The Accidental Mother (21 page)

“Oh dear,” Louis said loudly. “It looks like that fairy must have made herself invisible.” Sophie and Tess exchanged a look behind his back, Sophie rolling her eyes and Tess dimpling and twinking. So much for Tess’s being objective; she looked like she was in love already.

“That clever fairy must have made herself invisible and flown all the way back to fairyland,” Louis continued. “What a very clever fairy.”

“I
am
a clever fairy!” Izzy sang, jumping out from behind the chair in a mass of glittery substances. “Here I am!” she cried.

“Oh my!” Louis said, clasping his hand to his chest and sitting down on the sofa abruptly. “You gave me quite a shock!”

Izzy giggled and hopped over to him.

Louis’s long and large frame seemed to fill the small room in a way that two girls, a woman, and a social worker didn’t. “I’m a fairy because I’ve got my fairy dress on, haven’t I? And yesterday I went to the shops and the café with Aunty Sophie and also there’s my cat over there except she’s gone now because she doesn’t like you but she doesn’t like anyone much except for me and Bella, me the most, and I was in the car and a big van made it go
bang
and I don’t like cars now.” Izzy paused for breath. “Except for Phoebe who I don’t mind and sometimes Phoebe gets lonely so we sing to her.” Louis’s smile did not waver as Izzy related to him the story of her life in twenty seconds, but Sophie thought she had seen something in his eyes when Izzy described the car crash, a fleeting shadow perhaps.

Sophie had formulated a theory that Izzy’s seemingly flippant recounting of the accident that killed her mother didn’t mean she didn’t understand it or wasn’t hurt by and afraid of it. She had to talk about it to everybody she could because somehow saying it out loud made it real for her. Sophie hoped that Louis would see some of that in Izzy, that he’d understand she was still fragile despite her resolute chirpiness.

“You are a very, very brave little girl, aren’t you?” he said gently.

Izzy hopped one step nearer to him. “Yes, I am,” she said. “
And
I can do ballet, because it’s easy, you just go round and round and do pointing. Are you my daddy?”

Louis bit his lip and nodded. “Yes,” he said, as if the fact was somehow news to him. “I am. I am your daddy, and I’m very,
very
pleased to meet you.”

Izzy cocked her head to one side and examined him. “Do I like you?” she asked him, spreading her palms upward, her habitual gesture of a question.

“I don’t think you know yet,” Louis told her. “I think you’ll decide when you’re ready. But I like you, very much, already.”

Izzy nodded. Tess beamed, and Sophie resisted the urge to shove her fingers down her throat.

“I am lovely,” Izzy agreed. “I’ll make you a cup tea for now.” And she raced off into the bedroom, where her plastic teaset was stored under Sophie’s bed, where Bella no doubt was languishing. Sophie wondered if she should go and pull the older girl out from underneath the duvet, but she decided against it.

This of all things Bella had to do at her own pace, and if she felt anything like Sophie did at that moment, she felt as if she had just stepped off a tall building and was watching the world come rushing up to meet her. Sophie couldn’t help but think that everything was happening too fast, that after what seemed like a lifetime of wanting this to happen, now it was too soon. She wasn’t ready.

“She looks like me, doesn’t she?” Louis said to Tess.

Vain and a megalomaniac, Sophie thought as she retreated into the kitchen to make real cups of tea.

“They both look like you,” Tess said pleasantly. “Of course, I never had the pleasure of meeting Carrie, but I’ve seen photos of her. She was always laughing. It’s easy to see where the girls get their spirit from. But as for their good looks, definitely you.” Tess actually giggled, which Sophie considered most unseemly at her age and for her professional role.

She emerged from the kitchen and handed Louis a mug of a tea.

“Oh right, thanks,” he said. He set the tea carefully down on a coaster on the coffee table, ironic considering the coaster was positioned directly above one of Izzy’s permanent marker pen masterpieces. There was a moment of silence.

“Is Bella here?” Louis said. “I mean, will I see her today too?”

