He remembered the smile fading from his face, a chill seeping into his body. He watched a pedophile capture rolls of film of laughing little children and all he could think was that his girls were only a few feet away. His sweet, beautiful, healthy little
girls with their mother's striking dark blond hair.
He had spoken to them urgently, angrily. Look at that man, he had instructed them, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. Know what he is, he had told them. And don't be afraid to run.
Kimberly had nodded solemnly, absorbing his words with fierce concentration. Mandy, however, had started to cry. Weeks later, she still had nightmares about a man in a smelly overcoat who came with a camera to take her away.
"No," he said hoarsely now. "I won't allow cameras. Try and I swear I'll move Mandy's grave."
The other agents were looking at him curiously. Everett said, "Maybe it's time to think about taking a few sick days…"
"I'm fine!" Quincy tried again, but his voice still sounded odd, not like him. He sounded desperate, he realized. He sounded like a desperate father. And then he had a strange thought. It came to him as instinct, something he understood better than truth.
This is what the stalker wanted.
The UNSUB had set up this first wave of attack not just to make his identity harder to pinpoint, but to have some fun. To identify Quincy 's deepest wound and rip at it savagely.
Quincy licked his lips and sought once more for control. "Listen to me. This is not about my daughter. The UNSUB could care less about my daughter. He gave out that information just to get a cheap thrill."
"So you know who it is then?" Glenda Rodman seemed intent on pinning him down.
"No, I don't know who it is. I'm simply theorizing based upon the company I keep."
"In other words, you don't know shit," Montgomery declared.
"Agent, you are not turning my daughter's grave into some obscene stakeout."
"Why?" Montgomery pushed. "It's not like it's something you haven't asked of other families."
"You son of a bitch – "
" Quincy!" Everett interrupted sharply. Quincy stilled as they all drew up short. He was slightly surprised to find that his hand was raised in midair, his index finger jabbing at Montgomery as if he would do the man harm.
"I know this is difficult," the SAC said quietly, "but you're still a federal agent, Quincy, and breaches of security are a threat to all of us. Take a few days. The case team will monitor your house and apprise you of any new developments. In the meantime, you can make yourself comfortable in a nearby hotel or perhaps take a visit to see family."
"Sir, listen to me – "
"Agent, how long has it been since you've slept?"
Quincy fell silent. He knew he had bags beneath his eyes, he knew he had lost weight. When Mandy had died, he had told himself that he was too smart to let it eat away at him. He'd lied.
The other agents were still staring at them. He could read their judgments on their faces.
Quincy
's losing it. Quincy 's strung too tight. Told you he shouldn't have returned to work so soon after the funeral…
The FBI and animals in the wild, he thought: all culled the weak from their herd.
"I'll… I'll find a hotel," he said brusquely. "I just need to pack a few things."
"Excellent. Glenda, you and Albert will be in charge of setting up surveillance of Quincy 's house."
Glenda nodded. "Ill send you daily reports," she offered Quincy, her tone even, but her eyes kind.
"I'd appreciate that," he said stiffly.
"We're on top of things," Everett concluded firmly, and nodded at the group. "You'll see, Quincy. It'll be all right."
Quincy simply shook his head. He walked back to his office in silence. He watched the play of stale fluorescent light over industrial-cream cinder block. He wondered again what kind of man chose a job that denied him daylight.
When he was inside his office, he closed the door. Then he called the one person who might be able to help him now, who might still be able to protect Mandy's grave.
He called Bethie, but somewhere in Philadelphia the phone merely rang and rang and rang.
Greenwich Village
,
New York
City
Kimberly left her
apartment walking fast. She'd gotten up early – Wednesday was her weekly shooting lesson – and lately she'd come to really need her time on the firing range. She'd donned jeans and a casual T-shirt, stuck her fine long hair into a ponytail, then headed out to catch the commuter train to Jersey. Just like clockwork, she told herself. Wednesday morning just like any other Wednesday morning. Breathe deep. Inhale the smog.
