The Mimosa Tree (21 page)

I choke on my breadstick and shower crumbs past his face and onto the table like I'm a bread sprinkler. ‘Isn't he your cousin?' I say, pouring another glass of wine to help get the stuck stuff down. It takes a few gulps to clear my throat and polish off the glass and then I start feeling a little bit woozy, like suddenly I'm on a boat. The feeling isn't unpleasant at all. In fact, I have to resist a strong urge to giggle though I have no
idea what is actually making me want to laugh so much.

‘Doesn't mean I have to like him. I'm just here for the free feed. And the wine.'

‘Well,' I say, sweeping my spat-out crumbs into the napkin on my lap. ‘My friend seems to like him for some reason.'

Julio nods sadly. ‘They all do,' he says filling my glass. ‘Until they get to know him. I'd keep an eye out for your friend if I were you. She seems nice. I wouldn't want to see her get hurt.'

I look at Guido and Felicia as I sip at my wine. Julio's words resonate strongly with my own first impressions. The more I look at Guido, the more I become enraged by his sleek hair and the way his shirt buttons all the way to the top and the slimy way he's stroking Felicia's hand. At first I just thought he was a bit of a show-off know-it-all, but now, with the help of Julio, I am starting to see that he's also cunning and that my best friend Felicia is falling into his trap.

I turn back to Julio and curl my finger for him to come closer. ‘I
hate
scientists,' I say into his ear and then I lean back and scull the remains of my third glass of wine. Or is it my fourth? Whatever! Julio opens another bottle and fills my glass again.

‘Cheers,' he says and we clink our glasses and smile like dogs with our tongues hanging out.

‘Are we toasting something?' says Felicia looking surprised and pleased with how Julio and I are getting along.

‘New friendships?' says Julio.

I grin and raise my glass. ‘And good wine.' I add, but it comes out sounding a bit more slurred then I intended. Nevertheless, the toast is accepted and everyone says cheers and drinks to new friendships.

‘I have a toast to make too,' says Felicia perching forward and raising her glass. ‘I want to congratulate Guido on his acceptance into the research graduate program at ANSTO. It's an amazing achievement and I am sure I speak for all his friends when I say he will be sadly missed.' And her voice breaks up slightly at the end as she starts to get a little teary.

‘So you're leaving?' I say resisting the urge to toast to this.

‘Unfortunately it was organised months ago,' he says looking sadly at Felicia. ‘If only there was a way I could stay.'

‘It's a great opportunity,' she says turning my stomach with more wet-eyed, love-struck gazing. ‘You have to go. I'm sure we can work something out.'

Typical. Trust Felicia to find herself a relationship that doesn't seem to suffer from the same blurred boundaries pestering the rest of us. There is no doubting that these two are solidly and indisputably together. Everything is always so perfect about her, I am sure if she started crying it would be rose-scented perfume.

My stomach rumbles hungrily and I take another swig at my drink, finishing off the glass. Julio smiles and pours me another. What a
nice
guy, I think.

‘So what does ANSTO stand for anyway?' I say, not because I am actually interested, but because I want to steer the focus away from what's shaping up to be a bit of a pathetic love-fest.

‘Arrogant nerds science and technology organisation?' offers Julio causing me to snort with laughter. Felicia looks at us both disapprovingly.

‘It stands for
Australian nuclear
science and technology organisation,' she says. ‘It's a very prestigious institution.'

I almost fall out of my chair. I look from Felicia to Guido, from Guido to Felicia, struggling to contain my rage.

Felicia leans across and pats my hand. ‘Is something wrong, Mira?'

‘He's a
nuclear
physicist?' I say pulling my hand away and pointing my finger at Guido. I misjudge how far away the breadsticks are and end up knocking them across the table and into Felicia's lap. I want to stare fiercely to convey my disgust at what I have heard, but my vision has gone all blurry and I end up just blinking to get a focus on people's faces.

‘Mira,' says Felicia. ‘Why are you getting so upset?'

I lean back in my chair and take another sip of wine to try and calm down, but I misjudge the distance here, too, and end up pouring it over my lap. This just makes me angrier.

