The Atonement (12 page)

“What would give you that idea? I mean you
are aware that we don’t really get along that well.”

“Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on,
Allyson. Tim’s not the one that starts the conflicts.”

“So you’re blaming me for the bad blood
between us? Of course, it could never be Saint Tim!”

“Settle down. I’m not blaming you for
anything. I’m simply asking you to put aside your personal feelings
so that you can help save your family’s reputation.”

“Since when did Tim become our whole
family?”

“Since he is the last male that carries the
Russell name. He’s the only one that can carry our family’s legacy.
Poppa made me promise on his deathbed to watch over him and I
intend to keep that promise. It is our duty, Allyson.”

It wasn’t a convincing case to her at all. In
fact, it was such an archaic concept, that Allyson just had to roll
her eyes.

“I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the
importance of your brother’s influence. Don’t think that you won’t
be affected should your brother end up a penniless, insane, vagrant
whose been caught up in some kind of cult scandal. You certainly
don’t think a man of great means would be interested in making a
connection with someone from a family of shall we say…colorful
individuals. Your aunt Helen has done enough to disgrace us as it
is.”

“You would think you’ve done more to disgrace
us than anyone else,” Allyson thought inside herself. She couldn’t
help but remember all the times she tried to explain her
non-existent dad to her rich prep school friends. Everyone knew she
was an out of wedlock love child to a really rich white guy that
had a lot invested in keeping her a secret. The only thing that
kept her classmates from tormenting her about it was the fear that
she could possibly be one of their relatives.

“What if he wanted to use his money and
influence to cover over my brothers indiscretions?”

“Not likely, my dear. Trust me. Most real men
will avoid a mess rather than waste time cleaning one.”

“My dad certainly didn’t mind.”

“And where is he now?”

“Haven’t you read the papers recently. He got
off.”

“Not without having to pay a heavy cost.
He’ll never be the man he once was, believe me. Ally, as smart as
you may be, you still have a lot to learn. You will help me rescue
your brother and that’s all there is to it.”

“C’mon, Mom! I have schoolwork, my duties at
The Spectator, not to mention my AKA responsibilities. I don’t have
time to run around after Tim like a private detective!” said
Allyson. “Can’t you just have the church investigated and shut down
or something? Or why don’t you just hire a real detective and get
information?”

“Because I wouldn’t know where to start!
Besides, we have to be very careful on how we proceed. If Tim
suspected that I was having him investigated, it would just cause
him to run further from us. We have to get Tim to want to leave
them.”

“
He will eventually, if we
just leave him alone! Tim treats his causes and his whores the same
way. Once the novelty wears away, and he’s no longer the center of
attention he’s onto the next thing.”

“I used to think the same way as you do, but
there’s something about Allen and those other people that has Tim
fixated on them. I have to find out how they have managed to exert
such influence over him.”

Allyson slumped back in her chair and
pouted.

“I can’t believe you’re acting as if I asked
you to go to Canada for a pack of mints. All you’d have to do is
call him more often, visit him every once in a while, maybe even go
down to that church, and get acquainted with his friends, even. Is
it too much for you to actually be a real sister for once?”

“Did you ever stop to wonder why this would
be hard for me?”

“No, because it doesn’t really matter.
Keeping our family in tact is what matters. Unless this is your way
of saying you don’t want to be a Russell?”

“Of course not.”

“Because if you weren’t a Russell, you
wouldn’t be wearing those designer clothes you’re wearing, or
attending such an expensive as well as prestigious university. You
wouldn’t be an AKA, and you certainly wouldn’t be receiving any
support from me. Understand?”

“I understand.”

“Good.”

The waiter finally came to serve them their
food, but Allyson had lost her appetite. Little did her mother know
that sometimes she wished she weren’t a Russell. Sometimes she
wished she’d never been born.

Eleven

Allen was finishing up the dishes from dinner
while Callie went to check on a fussy Darius in the nursery. Allen
had dropped by after class to spend time with them. He knew he
should have been at home reading through a case study on torts, but
he felt guilty about missing time with Callie and Darius. Due to
his law school commitments and time at work, they didn’t have as
much time to spend together as they did in the past. Dating became
almost impossible. Most of the time they wound up at Callie’s
apartment because finding a good babysitter on short notice so they
could go on a date was often difficult. But Allen didn’t really
care where they spent time, so long as they were all together.

With each passing day, Allen felt that he,
Callie, and Darius were becoming more like a neat little nuclear
family unit. It had gotten to the point where he didn’t want to
think about what life would be like without them. However, it was
not without a lot of patience, effort, and love that they had
reached this point. Sometimes when Allen thought back to where they
had started out, he couldn’t help but thinking that his
relationship had to be the work of God’s merciful intervention.

Allen had finished the dishes and was wiping
down the counters when Callie reappeared.

“Darius is finally asleep.”

“So he’s okay?”

“Yep. He was just a little gassy. It probably
had to do with all the vegetables he had for dinner.”

“I noticed he’s a good eater. Definitely a
kid after my own heart.”

“It’s funny, now that you’ve mentioned it,
but he is starting to pick up a lot of your quirks and habits.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, like the way he always tries to smell
something before he eats it, or the way he puts his hand to his
mouth when he’s thinking. His laugh is like yours, too.”

“Wow. It’s hard to believe he’s picking all
that up already.”

“And you know what else? I showed him a
picture of you the other day and you know what he said?”

“No, what?”

“Da-da.”

“Really?”

“Yes. So I guess that means you’re a good
dad. Did I ever tell you that?”

“Maybe. Once.”

“And you’re an even better boyfriend,” she
said before planting a kiss on his mouth. Allen kissed her back
fervently, nearly getting lost in the passion of the moment before
he pulled back.

“What’s wrong?”

