Once, when she started going off about her discomfort at the thought of death, I told her that my prediction was that she would live to be one hundred and two. Longevity runs in her family. I told Tzipi that this was good, because that way, if we really did fall in love when I was sixty and she was eighty-three, we wouldn't be in a hurry. There would still be plenty of time.
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n 1996, Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos issued a stirring communiqué which has since been widely quoted by his followers: “The face that hides itself to be seen. The name that hides itself to be named. Behind our unnamable name, behind us, whom you see, behind us, we are you. Behind, we are the same simple, ordinary men and women, we are repeated in all races, painted in all colors, speak in all languages, and live in
all places⦠Behind us, you are us. Behind our mask is the face of all excluded women, of all the forgotten indigenous, of all the persecuted homosexuals, of all the despised youth, of all the immigrants, of all those imprisoned for their words and votes, of all the humiliated workers, of all those dead from neglect, of all the simple and ordinary men and women who don't count, who aren't seen. We who are nameless.”
Perhaps you will chafe at the suggestion that the masking of my lover's identity has anything at all to do with politics. And you're right. In fact, the ugly truth is that it probably has more to do with celebrity. El Sup would be appalled. Sandro was just telling me that he was watching El Sup on YouTube, and that he said something brilliant about how in the capitalist West we all care more about movie stars and whom they've been fucking and what they've been eating than we care about the struggles of the common man. Some starlet screwed her bodyguard and ate a cheeseburger last night: fascinating. El Sup said that the only time we speak of the suffering of the peasants, it's when there's some huge natural catastrophe. It's true, right after the enormous earthquake in China a couple of weeks ago people looked up and said, oh, wow, 40,000 people just died.
Take a look at the Yahoo! homepage.
I realize this is all very self-indulgent. But you know, even Simone de Beauvoir got tired sometimes of thinking about politics. Her correspondence with Algren is full of these kinds of admissions. She'll say, “I feel it is very silly to give so much importance to one's own feelings when the world is so big and so many things happen: cholera in Egypt, de Gaulle in France, to say nothing about USA.” But she says what she really wants to be thinking about is lying down again with Algren: “When I'll shut my eyes, you'll come. Take me in your arms, give me your mouth⦔
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006, 4:15 p.m.
Subject: defense of the left
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I think I understood what you said about what you meant about equivocation, although it's confusing, because it's for and against it at the same time (equivocal about equivocation). You can be very confusing, which is what I love about the way you think. You're right when you say that I shouldn't say that we'll always disagree about some things â in fact, you change my ideas all the time â about politics, about cinema⦠Sometimes then I change my mind back. Sometimes I don't. I only get a little exaggerated like that in my attitude of “political correctness” (I hate it when you use this term) because I find it irritating when you categorically register your disillusionment with the left. Because that's not exactly the way it is. It's true that it's a problem when one loses subtlety or perspective. Or a sense of humor. But the other day I was watching a documentary with Sandro about Howard Zinn (you must know who he is â a great leftist historian, an activist from my father's generation). And an old colleague of his, a woman, said with a big smile, “It gives you so much satisfaction, to live the life of an activist, it's so pleasurable⦔ It's not all the left that's lost its sense of irony, or humor, or pleasure, or subtlety, and it's not all holier-than-thou.
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Hurry up and come to New York. You would love some of our funny, self-ironizing leftist friends. And I would love to lie down next to you on my soft white bed.
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I'm sending you two pure flowers.
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I attached a picture of a pink morning glory from my balcony, and another of my nipple.
A year before the famous communiqué of the “nameless,” El Sup wrote another called “Death Has Paid a Visit.” It begins comically, noting that little pieces of his body keep falling off (chip off his shoulder, piece of thigh â will his nose be next? At least then the ski mask would lay flatâ¦). But following his best sense of “guerrilla anatomy,” he's been sticking them back on. This is his way of saying that he senses his own mortality. After some more surreal, politically trenchant and hysterical poetry, he modestly suggests that the government withdraw its arrest order against him, because since it was issued, “the Sup has been insufferable. And I don't just refer to his obsession with death.” He's constantly looking over his shoulder. He's also started spouting weird pseudo-religious prophecies to his comrades, and sharing his plans for degenerate sex acts when he next encounters “a certain Monica or such-and-such Aimée.” Everybody would be better off, surely, if he could get the murderous government soldiers off his tail. He signs his message, “THE SUBDELINQUENT TRANSGRESSOR OF THE LAW, FLEEING THROUGH THE HILLS, SUB MARCOS.”
