There were times in Nate's life that he prayed he'd forget, episodes he sent to the fringes of his memory so he wouldn't go crazy from the pain. The site of his mother's coffin as it was lowered into the ground. The sobbing of his brother at her funeral, and the icy coldness of his newly-released father as Leda Morris was laid to a twisted sort of rest. He hoped to forget the site of Mike in a wheelchair, being arraigned on two counts of murder and two counts of attempted murder, and he also hoped to erase the slight satisfaction he felt knowing that at least a certain amount of punishment had been dealt to Mike when the crash had severed his spinal cord, leaving his body powerless from the waist down. He and Dr. Carson had spent long hours discussing the normality of his feelings, and Nate was finally beginning to rebuild the shattered security he'd momentarily lost.
As much as Nate had to put behind him, there was so much more to commit to memory, to hold to his heart so he could savor each wonderful episode, over and over. The feel of Brandon's arms as he scooped him up at the scene of the accident, the warmth he felt as the Nash family crowded around him at the hospital that night. The love of his brother as they cried out the misery together, both trying to make room for all the happiness to come. All of those memories would serve him well to block out the anguish of the past. Now, here he was, standing in the church two months later, ready to put Nathan Morris to rest and begin life as Nathan Nash, a new man.
Nate's fingers caressed the velvet, his fingertips finding the threadbare spots almost from memory. He didn't need to open it to know what was inside, but he found himself loosening the strings and working the bag open, anyway, as he'd done so many times before. The gleam of the overhead lights picked up the sparkle from the sole diamond stationed at the center of the wide gold band. It was a little bigger than he remembered, having been sized up to fit Brandon's larger finger, but there was no mistaking whose ring it was. He looked up from the treasure in his hand to stare at his brother. "How did you get Grandpa's ring?"
Seth shrugged. "It was no big deal. I remembered Grandma Morris showing it to us when we were kids, and I thought maybe you'd like to have it for Brandon. The ring you bought him was great, but I thought maybe this one would mean a little more to you both."
Nate nodded. "You know it does. Grandma Morris bought this ring for Grandpa when the two of them barely had two nickels to rub together. She made enough money to buy it by taking in mending work from the neighbors. That was before his business took off, of course." He smiled. "When she found out I was gay, Grandma told me I could have the ring to pass on to my own husband some day. Then she died, and all her personal effects went to Dad." He looked at his brother again. "How did you get it, Seth?"
"I went to see Dad a few days ago, Nate." Nate started to say something, but Seth stopped him. "Before you get all riled up, let me explain. When you told me you were getting married the first weekend in January, instead of the day before Thanksgiving like you'd planned, I didn't like it, but I understood. To tell you the truth, I was afraid you would end up feeling guilty about what happened with Mother and postpone it even longer. What with the funeral and Mike's arraignment, I understood that you couldn't go ahead with the wedding as planned, but it still irked me that you and Brandon had to suffer yet again because of what those people did to you. I wanted this day to be as special for you as possible. I figured the ring might help. I remembered the way you always liked to hold it and try it on when we were kids. So, I went to Dad and told him I wanted it. I told him why, too."
Seth grinned. "Actually, I think he was more surprised to see me standing on his doorstep than anything else. He and I haven't said word one to each other since that day at the sheriff's office. He didn't even look at either one of us at Mother's funeral. I told him what I wanted and why. I told him he owed it to you."
"Not a word. He left me standing there, and went to get the ring. He placed it in my hand, and shut the door in my face. That was it. I took the ring to the same jewelry store where you bought the new one for Brandon, and had it sized." He patted his pocket. "I have the one you ordered too, just in case you'd rather give it to him, instead."
* * * If there was one thing Nate hated, it was being the center of attention. He thought sure he'd be self-conscious as he walked down the isle, knowing everyone was staring at him. But as soon as he saw Brandon waiting for him at the altar, all the other people in the room ceased to exist.
"Love is not to be taken lightly, but to be savored, cherished. Life is ripe with uncertainty, but the love of a good partner is an anchor to us during times of chaos and doubt. As we are told in the First Epistle of John, chapter four, verse eighteen, 'There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear. . .' Brandon and Nathan stand before you in love and ask you to rejoice with them as they seek the blessings of Almighty God on their union."
The vows came next, and though he tried to capture every word, Nate could recall very little of the actual dialogue later on. What he did remember was Brandon's face as he slid his ring on Nate's finger, and also the look of pure joy in his eyes when Nate returned the favor.
Brandon shivered as Nate licked the icing from his fingers. When it was Nate's turn to feed him, he opened his mouth and allowed Nate to ease a small bite of cake between his lips. Nate groaned as Brandon flicked his tongue across the pad of Nate's index finger.
Brandon grinned. "I think maybe we could get away with cutting out early." He took Nate's hand and the two of them slipped away from the reception. They'd almost made it to the door when they came face to face with Gale and Grandma Taylor.
Grandma Taylor nodded. "I should certainly hope so. I'd be worried about this marriage if the desire to be alone together had already waned. They've only been married for four hours." She gave them each a tight hug. "I'd better go find Grandpa. Too much champagne gives him gas."
Gale shook her head at her mother's retreating back. "That woman does have a way with words." She turned back to Brandon and Nate. "Okay, you two fugitives. If you're going to leave, we need to do this right. Oh, before I forget, did you get the package from Grandpa and Grandma Nash?"
"I know, sweetie." She patted his cheek and then looked down at her watch. "Give the boys fifteen minutes to finish up with the car, and then we'll announce your departure so everyone can line up and throw birdseed at you."
"That was the only nice part. Sixteen condoms filled with whipped cream and attached to the car with magnets. The words, 'Brandon's Gonna Score' written on the windows with white shoe polish. And lets not forget the exciting array of old shoes and tin cans tied to the bumper. When we get to the courthouse, I'm going to un-decorate while you file your paperwork. Then we'll swing by our place to change and then head to the airport."
And he was. For such a life-changing event, the actual paperwork consisted of little more than handing over the documents and getting a receipt. After being promised he would get confirmation in four to six weeks, Nate was done.
As he stepped from the dimly lit courthouse to the bright January sunshine flooding the parking lot, Nate wondered why he didn't feel sadness, even the tiniest twinge at leaving his old life behind. He thought of all he'd lost in the five months since his ordeal began, and, except for his beloved Amy, he grieved none of it. No matter how much Dr. Carson assured him that his lack of feeling over loosing his parents was normal under the circumstances, in the back of his mind, he'd wondered if it really was. Then he caught sight of the tall man in the tux, bent over the hood of his car with inflated condoms in hand, and it all became clear to him.