The Light in the Wound (31 page)

“No, not yet. Alex wants it soon. In three months.”

“Isn’t that way too soon? We should wait at least six months or rumors will fly that you are pregnant. Are you?”

My grandfather was shaking his head, amused.

“No, Grandma, I’m not pregnant. I think Alex is just ready to start married life with me. He’s older and really just wants to get settled.”

“He’s afraid you will go back to Jesse Cain.”

Boom.

I spent the rest of the afternoon welcoming aunts and uncles and cousins who were all joining us for dinner. I had one particular aunt, my mother’s younger sister, who was closest to me. We chatted for a long time about wedding dresses, venues, designers and the like. Alicia came over too, the first time she had been to the big house in a few years. My grandmother greeted her with open arms, and I was so happy that she was going to get the support system that she needed. It wasn’t necessarily about the financial aspect but more the foundation of a loving family for the sake of her children. We’d lived alone for so long that these weekend dinners were always a welcome event. I could tell that the lack of tension between my grandparents and my mother’s siblings was largely due to the fact that we were celebrating my engagement.

“Isa, Jesse called me late last night, drunk out of his mind and blabbering about having seen you at the Four Seasons,” whispered Alicia, as she gently steered me away from our family members. We sat on the staircase that led to the maids’ quarters. It was dark and secluded; we used to hide there to tell secrets when we were children.

“I know, Ali. It was so weird. I felt so guilty that it kind of ruined my moment with Alex.”

“He was telling me that Alex had his hands all over you and that you were on your way to spending the night together. Sorry, Iss. I had to tell him you’d just gotten engaged. I thought that would justify the fact that you were seen on your way to a hotel room.”

“Oh geez. Knowing Jesse, that only made it worse, right?”

“Hell yes! He said that it wasn’t over between the two of you. That you were just taking a break.”

The doorbell rang at about 5:30 P.M. and Alex was ushered into the sitting room. I rushed over to him and took his hand, making my rounds to the various family members and introducing him to everyone. My younger female teenage cousins gaped in awe when they saw him. He was, after all, so handsome. He kissed me on the cheek and caressed my hand as he respectfully held conversations with members of my family.

“Alex, have you and Isabel set a date yet?” My grandmother asked as he greeted her.

“No exact date yet, Mrs. Holtzer, but I’ve asked Isabel not to make me wait more than a few months,” he answered as he turned to smile warmly at me.

“March 17,” I blurted out. Exactly three months from this day. He leaned over to kiss my head.

“Wow. We don’t have much time, then,” my grandmother said, as she shuffled away to attend to dinner.

“Don’t say anything,” I whispered. “I just had to get her off my case. We can make it later if you want.”

“No, the only way that date can change is if we move it sooner,” he teased.

The rest of the evening went well. The chef had decided to cook his famous Chinese food with Peking Duck and Beggar’s Chicken as his main dishes. Everyone was fussing over Alex and making sure that he ate enough. We left shortly after dessert was served with the promise to schedule two lunch hours from work to meet my grandmother at Pierre’s dress shop. I also said goodbye to Alicia, who was going to be moving back into the house sometime that week.

By the time we arrived home, we were both exhausted and ready for bed.

“Hi, Mellie, we missed you last night,” Alex joked as she met us at the front door to take our bags. I jabbed him on the chest as I giggled and gave Millie a hug goodnight before rushing upstairs.

“What’s this?” I asked, as I walked toward a large brown box on top of my bed. From the look on Alex’s face, it was evident that the package wasn’t from him. I took the box in my hand and saw familiar handwriting on the front. “Issy” is what it said.

“Open it, Isabel,” said Alex, his voice now somber and serious.

“I don’t have to, A. I’m tired and just want to get some rest.”

“Please, open it.”

