By five o’clock, Nate was beginning to wonder why he insisted on coming back to work in the first place. It seemed like everybody in the greater Reed area had come in today. He wanted more than anything to head home and fall into that big ole’ bathtub, but the mountain of paperwork on his desk canceled that out. Amy came in looking as ragged as he felt.
“Good call. Listen, thanks for making things so easy on Mike. You could have made him crawl, but you didn’t. You’re a class act, buddy.”
“You love the guy, and I love you. I didn’t have any choice. Besides, Mike’s my friend. If you can’t forgive your friends when they go nuts, what good are you anyway?”
“Like I said, you’re a class act.” She leaned back and closed her eyes. “Why don’t you call Brandon to come and get you and go on home? You’re still not one-hundred percent yet. I can finish up these charts.”
Nate slipped out the back door and headed to Amy’s car. There was no moon, and it was already dark. Nate had to feel his way out to the car. Paradise Gardens was the closest Chinese place to the office, so he headed there. He decided to run in rather than brave the long line of cars at the drive thru, thinking it would be quicker. It probably would have if Mrs. Chin hadn’t stopped him on his way out to ask about the best treatment for sciatica. By the time Nate was finished, it was almost six o’clock. He loaded all the food into the Saturn and headed back towards the office. A couple of times he caught a brief glimpse of a large black sedan in his rearview mirror, but otherwise, Howard’s men kept out of sight.
Nate parked in the front lot this time, rather than the private one he and Amy usually used. The walk was shorter, and he was going to have a hard enough time juggling all that food as it was. He scooped up the first bag and looped the handles of the second one over his cast. He started towards the front of the office. He put his right foot on the first step, and felt a slight shift in the wind. The hairs on the back of his neck stood and his skin tingled. He looked around, but saw no one. Discounting his reaction as nine parts exhaustion and ten parts paranoia, he slid his key into the deadbolt and turned the tumbler. He would later remember hearing no sound as the office exploded in a swirl of fire and timber. His only memory was of being thrown backwards twenty-feet by the force of the blast. After that, nothing.
“He’s been in that room by himself for three weeks?” Gale sounded as outraged as Brandon felt, outraged because Bran knew there wasn’t a damn thing he could do for Nate. He understood grief. Hell, he’d stood over the mutilated body of one of his closest friends. But even knowing that, even understanding it, didn’t take away the sense of lose he felt. He wanted his partner back. He missed the early morning smiles and the quiet nights of holding each other. He wanted Nate.
Brandon took a sip of his own coffee. It was cold, but he didn’t care. “He came out once after the funeral, when I insisted he go see one of the staff psychiatrists at Chicago General. I thought he might be suffering from post traumatic stress, but the guy says he isn’t. According to Dr. Carson, he’s grieving, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. So much for a degree in clinical psychology, huh.” Brandon took another swig of his bitter drink. “You know what the worst part is? He hasn’t even cried. Not one tear. Not for Amy, not for himself, and not even when I told him Howard’s men had arrested his father at the airport in Atlanta.”
“Circumstantial. He was here when the rent receipt was planted, and he could have stolen the key and planted those bugs while he and Leda were in our house. Sasha was drugged with a generic form of valium, which Calder could have gotten from any one of his stores. We haven’t found a definite link between him and Wilson, but with his connections, he would have no problem tracking down and hiring a hit man. His hatred of homosexuals is clearly documented, and would explain the arsons and the attempts on Nate. The fact that he hired Patterson to break Seth’s heart doesn’t exactly make him a father-of-the-year candidate, either. A good prosecutor could sell it to a jury.”
Brandon walked to the sink and dumped the dregs of his coffee. He folded his arms and leaned back against the counter, ankles crossed. “That’s the way the DA will spin it, and it could very well be true. Maybe I’m making too much out of nothing. God knows I’m rattled over everything that’s happening with Nate. Maybe my instincts are off.”
Gale nodded. “Mike’s behavior at the funeral didn’t help. I know the man is devastated by the loss of his wife, but that’s no excuse for the way he treated Nathan. He practically accused Nate of killing Amy.”
Brandon clenched his fists. “I should have arrested the little bastard when he made a dive for Nate at the graveside service. I would have if Nate hadn’t insisted I leave him alone. As it is, I wish Dad hadn’t held me back when I took a swing at the son-of-a-bitch.”
