The Lost Soul Trilogy (Primani Book 5) (67 page)

“Could you bring me my backpack?” I called through a crack in the door.

“Sorry? What? I didn’t hear you say please.”

I hate him.

I should just walk out in a towel and grab my stuff. That would show him. Visions of him pulling the towel off of me stopped me.

“
Please
bring me my clothes.”

He tapped on the door. I opened it a hair and he held up a thong and said, “This is all I could find.”

IT WAS 3:00 THE NEXT AFTERNOON when Sean finally pulled the truck into a Tim Horton’s restaurant off the highway. We were in the middle of Ontario heading towards Plattsburgh. Our plan was to pack up some things and meet Killian in Manhattan. A strong feeling of foreboding had greeted me when I finally woke up from a restless sleep. Distracted and unwilling to rise to Sean’s barbs, I spent the trip staring out the window, much to his annoyance. After the thong incident, I shut him out and I had the feeling he didn’t like that.

Last night, I had snatched the thong from his hand and marched to my backpack in the towel after all. Fully disgusted with him, I turned my back and defiantly dropped the towel. With furious movements, I yanked on my clothes and then turned to him.

“I can’t believe I loved you. What’s happened to you?”

He started to reply and then stopped, deflated. Without another word, he shut off the light and took a shower. When he came out of the bathroom, he crawled under his sheets and turned his back to me. I lay on my own bed staring at his back for hours. Memories drifted through my mind…My lips remembered the smooth texture of his back the day he told me they were angels. That same day, he’d told me he loved me. The memory filled my head and I let it play out with tears in my eyes: How had things gone so wrong?

It had been a beautiful day and we’d walked to the creek near the farmhouse. Finally trusting me with their secret, he admitted they were angels, of a sort. Fascinated, I walked around to his back and lifted up his shirt. He sucked in his breath against the sudden cold. I was afraid to look, but when I opened my eyes to look at him, all I saw was smooth muscular skin the color of warm honey. I pressed my face against his skin and kissed him softly between his shoulders.

“Well, did I pass?” he’d asked with a grin.

“No wings?”

“No wings. Are you disappointed?”

“Not really, I think they would get in the way. What do you call yourselves?”

He’d looked relieved by the simple question. “Primani, we’re called Primani--Soldiers of the First Legion.”

I’d considered his serious, beautiful face. He was a contradiction. When he was with me like this, he was sweet and gentle. When he was in soldier-mode, he was ruthless and deadly. I was more than a little afraid of the soldier in him and shivered.

“Don’t! Please don’t ever be afraid of me. I would never hurt you; you have to know that.” He’d reached out and cupped my face in his hands. The little golden light in his eyes flashing brilliantly as the truth hit him. He’d kissed me with yearning and tenderness. I’d clung to his shoulders to keep from falling. He dragged his mouth away from mine and lowered it to my collarbone. With the other hand, he pulled the zipper of my sweatshirt down. I was bare underneath it. He pulled his eyes back to mine. I searched his eyes but his mind was closed to me.

“What are you thinking?” I whispered.

“You’re so beautiful it takes my breath away.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you,” he said wistfully.

What had happened to that love? Where did it go? I was floundering on unfamiliar ground now. He’d vowed he’d never hurt me…but he was, every second he was near me. I was afraid of him, of who he was becoming, of who he might become.

I thought I knew him, but I didn’t know this version of him.

I didn’t like this version of Sean.

He was cold and his words cut me to the quick. Maybe I deserved his anger, but I didn’t deserve this hostility. I thought of James and wondered if this was how he drifted into the darkness.

Did his love get twisted into hate?

How did he lose his soul?

That couldn’t happen to Sean. He was the greatest Primani ever…

As I picked at my salad, I wondered what he would have to say if he knew about the baby. I wanted to tell him but there hadn’t been a good time. And now…well, the silence had grown into a stone wall between us and I saw no way over it. My heart ached with the knowledge that he was so far out of reach when I needed him most.