It wasn't like any other Wednesday morning. For starters, she no longer had to show up for work. She had been so pale and jumpy yesterday afternoon, Dr. Andrews had grumpily ordered her to take the rest of the week off, her first vacation since Mandy's funeral. She could take her time today. Stop and smell the roses. Ease up a little, as her professor had instructed her to do.
Her footsteps remained compulsively quick, more of a run than a walk. She glanced over her shoulder more than any normal person should. And even though she absolutely, positively knew better, she was carrying her Glock.40 fully loaded and with the first round already chambered.
Don't be this freaky,
she kept telling herself.
She was doing it anyway.
Funny thing was, she didn't even feel that bad at the moment. No hairs standing up at the nape of her neck. No cold chills creeping down her spine. No sense of doom, which almost always preceded the anxiety attacks. The weather was balmy. The streets possessed enough people so that she was not isolated, while also being few enough people for her to maintain a large safety zone around herself. And even if someone did try to attack her, she found herself thinking, she was fully trained in self-defense as well as heavily armed. Kim-berry Quincy a victim? Not likely.
Yet she was grateful to arrive at Penn Station. She took a seat on the commuter train, scrutinized her fellow passengers, and finally concluded that none of them appeared the slightest bit interested in her. People read magazines. People watched the scenery go by. People ignored her in favor of their own lives. Who would've thought?
"You're a fucking psycho," she murmured, which finally did earn her a look from the guy sitting next to her. She thought of telling him that she was carrying a loaded gun, but given that he was heading into Jersey, he was probably carrying one, too. As Dr. Andrews liked to say, normality was a relative term.
The train slowed for her stop. Just for the hell of it, she gave the guy next to her a big huge grin. He immediately broke eye contact and assumed the submissive position. That made her feel better for the first time in days.
She got off the train with a lighter step and was immediately assaulted by 100 percent humidity. Ah, another lovely Jersey day.
She hefted her bag onto her shoulder and started walking at a much more normal pace. New York City was behind her. The shooting range was only a few blocks away. New Jersey was hardly safer than Greenwich Village, but she did feel better here. Lighter. Free from some burden she couldn't name.
Kimberly had loved shooting from the first moment she'd cajoled her parents into letting her go. She'd started begging at eight. Her father had done the expected thing and told her to talk to her mother. Her mother had done the expected thing and said, absolutely not. Kimberly, however, had been possessed. Every time her father headed for the practice range, she started badgering. Four years later, on her twelfth birthday, her mother finally caved.
"Guns are loud, guns are violent, guns are evil. But if you won't take my word for it, fine! Go shoot yourself silly."
Mandy had wanted to go, too, but for a change their parents both agreed that handling guns would not be in Mandy's best interest. That suited Kimberly just fine. Mandy cried. Mandy got upset. Mandy was a big baby, and Kimberly was more than delighted to have an afternoon with her father all to herself.
She wasn't sure what her father thought. It was always hard to know what her father thought.
At the firing range, he carefully explained the basic rules for gun handling and firearms safety. She learned how to take apart a.38 Chiefs Special, name all the parts, clean all the parts, and then put them back together again. Then came lectures on always keeping the gun pointed at a safe target. Always keep the gun unloaded until ready to fire. Always keep the safety on until ready to fire. Always wear earplugs and eye protection. Always listen to the range officer. Load when he says load, fire when he says fire, and cease firing when he says cease fire.
Then at long last, her father let her aim the.38
Chiefs Special at a paper target and practice dry firing, while he stood behind her and adjusted her aim. She remembered the muffled sound of his voice next to her ear, more like a deep rumble than words. She remembered being anxious to get to live ammunition after two hours of straight lectures, and her father, exhibiting his typical, maddening calm.
"A gun is not a toy. On its own, a gun is not even a weapon. It's an inanimate object. It is up to you to bring it to life and use it responsibly. Whose job is it to use it responsibly?"
