The Philosopher's Pupil (72 page)

‘Look who's here,' said Alex, but she did not tell Ruby to leave.

‘I suggest George goes now,' said Brian. ‘Go on, get out, go.'

‘It's my house,' said Alex. ‘If you don't like it, you go.'

‘All right, let's play it differently,' said Brian. ‘I think we've got a right to ask George some questions.'

They had all been standing, with the exception of Ruby, and of Adam who was still sitting on the floor. George now sat down near the fireplace. His face had the plump exalted tender shining look which Tom had seen on it on Thursday evening and which had made him wonder if his brother were mad.

‘Oh, what's the use of asking George questions,' said Tom. ‘He'll just tell lies and I don't blame him!'

‘You don't
blame
him?' said Brian, turning to Tom. Brian was by now clearly very angry, but controlled.

‘Well, I do, but oh what the
hell,
what a
muddle,
you can't mend it or clear it by asking a few questions.'

‘I don't quite know what you mean — '

‘Let's question Tom,' said George. ‘Ask him where he was on Thursday night.'

‘Well, where were you?' said Brian.

George said, ‘I suppose you all know that Rozanov offered the little girl to Tom. Did you know that, Gabriel?'

‘No,' said Gabriel, again red.

‘Didn't you read about it in the newspaper?'

‘Yes, but it all sounded like nonsense, I didn't understand it, I didn't even try to — '

‘You ought to try to understand things,' said George, smiling.

Gabriel said timidly, ‘Yes.'

‘Rozanov was very angry with Tom, he wrote me a letter about it.'

‘Rozanov wrote to you about
me?
' said Tom.

‘Yes, he thought you had behaved very badly. You see, that was what that riotous party was all about, which people blamed me for. Tom, with his usual discretion and good manners, decided to serenade the lady with his drunken friends.'

‘That's not so — ' said Tom.

‘Isn't it?' said Brian. ‘Where
were
you on Thursday night?'

‘With Diane Sedleigh.'

‘There you are,' said George.

‘But not like
that.
'

‘You seemed to be on very intimate terms when I arrived,' said George. ‘You were reeking of face powder.'

Gabriel said, ‘Oh — '

‘Nothing happened between me and Mrs Sedleigh,' said Tom. ‘
You know that.
You're confusing everything, because you want to cover up your own beastly crimes.'

‘I don't know what you did with Rozanov's little girl,' said George, ‘but it certainly looks as if you behaved like a cad and she behaved like a — '

‘Stop,' said Tom.

‘You can't now claim to be a defender of her honour. Isn't it strange? It seems that Tom can do anything and still be Sir Galahad, and any ordinary mistake of mine is labelled a crime. You heard him just now talking about my crimes.'

‘I don't mean anything grand, just malicious lies!'

‘George brings disgrace on the family — ' said Brian, finding himself incoherent and made angrier thereby.

‘I agree with George,' said Alex.

‘So do I,' said Gabriel, ‘I feel George has come back to us, ever since he rescued Zed, he is saved, he's back, we lost him, it was our fault, we all exaggerate what he does, everyone exaggerates, we pounce on every little thing and call him wicked.'

‘Isn't it wicked to …' Brian began.

‘It's like a conspiracy,' said Gabriel, unconsciously waving her hand about.

‘Isn't it wicked to try to kill one's wife? Wouldn't you think I was wicked if I tried to kill you?'

‘But he didn't. It was an accident.'

‘Then why hasn't Stella come back? Think
that
one out. Stella's afraid. That brave strong woman is afraid.'

‘I don't know why Stella hasn't come back and neither do you. I don't see why Stella should never be blamed.'

‘I know why you're against Stella — '

‘Oh stop,
stop!
' said Tom, holding his head.

Alex, her eyes shining, murmured, ‘Go on.'

‘It was an accident,' said Gabriel, ‘and so was the Roman glass.'

‘Oh hang the Roman glass,' said Brian.

Gabriel went on, ‘George hasn't really done anything bad at all, it's we who are living in a fantasy world when we blame him so. Perhaps he just drinks a bit, that's all. But we drink, look at us now. He's really quite an ordinary person.'