He did, but that didn’t make it any easier. Lashing out seemed the best way to rid himself of the frustration. “So just what does he need, Daddy? He doesn’t want me to touch him. He’s made that clear enough. He won’t talk to his mother, or to Seth. He even insisted they not come to the funeral. He doesn’t need food, doesn’t need sunlight. The psychiatrist can’t tell me what he needs. Nate won’t tell me what he needs. So maybe you can.” He was yelling by the time he finished.
He expected Dean to yell back, maybe even to swat him on the backside like he would have done a few years ago. He never expected Dean to wrap him in his arms and start rubbing his back. He certainly never expected himself to need it so much.
“I know it hurts, son, but you have to think about how much worse it could have been. At least Nate is still here. In time, he will get better. If he’d gotten back just a few minutes sooner, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”
Brandon pulled away and went back to the table. He made no move to sit down. Instead, he stood with his hands braced on the back of a chair. “Don’t you think I know that? Not a day has gone by since that bomb went off that I don’t get down on my knees and thank God that Nate wasn’t in there. I’m sorry that Amy died. I wish things could have been different, but not if it meant Nate had to take her place. I may be a selfish bastard, but that’s the way it is.”
Brandon ran his fingers through his hair. “Nate does. When I brought him back here after the funeral, he kept saying it should have been him instead of Amy. He wanted me to agree with him. We argued, I opened my big mouth, and all hell broke loose.”
“It wouldn’t have been if I’d stopped at that.” Brandon took a deep breath. “I told him that he should be grateful to be here. I told him that bitching and moaning that he was still alive was like killing Amy all over again.”
Dean swore. “Jesus Christ. I love you son, but you can be a real dumbass some times.” The back door opened and Brandon heard the electronic melody of the keypad being reprogrammed. Keith came through the mudroom and into the kitchen. He took one look at the serious expression on Brandon’s face and said, “What are we talking about in here?”
“Grandma, no offense, but what are you doing here?” The last thing Nate needed right now was another lecture on the joys of butt-sex from an eighty-three-year-old woman. The fact that she was wearing a purple shirt-dress tied in the back with a giant pink bow did not bode well.
Abigail looked up at him with a patient smile. “I know you all think I’m dotty because I dress funny and say the first thing that comes to mind. Well, tough. I’m old and I can do whatever the hell I want to. Right now, I want to see my new grandson, and I’d like to see you try and stop me.”
Sasha lay outside the door to the master bedroom. She missed Nate as much as Brandon did. For three weeks, she’d kept an almost constant vigil. She scratched and whined and begged, but Nate refused to open the door. Like the rest of the world, he’d shut her out.
Brandon opened the door without knocking, shooing Sasha out of the way as he went. It was just past lunchtime on Sunday, but the bedroom was dark and stale. Nate had the shades pulled and the curtains drawn. He was sitting in a chair with his back to the door, staring at the wall. Brandon could barely see him, but his heart ached at just the sight of Nate’s unruly tuft of blonde hair sticking up over the back of the chair. He wanted to pull him out of the chair and hold him until he cried out all the bitterness and pain. Instead, he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.
Nate watched with detachment as Abigail made her way over to him and turned the room’s other chair around until she was sitting next to him. She sat in silence for at least ten minutes. Finally, she said, “Are you planning on remodeling sometime soon? Personally, I think that’s a fine wall. The way you’re studying it has me thinking you might be ready to tear it down with your bare hands.”
Nate wanted to say something, anything to make her leave so he wouldn’t have to think. It didn’t hurt as bad when he didn’t think. When nothing came to mind, he kept his mouth shut and his eyes focused on the wall.
“I’ve always liked this house. Brandon’s other grandmother, Emily, and I were friends long before she married Ed Nash. Went to grammar school together. When she told me she and Ed were buying this house from his father, I made her a quilt for this very room. Nothing fancy, just a simple Nine-patch made with fabric I bought with my trading stamps, but she loved that old quilt. Still has it, too. She took it with her when they moved to Florida. I don’t really know why. The whole purpose of moving to Florida is so you won’t need a quilt in the first place.” Nate could see her looking at him from the corner of his eye, but he gave her no response. If he stayed quiet he could pretend he was alone and he wouldn’t have to feel anything.