The Cowboy's Ready-Made Family (19 page)

Levi made a scolding noise. “Tanner, there will always be people like those ladies and like Mr. Morris. You can ignore them, but why would you ignore someone who looks at you like Susanne does? What do you have to lose by telling her how you feel?”

He didn't explain that he might lose the friendship she'd freely offered. Was it worth risking that in order to tell her what filled his heart?

Chapter Seventeen

S
usanne sat wearily in the rocking chair. Tanner and his brothers were gone. She'd assured them she would be fine on her own though she dreaded being alone.

But they couldn't stay all night.

She appreciated good neighbors, and still she wanted more. Not from Levi and Johnny, though they had been helpful and kind. No. She didn't mind saying goodbye to them, but saying it to Tanner about sucked the life from her.

She wanted to be able to hold his hand anytime she needed a touch, to feel his arms about her when she wanted comfort. She wanted to share a “good morning” upon waking and a secret smile over the children's antics. She wanted someone to be there to hear her deepest fears and wildest dreams.

She loved him and wanted him to love her in return. But would he ever believe love was possible between himself, a man he identified as a half-breed, and herself, a lonely, longing white woman?

Almost overcome with exhaustion, she let Frank and Liz settle the younger two in bed, dragged her weary body to her room and crawled under the covers.

Please, God, let him see he's everything I want and need.

He's handsome, strong, noble and...

Her prayer went unfinished as sleep claimed her.

* * *

She felt sore all over and a little weak when she rose the next morning. But it was nothing that wouldn't improve with time. Unlike the emptiness inside as she wondered if Tanner would come back. Almost certainly he would, but would he pretend he didn't care? Or was it pretense? A thousand uncertainties tumbled about in her mind.

“I'll look after Daisy,” Frank said, and she let him tether the milk cow for the day.

The sun had burned off the early morning mist. Puddles glistened in the yard. A pungent odor rose from the pens where Tanner's horses contentedly ate grass.

It promised to be a hot, humid day.

And a lonely one.

Tanner had not come. She'd given up looking for him to ride over the hill. Perhaps he was never coming again.

One of the horses whinnied. The animals would bring him back even if he cared not enough for her to return.

It was Sunday so she held a quiet service with the children. Afterward, to keep busy, she selected a book from the shelf in the other room and sat down to read it.

“Auntie, Auntie,” Liz called as she rushed indoors. “Look. They're coming.” She pointed out the window.

Susanne joined her niece. Three riders were approaching from the direction of Sundown Ranch. Even from this distance, she recognized Tanner. The other two had to be his brothers. Her heart sank. Had they come to take away the horses? If so, Tanner would not have a reason to return.

She turned away, but she couldn't remember what she had been doing. Unable to remain still, she took a mixing bowl and set it on the cupboard though she had no idea what she meant to do with it.

The hoofbeats of the animals drew closer.

Men called good-morning to the three children outside, then Liz opened the door. “Good morning.”

Tanner's voice returned her greeting. It was echoed by his brothers.

Then he said, “Good morning, Susanne. How are you feeling?”

“Fine, thanks.” She kept her eyes on the mixing bowl, unable to bring herself to look at him. She did not want to see the goodbye he hadn't yet voiced.

“I'll see to the horses.” Johnny's boots thudded away.

“Come on, kids. Show me around.” Levi left with the children talking rapid fire to him.

That left only Tanner. “Susanne, what's wrong?”

She sucked in a strengthening breath and brought her gaze to him, shooing away any emotion. “Nothing. Thank you again for rescuing us yesterday, though I can't recall any of the details.” She shuddered as she remembered the dark swirling waters and how Jim's slicker had weighed her down. She'd pinned Ma's brooch to this dress and touched it now. “I remembered what you said about thinking of something else. This brooch was my ma's. I pinned it to my dress and thought how my parents would want me to be brave.”

He closed the distance between them and caught her shoulders. “You were very brave.” The words caught in his throat. “And you frightened me more than I want to think about.”

Their gazes filled with emotion. Her heart overran with longing.

“Are you up to a little walk?” he asked.

She nodded. She'd find the strength to follow him to the moon and back.

He took her hand and led her from the house. He kept hold of her as he led her past the corrals, past the pens, past the pasture where Daisy was tethered. They climbed a little hill, past a colorful riot of flowers scattered up and down the slope, and stopped at a copse of trees. They ducked under the shade of a big quaking aspen. With warm, claiming hands, he caught her shoulders and turned her to face him.