“I hate the fact that I’m going to have to
say goodbye soon. Lately, we haven’t had much quality time together
where it’s just us or even the three of us.”

“Al, you don’t have to leave if you don’t
want to. And Darius usually sleeps through the night now.”

“Callie…”

“I could understand waiting at the beginning
of our relationship, when we were sorting everything out, but now
we both know how we feel about each other. You know I love you and
I know you love me, so what’s wrong with us expressing that to each
other?”

Allen didn’t understand it very well himself,
but he knew that he wasn’t going to do something that dishonored
God. It made him think back about what happened to Tim.

“I just can’t – and you know why.”

“Okay. I won’t try to convince you to do
something that goes against your beliefs. But you can still stay
here for the night. You can sleep on the couch.”

“And how am I going to explain that to my
parents?”

“You’re a grown man. You don’t have to
explain anything to them.”

“I still have to respect them and their house
since I live with them.”

“Well then, I guess we have to settle for
what we have if there’s no other solution.”

Allen hated this situation. He wanted to
spend more time with Callie and Darius and he felt he owed them a
deeper commitment than what he was able to give them at
present.

“You and Darius deserve better than this.
Maybe I should’ve waited until Darius was older to start law
school.”

“Allen, no way! You’re doing the right thing.
If you don’t work on your future, there’s no way that you’ll be
able to give Darius one.”

“You do realize that I have seen you both for
a total of about two hours this whole week, and the other day I had
to cut class to do it.”

“It’s okay, Al. I know you’re doing the best
you can.”

“I have to find a way to do better. In fact,
let’s start next weekend. This Saturday is Jim’s homecoming, but
next Saturday is going to be all about us.”

“That sounds wonderful. What do you have
planned?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Great. I love surprises.”

“But I will tell you that it’s going to be
the three of us during the day and then I have something special
planned for just the two of us in the evening - and you don’t have
to worry about finding a babysitter, because I’m going to take care
of that.”

“Even better.”

“And now, we still have an hour or so before
I have to head back. You want to watch some TV with me on the
couch.”

“I could think of something better.”

Callie pulled him close and kissed him as the
two made their way to the couch. Allen tried to keep his head
together, but Callie was making it difficult as she sent her hands
to roam around his body. Part of him thought that he should just
leave, but part of him thought otherwise. “I can stop things before
they go too far,” his other half suggested. They had been in this
situation before and each time it was harder and harder to pull
himself back from the brink. Allen didn’t want to have to keep
doing this. He wanted to be able to give in to their love, and to
spend more time with his family. There was one possible solution,
but Allen pondered if he was truly ready for it.

Twelve

Large dark clouds huddled together overhead
looking like someone had spread a large gray blanket across the
sky. There had been heavy rain earlier in the day. The large drops
of water had managed to knock leaves off the trees and litter the
streets with them. After the rain, the winds picked up a bit, often
taking the leaves into a little whirlwind. Tim walked carefully
through the Bynum’s drive so as not to slip on them. Once he was at
the door, he gingerly rang the doorbell, and prayed.

“Who is it?” said a shrill voice.

“It’s me, Mother Bynum – ma’am,” said Tim
shifting the bag he was carrying from one hand to the other. He was
a little disappointed that his prayer had not been answered.

“Whom does ‘me’ refer to?”

Tim struggled to keep a straight face. He
knew she was probably looking at him through the peephole.

“Tim Russell, ma’am. Tamiko’s friend.”

“Oh. What do you want?” she asked through the
closed door.

“Tamiko and I were supposed to meet to
discuss the details of the celebration we’re planning for Jim. Is
she available?”

“One moment, please.”

Tim could hear her walking away from the
door. Mother Bynum was worse than some of the bouncers at the
nightclubs he used to frequent. Given how she felt about him, he
knew he might be waiting outside for a while. Luckily for Tim, it
wasn’t that cold, even though it was late October.

After several minutes, he could hear the
sounds of the two women arguing behind the door, before Tamiko
opened it.

“Tim, I’m so sorry. Come in. I hope you
weren’t waiting long.”

“Not at all.”

“Let me hang up your raincoat,” said Tamiko,
as she took his coat. “Would you like me to put your bag away as
well or is that for our meeting?”

“Actually, it’s for you. I got you a desk
caddy.”

This was no ordinary caddy. It was printed
with pink and lavender flowers, which he knew were Tamiko’s
favorite colors, covered in lace and scented with potpourri. There
were many different sized slots and a little drawer at the bottom
that contained matching post-it notes, and notepaper.

“Oh, thank you,” she said looking a little
bewildered. “It’s lovely.”

“And this is for you, Mother Bynum” said Tim
extending a box to her.

“Well this is quite unexpected – what is it?”
she said taking the box gingerly and looking at it warily as if
he’d just handed her a bomb.

“It’s a spice rack, ma’am. Several weeks ago
at dinner you said your old one broke.”

“
I don’t recall saying
that.”

“
I do,” said Tamiko. “You
talked about it all evening.”

“
I didn’t say I never said
that. I only said I didn’t remember saying it,” she said holding
the package awkwardly. The she looked down at his shoes. “How very
nice of you. I hope you wiped your feet. I just mopped and
vacuumed.”

“Sorry, ma’am.”

Tim went back outside and made sure to
thoroughly wipe his feet on the mat at the door.

“Tamiko, please be a dear and put these
things out of the way.”

Tamiko silently obeyed her mother’s request,
while Tim came back inside. Mother Bynum was standing in the middle
of the room, her arms folded across her chest. She looked very
forbidding in her dark dress and matching expression. She was
staring at him as if he were a pile of garbage someone had dumped
in the middle of her living room, his gift having imparted no
effect on her mood. Tim decided the best way to save himself from
her passive-aggression would be to be ingratiatingly polite.