The Beat of Safiri Bay (7 page)

“Lany baby, why the frown?” was I frowning? Probably.

“I need to ask you something,” and I feel a slight warmness creeping up into my face. “There is something I have only recently began to wonder about and I was thinking since I trust you completely and since you are my best friend it would be a good idea to consult with you on the matter before I embarrass myself and...”

“Slow down, you are not making any sense at all,”

His look says it all and I know I have now made him so curious that he will drag it out of me if he has to.

“So there is something serious you want to consult me on?” he takes another sip of his brandy.

“Actually, not really consult more like ask you to help me with,” I now don’t even make sense to my own ears. He shakes his head at me.

“Now, start again please and use less words this time,” he looks at me questioningly and I get the feeling that this was a bad idea.

“I want to ask you to teach me something,”

“Oh, okay, well what is it?” since teaching is his job he seems to relax completely and I continue with my mumbling for lack of courage, I guess.

“I, um, I was wondering what it would feel like to um, you know. It’s just I met this guy and I am not sure how to go about it,” his eyes grow wide and he sips nervously on his brandy. I see his alarmed expression and try to explain myself in more words.

“I am not yet comfortable with him touching me so it probably won’t happen anytime soon but when, no, if it does I want to be prepared. Since you are the only non-related person whose touch I tolerate and since you are my best friend I thought it would be a good idea if maybe you could show me how.” He has gone pale. He takes a big sip of his brandy, puts it down on the little stool next to him and looks at me.

“So you want me to show you how to have sex?” he asks in a tone that is much calmer than what he looks like.

“WHAT? NO! Are you CRAZY? I want you to teach me how to kiss,” I almost choke out at him and he wipes his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Why didn’t you just say so,” he sighs with obvious relieve and finishes the brandy that was left in the glass in one go.

“So? Do you think you could teach me?” I ask a more cautiously.

“I think I could do that,” and I see the colour return to his face. Then he adds, “Lane, are you sure about this?”

I feel a bit worried at that question, “It doesn’t look too difficult,” I mean I have seen it done on television.

“I meant this guy. Are you sure about him?” I shake my head quickly then. “No, but, I would like to find out.”

“Okay then, when would you like to start with your lessons?” he is his old self again and I am relieved that the tension has left the room.

“Well, I thought we could start now,” I shrug and a grin spreads over his face. “Always gets right to it don’t you?”

He moves his stool closer to mine, so he is sitting right in front of me with his legs on either side of mine. “Are you sure?” he asks again.

“Yes, I whisper,” suddenly not so sure about this at all.

“Have you never kissed anyone before? Not even tried?”

“Matt, I don’t find the idea of swopping saliva with anyone very appealing?” he laughs softly,

“Good point.”

“Lany, please you need to stop me if you feel uncomfortable,”

“Ok” I barely get that out. My heart is suddenly beating in my throat and I have difficulty swallowing. “If you can’t talk, because we are busy with it, just push me away and I will stop,” I say nothing but just nod; my voice will betray my fear.

He moves his stool even closer and I can feel the heat radiating off his body. “Close your eyes, for now,” he whispers and I welcome the darkness of obeying his request. “First, you need to get comfortable with having someone close to your face.”

I feel him coming closer to me and as soon as the tip of his nose touches mine I instinctively pull my head back.

“Lany, if you do that to any man, he will never try to kiss you again, just relax baby,” He rubs both my arms with his hands and let go of me. I take a deep breath and he moves closer again.

I feel his nose touching mine, sliding against mine, first on the one side then on the other. I don’t think I am breathing at all. He rests his forehead against mine and the familiar stars are in my head but I don’t move.

I feel his breath on my lips and smell the strong scent of the brandy that he has just finished. Then his lips are touching mine, just touching. I open my mouth a tiny bit to try to take a breath, I am suddenly not sure if I could do this anymore but then he presses his lips against mine. His lips are soft and warm but I get the feeling that it won’t stay that way. He opens his mouth and turns his head sideways just a little.

I freeze.

“Open... your... mouth” he breathes against mine and I do as I am told still unsure if I should carry on with this. His lips move slowly against mine and he sucks gently, I follow him, I need to try and get over my fear. We kiss like that for a few minutes, I think, I have lost track of time completely. An unknown feeling of warmth start to turn in my tummy and it spreads throughout my entire body. I have never felt more out of control than right this minute but I have also never been more willing to let it go.

He slowly slips is tongue into the entrance of my mouth and little by little moves it deeper past my teeth. It feels weird and as I slowly start to move away, he slips his hand up and holds my head at the back of my neck. “Give me your tongue,” he demands and I give in to the warm and slow rolling of his tongue in my mouth. I push my tongue against his and he traces the sides of mine. My head feels dizzy and I am not sure whether I am still awake or alive. I feel his lips pressing harder against mine and I unreservedly give more of myself than I have ever given anyone. He gets to his feet then and with his hand, holding on to my neck, he invites me to do the same. I am not sure if my legs will hold me but as I get up but his free hand slides around my middle and he holds me close to him as he kisses me harder and faster with his expert tongue. His mouth moves harshly against mine and he grabs my tongue with his teeth, sucking on it gently. The feeling of floating turns to an out of this world feeling of wanting more of this. I give in to his sucking, licking and probing tongue. I never knew it felt like this. His hand slips from my middle and rubs softly up and down my arm. He traces the line of my neck with his fingers still kissing me and then his hand slowly moves down towards my chest and stops in the middle of my breasts.

