The Beginning of Never (The Never Trilogy #1) (19 page)

I thought I’d be disappointed but instead I was angry;
angry at him, and then angry at myself because once again I’d broken my resolve
to never go out of my way for anything, when it came to him.

*

The next day, which was Monday,
we entered the last week of the first half of the term. The day had been good
so far, and even though I had done a terrible job of curling my hair, it had
still been a considerable change from the familiar jumble.

I had even taken time with my uniform. Both my pinafore
and dress-shirt were neat and pressed – ill-fitted though, but still an
improvement. No one had stepped on my toes- not even the teachers, I’d had a
peaceful lunch with Elisa and Matthew and for the first time, was actually
paying attention in my chemistry class.

All this was until Mrs. Zimmerman decided to return our
chemistry test papers. I got an F, and it hurt because I’d actually tried and
written something down. Apparently it had been rubbish.

I stared dejectedly at the marker board after that, the
disappointment seemingly pulling on the strings of the heavyheartedness that
had plagued me all weekend long. It overwhelmed me until I literally couldn’t
breathe. I had to get out of there. So I excused myself and left the class.

I didn’t know where to go so I just headed towards my
locker, the test script crumpled in my hand.

I really,
really
wanted to have done better. Maybe it was to prove to myself that Nathan being
absent in my life wouldn’t make a difference, and that I could still be a
little happier and successful at my school work. That I didn’t need him to
tutor me or make me feel like I existed, or give me at least one reason in my
damn
life to be excited about something.

I crumpled the paper in my hand even more,
then
let out a long breath to steady my rising temper. I was
starting to really hate him- for everything.
For being
present in the first place, and then for leaving- without a word.
I
didn’t need him. I didn’t need anyone, but damn it, he’d made me care about
myself, and I didn’t want to go back to being and feeling so dark that even in
my own eyes, I didn’t matter.

When I turned the corner that led into the hallway that
housed my locker, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw that Nathan was
standing beside my locker. I watched as he slipped an envelope into one of the
openings, and then turned to walk away.

I watched him leave, and wanted to call him back but my
mouth wouldn’t work. So I just stared after him but suddenly, he stopped. Then
he glanced backwards and our gazes met. My heart dropped into my stomach.

It seemed like a full minute passed before I finally
broke our gaze, and started walking towards my locker. But really, it may have
only been just a few seconds. But in that moment, everything seemed to have
slowed down. The tap of my shoes against the floor suddenly seemed too loud,
and my breathing was ragged. I could hear the pulse of my now accelerated
heartbeat in my ears.

He started moving towards me and I grew nervous, because
I didn’t know what I was going to do or say. I wasn’t even sure I wanted him to
come any closer. Just leaving without a word like he’d been doing so far would
be perfect, but he didn’t leave. He reached me just as I turned towards my
locker and began to open it. He waited beside me for a few seconds and then I
felt his hand touch my arm. I brushed it away.

I continued struggling with the combination for my
padlock, but just couldn’t get it right, especially since my hands were now
trembling. Eventually, I just got pissed and wanted to slam my palm against the
stupid locker. Instead I turned, and started to walk away.

He caught my hand and gently pulled me back. I tried
with my other free hand to release his grip from around my wrist but it didn’t
budge.

“Nora look at me,” he pleaded.

I shook my head. “Leave me alone.”

He took a step closer to me, and it was way too close.
I saw him briefly look to his sides to confirm that we were alone and then he
lowered his head towards mine, literally forcing me to meet his gaze. I still
refused, and kept my eyes at a point above his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “So please don’t be mad at me.”

“Don’t be mad at you? Let me go,” I said, but then
realized that he wasn’t holding me. I turned to walk away but again, he caught
my hand and pulled me back. I didn’t see it coming until
suddenly,
his lips were on mine, soft and moist.

Fire shot through my body.

My automatic response was to hold on to him by the
sides of his arms, but when I realized what I was
doing,
I tore my mouth away from his and pushed him away. I was grateful it didn’t
move him an inch though because I would have dropped to the floor if he had let
me go- I couldn’t feel my legs!

“What’re you doing?” I whispered. I couldn’t find my
voice.

“Getting you to talk to me?” he said, sounding like he
was trying to convince himself that that was a valid excuse.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked.

He shut his eyes then and brought his hand to rest on
his forehead, his chest heaving up and down from trying to control his breathing.