His look went on and on, searching the deep, most secret places of her heart.

She let him see everything, including her love for him. Would he read her emotions correctly and respond as she hoped?

He smiled. “I'm so happy you're okay.”

She smiled back. “Me, too.”

He trailed a finger along her cheek, his eyes following its path. He touched her bottom lip, sending shivers throughout her body.

“Susanne,” he whispered, his voice husky and tentative, “I must say something even though I know it puts our friendship at risk.”

Her heart stalled. She didn't have the strength to hear the words she feared he was about to utter.
No, don't tell me you want to leave.

He caught her chin and tipped her head so she faced him. She fought the need to look into his eyes, fearful of what she'd see there. But she could not resist. She gazed at him and his eyes overflowed with a longing that echoed in her heart.

Could it be that he returned her feelings?

“Susanne, I know you might find the idea of loving a man like me beyond your imagination, but I must say it anyway. I love you.”

A thousand joys erupted in her heart. To know the love of such a man fulfilled a dream that had lingered since she was orphaned. The dream she'd only recently acknowledged was to be loved so much her heart overflowed.

But she must stop him from his disclaimer. She pressed her fingers to his mouth before he could tell her again how he was a half-breed and she couldn't possibly love him. “Tanner Harding, it is a great honor to be loved by a noble man such as yourself.”

He drank up her words.

She had more to give him. Words and love that would hopefully fill his need. “I love you from the depths of my heart. I love you more than words can ever say. I love you with every breath I take. You're my first thought when I waken and my last when I fall asleep.”

“You love me?”

“I love you.”

He whooped so loud she was certain those back at the farm could hear him. He grabbed her around the waist and danced them in a crazy, dizzying circle as he laughed.

Then he sobered and set her down, his arms still encircling her. A look of doubt clouded his eyes. “Susanne Collins, will you marry me?”

She chuckled. “It would be my great honor to marry you. Just so long as you remember I come with four children.”

He tipped his head back and laughed. “I wouldn't have it any other way. I love them like they were my own.”

She knew it to be true.

He sobered and his expression grew serious. He shifted his attention from her eyes to her mouth and back again. “May I kiss you?”

She was honored that he asked. “I was beginning to think you never would.” She lifted her face to him and he claimed her lips in a sweet, promising gesture. She wrapped her arms about his waist, pressed her palms to his back, thrilled at the strength she felt. He cupped the back of her head and prolonged the kiss, until she lost all sense of time and space and floated on a cloud of joy and belonging.

It was like coming home after a very long and lonely journey.

* * *

After a sweet time of enjoying their newly confessed love, Tanner and Susanne returned to the house. Several times Tanner resisted the urge to pinch himself to see if he was really awake. It seemed he'd ached for this kind of love and acceptance all his life. But there was one more hurdle to cross.

“I need to talk to the children and make sure they are okay with us.”

Susanne grew serious. “I would never do anything to upset them.”

He squeezed her hand. “Nor would I. I love them too much.”

“I know.”

They paused outside the door. He silently prayed for God to bring them all together in their love.

Janie pulled the door open to study them. “You look different.”

A grin split Tanner's face. “You are very observant. Come here.” He lifted her in his arms. “All of you.” He sat down and waited as they clustered around him. “I love your aunt.”

Janie giggled and Robbie looked embarrassed.

Tanner continued. “I want to marry her and help her raise all of you. What do you think?” He hardly dared breathe. He knew neither he nor Susanne would want to go ahead without the children's approval.

“I think, yes.” Janie wrapped her arms about his neck.

“Me, too.” Robbie climbed to Tanner's knee and patted his chest.

“Liz?” Tanner asked.

The girl grinned. “I'd like that very much.” She reached around her younger sister and brother to hug him.

“Frank?” He needed all of them to give their approval.

Frank studied him seriously a moment. “It's okay with me so long as you always treat Aunt Susanne properly.”

Tanner respected the boy's grown-up concern. “I promise I will and I trust you to tell me if I'm not.” He held out a hand to Frank. “Agreed?”

Frank grinned as he took Tanner's hand. “Glad to see you two finally figured out what we could all see.”

“We've been praying for this,” Liz said, and the other children nodded.

