tired to drive back to Corpus,” she smile
s up at him and asks him to pour her a cup. When he turns around to get one out from the cupboard, Ana quickly turns to me and mimes ‘my lips are sealed’ signal and I believe her, immediately letting out a breath of relief.
“Knock, knock!” I
hear Chase’s booming voice traveling through the apartment. “Sorry, the door was open so I just let …” He stops dead in his tracks when he sees the three of us in the kitchen, all of us silent and gripping our coffee mugs. I turn to see him, not understanding why he looks so confused until I see his eyes settling on Drake’s towel. “Why is everyone naked in your kitchen, Sophie?”
Sophie
Why Drake and Ana think Chase’s question is so amusing is beyond me, but instead of trying to understand them, I turn my focus to Chase. His eyes are now possessively locked with mine.
After they briefly explain how we all
met in the kitchen in search of coffee, Drake excuses himself to Ana’s room to get ready for work and she follows him, leaving Chase and I standing alone in the kitchen.
“Good morning, Sophie,” he says
softly with a smile.
“Good morning,” I grin
back at him. “Do you want some coffee? I think there’s a little left.”
“Sure,” he answer
s as he follows me further into the small kitchen. I feel a little exposed in my short yellow robe and slippers. I can feel Chase’s eyes burning on my legs as I reach for a cup to pour his coffee in. Once I pour it into the cup, I realize I don’t even know how he drinks it, even though he knows my overly complicated brew like the back of his hand.
“Do you want milk,
sugar or anything?” I ask as I turn to face him.
He’
s wearing his work clothes today and his sleeveless shirt was making it impossible for me to concentrate on anything other than the muscular valleys of his arms and chest. I can’t keep from looking, no
gawking
, at him. His arms have to be bigger around than me and the ink sprawled across them is doing nothing to slow my ravenous thoughts.
“No milk
,” he says as he takes the cup from my hand before sitting it on the counter next to us.
Before
realizing what’s happening, he’s grabbing me by the knot in the belt of my robe and tugging me over to him. We’re so close I can practically taste his breath on mine. “But I’ll take some sugar,” he adds with a mischievous grin, planting a kiss on my lips.
My lips instinctively part
, granting him entry. As he softly sweeps his tongue against mine, we both hum with pleasure. He rests one hand on my hip as the other tangles itself into the hair at the nape of my neck, while my hands cling to the front of his blue work shirt.
As we
begin pulling away from each other, my hands are still locked onto the fabric draped across Chase’s chest. I’m still panting against his lips when I hear a throat being cleared in the doorway of the kitchen. My heart sinks down to my feet as I blush from top to bottom, my lips stilling instantly.
Chase sense
s my horrified expression and starts grinning like an idiot against my lips. I can hear the chuckling coming from deep inside his hard chest as I pull away slowly. I don’t know why, but I’m so mortified that I can’t even look the three of them in the eyes. Although Jack and I had a very active sex life, our living situation called for us to be discreet with our affection in public for the most part, making this new experience very awkward for me.
I quietly clear
my throat and stand up a little straighter while smoothing out Chase’s now disheveled work shirt. Managing to avoid eye contact with all three of them, I say a small, ‘Have a nice day,’ before peeling myself away from him and attempting to duck out of the kitchen.
Drake and Ana were both leaning in the doorway as I slip by with a barely audible
, ‘excuse me, please.’ I can see their chests shaking with stifled laughter out of my peripheral vision as they let me through and I make my way out to the balcony. As I push the door shut, I hear them all explode into laughter at my reaction. I lay my head back, pulling my knees to my chest and closing my eyes in childish embarrassment.
A
fter a few minutes, I hear the door quietly slide open and seconds later, I feel Chase’s presence even though I can’t see him. I can feel the seat shifting slightly below me as he sat next to me, taking up most of the seat. The clean, masculine scent that is uniquely his fills my senses as he props his arm behind me along the back of the bench.
His giant hand fi
nds my knee as I hear him whisper my name, a smile in his voice. “Sophie? You awake, Babe?”
My
heart warms when he calls me Babe and I manage a small smile, half opening one eye to find him smiling widely back down at me. “No.”
He laughs,
“I wanted to come and say a proper goodbye. Will you be at the bar this afternoon?” he asks.
“Probably. Why? A
re you avoiding me already?” I tease and receive yet another laugh from him.
“Never. Wanna get some dinner later?”
“Sure, sounds good.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later
then,” he answers, gently squeezing the knee his hand is still holding captive.
“Okay, have a good day.”
“I already am, Babe.”
Babe.
There it is again
.
He throw
s me a wink and a smile before planting a chaste kiss on my lips as he stands to leave. As I watch him walk back into the apartment to meet Drake, I feel lighter than I have in a while.
I’m still
thinking about our kiss when Ana walks out onto the balcony and sits next to me in the same spot Chase has just vacated.
“Wow, Sophie,” she sa
ys teasingly but I can hear the love and excitement in her voice. I nod in agreement, not really sure of what to say. “How are you feeling about things?” I think about her question for a couple of moments. While I’m feeling a hundred different things at once, only one thing springs to mind.
“Overwhelmed,” I answer
honestly. “I like him a lot but everything seems to be happening really quickly, you know? I told him I was scared last night and he said we could take things slow. I know he means it but I just think that this whole experience is so different from the life I’ve been living for the past year. How do you ease into something like this? Is it even possible?”
“Yeah, I think so, to an extent. I mean, you
should
take things slow because it is such a big change, but at the same time, you need to move forward to really give things a chance. If you’re willing to do that and you can be honest with each other about what you’re feeling, I think it’s definitely possible if it’s something you really want,” she says. “Is it something you really want, Soph?”
