The Burning Claw: Book 10, The Grey Wolves Series (11 page)

Chapter 6

“How does someone survive in the dark once they’ve been shown how beautiful it is in the light?” ~Costin

Three days missing.

C
ostin was a mess. There was no other way to put it. Before Sally, he’d been getting by, living behind the smile and the jokes, but deep down the darkness was creeping further and further into his soul. Then she’d come, and like the first rays of the sun in the morning, she’d lit him up from the inside out. Sally had replaced all of the loneliness and pain. She’d brought him the hope that comes with having a true mate. And just as quickly as she’d appeared in his life, quicker actually, she’d been ripped away.

“Can we go outside, Daddy?” Titus asked. It was midafternoon and he knew the little boy had to be getting restless. He’d gotten to play and walk around the mansion, but he’d been cooped up inside,  and Costin knew that fresh air would do them both some good.

“Sure, buddy. We can go out.”

Peri had been kind enough to bring Titus some clothes and a jacket, shoes, and socks.  Though Spring was upon them, in the morning the air was still cool enough to warrant a light jacket. Costin helped Titus pull on his jacket and slip on his shoes before taking his hand and walking them out of the large house.

“There’s a lot of steps to take before you can get to a door to go outside,” the little boy pointed out.

Costin smiled. “Yes, there are a lot of steps to take.”

“Will we always live here?” Titus asked.

Costin thought about it. He’d always planned to stay in the pack mansion, though not everyone in the pack lived there. But he guessed that could change, if Sally wanted. Although even if they didn’t live in the pack mansion, they would need to live close since she was healer to the Serbia pack.

“It depends on what Mommy wants,” Costin told him.

“I think she will want to stay.”

“Do you want to stay?” he asked his son. For some reason, it wasn’t hard at all to think of Titus as his son; it was like the boy had always been his and Sally’s.

“It feels safe here,” Titus admitted. “Safe is good.”

“Yes, I agree,” Costin nodded. “Safe is always good.”

Once they were outside, Costin let Titus take the lead. They walked up toward the forest that lead into the mountains. Though he wasn’t in his home country of Romania, the huge mountain range was the same, and the forest brought back so many memories—some good, some bad. It was where they’d fought Desdemona. It was where they’d battled the warlocks, who happened to be battling trolls at the time. It was where the males of the pack had been taken and banished to the In Between. Some would say those were bad memories, but for Costin they were bittersweet. Yes, they were memories of some very dark and difficult things, but they were also memories that included his love. He would take any memory, no matter how painful it was, if it included his Sally in some way.

“I like the being outside,” Titus said with a smile in his voice. “I like the sun and the way the forest smells.”

“You didn’t see either of those things for a long time.”

He shook his head. “Nope. Only the black.”

Costin knew that he was speaking of the darkness that was underground. “Were you scared?” Costin asked the boy.

“Sometimes,” Titus admitted. “But sometimes the angel would come visit me and then I wouldn’t be so scared.”

The Great Luna had been watching over her children, as she always did. Though Costin hadn’t been Titus’ dad at that point, he was still so thankful that she had been watching over the child that would one day be his and his mate’s.

“COSTIN!” His name rang out, piercing the silence of the forest. He scooped up Titus and bolted back to the mansion. His thoughts immediately jumped to the possibility that they’d found Sally. His heart was pounding as hard as his feet were against the earth and, though he usually wasn’t ever short of breath thanks to his werewolf gene, he could barely breathe.

As soon as the mansion came into view, he saw Jen standing on the steps, her face splotchy with tears and her cheeks red. She looked overjoyed. Decebel stood next to her and, though his face wasn’t nearly as exuberant as his mate’s, it was still obvious that he was relieved. They must have found her. They had to have found her.

“Jacque and Fane are alive!” Jen blubbered. “Peri said they woke up last night but she didn’t tell us because she wanted to give them time with Slate—that’s what they named him. I told her I was pissed that she didn’t tell us, but that I forgave her because she did keep my best friend alive, and she had my gratitude for eternity because of it. Although she didn’t—COSTIN!”

Costin didn’t register his legs giving out from underneath him. He didn’t notice Decebel moving toward him at inhuman speed to catch Titus before his knees crashed to the ground, along with his hope.

They hadn’t found his Sally. She was still lost to him. Her light was still gone. Costin wanted to be strong. He wanted to be stoic like Decebel, and levelheaded like Vasile, but that wasn’t who he was. He was the lighthearted, emotional one. He couldn’t hide his pain behind a mask of fury or a wall of determination, at least not yet. Costin was still too broken to do anything more than fall forward, his head pressed against the ground, and weep.

D
ecebel looked at Jennifer from where he knelt holding Costin upright with one hand and holding Titus with the other. He motioned his head toward Titus. “Take him to meet Jacque and Fane. He would probably like to see the new baby as well.”

Jennifer stared in complete shock at the male before her. Decebel knew that she hadn’t realized that Costin might have thought that they had news of Sally. All she had been thinking about was the need to tell him that Fane and Jacque, two of Costin’s closest friends, had not died. She didn’t think about the fact that screaming his name in such urgency might cause him to come to the wrong conclusion. She wasn’t aware of just how far Costin had already slipped into the darkness. Decebel had been careful to keep that information hidden from her. His mate was already dealing with enough stress, adding more wouldn’t help their situation.

After another gentle nudge from her mate, Jennifer looked up at him, dragging her eyes slowly from Costin. “I didn’t, I didn’t realize,” she whispered, though Decebel’s sensitive wolf hearing had no trouble picking up her words. The joy had been leached from her face, replaced by remorse and shame.