‘Do you think that if I knew I was going to be having dinner with someone working on technology that will one day destroy the planet that I would have agreed to come here?' At least that's what I think I say. There is a strong chance some of it came out a bit mumbled, but I am sure that my main message has been conveyed.

‘Oh God,' says Guido, rolling his eyes and fuelling my growing hatred of him. ‘You're not one of those bloody greenies are you?'

‘You're making a big thing about nothing,' says Felicia dabbing at the spilt wine on my pants with her napkin and trying to tidy up what's been knocked over on the table. ‘It's not like he's building bombs or anything. You're not building bombs, are you Guido?'

‘ANSTO is a research centre. We develop medical
technologies. We save people's lives. Nobody builds bombs in Australia you ignoramus!'

‘Guido!' says Felicia.

‘Well,' says Julio leaning with interest now. ‘ANSTO do run a nuclear reactor. That's still pretty dangerous. I mean, look what happened at Chernobyl.'

‘But that wouldn't happen here,' says Felicia looking at Guido with her big blue eyes. ‘I mean this is Australia. It couldn't happen here, could it?'

‘This is ridiculous,' says Guido pushing away from the table. ‘It's bad enough I have to put up with this antinuclear propaganda from long-haired drug addict protestors at work, but here, in my own restaurant? I shouldn't have to listen to this.'

‘Fine by me,' I say picking up my glass to take another drink but realising it's empty. ‘It's bad enough I am starving, but I shouldn't have to share a meal with a
terrorist.
' And as I wonder if what I said actually makes sense, I stand up into the table edge and then fall back into my chair. It tips backwards and drops me to the floor.

‘Mira! Are you okay?' says Felicia hovering over me, her worried eyes peering at me through a haze of blond hair.

‘I'm fine,' I say, but when I go to lift my head up the world swirls dangerously and I lie back quickly against the rough carpet. It smells of off cheese. ‘I'm just going to lie down for a while,' I say, pushing away her attempts to help me up, but then I feel hands gripping me firmly behind the neck and in the small of my back, and with a feeling of being a small child again, I am lifted from the floor and placed gently back in my
chair. I squint to try and focus my eyes and realise it's Guido that has lifted me, it's Guido that is still holding me upright in my seat as I seem to have lost all ability to do so, and it is Guido who is currently calling his waiters over to bring me some water. And though he is suddenly acting very nice and very human, every time I look at him I remember that he is working for the enemy.

‘How could you?' I say but nobody seems to understand what I am saying anymore. ‘You're destroying our future!'

Felicia is stroking my hair and cooing something reassuring. I keep trying to get Guido to let go of me, but my swipes at him are like angry feathers.

‘Try to stay calm, Mira,' says Felicia. ‘Is there anywhere she could lie down, Guido? My God, how did we not notice how much she was drinking?' She looks questioningly at Julio who is leaning back and cradling a glass of wine, but he just shrugs and goes back to staring at something else. Somewhere in the restaurant a tray drops, and though I know it's just the sound of cups and glasses smashing, my brain starts to imagine it was an explosion, and suddenly I am visualising that mushroom cloud again and hearing the screaming and feeling the burning and the terrifying fear of being suddenly gone. Just gone.

‘It's not fair,' I cry into Felicia's ear and I start crying and crying into her nice clean blouse. ‘I don't want to die.'

‘You're not going to die,' says Felicia holding me tighter. ‘You're just a little drunk. Guido, help me get her to the car. She can lie down there for a while.' Guido helps her get me to my feet and this time I don't try to stop him. Still crying, I wobble uncertainly between them feeling sure that neither will
drop me. They lead me through the restaurant and out into the cool night air where I start to regain a little bit of control over myself. Felicia opens the car door for me and I manage to stumble inside.

‘Will you be okay for a second?' she says leaning in and wiping snot from my face with a tissue. I nod and curl up in the seat and wrap my arms around my knees. Outside I hear Guido and Felicia talk quietly to each other, then the sound of a smoochy kiss before I pass out.