I
chew on my lip nervously as I consider her question even though I already knew the answer all along. “Yeah, I think I really do.”
She smiles lovingly,
putting her arm around my shoulders for a hug. “You know, I think he’s a good guy. I think Jack would like him a lot, Soph.”
My already teary eyes begi
n to stain my face. A small sob escapes my lips and I hug Ana back harder. “I think so, too.”
***
Chase
God, I loved seeing Sophie this morning. I’d left my house grinning like an idiot enough as it was. Seeing her in her little robe this morning, the flush over her cheeks when Drake and Ana walked in on us kissing in the kitchen was an added bonus. I’d have killed Drake for embarrassing her if she hadn’t been so damned adorable.
The rest of the day seem
s to drag on forever, but I knew that it’s just because I can’t wait to see her again. When the clock strikes five, I’m halfway to my truck and yelling at Drake to hurry up.
He laugh
s at me, but I know him well enough to know he isn’t far behind me in his rush to get to Ana. We’re both hopeless.
Once we mak
e it about halfway back to Rockport, we hit rush hour traffic and I actually think I’m going to lose it. I don’t realize how anxious I am until Drake says something.
“If you don’t stop bou
ncing in the seat you’re going to make me sick, Chase,” he jokes.
“Huh? What are you talking about?” I glance over.
“You’ve been rocking your knees and tapping your foot so hard that you’re shaking the cab of the truck. I’m getting carsick over here,” he laughs.
“Oh, sorry, man,” I answer
absentmindedly.
“It’s fine, you probably just didn’t notice because you’re so busy biting your nails.”
“Well, I can’t help it! What the hell is the problem up there?” I rant about the traffic. People are driving like idiots today.
“Sure, it’s the traffic,” h
e says while laughing harder.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Finally I look over at him and he was just shaking his head and grinning. “What?”
“So… you and Sophie huh?” Oh Lord, that’s what this is all about. I should’ve known that since he’d been so distracted with phone calls this morning he hadn’t had the time to bust my balls on the way in to work. I shake my head at the ridiculous look that’s spreading across his face. “No, man, I’m happy for you. She seems like a good girl,” he starts. “Does she know what a dork you are though?”
“Does Ana know you’re a jackass?” I laugh. “Because I’ll be happy to tell her for you.”
“No, you have your own problems, I’ll handle it, thanks,” he laughs again. “Seriously, though. I hope it works out, she seems great.”
“Yeah, thanks man.”
We finally make it back to Rockport and I drive straight to the bar. Sophie is usually there with Ana by this time so I’m not surprised to see her truck already in the parking lot. I park in the spot closest to hers before we make our way towards the entrance. I have to keep myself from walking too fast toward the door because I don’t want Drake fucking with me about it. I know I’m acting like a loser but I don’t care, I just want to see her.
When I walk in, I look
over to her usual spot and she and Ana are deep in conversation about something. She looks great, as always, in a pair of jeans and a black shirt that hangs low on one side, exposing the little freckles she has on her shoulder. Damn, she’s already driving me insane.
She has
n’t even looked at me yet and I’m losing my mind. I have it so bad for this girl that it’s not even funny. When Ana looks up and sees me and Drake walking inside, she smiles wide at him and I watch as he walks past me to reach over the bar for her.
I watch
as Sophie’s head turn as she searches for me. When our eyes met, we both stare at each other for a brief minute before we smile. I lean down to give her a quick kiss, even though it isn’t enough for me. I have to try and keep things low key for her, though.
Kissing her in the kitchen like that this morning
was amazing, but we agreed that we’d take things slow. If that’s what she needs, then I intend to honor the promise I’d made to her. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to throw her up against a wall and ravage her. It just means that I won’t until she’s ready. So instead I just said, “Hey, Baby,” and sit beside her.
The smile she gives me in return tells me she’s worth the wait.
***
Sophie
After getting dressed so I can meet Ana up at the bar, I decide to stop by the local bookstore and a café to put in some applications. I’m not really dressed for an interview, but I need a job and figure I look good enough to fill out an application. Today is Friday so I doubt anything will happen, but am ecstatic when I score at interview for the café on Monday. I don’t really want to wait tables again, but I can’t afford to be picky. Since they’re only open for breakfast and lunch, I figure the hours will be good.
As
I walk into the bar, I’m happy to see it isn’t busy yet. I want to tell Ana about the job interview and also have a chance to talk to her before Chase and Drake show up. She’s been spending a lot of time with Drake lately, which is fine by me, but it’s still nice when we have a few minutes to talk alone.
“Hey, Soph,” she look
s up and smiles. “Want a beer?”
“Sure, thanks. Hey I
got a job interview!” I report excitedly.
“Oh tha
t’s awesome! Where at?”
I fill
her in on the specifics of the café I’d stopped by today and we talk about that for a few minutes. Before long, an hour has passed and we know Chase and Drake will be turning up any time now. The thought crosses my mind when I hear her voice it.
“So, the guys will probably be in soon. You excited to see him?” she as
ks me with a newfound brightness in her eyes.
“I guess so,
although it’s still a little weird. I’ve been thinking about what you said this morning and it has helped a lot, but it’s still a little bittersweet, you know?”
“Yeah I know but try not to dwell on that part,” she s
ees my conflicted expression and touches my arm reassuringly. “That’s not what I meant, I just mean that you should try to enjoy yourself and know that you deserve to be happy. Always keep him in your heart, but know there’s room in there for Chase too if it’s what you want, you know what I mean?” she asks and I nod. “Did you at least mention a past relationship or anything yet?”
“No I don’t think I’m going to sa
y anything yet,” she arches her brow at me this time. “I think it’s too soon. Once I know if it’s going anywhere, I’ll talk to him. I just don’t want to mention it before I’m ready,” she nods her understanding.