The Navy's Ghost (Bad Boys of Beta Squad) (9 page)

“
Ensign?”

“Yes
, sir.” The words floated as mere whispers in the air, but he heard them clearly.

“Are you gonna give up on me,
Brickman?”

“No
, sir.”

R
elief cascaded through Jim. She answered.
Thank you sweet God in heaven
. He glanced up at Todd, but the medic’s gaze remained riveted to Chris’s face and his hand squeezed hers in a rhythmic pulse.

“Th
en it’s time to fight.” Jim kept his voice even despite the urge to panic. “Fight the fever, fight the infection. No one can get you out of this but you. Besides, if you give up, you’re gonna make me and the rest of Beta Squad look bad. You want that, Ensign?”

“No
, sir. I want Retro. And I want Magic, both of them.” Her face suddenly creased into an anguished grimace. “You said it was important to tell them, but they didn’t want me. Neither of them. I’m a freak, messed up, unnatural woman. I saw their faces when I told them. They looked like they were going to throw up, sir.”

Todd
sucked in a surprised breath as guilt crashed through Jim. Damn. Had he telegraphed his fears to her when she told them what she felt? She believed they didn’t want her.
But who is she talking to in her mind?

“Are you sure,
Brickman?” Jim ruthlessly stilled the quaver in his voice. “Did they say anything? Did they tell you they didn’t want you?”

“No
, sir.” She whimpered. “They didn’t have to.”

“I don’t think you got a clear read on the situation,
Ensign.” Todd’s soft drawl drew her head to the side. Jim caught the glitter of her eyes through the slits in her lids, but he didn’t think she actually saw the blond SEAL. “See, you didn’t give them boys much time to answer you and it’s a huge thing when a pretty lady such as yourself offers her love to one man, let alone two. They can’t just answer her right quick without giving her offer due consideration.”

Todd
hammed it up too much with his southern accent, but it seemed to calm Chris down so Jim kept his mouth shut about it.

Yet another way
Magic is the better man for her.

“But they just looked shell-
shocked, sir.”

“Well, see, they probably were a little shocked. You’re the prettiest girl in all the Teams and they
’d never had a better offer. But sharin’ that pretty girl, well that’s more than most men ever consider. Now it ain’t a bad thing. Not by a long shot.” Magic’s gaze burned into Retro’s, sending him the same message. “But it does take some considerin’. Just don’t give up on them. They had to get their minds around the idea before they could just haul off and answer.”

“But
—”

“Are you handing us excuses,
Ensign?” Jim growled. “Are you giving up on the fight because two men didn’t answer you fast enough? Where is the famous SEAL patience, Brickman? Are you giving up on the mission?”

“No
, sir.”

“I didn’t hear you,
Ensign.”

“No
, sir.” Her answer wasn’t loud, but her voice had gained some strength. He took it as a good sign.

“Very good, Brickman. Here’s the situation as it stands at this moment. You got a helluva fight ahead of you, but there’s clear water once you’re through. You have a high fever raging because of an infection in your leg, a le
g, I might remind you, Chief Warrant Officer Hunter repaired for you in the field. Are you going to put all his hard work to shame? Are you going to let him down?”

“No
, sir.”

“
How do you feel about those two boys, really, Brickman?” Magic asked quietly.

“I love them, sir.”

“One more than the other?”

“No
, sir. I love them both, with all my heart.”

“Do you know how they feel about you?”

Again, Chris’s face crumpled, but no tears fell. She didn’t have the water to spare. Magic checked the IV, but the saline bag hung nearly full.

“No, sir, I don’t. I couldn’t ask in the Teams and they didn’t tell. I had to watch them go out with those simpering bimbos. Nothing but T&A, but I couldn’t tell them I loved them.”