I wake up sometime later, still in the car. My head hurts and I can still taste wine in my mouth but now it's acrid and burning and makes my stomach turn. I am getting this awful feeling like I am waking up from a very, very bad dream. Felicia is leaning her head against the window as she drives, lost in her own thoughts, and when she realises I am awake, she sits up straight with a hard look on her face that says she is not very happy with me. I shut my eyes but it only blocks out what I can see, and what's bothering me more at the moment is the feeling that Felicia is about to say a whole lot of stuff I really don't want to hear.

‘What time is it?' I say wiping dribble from my cheek.

‘Almost midnight. We waited for your aunt, but I guessed after a while she wasn't coming.'

‘I was going to ask you for a lift home. You know, before I passed out. Have I been asleep this whole time?' I say.

She nods. ‘We took turns to check on you; make sure you
were still breathing. I thought it would be best to let you sleep it off before I took you home. How are you feeling?'

‘Not good,' I say rubbing my eyes against the throbbing. I've never had one before, but I'm guessing this is a hangover. ‘God. I'm really sorry, Felicia. You must hate me.'

She leans her head against the window as she thinks about what to say next. It isn't a good sign. I can't really expect it, given how I have behaved, but it would be nice if she jumped quickly to assure me we are still friends.

‘I don't know how I feel to be honest,' she says scratching at her forehead. ‘I mean, I'm pretty angry, but I'm also thinking that there must be a reason for why you were acting so weird tonight. Is there a reason, Mira? Is there something bothering you?'

‘I wish I could give you a reason,' I say, not sure how to explain my behaviour even to myself. ‘There's nothing I can think of, you know, apart from the usual. Everything is as hopeless and meaningless as it's ever been.'

‘You mean the bombs? The war you think is going to happen?'

I shrug and she sighs. ‘There's a lot to suggest that the Cold War might come to an end, Mira. You just don't want to see the good stuff that is happening in the world.' She raises an eyebrow at me. ‘There's something else though isn't there? Something else on your mind?' Then after a pause she adds, ‘Have you spoken to Harm?'

I shift in my seat and stare out the window. I get that I have stuffed up here but I still don't appreciate these attempts to psychoanalyse every stupid thing I do. ‘I've told you everything
there is to tell, Felicia. Harm and I just didn't work out and I'm okay with that. I'm not drinking to drown my sorrows or anything. I hadn't eaten anything and I lost track of how many I'd had, that's all.'

She starts to tap the steering wheel, and I can almost hear the cogs in her head turning as she tries to figure out what thing could be causing me to act so weird. Truth is, this behaviour is probably completely in character for me. I've always been really good at ruining anything that's good in my life and I guess my friendship with Felicia is not going to be the exception.

‘So how are things at home?'

‘What do you mean?' I say feeling myself get a bit tense.

‘Well, how's your dad?'

‘My dad?' I say, sitting up to see if she is serious about this line of questioning. ‘My dad is the same old bastard he's always been. I hate him and he hates me.'

‘How about your mum? Is everything still okay with her?'

‘Mum?' I say leaning back and folding my arms. ‘My mum is...' but I trail off, unable to continue. In my mind I keep repeating, my mum is sick again, my mum is sick again, but I refuse to say it. Via is right – it's better not to tell people about Mum's cancer coming back. The last thing she needs is people treating her like some leper. Besides, there is no way I'm going to turn what Mum's going through into a way of getting Felicia to feel sorry for me and be my friend again. ‘Mum is fine,' I say. ‘And you can stop all these questions now too. You don't need to hunt so hard for an explanation for why I acted like such an idiot tonight. The explanation is that I am an idiot. An idiot that has no idea about how much wine
is safe to drink on an empty stomach.'

‘So were you just drunk or did you really not like him?'

‘Julio?'

‘Guido.'

I purse my lips. Though I may have softened on the terrorist angle a bit, I am still not so sure that Guido is my kind of guy. Even if it does mean I might offend her, I owe it to her to be honest, and besides, I'm not very good at pretending.

‘You like him Felicia. That's what's important.'

‘Damn you, Mira,' she says, and a streetlight momentarily lights up her wide blue eyes. ‘No one is perfect. Sooner or later you're going to have to learn how to accept that no one is going to be everything you want them to be.'