I felt his eyes on me and looked up. His expression was carefully blank as he watched me from across the table. The restaurant was crowded and loud with the clanking of glass and silverware, but Sean overwhelmed my senses until there was no one but him in my world. The golden lights in his eyes were muted as if his
saol
was focused someplace else. The ocean-colored irises were opaque to me now. Unable to help myself, I peered into them and found no way inside his shuttered mind.

What secrets was he keeping?

He was closed to me and my throat tightened in response. Abruptly pushing away from the table, I rushed out of the restaurant and climbed into the relative privacy of the truck. Swiping angrily at tears, I swore in every language I knew. But still they came and I groaned in frustration at the human weakness. If only I could be hard and cold…like Sean.

Sean pulled open the door and climbed in. After a minute of awkward silence, he finally snorted impatiently, “Damn it, Mica, stop it.”

Turning to face him, I said, “You think it’s that easy? Maybe for you! You have no feelings. If you don’t want to see me cry, then stop hurting me!”

Incredulous, his eyebrows went straight to his hairline. “Me? What have I done? You’re the one giving me the silent treatment!”

I didn’t have a comeback for that. Defeated, I drooped. “Once upon a time, you promised there would be no lies between us. Do you remember that?”

His jaw tightened but he answered stiffly, “I remember that conversation.” He added bitterly, “But we also agreed there was room for secrets. And now, can you live with them?”

“Mine or yours?” I asked with intensity. My eyes were dry again and I searched his face for some kind of emotion. What was he hiding?

His mouth twisted into a grimace and he ripped his eyes away from my face. Retreating into his head, he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and looked away from me.

The silence dragged.

“Ah, I see how it is. You can have your secrets but I can’t have mine. Well, you know mine now…and you can’t forgive me. So I’m asking you. Where were you? And if I knew, would I be able to forgive you?”

He flushed hotly and shook his head in denial. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! I told you I was scattered.” But he didn’t meet my eyes.

“I heard you arguing with Killian. You think I’m too weak for the truth. I
know
you’re hiding something.”

He hesitated for a minute as if wondering what he could say. “You don’t know anything.”

Tiredly, I said, “Whatever.”

Sighing loudly, he started the truck and the road trip continued. The farmland blurred by as I tried to meditate. The sense of impending doom settled into my bones like a cancer.

Who would we lose this time?

We’d barely slept and already it was time to get back on the road. Morning was not my favorite time of the day and Sean’s attitude was a little less fun this early. I resisted the urge to snap his head off as he nagged at me.

“We need to go. Are you packed?” Sean asked.

The deliberate rudeness was gone but the holier-than-thou tone was nearly as bad. I shoved my hand into my pocket to stop it from slapping him again. Geez, he was overplaying the role of victim here.

Rolling my eyes, I lifted my bag and started towards the front door. “Yeah, let’s go. We need to get down there. Killian’s waiting for us to move on Dagin.”

He plucked my heavy bag off of my arm and snapped, “Yeah, let’s not keep Killian waiting!” and stalked into the early morning darkness.

Sean drove the Camaro like it was an extension of his body. The muscles in his arm flexed as he steered the powerful car. The car responded to his slightest movement and growled aggressively as we roared down the highway. I stole a peek at his face. His strong profile was set in stone as he lost himself in his own thoughts. The shadows hid his expression but I knew he was painfully unhappy. I’d known his every mood for years…once he would have talked to me, not now…his pride wouldn’t let him. I sighed to myself and wondered what he was thinking. His eyes were entirely focused on the road and he’d been silent since we pulled away from the house.

His moods were giving me a constant headache.  It was bad enough that I had to deal with my own pain. I was still having flashbacks of the demon attack and bouts of sadness from the miscarriage. I felt horrible about Sean’s pain. I missed Dec desperately. I was barely keeping myself together as it was. If it weren’t for Killian’s love and caring support, I’d be curled up in a bed refusing to leave the house. Absorbing Sean’s emotions was overwhelming me. Rubbing my temples, I pulled out my phone and started to send a text to Killian. I craved some kind of contact with someone who liked me…maybe…

Killian? Probably you can’t hear me…but I need you. I really need you. My head aches. 
Needing its comfort, I stroked the outline of my rune and closed my eyes to shut out Sean’s emotions. Gradually, my hand began to tingle and I opened my eyes to see the golden outline shining gently in the washed out light of dawn.