An alarm goes off in my fuzzy head and I gently push his hard body away from mine. Our mouths come apart and we are both panting and gasping for air.

“I can’t,” is all I get out in between the gulps of air I suck in for my begging lungs.

“Merde,” he rubs his face with his hands, “I am so sorry,” he whispers and hugs me tightly to him. He puts his chin on my hair and kisses it softly repeatedly. I feel his heart beat against my chest but it doesn’t cover the drumming of my own.

“Why didn’t you push me away?” he begs.

“I don’t know,” is my honest, out of breath answer

“Geez Lane, if you didn’t stop me,” and he leaves it there.

He pushes me away then and holds me at arm’s length, “are you alright?” he looks genuinely worried but as my unsteady legs protest against being left to support my own body’s weight, he quickly holds on to me again. “I don’t know what I was thinking, please forgive me.” I just hold on to him and wrestle with my uneven breathing. After a few moments, I leave his embrace and sit down on the previously occupied stool. “You should forgive me,” I say while staring at my toes. “It was dumb of me to ask you something so stupid.”

He shakes his head and takes his seat across from me again, “no Lany, I am so glad you asked me. Some other younger fool wouldn’t understand the importance of it.” He is probably right. He doesn’t look straight at me and I don’t know why he is so upset. It was just a silly kiss.

“I should leave now,” he says and puts his stool against the wall where I keep them. He picks up the Gibson and leaves the studio. I sit there half-frozen half on fire. I have never been more confused with my own body; it has never reacted this way. I pick up my guitar and walk to the closet. I find Matt standing with his back against the wall of my closet, head tilted up as if silently saying a prayer.

“Matt, I need you to know that...”

“Oh no Lany, look at you,” and he touches my lips with his finger. “Did I hurt you?” I shake my head at him and touch my own lips but they are numb. “I’m fine,” it is him I am worried about.

“No more brandy or kissing request from you again, understand?” he looks serious and I nod, still a bit disoriented from the rush of blood through my body. He hugs me tightly again and kiss my forehead once, “Goodnight Lane,” and he leaves me standing there on my own

Chapter 4

My room has never been this empty; my head has never been so full. If there is something I don’t get, it is why he was so worked up about it all. The only reason I can think of is that he is still very sensitive about the break up with Chantel. Maybe he misses their relationship, the physical side of it at least by the looks of things. I stand there in the door of my closet trying to make sense of it all. I see the Dodge’s light out on the road and walk over to the window. Alex is the reason for all of this. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of him because I didn’t know how to kiss and by doing so, I risked the only friendship I have ever really cared about and maybe for nothing.

All I want to do now is go to bed and sleep. I need to get ready for bed. I take out my pj’s and walk to the bathroom. I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth, twice. I take off my clothes and I smell Matt on my shirt and in my hair, it’s comforting in a way, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep with it. I take another shower and then climb into my cold, empty bed. It’s late, I had a very long day but sleep evades me as I lie awake, thinking of how weird it is to feel so close to someone, could I ever get used to it? My lips still sting from the friction it had to endure. Even though I am completely confused, I cannot think of any other way I would rather have had my first kiss. Sharing it with my best friend and one of the most important people in my life has made it perfect. A thought crosses my mind, If this is the way Matt makes me feel, how would I feel if I kiss someone as appealing as Alex is to me?

I fall asleep, but only lightly so and toss and turn in my bed uneasily all night.

I wake up at six o’clock. My head is foggy from not getting enough sleep but I feel awake. I need to get out into the fresh air and decide to go for a run. It’s too early to bother Lin but I need to run alone today anyway so I can try to clear my head for tonight. I treat any and every performance as the most important one of my life. I take a quick shower to shave my legs as my obsessive condition commands me to every morning. I cannot stand having the little spikes tickle me. I will shower more intensely after my run. I quickly get dressed into my running gear and decide to run from the house this morning. It’s a short run and I know I am safe as I will be on the estate road all the way to the beach. Breakfast is not on my mind right now. I take some money out of my purse, just for in case, tuck it into the pocket of my tunebelt and I leave out the backdoor.

I pass Bessie and David’s house. David is outside and he waves at me while getting into his Volvo station wagon. He is probably on his way to fetch the girls from boarding school for the weekend. It’s a long drive so he starts early. Bessie is getting her dogs together to take them for their daily morning walk. She will go fetch Rocky from our house first and take the whole lot of them. I walk for five minutes and then I turn the music on and run down the winding road to the beach.

It is still so beautifully green on the sides of the road. The thick forest won’t change colour for autumn, only a few of the trees on the side of the road show signs of becoming orange. The last downhill toward the beach leaves me with a full view of a very misty bay. Instead of turning in there, I carry on with the road that leads to the village. My lungs are protesting loudly but I push harder and the black tar seems to move like a treadmill belt under my feet.

I slow down at the turn where the little speed bumps announce the entrance of the village, the music is still blearing in my ears. It is a welcome escape from reality.

Suddenly there right in front of me a grazing hippo looks at me as if to ask what I am doing on it’s road. I stop immediately and my legs feel heavy with stopping so abruptly. I am awestruck at the realisation that I am standing face to face with one of the most majestic but also dangerously fast animals walking this earth and all this just a few hundred meters from the village. Off course I have had the privilege of seeing many animals, but never a hippo so close before without the safety of a vehicle. “Gee whizz,” I whisper to myself and fiddle with the zipper on my tunebelt to take out my phone so I can take a picture. I drop my phone on the tar and the hippo lifts its head to look at me.