"Mine!"
"Very good. Now let's go through it one more time…"
It had taken four trips to the firing range before he let her fire live rounds. He placed the target at fifteen feet. She hit it with a respectable six shots, four clustered in the middle. She promptly dropped her pistol, jerked off her goggles, and threw her arms around her father's neck.
"I did it, I did it, I did it! Daddy, I did it!"
And her father said, "Don't ever throw down your firearm like that! It could go off and hit someone. First put on the safety, then set down the gun and step away from the firing line. Remember, you must treat your pistol responsibly."
She had been deflated. Maybe even tears flooded her eyes. She didn't remember anymore. She just recalled the curious change that came over her father's face. He looked at her crestfallen expression and perhaps he finally heard his own words, because his features suddenly shifted.
He said quietly, "You know what, Kimmy? That was great shooting. You did a wonderful job. And sometimes… sometimes your father is a real ass."
She had never heard her father call himself an ass before. She was pretty sure that was one of the words she was never supposed to repeat. And she liked that. That made it special. Their first real father-daughter moment. She could shoot a gun. And sometimes Daddy was a real ass.
She went with him to the firing range from then on out, and under his patient tutelage she graduated from a.38 Chiefs Special to a.357 Magnum to a 9mm semi-auto. As a form of silent protest, her mother enrolled her in ballet. Kimberly attended two lessons before coming home and announcing, "Fuck ballet! I want a rifle."
That got her mouth washed out with soap and no TV for a week, but was still worth every syllable. Even Mandy had been impressed. In a rare show of support, she'd spent the next few weeks saying fuck everything, and together they went through two bars of Ivory soap. A curious, delirious month, back in the days when the four of them had been a family.
Funny the things she hadn't thought about in a while. Funny the way the memory made her breathe hard now, like someone had socked her in the stomach, like someone was slowly squeezing her chest.
Dammit, Mandy. You couldn't stay out of the driver's seat? Sure, quitting drinking is hard, but you could've at least stayed off the roads!
No more fucking ballet. No more fucking anything. Just a white cross in beautiful, prestigious Arlington cemetery because her mother's family was loaded with military connections and had somehow earned Bethie and her children the honor. Mandy and war heroes. Who would've thought?
Kimberly had barely been able to make it through the funeral. She had thought the irony might drive her mad, and she didn't think her mother could take it if she had started laughing hysterically, so Kimberly had spent the whole service with her lips pressed into a bloodless line. And her father? Once again, it was so hard to know what her father thought.
He'd been calling her lately. Leaving gently inquiring messages because she wouldn't pick up the phone. She didn't return his calls. Not his calls, not her mother's calls. Not anyone's calls. Not now. Not yet. She didn't know when. Maybe soon?
She didn't like the anxiety attacks. They shamed her and she didn't want to speak to her overly perceptive father when he might catch the fear in her voice.
Guess what, Dad? I couldn't teach Mandy to be strong, but apparently she's inspired me to be a flake. Whoo-hoo! Lucky you. Two fucked-up daughters.
She arrived at the shooting club. She pushed through the wooden door into the dimly lit lounge area, and the cooler air swept over her like a welcoming breeze. The club boasted a small, utilitarian lounge, empty this early in the morning, then the door leading to the cavernous shooting range. Kimberly didn't look at the threadbare sofa or the tall display case filled with shooting medals or the line of animal-head trophies mounted on the wall. She was looking for him. Even as she told herself that wasn't why she'd been so excited to get here first thing this morning, she was looking for the new gun pro, Doug James.
Thick brown hair, sprinkled with silver at the temples. Deep blue eyes, crinkled with laugh lines at the corners. A tall, well-toned body. A broad, hard-muscled chest. Doug James had started at the rifle association six months ago, and Kimberly wasn't the only female who was suddenly very interested in lessons.
