The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan (28 page)

“Wait,” she said her body lifting and turning to his. “Is this okay?” Only her arms separated their bodies. She tucked one hand under her chin and rested the other one, with the lightest touch, against his chest.

In response, he pulled her body more tightly to his, tucking her head under his chin. “Go to sleep.”

They stayed like that for about five minutes when Declan detected a slight change in Nyxie. Although she didn’t move, her body tensed ever so slightly and her breathing changed, not just the cadence, but the sound had a slight rasp. His brain began rifling for a medical cause when it suddenly occurred to him what had changed.

“Nyxie, are you crying?”

Her body shuddered and her breath hiccupped a silent sob. “My mother must have loved me at least a little bit to have protected me. Don’t you think that’s what that means? On some level she must have.”

He tightened his hold on her and felt the moisture of her breath as fat tears rolled off her cheeks onto his arm.

“Of course she loved you. Why wouldn’t she?”

Nyxie knew why. The night Black Jack strangled her wasn’t the first time he raped her. The fact her mother had two small daughters made her life
more difficult and impossible for her to escape the man she married who had become an abusive drunk.

Declan pressed his cheek to the top of her head. “Maybe she didn’t want to admit it, but I’m sure she did.”

As sobs racked her body again and again, Declan wondered how anyone could not love Nyxie. He loved her from almost the first moment he saw her, and although he admitted his love was more an adolescent crush bordering on hormone-driven obsession, it didn’t feel any less real than the love he felt for his grandparents—in some ways it felt more real because of his physical attraction to her.

He knew it was illogical to love someone from afar as he had in high school, but time had not changed his feelings for her. It was too soon to tell her—not that she had the option of running—but he’d bide his time and tell her when he was reasonably certain she returned the feelings.

After a few minutes, her tears began to subside and she sniffled loudly. “I think that’s why I love my kids as fiercely as I do. They love me unconditionally and I never had that before. Is that the most selfish thing ever? I’m so fucked up.”

“I bet your sister loves you, too.”

“I don’t know, maybe. But we were too busy trying to survive to give much thought to each other. It was every man for himself at our house—she would’ve gladly pushed me into the fray to save herself.”

Every man for himself except Cody. Cody had Nyxie to bear the brunt of it for him. He wondered if Cody knew how lucky he was—how much she sacrificed for him—still sacrificed for him. He knew she’d never have agr
eed to be his sub if not for those three kids. Would she love him as much as she loved her brother and nieces? How could he show her his love was every bit as unconditional?

“Sir, am I a project to you?” she asked raising her head up.

He tucked her head back under his chin. “What are you talking about?” he mumbled sleepily.

“You said you crave that helpless vulnerable look in my eyes. You’re trying to help me get my kids and my license and better my education.”

“Mm hm.”

“When you fix me, are you going to lose interest?”

“Nyx, you don’t need fixing, you just need help. And when we’ve accomplished all of our goals, you will see what a good Dom I am and I will see something I crave even more in your eyes. I will see trust and admiration and maybe if I’m really lucky, I’ll see your love. Now, please, go to sleep.”

27

Nyxie walked around the perimeter of the cafeteria looking at all the choices trying to decide what to have for breakfast. If Declan selected it for her, it would be both healthy and calorie laden.

Picking up the tray and silverware, Nyxie loaded up her tray with a bowl of strawberries, a bowl of watermelon, a Belgian waffle with butter and warm syrup and a side of sausage. She crossed to the beverages and added a bottle of whole milk, a can of spicy veggie juice and a cup of coffee. At the register, she put a blueberry cereal bar and a peanut butter granola bar on her tray for snacks later.

As she waited for her turn to pay, she heard a woman behind her whisper, “Where do you think she puts it?”

Nyxie froze realizing they were talking about her.

“Probably in the toilet,” he
r companion replied cattily.

