Read The Codex: An Angel's Guide To Seducing A Human Online
Authors: Joe Duck
Emily picked up bowl next to the wooden spoons. “Eat it.” Then, without another word, she began devouring the meal by bringing the clay bowl to her lips and slurping like a hungry gnome.
Figuring she knew what she was doing, I summoned a quill to start sketching the food and the creature consuming it.
By the time I had successfully captured the essence of the decapitated tuna into the drawing, Emily had stopped feasting. She glanced at the food then at me.
“You know, I don’t think I can finish all of this,” she said, admitting defeat.
Closing the book, I nodded in agreement. “Then you won’t be finishing it.”
Emily wagged a small knife with a piece of tuna impaled on it. “Aren’t you hungry?”
My stomach growled in response, and I set the Codex on the table. “I suppose I could eat.” Picking up a spare spoon, I whispered the words of summoning. Moments later, a chunk of manna the size of my hand materialized above the table and landed with a splat.
The human frowned. “What is that? Some sort of blue pudding?”
I took a bite, enjoying the tranquil taste that reminded me of home. “It’s manna,” I mumbled between bites.
Emily leaned forward and squinted. “Manna?”
“Strange… you don't know what manna is? I thought humans loved our food.” Ready to impress her, I took the spoon and sliced a portion of the manna onto her dish.
The human eyed the piece and poked it with a spoon before sniffing. “Can I eat this?”
“Yes. It’s very clean. In fact, it has many other uses.”
“Like what? Coloring walls?”
“No. For washing them.”
Emily looked up at me with an eyebrow raised. She probed the jelly again then plunged the spoon into the manna, brought it to her mouth, and chewed.
I patiently waited for her cries of enlightenment.
They never came. Instead, Emily turned pale and pushed the plate away.
I tilted my head. “Something wrong?”
She responded by gagging then spat, sending several pieces of manna flying out of her mouth and splattering onto the table. “It tastes like troll’s milk! How do you eat this stuff?”
I snorted at her inability to appreciate fine cuisine. “Right… because human food tastes so good.” To better prove my point, I skewered a piece of the tuna with a fork and nibbled, expecting the dead flesh to be repulsive.
A shiver ran through my body. My hands clenched together, and I squirmed as heavenly flavors exploded in my mouth.
Tears snuck down my face, and I wiped them away before Emily could notice. “This is a trick. Nothing can taste this good.”
The human smiled smugly. “Oh? What was that about your disgusting jelly tasting better?”
“I… I’ve had better,” I said, taking another bite to prove her wrong, only for the fish to melt away as my teeth quickly ground away at it. Trying not to show my feelings, I stared at the deceptive food. “As… as I was saying, we have—"
“You’re drooling.”
I grimaced and wiped the bit of saliva that had somehow escaped my mouth. Desperate to prove the inferiority of their cooking, I consumed more of the food, sampling the soup and the bread. They tasted fantastic.
And before long, I finished everything on the tray and leaned back against the chair to rest. I tried to be strong, but a low moan escaped my lips as a tremor passed through my stomach.
Emily shook my shoulder with concern drawn on her face. “Are you all right?”
I groaned and put my hands on my swollen belly that felt strangely heavy. “It was… good.”
The human laughed. “You should try the food in the cities. It’s even better.”
I blinked, unable to imagine anything better. “You mean this wasn’t the finest human cooking in history?”
Emily smiled. With the tomato soup smudged around her mouth, she looked like a bloodsucker. “You should eat a cow. They are a delight.”
“Huh? Nothing could be better than this.”
She wagged her finger and chuckled. “A lot of people agree that meat tastes better than fish.”
I tried to imagine anything that could out do what I had eaten, but for once my imagination failed me, and a disturbing question came to mind. “But if cows taste better, why did they give me fish?” I glanced at the door. “Did I insult them somehow? Should I apologize?”
“Relax, Narius. It’s probably the opposite. They are doing their best to please you,” Emily said, thrusting her fork into the bony carcass of the fish like a buzzard. “Fresh fish is the most luxurious food they have here because of its rarity. So they gave you what they thought was their best.”
I scratched my head. “So, something is better if there aren't any nearby?”
“Sort of, but also because they need to transport it quickly to keep it fresh and edible.”
“Then why did you not like my manna? It’s always as fresh as it can get.”
Emily’s lips twitched, and her eyes squinted. “Because no matter what you do, rotten goo still tastes rotten. As for the fish, they are a delicacy because it’s difficult to bring them this far inland without having them dried and salted, especially if there are no sizable rivers or lakes nearby. In fact, fresh seafood costs about ten times more in these parts than in the coastal regions.”
Encouraged by my initial interest, she rambled on about the various types of fish and what was involved in catching and preserving them. I listened attentively at first, but I soon grew bored as she talked about how hard and time consuming it was for magicians to use magic to preserve them in ice. Eventually, I tuned out her droning voice and studied the stained ceiling, reminiscing about the incredible meal I’d just eaten.
“…back when I was in Lodina, during the last harvest festival, our guild—"
I broke from my trance and wiped off a bit of saliva that had leaked from my mouth. “Guild? You mentioned something like that before.”
Emily, with a smug look on her face, laid her hand on her chest. “I'm a member of the Silver Lining Adventurer's Guild, in the capital. Maybe you’ve heard of us?”
“’Adventurer’s Guild’?” I flipped through the Codex until I found the entry that described them. My brows knitted together as I read the summary of her organization. “You’re a grave robber?”
“What? No! We do all sorts of work. From prospecting an area for minerals, to venturing into unexplored forests—”
“But according to the Codex, adventurers frequently break into tombs and homes, looting everything of value and often disturbing the inhabitants in the process.”