Before Sophie could say anything, Izzy flew back into the living room and threw a plastic teacup into Louis’s lap. “There you go!” she shouted, out of breath and excited. “Drink it, drink it up!”

Louis retrieved the cup from between his legs and took a long, noisy sip. “Ahhh,” he said, before handing the cup back to Izzy. “Deee-licious. But mind the real hot drinks, won’t you? You don’t want to get burned.”

“Okay,” Izzy said. “Would you like more tea?” Louis nodded, and Izzy edged her way carefully past the coffee table on her way out, beaming at Louis as she went.

Typical, Sophie thought. If I’d have told her that, it would have been third-degree burns all round by now. She glanced at the doorway. Bella was standing on the threshold. Sophie caught Louis’s eye and nodded at the door. He turned around and saw his older daughter.

“Bellarina!” he said, holding out his arms. For a second Bella did not move, and then she walked around the sofa and stood beside Sophie.

Louis dropped his arms, but his smile remained steady. “It’s so good to see you,” he said, shaking his head as he took in the sight of her. “You’ve grown into a big, grown-up girl.” The natural ease with which he had engaged Izzy seemed to vanish. For a moment Sophie could not understand why, and then she realized. He had never met Izzy before. They had no history, their relationship started with a clean slate. But he had been a father—a wonderful father, according to Carrie—to Bella for three years. Seeing her again must have been much harder, because with Bella there were so many loose ends.

A few weeks ago Sophie would not have believed that Bella would still carry around the memories and feelings of her three-year-old self, but then, until a couple of weeks ago, she supposed that if she had thought about it at all, which she didn’t, she would have thought that children didn’t really feel or think anything at the ages of three or six and a half. She would have thought that their emotional sensitivity and intellect didn’t really kick in until they were at least thirteen and properly human. But now Sophie knew Izzy and Bella. And now she knew different, and she knew absolutely that the three-year-old girl Louis had left behind along with his wife was still there, still part of Bella, still furious, frustrated, hurt, and confused.

Louis leaned forward and looked at Bella, who looked at her toes. “I’m so sorry, Bella, about Mummy, I really am. I really wish that I had known about it sooner so that I could have come and been with you. When I found out, I came as quickly as I could and—” Louis studied Bella’s face for a moment. “You’re angry with me. It’s okay, you should be. I have a lot to explain to you. A lot of things to say I should have said before. But please believe me when I say I really have missed you. I really have thought about you every single day.”

Sophie sensed the tense lines of Bella’s body and noticed her hands clenched into fists at her side.

“I came to see what you looked like,” Bella said. “You look the same.” She glanced up at Sophie. “I am very tired. I think I’ll have a nap.”

Sophie nodded.

“I don’t have to talk to you,” Bella told Louis. “Aunty Sophie said.”

Louis pressed his lips together. “No,” he said. “You don’t—”

“I know,” Bella said. “Good-bye.”

“Good-bye, darling.”

Bella walked out of the room without looking back.

“Are you okay?” Tess asked Louis gently.

“Shouldn’t you be asking Bella that?” Sophie said scathingly, as if Louis weren’t present.

“I will,” Tess said. “But as my job is about reuniting the family as a whole, I have to consider the feelings of all parties. The girls have got you fighting in their corner. Louis has no one.”

Sophie was about to voice her protest when, ignoring her completely, Tess turned to Louis and asked him again, “Are you okay?”

“I suppose I should have expected that,” he replied, glancing warily at Sophie, as if she might pounce on him the moment he opened his mouth. “But to be honest, I’ve been thinking about seeing her for so long that I didn’t think about what would happen when I actually did.”

Sophie sat down in Artemis’s chair and crossed her legs. Why, she wondered, wasn’t the social worker grilling him like she was supposed to? She stared meaningfully at Tess.