I watched him, and even though I was mad at him, I
couldn’t control the longing for him that filled my heart. With my hand on his
shoulder, I lifted myself up on my tip toes for another kiss.

I was mad at myself for doing this but God help me, kissing
him had to be the best feeling in the entire world. It felt like everything had
come alive inside of me, and I never wanted it to end. But it had to, so after
savoring the taste and fire of him one last time, I finally pulled away.

“I hate you,” I said as I leaned back against the
locker, and pounded on his chest with my fist.

He chuckled.
And then said, “Lenora I
really am sorry.”

I waited, but he didn’t say anything more.

“Is that it?” I asked, and just then, the bell that signaled
the start of lunch time rang throughout the school. I didn’t care but he did.
He let go of my hand and took a step back.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” he said apologetically, and
then turned around to walk away.

I stared after him until he disappeared out of sight,
just as people began filling the hallway.

Picking up my crumpled test paper that had fallen to
the ground, I turned around to work the combinations on my padlock. It budged
this time around so slipping it off the
hook,
I pulled
the locker open and tossed the crumpled test paper into a corner. Then I
noticed the cream colored envelope that was sitting on the shelf. I pried it
open and brought out the photograph that was inside.

It was the picture of the both of us that he had taken
at the waterfall.

I didn’t see Nathan for the
rest of the week, and by the time Saturday rolled
by,
I was more than ready to head home with Elisa.

She lived in South
Ealing
-
London, and from the moment we arrived, I was made to feel more at home than I
could have ever hoped for.

Her mom, boisterous and warm, had approached me with
two small children closely at her heels. She had her hair in a loose ponytail,
a spatula in hand and a flowered apron covering her jeans and T-shirt.

At first I wasn't sure what would qualify as an
appropriate greeting for her, but she solved that dilemma for me when she
captured me in a bear hug the moment I walked through the door.

Her dad had been extremely polite and gentle. We didn't
get much out of him on the four-hour ride from school to their place, and not
much thereafter either. Elisa's younger sister- Melissa -who was thirteen, had
appeared beside her mum as soon as she released me. She smiled shyly at us, and
then returned to her room.

The younger two, Justin and Jeremiah, just snuck around
me until dinner had ended that night. And each time I would turn to look at
them, they would duck and squeal in delight at the stranger they thought they
were hiding from.

I played along with them and pretended that I indeed
had no clue that I was being followed. They were extremely adorable; Justin,
who was four, had dark blond curly hair just like Elisa, while Jeremiah, also
known as ‘the cherub’ because of his pudgy frame was three-years-old, and had
his dad’s straight dark hair.

It didn't take me long to like Elisa’s family, and
although her mom's constant screaming was a lot to take in at first, the warmth
I felt from all of them was as unfamiliar as it was exhilarating. I shared
Elisa's room with her, and since I hadn’t brought too much with me from school,
it didn't take me long to unpack and settle down.

We were allowed to sleep in, but the constant noise
from the ground floor hindered our enjoyment of it. By the afternoon, Elisa's
mom’s screaming drove us downstairs for a late breakfast. We had to fend for
ourselves since her mom had disappeared into her bedroom, and at first I was
shy, but by the time Jeremiah had bathed me twice with spoon catapults from his
cereal bowl, my reserve flew out the window. Seizing his bowl, I ran around the
kitchen with it while he squealed and pursued me. Justin soon joined in the
chase, and before long we were all on the floor, drenched with milk and cereal.

Elisa avoided our chaos and chose to silently make
toasts for us, which I later ate with ice cream that the boys had tricked me
into stealing for them. Apparently it was prohibited until dinner, but since I
couldn't be faulted for breaking rules I knew nothing about, I automatically
became their fall guy.

When we were done, we helped Elisa's mom clean out the
backyard. She’d been saving it for Elisa to do and it was almost a joy to see
the pain on her face, when her mom broke the news to her. We had completed it
happily though, and in no time we were finished and in front of the television for
the remaining part of the evening. Jeremiah stuck to me like glue all night, so
I had to be the one to put him to bed.

He grinned at me and refused to close his eyes, even
after I’d gone through three of his story books. An hour later, I woke up with
my head on his duvet and thankfully, he was asleep. I switched off his bedside
lamp, and returned to my own bed- exhausted, but happy. The next day proved to
be even better.