I’m here, babe. Close your eyes.

I closed my eyes again and there he was, standing in the light airy room in my mind. He was grimy with sweat and dirt as if he’d been fighting in the woods someplace. His beard shadowed his jaw sending his sexiness skyrocketing off the charts. His teeth were very white when he greeted me with a slow sexy smile. He held his arms open to me and I threw myself against him. Catching me surely, he held me close until my heartbeat slowed and my headache drifted away. Smoothing my hair back and lifting my chin, he kissed me with a smile.

Better?

I could only smile and nod happily. The slight roughness of his calloused hands warmed my skin as he ran his hands up my arms to cup my face for one last kiss. I moaned happily against his demanding mouth when he deepened the kiss with his tongue. Tiny white lights sparkled behind my eyes and I forgot where I was. Dragging his mouth away, he said he had to go. With that, he vanished.

Sean’s dry voice brought me flying back to the physical world. “Do you need a towel?” He waved a hand in the general direction of my lap and peered suspiciously into the air, sniffing. “God, I hope you were dreaming?”

“Yes, a dream…” I murmured and licked my lips.

“I needed a hug,” I huffed defensively.

Barking a sarcastic laugh, Sean said, “You could’ve asked me! I’m a little closer.” Something struck him as funny and he burst into a real laugh that he smothered with a cough.

Laughing uneasily, I ran my tongue over my lips and thought I could just taste Killian. His scent lingered on my fingers. What an amazing thing…And my headache was gone, too. Assuming it was a dream, Sean was smiling again and his face transformed into the glorious, beautiful Primani he was. Wide blue eyes glittered against the golden color of his skin. Dark stubble shadowed his jaw giving him that just-rolled-out-of-bed look that usually melted women everywhere. This smile, this rare, rare, smile, lit up his face and softened the hardened warrior that he wore so easily. My heart lifted just a bit. Maybe the sad and angry Sean was gone? Automatically, I reached over and touched his hand. He looked surprised but didn’t move.

“Truce?”

Gritting his teeth, he shrugged my hand aside as if he couldn’t bear to touch me. Instead of commenting, he pressed the play button and Metallica’s “The Unforgiven” blasted out of the speakers.

The parking garage was nearly empty since most people were at work for the day. After easing the Camaro into the reserved slot, Sean lovingly rubbed the steering wheel before removing the keys. Shaking my head, I got out and grabbed my bag. A slight movement caught the corner of my eye and I paused to watch as a shadow slipped behind the wheel of a parked BMW on the other side of the garage. Pretending to dig in my purse for something, I watched suspiciously. The engine roared to life sending echoes throughout the space. Instantly alert, Sean shoved me into the wall as the driver careened towards us. Standing in the lane, he waited as the driver approached and held up his hand. Was he crazy? I yelled at him to move and he shook his head at me.

Unaccountably, the car slowed and drifted to a stop in front of him. The driver’s face was slack with sleep and he slowly slid down in the seat. What the heck? I was stunned and watched with my mouth hanging open as Sean calmly searched the car. He stuffed some baggies into his pocket and shoved a handgun into his backpack. He finished the search in about two minutes while I leaned against the wall and did nothing useful.  Finally, he tapped the hood with his knuckles and strode towards the elevator. To my continued astonishment, the driver woke up and shook his head in confusion.

Dragging me into the elevator behind him, Sean said, “It’s a useful talent.”

“Sooooo…?”

“Nothing to do with us; he’s just a regular idiot with an unlicensed gun and a bagful of Oxy. He’ll be pissed when he realizes his stash is gone.”

A familiar voice called out to me as we entered the lobby. “Miss Thomas! Welcome back!”