Up until that moment, Nyxie was feeling pretty good. That morning she’d carefully applied her makeup just as she had been shown and when her hair looked a little sleep-mussed, she swept it back in a sleek ponytail. She wore a puffed sleeved baby-doll-
inspired tunic made of dusty pink chiffon paired with black skinny jeans. Because Declan had wanted her to wear heels with her jeans the other day, she wore the tall, red-soled pumps they’d found at a chic boutique. She looked attractive. She felt attractive until the cafeteria-line bitches made their rude comments. It took her right back to high school. Suddenly, she felt foolish and overdressed in those stupid heels. What was she thinking when she packed them in her overnight bag. They were hardly appropriate for sitting with Cody.

Although she intended to pay cash, she was so distracted by her insecurities that she handed over Declan’s credit card. Sparing a quick glance back at the women, she prayed she wouldn’t trip as she crossed the room in those unbelievably tall shoes and found a table by the wall.

As if they wanted to continue mocking Nyxie, the women took their yogurt cups to a nearby table and sat facing her.

Slowly buttering her waffle, Nyxie wondered how she would eat with the big lump in her throat. She
tried not to look at the women but her eyes kept being drawn in that direction. She poured the cup of warm syrup over it and cut a piece off with her fork. She glanced at the women to see if they would watch her take her first bite. She found their eyes riveted on someone crossing the room, lust-filled expressions openly worn for all to see.

She stuffed the bite in her mouth while they looked away.

“Hey, baby.”

Declan bent down and kissed her before she could swallow her bite.

“Yum, maple-flavored corn syrup. My favorite Nyxie flavor so far.” Stand up and twirled around. Let me see your new outfit.”

“No.” Her eyes never lifted from her plate. In that one word, Declan heard the edge in her voice.

“What’s wrong—Cody? The girls?”

“It’s nothing,” she said trying to sound cheerful. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Credit card. I was just around the corner.” He took the seat across from her. He placed his finger under her chin, tilted her head up until their eyes met.

“Tell me.”

She looked at him with her lips sealed shut until she saw the anger building.

“Trust me. It says a lot more about my oversensitivity than it does about what they said.”

“Someone said something rude to you?” Declan asked glancing around the room.

“Not to me, about me.” She worried her lip as she reached across to
touch his hand. “It’s just the kind of thing women say to each other.”

“This stalling is really beginning to piss me off, Nyxie. Spill.”

There was resignation in the way she exhaled in a huff. “Shit. One said, ‘I wonder where she puts it all?’ and the other one said, ‘In the toilet.’ See, no biggie.”

“Who?”

Nyxie could see no point in not telling him when she knew he’d dragged out of her eventually.

“Yogurt cups, two tables over; the ones who couldn’t take their eyes off you when you walked in.”

His eyes darted to the women and his chair scraped back noisily as he rose. “Get up,” he said in his Dom voice.

Her breath caught in her throat and Nyxie felt the color drain from her face. Was he going to walk her to their table and force them to apologize? She slowly rose to her feet, struggling momentarily with the added height and slant of the shoes. He narrowed the gap between them and twisted his hand around her ponytail, exerting enough pull to tilt her head back. He frowned and cocked his head to look down at her shoes. 

“Nice Christian Louboutins,” he said raspingly as he lowered his mouth to hers.

She trembled under his strong passionate invasion, her breath coming fast and hard.

“Put your arms around me, baby. Make those bitches jealous,” he whispered in her ear, pulling away momentarily. His free arm went around her lower back and hauled her against his body.

She arched into him an
d like some old Hollywood movie, she lifted one leg behind her. She hadn’t intended to do it. It just happened.

The dining room faded from her awareness. She didn’t know if the patrons were suddenly quieting or if she just couldn’t hear them over the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. As his tongue stroked hers, she brought one hand to his chest and the other she touched the side of his clean-shaven cheek in a feathery caress.

He moaned quietly and lowered his hand just enough for anyone to see he wanted to cup her ass but stopped short to show she wasn’t the kind of woman to be disrespected in public.