Not that she thought about him that way. She wasn't like Mandy, always on the lookout for a man. She wasn't like her mom, incapable of defining herself except through a man's eyes. Anyway, Doug James was almost as old as her father. A happily married man, besides. And he was a terrific shot, of course. Had won a lot of shooting competitions, or so the rumors went.
All in all, he was a highly capable instructor, who was working wonders with her stance.
And a patient man. Kind. Had a way of looking at her, as if he was genuinely interested in what she was saying. Had a way of greeting her, as if he was made happier by her simply entering the room. Had a way of talking to her, as if he understood all the things she didn't say… the nightmares she still had of her sister where she was in the car with Mandy, grabbing desperately at the wheel… the sense of isolation that would sweep down upon her suddenly, with her sister gone, her parents fragmented, until she felt like a speck of sand in a vast, uncaring universe.
The need she had today, to come here and fire a mammoth firearm at a puny paper target as if that would bring her world back together again. As if that would make her strong.
She walked up to the counter, where the head of the rifle association, Fred Eagen, was bent over a stack of paperwork.
"I'm ready for Doug," she said.
"Doug's not here today. Called in sick." Fred flipped over the next document, signed the bottom. "He was going to try you at your apartment. You must've already left."
Kimberly blinked. "But… but…"
"I guess it came on quick."
"But…" She sounded like an idiot.
Fred finally looked up. "If a guy gets sick, a guy gets sick. Hell see you next week."
"Next week. Of course, next week," she murmured and struggled to recover her bearings. Sick. It happened. Why should she feel this bereft? He was just a gun instructor, for God's sake. She didn't need him. She didn't need anyone. Why oh why were her hands suddenly shaking so badly. And why, oh why, did she suddenly feel so desperately, keenly alone?
She took her gun. She went out to the firing range and set up. Earplugs and protective eye gear. Box of ammunition. Smell of cordite in the air. The fragrance of her youth, the comforting weight of her Glock, loose in her hand.
She set up targets fifty feet back. She annihilated paper hearts, she shredded paper heads. But she already knew now, that it wouldn't be enough. She had not come here for the practice. She had come here for a man.
And more than anything else that had happened in the last month, that proved to her that something wasn't right anymore. Strong, logical Kimberly wasn't the person she had always thought herself to be.
When she left, she was walking too fast again, and even though it was ninety-five degrees out, she fought a chill.
* * *
Bethie was nervous. No, she was giddy. No, she was nervous. Okay, she was both.
Standing outside her stately brick town house in Society Hill on a sunny Wednesday morning, she ran a quick hand over her sundress and picked imaginary lint from the tiny purple flowers that patterned the gold silk. Next she inspected her freshly painted toenails, now colored Winsome Wine, whatever that meant, and peeking out from strappy gold sandals. She didn't detect any signs of smudging. She glanced at her hands. Fine, as well.
She'd risen at five A.M.; for the first time in months, anticipation of good things had brought her instantly awake and eager to start the day. With Tristan not due to arrive for another two hours, she'd celebrated her morning with a long overdue bubble bath followed by an impromptu pedicure. She'd even done her fingernails, and it still shocked her to look down and see two well-groomed hands. It had been a while, longer than she wanted to think.
Now she had a large wicker picnic basket slung over her left arm. She'd bought it years ago on a whim, one of those impulse buys based more upon the life she wished she was leading than the life she truly led. She had thought of it immediately when Tristan had suggested they go for a drive, and had dedicated twenty minutes of her morning to locating the basket in the back of her kitchen pantry. She'd then stocked it with crackers and Brie, grapes and caviar, a fresh French baguette and a bottle of La Grande Dame champagne. Tristan struck her as a man of refined tastes, and yes, she was definitely trying to impress.
She glanced at her watch. Ten past seven. She grew nervous again. What if he didn't show? She was leaping to conclusions. After all, last night she'd been nearly twenty minutes late, but she'd still kept their date.