His heart overflowing with love and gratitude, he met Susanne's gaze, finding in her look and in the acceptance of the children all he'd ever want for the rest of his life.

Epilogue

Three weeks later

S
ome might have wondered at how quickly Tanner and Susanne decided to get married, but neither of them cared what others might think. Susanne saw no need to wait and told Tanner so. “I can't bear to say goodbye to you day after day.” She hadn't thought it was possible for her feelings to increase, but every day her heart expanded to hold more of their love.

He saw no need to wait, either. “I worry about you at the farm alone. Charlie is still prowling about. I know he won't bother you when he's sober, but he's not sober very often.”

Charlie had thankfully not returned.

Having agreed not to wait any longer, they'd planned the perfect wedding. Susanne could hardly believe the day had finally arrived. She was fussing over the children when she heard a buggy pull up to the house.

Levi opened the door. “Are you all ready?”

“We are.” The children wore their best outfits and Susanne wore her best dress.

“Did you get it?” she asked Levi. She'd enlisted his help to do something special for her wedding outfit.

“Right there.” He nodded toward the bundle on the bench of the buggy as he assisted her aboard. “I have to say you chose an unusual place to get married and yet it's perfect for my brother.” He slanted her an admiring look. “You really understand him.”

“I see the man he is inside.”

“And we are all grateful.” He turned to check on the children, who had climbed into the buggy. “Everybody sitting down?” When they answered yes, he urged the horses forward. They took the path that led to the ranch—now a well-defined track. Partway there, they turned off the trail and climbed the hills until they reached the cathedral of the trees.

“Is he here yet?” Susanne didn't see Scout but nevertheless asked.

“Johnny said he'd give us time to get here first before he let Tanner go. Johnny said he would hog-tie him if necessary.”

Susanne gave a delighted chuckle. Now that Tanner had confessed his love he was free and open about it. And she loved that about him. Just as she loved everything about him from his dark, shining eyes to his golden skin to his gentle humor to his—

She decided to save her thoughts until she could share them with Tanner. She smiled as she thought how he would respond.

They made their way through the trees into the clearing. The sun overhead filled the space with shimmering light. She paused in the center and looked upward, her eyes closed, a prayer in her heart that God would bless this marriage with joy and peace. Then she reached for the bundle that Levi held.

“Liz, come help me.” They slipped into the trees, out of sight of those in the clearing. She opened the bundle to reveal the yoke of Tanner's mother's dress.

“It's so soft,” Liz said.

“And the beadwork is exquisite.” She slipped it over her head and positioned it about her shoulders so that her mother's brooch was visible at her neck. She removed the pins from her hair and let it cascade down her back.

Liz's eyes glowed. “You're beautiful.”

The rattle of a wagon and clop of horses informed her the others had arrived.

Maisie's voice reached her. “What a beautiful spot. Why have I never seen it before?”

Big Sam's deep voice rumbled. “This was Seena's favorite spot. Guess none of us have been back until now.”

Susanne strained to hear Tanner's voice and smiled when he said, “Where's your aunt?”

Levi parted the branches. “Everyone is ready.” His eyes widened as he took in her outfit. “Tanner is going to be blinded with joy.”

Susanne smiled. “I hope he will be pleased.” She took Levi's arm and prepared to go to Tanner's side.

Liz went ahead of them. At the edge of the clearing she picked up a basket of wildflowers and scattered them before Susanne who walked on Levi's arm.

Tanner watched them. She knew the moment he realized she wore his mother's yoke. His eyes widened and overflowed with love.

Big Sam had arranged for the preacher from town to marry them and she joined Tanner before the man.

“Do you, Tanner Harding, take this woman—”

Tanner interrupted. “With my whole heart.”

His family and the children were the only ones in attendance and they laughed at his enthusiasm.

She cherished his words in her heart, where she would keep them always.

She vowed to love him through good times and bad. Always.

As the preacher declared them man and wife, they sealed their vows with a kiss.

“God has brought us joy out of our past,” she whispered to her husband.

“I could have never dreamed He would bless me with a woman like you.” His gaze lingered on her, then he reached for the children. “And with a family.”

Susanne joined them in a hug that included all of them, her heart too full for words.

Her life promised to be full of love, family and a man who cherished her.

* * * * *

Keep reading for an excerpt from
A HOME OF HER OWN
by Keli Gwyn.

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