Shit
. Jim never thought Chris noticed the women he’d slept with over the years. Hell, he didn’t even remember most of them. They’d existed as a momentary relief from the battle rage or strictly R&R, but nothing to keep him interested. He’d lusted after Chris for months, but the same reluctance she experienced in the Teams had infected him as well. Hitting on a team member created too many problems. It screwed up the dynamic and invited death.

“Did you tell them boys how you felt when they came to visit?” Magic
wore a sour expression, his mouth tight.

“Yes
, sir, but they just looked at me like I was nuts. I think I scared them.”

“Scared them?” Magic snorted with derision. “You think you scared a pair of SEALs?”

Even with her eyes mostly closed, Chris lifted her chin in challenge. “Yes sir.”

Magic chuckled and shot Retro a glance. “She
’s got your number, man.”

“Shut up.”

“Even so, Ensign,” Todd said in a softer voice, “you just gonna let them go? I think they deserve another chance to answer your offer. At least to counter offer. Whaddaya say, Brickman? Do you wanna hear what they have to say on the subject?”

“Yes sir.”

“Then you gotta wake up and talk to them ’cause they want to make sure you get the message loud and clear. Do you hear me, Ensign Brickman?”

“Yes sir.” She struggled, twisting her head back and forth as if shaking off a smothering hood. Sweat beaded on her forehead, sliding down the side of her face to soak the pillowcase but her eyes opened clear, fastening on Jim.

“Retro.”

“Hey, Ghost. What the hell is going on? Why are you succumbing to some measly little fever? You giving up on something?”

“Waters.” Chris shifted her gaze to Todd.

“Hey, Magic. You okay?”

Why would she talk to Todd rather than him?

Because Todd Hunter is the better man
and didn’t yell at her, moron.

“Actually, no, not really.
” Magic squeezed her hand. “I’m pretty damn worried about you. See, from where I’m sittin’, it looks like you’re givin’ up and that just ain’t right. If you give up, then I won’t be able to tell you how beautiful you look or how much I love you ever again. In fact, I’m bettin’ you’d miss a whole buttload of opportunities to hear how I feel if you just give up and die.”

Chris didn’t say anything for a long time, her gaze s
tudying Magic’s face. The blond man’s expression filled with all his love for her and Jim had to blink back his tears. Damn! Why hadn’t he ever seen Todd’s feelings for Chris? Either the man was better at hiding them or he’d been too tied up in his own emotions to notice.

Shit.

“How do you feel, Magic?” she whispered at last, her expression wary.

“Well, that’s where it
gets real complicated real fast.” A smile curled across Todd’s handsome face. “See, I’m pretty head over heels in love with you, Ensign Christiana, and I have been for some time now. When you got shot in the warehouse, I figured I might lose the best woman in the world, the only woman I love, and it didn’t sit well with me.”

“You’re in love with me?” Her eyes widened.

“Yes, ma’am, I am.”

“Are you sure?”

Magic barked out a half-offended, half-amused laugh. “Yes, ma’am, I’m sure.”

Her hazel eyes shifted back to Jim and he
fell into her gaze. He wanted her so much it made his chest ache, but he wasn’t worthy of her. He couldn’t contaminate her with unnatural needs. But he could, and did, love her.

“What about you, Retro? How do you feel?”

“Right now, you got me nervous, Ensign.”

“
Nervous about what?”

“
Nervous you might leave before I could tell you I love you.” He glanced at Todd and his buddy dipped his head in encouragement. “It’s hard for me to admit after Magic gave you his declaration, but if you’re giving up on life, I’d like you to know before you go.”

Chris’
s gaze shifted away, scanning the room beyond them and the new vases of flowers decorating the room. Then she refocused on the men.

“I’m still in the hospital.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Magic said.

“How do I know this isn’t a dream? The last time I talked to you two, you looked like I’d just told you I
was gonna to run a marathon unarmed in Afghanistan. How do I know, with all the drugs in my system, this is real?”

“Does this feel real to you?”