‘I don't think
that's
quite true,' said Alex.

‘I don't mean it in a nasty way,' said Gabriel.

‘I'm sure you don't,' said Brian. ‘There you were, down at the seaside, exposing your breasts to him.'

‘
What?
'

‘You were pretending to look after Zed and you undid your blouse to let George see your breasts.'

‘I
didn't.
'

During the argument Adam had crawled away from the centre of the room and was sitting in a corner with Zed curled up beside him. Zed, not unaware of hearing his name mentioned at intervals, suddenly uncurled himself and trotted across the carpet straight to George. George promptly picked him up and set him on his knee. Adam then jumped up and followed Zed, posting himself on the floor near George's feet. George laughed.

‘There!' said Alex.

‘You - you bewitch - everyone — ' said Brian, hardly able to speak.

‘I don't think George wants to be an ordinary person,' said Tom.

Gabriel said, ‘I didn't mean it like - and I didn't - do that - what Brian said — '

‘George,' said Brian, ‘let me ask you straight, and under God or whatever you believe in, whether you did or did not try to kill Stella that night. Now tell the truth for once, if you dare to, if you have any guts, if you're a man and not just a mean vicious little rat.'

There was a moment's silence. George suddenly lost his look of bland assurance, the ‘shining' look which so much puzzled Tom. He said, ‘I'm … not sure … I can't remember …'

‘Well, you'd bloody better remember, hadn't you,' said Brian. ‘It is important, you know. At least it's important to me to know whether or not I have a murderer for a brother!'

‘He hasn't killed anybody,' said Alex to Brian, ‘he hasn't tried to kill anybody, and he wouldn't and couldn't! Just stop attacking him, will you! Can't you be charitable for once? You think
you're
the righteous one, you seem to me just a pharisee, you can't even be decently polite to your wife in public.'

Gabriel started to cry.

‘Oh go away all of you!' said Alex. ‘Not you,' she said to George.

George put Zed down on the floor. Adam rolled away and got up. Before she became too upset to do so, Gabriel had been observing her son and trying to decide to tell him to go out into the garden. He might be damaged by hearing the grown-ups fight so, but equally perhaps by a peremptory banishment. Adam had at first seemed bright-eyed, rather amused, suddenly resembling his grandmother. Now however, near to tears, he picked up Zed and ran to Gabriel.

Gabriel made for the door. Brian followed saying, ‘Oh hang it all!' Tom looked at George.

George was sitting with his hands squarely on his knees, with vague unfocused eyes, his lips parted, frowning with puzzlement.

Alex said, ‘Go, Tom, go, dear, I'm not angry with you.'

Tom went out, closing the door. He went down the stairs. The front door stood open where the Brian McCaffreys, in their disordered retreat, had failed to shut it. Tom turned toward the back door. He emerged into the garden and ran across the grass to the Slipper House. Like Hattie, he rang the bell, tried the doors, peered through the windows. No one.

It was beginning to rain. Tom ran on along the slippery mossy path under the trees and out of the back gate. He closed the back gate. He stood in the street with the rain quietly soaking his long hair and running down his face like tears, and he held his head firmly between his two hands, trying to think.

As the door closed after Tom, Alex said to Ruby, who was still sitting on the chair near the door:

‘How dare you sit in my presence and how dare you come into the drawing-room and listen to our family talk! Go away at once, please.'

As Ruby rose, George said, ‘Ruby love, be a dear and bring us some sandwiches, would you? You know the ones I like, tomato and cucumber, and cress and cream cheese.'

Ruby vanished.

‘I'm frightened of her,' said Alex. ‘She's become different, as if there were an evil spirit in her. She's even become
larger,
like a sort of big robot.'

‘She's practically one of the family,' said George, ‘and she's old now. She knows all about us. It's her one interest in life.'

‘Yes, and she tells everybody! She gossips spitefully about us at the Institute. I'm sure she told someone about your looking at that girl through the glasses. She saw from the garden. She's
everywhere.
'

‘Oh never mind,' said George. ‘It doesn't matter.' He sneezed.

‘You've got a cold.'