The Codex chuckled.
Oh, I’m sure she does more than just disturb them. I bet she visits the naughty ones in bed.
Emily’s lips twitched, and she stared at the shutters covering the window. “Well, some of the more specialized guilds would do that. But we are different.”
Right. Because everyone goes to slay a dragon in his home.
Codex pointed out.
I tilted my head in confusion. “But why would you fight a dragon? And why take me to help you? Do you need me to hold a bag of loot?”
She let out a breath and rested her palm against her face. “Because it’s my job. As for you… well, when I first saw you, I thought angels were all-powerful beings like I had heard in the stories.”
“We are.”
Emily removed her hand and raised an eyebrow. “I doubt that. But you still have a unique ability.”
What can I do that she can't?
I cupped my chin and pondered.
My ability to read?
Yes,
the Codex said.
That is the sole reason why she wants your help with a dragon. Your ability to read. Because reading, of all things, is an essential skill for anyone wanting to be a dragon slayer.
I knew it!
Great. Since you are right, why don’t you ask her to lick your boots in exchange for you teaching her?
Confident of my superior knowledge, I puffed out my chest and parroted her words. “If you lick my boots, I’ll teach you how to read.”
Emily gave me an annoyed look. “I can read, you idiot. I’m taking you with me because you can heal.”
“Heal? But you have all your hair. Or is that a wig?” Reaching across the table, I tugged on a fistful of her dark hair.
It didn't budge, and Emily cried out, "What are you doing?"
I released the hair and was smacked in the head with a spoon as a reward. "Oww."
“As I was saying. Humans can’t heal other people. Not even a paper cut.”
I scratched the side of my head. “You want me to heal a paper cut?”
“No!”
“Then why do you need me?”
She slammed her fist on the table, rattling the empty dishes. “Because it’s a dragon! He isn’t going to just roll over and die. I need all the help I can get.”
“So, I am some sort of a healing potion?”
Emily smiled sheepishly. “They are rather expensive, you know.”
Before I could scorn her, Emily covered her mouth and yawned. “Anyway, Narius, it’s getting late. Go to your room. We have to wake up early tomorrow and find some horses.”
Narius
A slender tongue licked my wing, and I flapped it to drive away the offender. Instead, the mare pressed her nose against my wings again.
With the horse sniffing me, I rubbed the remaining sleep out of my eyes just as the sun crested the horizon and warmed my wings. I stretched my arms and back while taking a look at the grassy plain around us that seemed to go on forever. “Why are we doing this so early? I bet even the dragon is asleep.”
“Because it’s a long trip, and I don’t want to spend a night sleeping on the grass if I can help it.” Emily scratched the nose of an elderly bay mare standing behind her and pulled out a map. A few moments later, she pointed towards a part of the plain. “Pannaxx is supposedly hiding in a hill called ‘Adena’s Dump.’”
I scratched my head. “Adena’s Dump?”
Emily tapped the map. “Legend has it, it's made of dragon feces. The dragon who supposedly made it, Adena, thought if she collected enough, they would turn into gold, but in reality it’s really just a large mound of dirt. Now saddle up, you oversized pigeon, before the farmers change their minds about lending us their cart horses.”
I glanced at the hunchbacked horse and shook my head. “I don’t know how to ride one.”
“Well then, you're just going to have to fly beside me as I ride.”
Figuring the horses were slow anyway, I stepped towards Emily with my arms spread out. “I have a better idea.”
With suspicion in her eyes, she took a step back. “W-what are you doing?”
Before she could figure out my ingenious plan, I charged at her and wrapped my arms around her waist.
Emily squeaked and struck my armor with her hands.
I flapped my wings. Dust flew everywhere, forming a small sandstorm around us as I kicked off the ground and rose into the air.
The village dwindled away below our feet, and Emily screamed.
Narius
Once we had been in the air for a few minutes, Emily became eerily quiet. Her arms and staff were lodged against my chest while her shivering legs had twisted around mine and refused to let go.
With what little control I had, I tried to pry her loose and make her get a better hold of me to make flying more comfortable, but Emily held on like her life depended on it.
Still, it was nice to be in the air again. The warm summer breeze brushed against my wings, and I enjoyed the silence of the sky as I continued my flight towards the dragon’s lair.
Perhaps encouraged by my calm manner, Emily stopped quivering and looked over her shoulder down at the ground where the grass wavered in the wind. “Is this what it feels like to look down from heaven?”
“Nothing like this. On most days, all we can see are clouds.”
“Oh.” She bit her lip then studied me with a worried look. “Are you all right? You look tired.”
"Just a little. It's hard to hang onto you."
Emily's cheeks turned red, and she wrapped her arms around me and pressed her body against mine, making it easier to hold her. “Don’t get any ideas!”
“Huh?”
Emily cleared her throat and kept her gaze on the ground. “I-I just need you to be ready when I kill the dragon. This doesn’t mean anything.”
Oh, I am sure her blushing means something quite naughty,
the Codex said.
I shook my head and drove the book out of my mind to follow up on Emily’s words. “Killing a dragon isn’t the answer.”
“It is if you don’t have any other choice.”
I grimaced and whispered, “Then you are not looking hard enough.”
She didn’t respond, and silence descended on us with only the sound of our breathing keeping us company until she asked, “So, what did you do in heaven?”
“Clean and dust books.”
Emily smirked. "Then why did you come down here? Was it because you did something bad?"
I winced. “Of… of course not. I am a loyal servant of Lord Halfaya.”