Before his mind could catch up to his body, Jim leaned forward and kissed Chris. Even with the scent of fever and medicine, her soft lips damn near dragged a groan from his chest. He’d fantasized countless times of kissing her and reality bested the fantasies. He kept the kiss tender and sweet, but arousal shot through his body and stiffened his cock. Jim forced himself to pull away, to revel in the little pleasure he’d taken.

Chris sighed and
a pale smile lifted her lips. “That was a dream come true.”

Jim grinned, suddenly giddy. “For me, too, Ghost. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you, too, Jim.”

She reached for his hand and he engulfed it in his large palm.
Her skin scorched his.

“Are you gonna give up
on this fight, then?” He coughed around a large lump in his throat.

“No
, sir. Not if you’re waiting for me in the clear water.”

“You can count on it, Brickman. We’ll both be waiting for you.”

Even if I don’t take my share, I’ll still wait.

“We won’t give up on you if you don’t give up on us, Ghost.” Todd reached out with his free hand and brushed the sweat off Chris’
s forehead.

“Are you sure you’re okay with everything,
Magic? I know I’m asking a lot—”

“I’m more than okay, darlin’.
” He pulled her hand up to his lips and dropped a soft kiss against her knuckles. “I didn’t know how to answer you before. I had to talk it over with Retro, but knowing you want us both makes it easier.”

“Easier?” She raised an eyebrow. “How can my wanting both of you make this easier?”

Magic chuckled, shaking his head ruefully. “I don’t have to lose either one of you now. I kinda suspected Retro had given his heart to you, but how could I take the girl he wanted from him? If you chose me, I’d lose him as a friend. If you chose him, I’d lose you. Neither option suited me very well.”

Chris rotated her head to look back at Jim and her gaze
hit him like a punch in the gut. The exhaustion dulling the hazel in her eyes sickened him. He wanted to wipe it all away, but he focused on holding her hand and offering her his strength.

“Tell me the truth, Jim
.” She leveled him with her gaze. “Are you really okay with this? I meant it when I said I wanted you. I love you both and I can’t imagine my life without either of you.” She grimaced. “It’s bad enough I won’t be on the squad anymore. I want to spend my off duty time with you. That’s all I’ll get when you’re gone on missions. Tell me I haven’t just fucked everything up.”

He didn’t want to lie to h
er, but he couldn’t tell her he had to resist his darkest desires, and giving into his dangerous addiction.

“You haven’t
fucked anything up, sweetheart.” He offered her a sad smile. “I love you. Magic loves you and we each get a piece of your heart.”

“But…
”

“I…
I’m just not too sure about the sharing part.” He bowed his head over her hand, choosing his words carefully. “I don’t mind your love for Hunter or his love for you, but I’m kinda traditional when it comes to sex.”

The words falling from his lips seemed to be spoken in someone else’s
voice. “You know the whole guy-meets-girl, they hook up, and they sail off into the sunset together. I don’t think I could handle watching you with anyone else, even someone as close as Magic.” He swallowed before he gagged on the lies. “I’m sorry, Ghost.”

Jim raised his eyes and caught Todd’s questioning look. For a moment, Jim’s guts clenched with panic. Did Magic know about his addiction, the dark needs that sometimes overwhelmed his knowledge of right and wrong?

No, no, he can’t know. I’ve told no one and Dad wouldn’t have said anything. He’s just wondering how I can be so stupid to walk away from the woman I love.

It took everything he had to meet Chris’
s eyes. He resisted the urge to crawl under the bed and hide from her penetrating gaze. The pain echoing through her face cut him to the core. God, why did she have to be so beautiful and so willing to give him what he feared to want most?

“Okay, Lieutenant.
” She nodded, her expression closed. “I know it isn’t for everyone and suspected you might turn me down. I just hoped you’d be okay with it.” She didn’t pull her hand from his grasp, but she relaxed her fingers, no longer gripping him back. “Just know the offer’s always open should you change your mind.”