‘Yes, I got it from Tom.'

‘I think that Gabriel is the silliest wettest human-being I've ever met. And she's in love with you.'

‘Yes. That doesn't matter either.'

‘Sit down,' said Alex. ‘Why did you come now?'

‘Because of Bill the Lizard.'

‘I thought so.'

She sat down near to George and looked at him quietly. It was a long time since she had done that. George looked older and almost strange to her in a way she could not measure. Perhaps some general idea which she had had of his face was now suddenly seen to be out of date. His hair had grown a little longer than usual (he had not been to the barber) and showed daubs of grey at the temples. There were new discoloured wrinkles round his eyes. He was again looking worried. The charming boyish look was in abeyance. Now the older face appeared, George as he would be when he was sixty or seventy, less plump, more gaunt, more lined. The lines were already faintly sketched on the brow which had been smooth so long. Alex looked, feeling the pain of her love for him. She thought, I have somehow relied on George being invulnerable, untouchable, youthful, somehow like myself, a guarantor of myself. But now he looks just like an ordinary worried muddled mediocre shop-soiled man. She saw his shabby suit, his dirty shirt, his need of a shave.

Meanwhile George was looking at Alex and thinking, how old and stiff and sort of ailing she has become, and she stoops and her skin has become brown and loose and dry, dirty-looking, and her mouth droops into those long gloomy furrows and her eyelids are stained and puffy, and why must she still paint them so. She looks pathetic and touching, and I've never seen her look like that before.

George smiled and wrinkled up his short nose rather like Zed and showed his short square wide-apart teeth and looked young again.

‘Nice to see you, Alex.'

‘Nice to see you, George.'

‘Bill was somebody. I might have talked to Bill.'

‘I wish you had.'

‘It doesn't matter, but it's sad. His death touched old things, things before it all began.'

‘What is “it”?' she asked, but he did not answer that.

‘You know, I feel changed. Perhaps Gabriel was right. What did she say? “Saved”, “Come back.”'

‘Changed? How?'

Ruby came in with the sandwiches then withdrew.

‘I'm peckish. You have some?'

‘No, thanks,' said Alex.

George began to eat the sandwiches voraciously. He had not eaten since noon on the previous day. He said, ‘We're going to Spain.'

‘We?'

‘Me and Diane Sedleigh. We're going to live in Spain on my pension.'

‘Where in Spain?' said Alex, watching him intently with her narrow-eyed cat-look.

‘I don't know yet. Somewhere cheap. We'll have to look at the map, get advice. I've got some money saved, and quite a decent pension. It'll go further in Spain. We'll live near the sea and eat cheaply, olives and fruit and fish. It's suddenly occurred to me that I might be able to be happy at last, it's not too late, it's not impossible, have what I want. We'll be different people. We'll forget this place ever existed.'

‘Can I come too?' said Alex.

George stopped munching. ‘Would you like to?'

‘Yes, very much. I wouldn't be in your way. I'd live somewhere not terribly far off and invite you to lunch. We could go swimming together sometimes.'

‘And Diane?'

‘I'd like Diane, why not.'

‘Even if she wants to be Diane McCaffrey? She does, you know.'

‘Yes. I feel I'm changing too. Some revolution is accomplished.'

‘Perhaps it's something to do with William, some bit of his soul that's flown into us. Except that it's been coming … I now see … for a long time…'

‘Could I come? I've got plenty of money. We could build two houses. I'd pay for a car.'

‘Alex,' said George, ‘we're inspired, we've become gods!'

And he looked at her with his radiant bland mad face, in which, at that moment, Alex saw the reflection of her own. They stared at each other. George said, ‘I must go.'

‘I'll think of you with Diane, looking at that map.'

George murmured, ‘Don't worry. There's a place beyond.'

‘Beyond Spain?'

‘No - just beyond - beyond. It's not like I thought, with a great heave of the will, or by great excessive things, at all - when all is permitted one doesn't want to, you see - it's so easy, just a matter of relaxing - and simply letting go - of all that — '

‘All what?'

‘Never mind. Dear, dear Alex. Kiss me as if we were … anybody … nobody … as of course … we are …'