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Last fall Santutxo and I started debating intellectual property rights. Given his politics, you might think that he would be a big open source enthusiast. Or maybe you would think the opposite. Surprise: he argues both for and against the fierce protection of copyright. Although he expresses strong opinions, he feels a little under-informed on the topic, so I was trying to bring him up to speed. I ended up reflecting a little on the patterns of our political discussions:
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Thursday, September 27, 2007, 2:10 p.m.
Subject: politics and eros
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Anyway, what I find fascinating about you is that even though the arguments we have are usually about race politics or sexual politics (you are less adamant about intellectual property rights so maybe we will have a real disagreement about this later but not yet), your ideas about both these things are still very complicated and interesting to me, and interrelated precisely in the realm of eros.
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This is why I said of the Communiqué on Mortality that when you are talking about sex you are talking about politics, and vice versa.
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I've exchanged a couple of e-mails with my friend DJ Spooky about intellectual property rights. But nothing that I think would illuminate things for you. He just sent me a track from his new album, where he took some drum solos from Stewart Copeland, the drummer from The Police, and reproduced them by splicing together digital beats so they sound like the original but they're not samples. He included a photo of himself with Copeland, Copeland holding Spooky's book and smiling with his fist in the air. I guess he liked what Spooky did with his solos. You might be appalled or you might like it, I'm not sure.
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Fingerless gloves are good in cool weather when you still need to be able to use your fingers (to play piano or guitar, to hold a pen or pencil, to use a key or pick up a coin, etc.). They keep the cold wind from going up the sleeve of your coat. They make you look like a character from a Dickens novel. They can be very stylish. I could send them to you through Pablo.
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I am happy. Sandro is so beautiful these days. I worry because he's working so hard. They have him learning violin right now,
probably changing to bass later. Math is very hard for him. The girls are all over him. There are six that take him out every day after school and buy him cakes and sweets. It's a good thing he's congenitally skinny, and it's also a good thing he's a lesbian like you or he would be getting unbearable.
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The only questions I asked you in my last e-mail were: 1. Have you read David Graeber? 2. Can you tell me the alternative address where it's safe to send a package? I'm not asking again if you want fingerless gloves because I think you don't but I am hard-headed and may make them for you anyway.
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xoxo
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Although Sandro went through that period of hanging out with a whole gaggle of girls who wanted to feed him, he ended up getting a particular girlfriend whom everybody referred to as “Janis Joplin.” They just broke up. She was a pretty tough customer. She was grumpy about several things, including Sandro's support of Obama. She prefers Hillary. She told Sandro she thought Hillary had a better position on gay marriage than Obama. Joplin, like Sandro, claims to be a lesbian at heart. But she had very little patience for his poses. She told Sandro, “You hide behind your Mayakovsky.” By this, she apparently meant that he pretentiously trots out his list of avant-garde and left-wing enthusiasms, but fails to research the basic issues. Of course, she's right, but it's the kind of flaw a person could find either irritating or charming. Before they got in the fight, Sandro took this picture of himself kissing Joplin at National Pillow Fight Day in Union Square. I thought it was so beautiful, I sent it to Santutxo. I think he was also profoundly moved.
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Sunday, March 23, 2008, 10:51 a.m.
Subject: Happy Easter
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My trip went very smoothly. I slept six hours, then watched a bad movie (Nanny Diaries with Scarlett Johansson) and listened to Joan Armatrading on the iPod. When I got home, the apartment was a mess, covered with little feathers: yesterday was National Pillow Fight Day and there was a big party in Union Square. A thousand people hitting each other over the head with pillows. Sandro went with Janis Joplin. I attach a photo.
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I love this picture, the two of them covered with feathers, and the cops behind them.
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I vacuumed the whole house, started washing the dishes, and Sandro came in. Gorgeous. He'd grown (I swear). He was so affectionate and sweet with me. He went out to get Chinese food and we ate it watching the Marx Brothers (Monkey Business). My brother came by around 10. He was arriving from
the set of a gay porn film for which he'd been contracted to write the script. It sounded funny.
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We went out on the terrace so he could have a smoke. The moon was out, but it was obscured by some clouds that looked like the scales of fish.
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Sandro's playing piano as I write, improvising. Last night I went to bed at midnight, to the sound of him playing. I fell asleep smiling. I woke up this morning with a hard-on, thinking of you. It was that normal morning kind of hard-on. In men we call this “morning wood.” Anyway, I missed our fucking, but then Sandro called me in for a little cuddle in his bed and I felt very happy. It's sunny in New York. I think today I'm going to buy some seeds to plant on the terrace.