I slowly walked over to my desk to grab a pair of scissors. We sat together at the edge of the bed as I cut through the green ribbon that held the box closed. Inside the box was a scrapbook wrapped in pink tissue paper. Pink was my favorite color. Alex was silent as I lifted up the scrapbook and placed it on my lap. “The Story of Us” was neatly emblazoned on the front. I quickly leafed through the pages and found pictures and poems about the day we met, what we used to do together and our seven-year relationship. Jesse had included cards I had written him, hotel receipts and even key cards as well as little notes that I would leave in his books when we went to school together. There was one page that listed our First Times. That was the last straw for me. With Alex sitting right next to me, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t absorb anything. Nor did I want to at that point.

“Babe, why are we doing this? Can I just put this away?” I looked at him timidly, embarrassed mostly about the innuendo symbolized by the hotel keys.

“I’m gonna step out for a smoke for a few minutes. Be right back.” He got up from the bed and was out the door in a flash.

I sat in silence for a few seconds before placing the scrapbook back in the box and shoving it into my closet. By the time I had showered and dressed in my nightgown, Alex was still nowhere to be found. I threw on a robe and silently walked down the stairs. The house was dark by now and I didn’t want to wake anyone. I tiptoed through the long hallway, opened the patio door and found him outside smoking a cigarette.

“I was hoping you’d come and find me.” He smiled affectionately. His eyes looked exhausted.

I looked at him lovingly, took the cigarette from his hand and took a puff for myself. “You said one cigarette. We should really quit together.” He took one more puff and snuffed it out in the ashtray on the table next to him.

I straddled his legs on the chair and sat upright facing him.

“I’m sorry, Alex.”

“Please don’t leave me, Isabel. I can accept the history you have together, but I won’t accept a future without you. Stay with me.”

This man had the capacity to make me forget that I was ever in love with anyone else. And yet, I couldn’t help but think about the life that I thought I was destined to have tucked into a little box in the corner of my closet. I was filled with overwhelming guilt about feeling the way I did. But I knew that I needed to show Alex just how important he was to me.

I outlined his eyes with my lips and gently coaxed them shut. I kissed him deeply until I felt him grow hard underneath me. His hands were under my robe, exploring me. I unzipped his jeans and took him in.

“Shhh. Baby, you have me. I love you. I’m right here.” I threw my head back and rocked him back and forth as he moved my hips up and down to meet his thrusts. I tightened myself around him, and when the time felt right, I leaned over to breathe these four words ever so softly into his ear, “Venga con migo, Alex.” He paused for a brief second, closed his eyes and said, “That was so hot, baby. I’m going!” And he muffled a groan as he drained himself once again inside of me.

We started the morning out early to catch breakfast and spend time together before Alex had to leave for the airport. He insisted on driving by himself and said that I should really be resting before the beginning of another hectic week at the office. Because of the time difference, he planned to block some time during his day to call me. I could tell that he was torn about leaving.

“Get that deal done so you can come home soon, okay?” I nestled my head on his chest as he enveloped me in his arms. We stood that way for a while until Bernard showed up at the door.

“I love you, Isabel. Be here when I get back?” he mumbled into my lips.

“I’m not going anywhere. Oh, except to see Pierre so we can get this wedding going.”

He broke out into a big smile. I think that relieved him a little bit.

Five minutes after he walked out the door, he called from the car.

“Babe, is everything okay?”

“I miss you already. I want to turn back and cancel the entire trip.” He sounded so conflicted, so lost.

“I miss you too. I’m here. Don’t worry.”

“I love you so much.” His words were filled with sincerity.

“I love you too. Have a safe trip. Call when you land, okay?”

I walked back up to my room to get my day going. I thought I’d work out for an hour and then finalize another speech I was writing for the Senator. My mother’s house had an indoor gym that was equipped with a treadmill and some weight machines. I was lucky enough not to have to exercise, but I did love a speed workout on the treadmill once in a while. That day was a good day to burn some pent up energy. I thought about the box in my closet. Somehow my desire to open it up made me feel unfaithful to Alex.

Just as I held that thought, my phone beeped with another message.
Alex
, I thought. Not quite.