*

The bookstore was only about
twenty minutes from the house so Elisa and I got up early, and walked over. I
was very excited at what we would meet and the moment I walked in, I fell in
love with it.

It wasn't an intimidating bookstore, but a cozy one. It
wasn't the kind of place that scared you from rendering any of the books out of
place, but one that made you want to cross your legs on the floor to devour a
title and then crawl on to explore.

At first it looked too small, but when I got beyond the
narrow entrance, I saw that it opened up into a much bigger space. In some
areas, the books that weren’t on the shelves were stacked from the floor to the
ceiling. In a way, it made the place look like a well-kept attic of books
stored by members of the family over the years.

We immediately headed to her dad's office, which was at
the back of the bookstore. Elisa knocked once on the ancient looking door and
without waiting for permission to enter, she dragged me in after her.

Her dad's office surprisingly contained only a few
books that sat on a small bookshelf behind him. He was going through some
documents on his desk, but raised his head the moment we came in.

"Hey girls," he greeted with a wide smile.
Elisa went over to give him a hug while I scanned my eyes around the office.
There were some opened boxes filled with books on the floor, so I ignored Elisa
and her dad and tried inclining my head so that I could see what kind of books
they held. I straightened a few moments later to find them watching me.

"Do you like books Lenora?" he asked with a
gentle smile on his face.

I nodded in response.

"Well, Elisa isn’t much of a book person but with
you here, I’m sure she’ll enjoy helping out. Two of my staff took some time off
this week so I’m glad the both of you will be around to assist Mark.”

As if on cue, there was a small knock on the door. Elisa’s
dad told the person to come in, and introduced the tall brown-haired guy that
entered the room as Mark; he looked no older than twenty years of age, or
twenty-two at most.

After sparing
I
and Elisa a
small smile, he handed the clipboard that he had in his hand to Elisa’s dad.
Elisa on the other hand kept her now enlarged eyes on him, and then turned to
me with a ‘do-you-see-how-cute-he-is?’ look on her face. I just shook my head
at her. Her dad signed whatever was on the clipboard and then handed it back to
Mark.

“Girls, could you go with Mark- he’ll show you what to
get started on.”

“Okay,” Elisa said eagerly, and left his side.

I nodded politely and followed, as she walked out of
his office. Mark stopped by a shelf along the way to check on something, while
Elisa and I headed straight for the counter. She turned around to make sure
that he couldn’t see her, and then buckled her knees to lean weakly against the
counter.

"Did you see him?" she mouthed like all the
breath had been sucked out of her.

"Did I see who?" I deliberately repeated,
frowning, because I was certain that she had a boyfriend.

She straightened and slapped my arm, then stretched her
neck to get another glimpse of him. "
Lennie
, I’m
just checking him out. It’s not a big deal.”

"Said everyone who ever got into trouble," I
said, and reached out to stroke a stack of magazines that sat on the counter.

Just then, a waft of strong perfume reached my nostrils
and I turned around to see Mark behind us. "So, you guys are going to have
to help me arrange the new books that just came in," he said politely.
"They're in the reading section."

I turned back to Elisa to see her absent-mindedly
twirling her hair, so I grabbed her hand and dragged her away before she could
become anymore embarrassing. She grudgingly followed me until we reached the
reading section, and found the boxes on the floor.

There were no windows in this part of the store, which
seemed necessary since the walls seemed to be made out of shelves of books. A
beautiful antique chandelier hung from the ceiling and gave the area a warm
glow. Two huge black sofas surrounded by a low wooden coffee table sat in the
middle of the room, inviting me to collapse on them with a book in hand and a
steaming cup of anything.

Saving the mental image for later, I sunk to the floor
and dragged a box to myself. Elisa did the same, and after explaining what we
were supposed to do, we got to work.

*

Three hours later, Elisa let
out a loud yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, and then
laid
down on the floor.

"I'm tired," she complained, but I wasn’t. So
far, sorting through the various novels had been exhilarating and more than
enough to completely hold my attention.

From the corner of my eye, I saw her suddenly sit up.
"I'm going to go ask Mark to come with us for coffee,” she said and
without asking for my opinion, went ahead to ask him. She came back with a huge
smile on her face, and relayed his agreement. Within minutes we were out and on
our way, Elisa's dad stationed at the counter until we returned.