“These times are always difficult, dear,” Tess told Louis. “There are many adjustments to be made, many hurdles to overcome. Think of what the girls have been through recently, losing their mother at such a young age, when they needed her the most. Moved around from one place to another. Their little lives have been a real roller coaster for the last seven months. There’s been no security or stability. That’s why it was such a godsend when we found Sophie. They’ve blossomed here.”

Sophie’s head snapped up at that comment. Had they? she wondered.

“They are different children, and that’s why for the foreseeable future we don’t want to give them any more upheaval than is necessary, do we? That’s why it would be better for them to stay with Sophie while you are all getting to know each other.”

Louis looked up sharply. “But they’re
my
girls,” he said stubbornly. “I’m their dad. I can take them now if I want to—you can’t stop me.”

Tess shook her head. “I think Sophie already explained that I can stop you. Look, Louis, we didn’t know if you were coming back until a few days ago. We have yet to make any further decisions on the next step for the girls. We certainly won’t be changing their current situation until a few things have been clarified.”

Finally, Sophie thought, she’s playing hard ball. She felt relieved by Tess’s statement, relieved to know that the girls wouldn’t suddenly just be gone.

Louis looked dumbstruck. “What sorts of things?” he asked Tess, who smiled at him reassuringly.

“Well, why don’t you come to my office and see me this afternoon and we can talk over the details?” she said, reaching out and patting his knee. “It’s nothing to worry about, but I’m sure you would want us to check and double-check anyone who the girls might live with one day. Even you.” She went on before he could respond, “Now how about two—can you make that?”

Louis’s shoulders dropped, but he did not argue. “I suppose so,” he said, taking the card that Tess held out to him.

“Excellent.” Tess jangled as she rose to her feet. “Well, I’ll be off now, but can I suggest that we agree on a visiting strategy? First of all, it’s very important that you agree to a time and stick to it, so that the girls know they can rely on you. Second, I suggest you extend each visit a little bit. Don’t try to rush it. These things take time. I’ll see you later.” She grinned at Sophie. “Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out.”

But Sophie followed Tess out and down the stairs anyway. “Um, excuse me,” she said. “But you can’t just leave him here with me. What if he goes berserk, ties me up, and runs off with the girls? What if he’s a loony psycho killer?”

Tess smiled. “When you’ve been in my job as long as I have, you just know whether someone is the loony psycho killer type or not. There are a lot of things we have to find out about our Mr. Gregory. But I’m fairly sure that is not one of them.”

Sophie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, that’s what they said about Ted Bundy,” she replied scathingly. “Anyway, let’s not forget that it was
you
who was fairly sure it would be okay to leave two small children in
my
care, shall we?” Sophie frowned, confused by how she had managed to insult herself when Tess had been her target.

“Exactly.” Tess reached out and caught Sophie’s hand. “You’re really good at this, you know. Much better than I thought you’d be.”

“Right,” Sophie said crossly. She didn’t know whether to be touched by the compliment or to give in to an urge to hit Tess over the head with the nearest blunt instrument for manipulating her so successfully. Still, she supposed that probably made
her
the nearest thing to a loony psycho killer in the place right now.

Sophie paused as she closed the flat door behind her. She looked at the entrance to the living room and at the back of Louis’s head, which was bowed slightly. Neither girl seemed to be in the living room, so Sophie took a detour via her bedroom and stuck her head around the door. Bella was lying on the bed playing with Artemis and what once had been a pair of Sophie’s control-top satin sheer tights.

“Okay?” Sophie said. She had long ago given up wasting energy mourning the gradual demise of her wardrobe.

Bella nodded.

“Where’s Izzy?” Sophie frowned—she couldn’t see the three-year-old.

“Baking,” Bella said, pointing downward. “At least she was, but it all went a bit quiet a few minutes ago.”

Sophie walked around the bed, where sure enough, Izzy’s lower half was protruding from underneath. Sophie crouched down and peered at Izzy’s top half. The excitement of the morning must have overcome her—she was fast asleep. Carefully, Sophie fished her out from under the bed and laid her on top of it, as far away from Artemis as possible.