Chuckling, he broke the embrace. “Can’t you ever do what you’re told?” He moved around her and picked up her overnight bag and purse from the chair by the wall and held it for her indicating he wanted her to sit there.

“Love the shoes by the way. Where did you find them in Lubbock?” he asked with a roguish grin as she took her seat and he sat down in her previous chair.

“Some
boutique on the edge of town. The lady buys them retail in Dallas and sells them for a markup here. She says even with the markup, she can hardly keep them on the shelves.”

“I’m proud of you for not looking at the price.”

Her expression fell. “How much were they?” When he wouldn’t say, she began guessing. “Two hundred dollars? Three? More?”

He shrugged and nodded.

“Oh, fuck, I’ll take them back.” She grabbed at her overnight bag to change back into the gladiator sandals she wore the day before, but Declan refused to let her have it.

“Oh, really? How are you going to get there? Just keep them on because I won’t let you take them back. I’m not even a shoe-man, but those shoes are sexy as hell. They made you happy until I you figured out they were pricy.”

“I only wore them because you wanted me to wear heels with my jeans the other day. I have no sentimental attachment to them. I won’t miss them.”

“I have a lot more sentimental attachment to you wearing those sexy shoes than I have to the thousand bucks they cost me.”

Her face fell and she looked like she might cry. “That’s outrageous! I could feed my family for months with a thousand dollars. You have no concept of the value of money.”

He gave her a look of annoyance. “Eat,” he commanded as he opened her purse and began pulling out every piece of paper that looked like a receipt. Making no effort to straighten them into any semblance of order, he stuffed them in his pocket. He noticed her utility bills in her purse and pulled them out. Each one had money tucked inside the envelopes.

“Don’t lose those, I haven’t paid them yet. I need to get a couple of money orders and get them in the mail before I owe a late fee.”

Declan removed the money from each one and tucked the money deeply into her purse. “I’ll give them to my accountant. He’ll see that everything gets paid. Don’t forget to call to have everything shut off after we get you moved out.”

“Your credit card is in my wallet,” she said as he closed up her purse.

He pulled out her tatty turquoise wallet and eyed it speculatively.

“It was my mom’s old wallet. She let me have it when she got a new one. I was probably eight or nine at the time and felt so grown up to have an adult wallet.”

Melinda didn’t want it.

He tucked it back into her purse without removing his card. “Hold on to it until you’ve used your debit card just to be on the safe side.”

Nyxie resumed eating her rapidly cooling waffle. “Did I do all right in my food choices? I’ve been trying to ask myself WWDW: What would Declan want?”

A slow grin grew across his face and she could tell her admission please him. “Let’s see, fruits, good—lots of vitamins, the watermelon has a surprising amount of ….”

“Iron. I know. That’s why I picked it.”

“There’s a lot of carbs in your meal, but considering we’re trying to get your weight up, it’s okay. Maybe a whole grain waffle with fruit as the topping would have been a better choice. I’d like to see you eating more protein—lean protein like turkey sausage, egg whites. Maybe a breakfast burrito or an omelet with lots of veggies would’ve been a healthier choice, but with the vitamins you’re taking, I’m more concerned with your caloric intake than anything.”

Nyxie put her head down and reached into her purse and retrieved a vitamin and took it with a gulp of milk. An apologetic smile crossed her lips as she raised her eyes to meet his. Declan shook his head and looked less than pleased that she hadn’t taken it when the alarm on her phone went off.

A frown crossed her face as a thought occurred to her. “When my BMI falls into the normal range, are you going to start picking out everything I eat?”

“Probably,” he said unapologetically. “I’m a control freak.”

Declan’s phone rang and he answered it before the second ring. “Be right there,” he said and then hung up. “Dr. Patel’s looking for me. It’s time for rounds. I’ll come get you at Cody’s room when I get off.”