*

The smell of pastries that
assaulted me as we walked into the cafe made me inhale greedily. Although the
place seemed really busy, I was able to find us a vacant table by the corner,
while Elisa and Mark went over to the counter to place our orders. I took my
seat and looked out through the dented, but polished wooden frame of the wide
glass windows.

Across the street, the sight of two toddlers tugging on
the skirt of their mother as she placed bags of groceries in the trunk of her
small car, made me smile as it reminded me of Elisa’s brothers. Earlier that
morning, Jeremiah had woken up and called out to me just as Elisa and I had
walked past his room. He’d made me promise to bring back a new story to read to
him tonight and so far, I’d already found two for him.

Just then, the sound of familiar laughter brought me
back and I turned to see Mark and Elisa returning. Beside them was ...
James?

I instantly froze, and only recovered enough to send
him a soft smile when he called out to me.

Elisa saw my surprise and immediately explained.
“Sorry, I forgot to mention- his dad owns the café." she said.

James placed a tray of Styrofoam coffee cups and a
plate of delicious looking scones on our table before turning to me. Elisa took
her seat while Mark excused himself to go to the bathroom.

"Wow! It’s so strange to see you here,” he said, a
wide grin spread across his face. “What happened? Where you finally chased out
of your country?”

“Ha!” I said dryly. “Even if I was, I wouldn’t come
here.”

His mouth hung open; Elisa arched her eyebrow.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“Really, you guys- like you’re
so
happy to be in UK.” I lifted a scone to my mouth and took a
bite.

“Well I am,” he said. “What’s wrong with the UK?”

“I’m not doing this now.”

Elisa laughed. “She does have a point though James.”

“What point? She hasn’t said anything.” He narrowed his
eyes at her.

“James
go
back to work,” I
said, sincerely pleased to be talking to him but not in the frame of mind to
fully engage in the conversation. Come to think of it, the only time I’d ever
given him my full attention was the first day we met, and even then it was
because I wanted information about Nathan.
What
was wrong with me?

“Well, it’s nice to see you,” he said and gave my
shoulder a fond squeeze. “I’ll come over to see you both soon.”

“Wow,” Elisa said sarcastically. “I never thought I’d
see the day.”

He snatched away the scone that she was lifting to her
lips, and walked quickly away.

“Hey!” she called out, but he didn’t turn back. “You owe
me a dozen of those when you come over!”

I smiled at their banter as I lifted the Styrofoam cup
to my lips. However, a scowl quickly replaced the smile when she turned to face
me.

"You forgot to tell me that James's dad owns this
place?"

"I really did,” she said. “I’m sorry. And besides,
if I’d remembered to tell you anyway, you probably wouldn't have come."

"For a good reason," I said exasperated.
"What if
he's
here?"

"Would that be so bad?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Still, I’m not
saying it makes so much of a difference, but a little heads up would have been
nice.”

"He’s probably not here so, no harm done,” she
said. “Maybe he went back home.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I agreed, a little disappointed because
I suspected that she was right. It still didn’t stop me from looking up every
time I heard the entrance door swing open.

Eventually, my compulsion paid off; I saw him the
moment he walked into the café.

He headed straight to the counter with the huge carton
box that he had in his hands, and passed it over to a staff member who received
it on the other side. He’d bunched up the sleeves of the black V-neck sweater
that he wore, and had on a baseball cap that kept most of his face hidden from
view.

Still, I was able to see him perfectly and as I
watched, stunned out of my mind that he was actually standing right there, I
didn’t even realize when my hand reached out to grab hold of Elisa’s.

She had been laughing with Mark about something, but
stopped when I touched her to ask me what was wrong. My eyes were still on him,
so I didn’t have to respond. She traced my line of sight and from somewhere
beyond the ringing in my ears that had drowned out the noisy chatter of the
café, I heard her gasp.

He seemed to be receiving instructions from the staff
member over the counter so we continued to watch him, until he straightened and
turned around. My head snapped back so fast that I was dizzy for the next few
seconds.

“He’s seen us,” Elisa said, amused. My heart was
pounding painfully in my chest.

“Is he coming over?”

“I don’t think so- he just smiled at me though.”

“Stop looking at him,” I pleaded.

“Don’t
bother,
he already
caught you watching him before.”

I swore under my breath, and raised the cup of coffee to
my lips. Taking a sip, I took a moment to steady myself, and then because I
couldn’t help it, I glanced back at him as discreetly as I could.