Authors: Phyllis Halldorson
She had to stop him before he said something about her
being too immature and she squeaked a little as she spoke. "Besides,
I'll probably want to marry again someday and it won't make it easy to
get a husband if all the boys I know think I failed with one marriage
in such a short time."
The tender look was gone and his mouth was a hard, thin
line as he got up and stood with his back to her. "So, you're already
making plans to marry some young punk who hasn't two dimes to rub
together and let me support both of you!"
She knew what he was talking about. The financial
settlement they had reached included a generous monthly allowance for
the rest of her life. There was no clause cutting it off if she married
again. Her statement had been a bluff; she knew she could never love
another man after Shane but she couldn't back down now. She sounded
more confident than she felt when she said, "What difference does it
make to you what I do with my life once you've taken my child away?
You'll have what you want!"
His shoulders slumped and he ran his hand over his hair as
he answered. "You're right, it's none of my business what you do once
you're no longer responsible for my son." He turned and started out of
the room. "Do whatever you like about an attendant. I have to go out
for a while; don't wait up for me."
The wedding was set for the first Saturday in September at
two o'clock in the afternoon and the day dawned bright and clear. Karen
awoke at five. Last night Shane had insisted she take a tranquilizer
before going to bed and she'd dropped right off to sleep, but she knew
there would be no more rest this day. She got out of bed, pulled on
jeans, a heavy sweater, and her walking shoes, and slipped quietly down
the stairs and out of the huge silent house. She shuddered as she
thought of the more than two hundred guests who would be arriving, as
well as the extra help, the florists, the caterers, the
musicians—
At least she wouldn't have to endure Audrey Templeton.
Audrey, one of the bored, restless jet set had left on a
round-the-world tour before the wedding plans were announced, and no
one knew how to get in touch with her. Karen could imagine Audrey's
reaction when she came back to find Shane married to Karen!
She determinedly shut off her thoughts and jammed her
hands in her pockets as she headed down the cliff toward the grassy
arbor where she had slept in Shane's arms. She shivered at the memory
and wondered why she felt depressed. Why wasn't she bubbling with
happiness? In a few more hours she and Shane would be repeating their
wedding vows; tonight she would again lie in his arms, this time in his
big bed, where he would make love to her. Wasn't that what she'd been
wanting all along? Wasn't that why she'd agreed to this madness?
The steep descent claimed her attention, but when she
reached the arbor the grass was wet with early morning dew, so she
climbed up on the rock above it and sat looking out across the calm,
incredibly blue ocean. There was no fog this morning—maybe it
was a good omen. A wedding day as beautiful as this one must surely
mean happiness. Happiness?
She looked back toward the house sitting like a castle in
all its splendor amid the profusely blooming flower gardens and the
rolling green lawn. For the next year she would be Shane McKittrick's
wife and mistress of all she surveyed. Surely she should feel at least
a spark of joy. Little Karen Muir, who had lived all her life in a
house that probably cost less than the furnishings in one room of this
house, would have servants to command, a fleet of cars at her disposal,
and the doors of all the beautiful people opened to her, and she didn't
have the good sense to appreciate it.
She moved restlessly and drew her knees up under her chin
and wrapped her arms around her legs. What was the matter with her
anyway? She'd gone into this with her eyes wide open. She'd shamelessly
thrown herself at Shane until he agreed to marry her. She'd argued with
Mark when he told her she was a fool. She knew beyond doubt that she
loved Shane, so what was her problem? Surely with at least a year as
his wife she could make him fall in love with her, too. She didn't
really believe he'd want a divorce after their baby was born. She knew
she attracted him physically, that was one thing he couldn't hide.
Weren't lust and love almost the same thing? He liked her, was
protective of her—he'd even admitted he was jealous of
Mark—so surely it was just a matter of time until he fell in
love with her.
But was it? Did she really know Shane? She'd thought she
did, but in the two weeks since she'd agreed to marry him he'd been so
distant. She'd hardly seen him, and when she did he was busy conferring
with Julie or a caterer or a photographer. He was sparing no expense
for this wedding, but was he really planning a wedding or was it a
deluxe business party with a marriage ceremony as part of the
entertainment?