“It’s alright, baby. It’s alright. He will not hold it against you. I know it must be hard for you to see him this way. This is a part of what makes us who we are. The Great Luna designed us to love our mate so deeply, so completely, that death is a better option than life without them. When Reyaz took you and the other females, I—”

“Wanted to destroy everything and everyone in sight,” Jen finished for him.

He nodded. “That is how I would deal with the anguish. This” —he motioned to Costin— “is how he is dealing with it. Let me talk to him. We will be along in a bit to see the others.”

Jen hurried forward and took Titus from her mate. She started backing into the house and sent Decebel a thought through their bond. “
Please, tell him I’m sorry.”

Decebel nodded and then watched as she left him kneeling there, unsure of exactly what to say to Costin. Decebel’s wolf wanted to howl out a long bellow of pain for their fellow pack member. Costin was hurting; he was scared, and he felt helpless.  But Costin was also a threat to the pack, and Decebel’s wolf wanted to neutralize that threat.

Decebel laid a hand on Costin’s head, offering the only comfort he knew—his presence. The Alpha wouldn’t tell him that everything was going to be okay. He wouldn’t lie to his pack mate like that. More than likely, Decebel was going to have to subdue Costin until they found his mate, or he’d have to kill him. He didn’t relish that thought, but he would do it.  He wanted so badly for it not to come to that. Decebel knew that they would do everything they could to find Sally, but sometimes even your best wasn’t enough. Sometimes life just kicked your ass and death finished it.

Decebel bowed his head and felt his chest tighten as his own tears filled his eyes. Not many things could make the huge wolf cry, but seeing Costin so inconsolable and knowing that he would have to be the one to destroy him, was enough to cause physical pain to the Alpha. It brought back memories of the emotions he felt when he lost is sister so long ago—the feeling of being helpless and unable to fix it. After fifteen minutes, Decebel sat completely on the ground, keeping his hand on his friend’s head. Costin’s shoulders shook as he seemed to mourn her loss all over again.

“It’s my fault,” Costin finally said after another fifteen minutes. “I should have been with her. I belong by her side, always, and I wasn’t there. I left her unprotected.”

Decebel knew exactly how he felt. The level of responsibility he felt for Jennifer was exactly the same. Yes, his pack would help protect her, but ultimately it was his job. She was his—his to love, his to provide for, and his to protect. What did you say to a male who felt he’d let his mate down, knowing that you would feel exactly the same way if the roles were reversed?

“I shouldn’t have listened to the damn prophecy. I should have gone with my gut, which is always to be with her. But I didn’t, and now she’s gone.” Costin sat up and looked at Decebel.

The emptiness and darkness that filled his eyes was shocking to Decebel. It was as if something had crawled into Costin’s head and was now staring back at him. He shuttered at the sight and his wolf perked up even more, paying close attention to the Beta’s scent and body language. Costin didn’t need another lecture on dealing with the darkness. All he needed was a friend. He needed someone to listen to him and simply let him know that he wasn’t alone. And if that wasn’t enough to keep the darkness at bay, then Costin would need someone to deal with him.

“How am I going to find her?” Costin growled. “How the hell am I going to find her in this vast world? She could be anywhere.”

“You aren’t going to be looking alone,” Decebel reminded him. “We will be helping you in any way we can.”

“We don’t even know where to start,” Costin said, his voice saturated with defeat. “What if we never find her?”

“We will never stop looking. I would never stop looking for Jennifer and we will never, not ever, stop looking for Sally. I don’t know if this helps or not, but Sally isn’t just a pack mate. She is our healer. She is more important than
any
other pack member, even me. We will not rest until she is back where she belongs.”

Costin continued to growl and the sound was growing louder instead of softer. His body was shaking as he wrestled with his wolf, who was nearly completely consumed with darkness. The man was the only thing holding them together. When hair started to sprout on his arms, Decebel jumped to his feet pulling Costin up with him by the back of his shirt. He shifted his other hand up to his Beta’s throat and then slammed him down onto the ground. Decebel followed, landing on his knees, bending over Costin. His hand was still around the younger wolf’s throat, but Costin’s body seemed to have relaxed and the hair had disappeared. That was a good sign. If his wolf had been a hundred percent feral, he would have phased and fought Decebel. But instead Costin submitted, again.

“You will hold it together,” Decebel snarled into his face. “You didn’t live sixty years waiting on your true mate, only to give up now. Fight dammit! Fight the darkness, fight your wolf, fight the demons you’ve created by your grief and anger and fear. Fight so that you can live to see her again.”

“What. If. I. Can’t? Costin asked through the hand wrapped tightly around his neck.

“Then you’d better run, run far and fast.” Decebel gave his neck one more shake to drive home his dominance over Costin’s wolf and then released him. He climbed to his feet and offered a hand to the younger wolf. Costin took it and let himself be pulled up.

“Decebel,” Costin began but Decebel cut him off with a raised hand.

“You’re not gone yet so don’t talk as though you’ve already succumbed.”

“Thank you,” Costin said the two simple words filled with so many meanings.

“You’re welcome. Now, please don’t make me kill you.”

S
ally woke with a start. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and it ached. There was a deep sadness in her that she didn’t understand. It was as though something inside of her was tearing apart. At first, she thought the feeling must be for her parents, and though she was definitely still sad over their loss, but she knew that the pain she felt in that moment had nothing to do with them. This pain was something much deeper. It was as though she’d lost a part of herself.