She heard a car door slam in the distance and looked at
her watch. Six o'clock. That would be Henri, hurrying to set his pastry
dough to rise so the early arrivals could have crescent rolls, coffee
cake, and doughnuts with their coffee. Her stomach turned over at the
thought of food. She couldn't be sick! Not today!
She slid off the rock and dusted herself off with her
hands. The household was stirring; she'd better get back.
Taffy came to Karen's room at eight with breakfast for two
and they ate on the balcony that opened off her room and overlooked the
cove between the two jutting cliffs at the side of the property. Karen
hadn't asked Taffy to be her maid of honor, knowing it would embarrass
Shane, but there was no one else she wanted so she asked Shane to make
a selection. He chose the young daughter of the federal district court
judge who was going to perform the ceremony. The girl's name was Janice
and Karen had met her just once, when they discussed the gown she would
wear.
Shane must have understood Karen's need for a friend,
however, because he'd promoted Taffy to be Karen's personal maid and
companion. But she couldn't confide her fears even to Taffy.
At nine the florists arrived, at ten the caterer started
moving in, and at eleven the first out-of-town guests were at the door.
Karen stayed in her room, since she wasn't needed for anything; Julie
and Shane were directing this production. She was not expected to put
in an appearance until the familiar strains of the wedding march from
Lohengrin
signaled the start of the ceremony. She felt like the star of the show.
The production revolved around her but all she was expected to do was
learn her lines and show up at the appointed time in the proper costume.
At twelve the hairdresser arrived and set her hair, after
which Taffy drew her a warm, soothing bath, and she soaked in bubbles
for half an hour. When she got out of the tub she wrapped herself in a
terry robe and the hairdresser brushed out her hair, then pulled the
top and sides high on her head in masses of curls, but let the back
hang free to well below her shoulders. Karen approved. It made her look
older and a little taller. Next the hairdresser applied her makeup,
skillfully adding color to her unnaturally pale cheeks.
At one forty-five Taffy helped her into her wedding dress.
She was pleased with the way the designer had modified the original. It
was made of a lighter weight material and had been stripped of most of
the nonessential decoration. She stood in front of the full-length
mirror and watched as Taffy zipped the long back zipper. A layered
organza collar trimmed the scoop neckline and supplied capelike short
sleeves for her bare upper arms. The overskirt, in sheer dotted swiss
trimmed at the bottom with a row of white daisies, provided an apron
effect and stopped just above the deep flounce that became a short
train at the back. Karen was reminded of a milkmaid.
Next came the veil, wispy material that was attached to a
coronet for added height and fell to the waist in back.
Taffy was ecstatic. "Oh, Karen, it's beautiful! You're the
loveliest bride I've ever seen. Hey, don't cry, you'll ruin your
makeup!"
Karen wiped at the tears that threatened to overflow. She
knew she was being silly but she was so lonely. All her life she had
dreamed of her wedding day, always with her mother hovering over her,
helping her dress, combing her hair, and her father, looking young and
handsome in a tuxedo, walking beside her down the aisle. Well, today
was that day but there were no loving parents or lifelong friends to
share it with her. She was a stranger at her own wedding!
There was a knock on the door and her maid of honor,
Janice, entered, looking radiant in delicate blush pink. She handed
Karen a cascade of white orchids and fern. Her own bouquet was
identical but her orchids were sprayed a deep rose.
The organ, which had been playing steadily for the past
half hour, was silent. Then the tenor voice of the soloist, a friend of
Shane's from the chorus of the San Francisco Opera Company, filled the
air, accompanied by the now subdued tones of the organ. This was the
signal for Karen and Janice to appear at the top of the stairway. The
girls quickly peeked in the mirror then hurried down the hall, Janice
first, Karen behind.
As they stood there listening to the solo, Karen knew that
Shane and Mark, the best man, were standing at the bottom of the
stairs, but she couldn't see them, nor they her. She was several steps
behind Janice, who would descend the stairs first. The florists had
lined both sides of the stairway with greenery and there were baskets
of orchids at the top and bottom. So much beauty and so much expense,
and for what? she asked herself.
The soloist hit a clear, high note and the song was
finished. Karen held her breath as the organist struck the first
strains of the wedding march and Janice started slowly down the stairs.
Karen waited for Janice to reach the third step then started her
descent.
Now she could see Shane standing at the foot of the stairs
looking up at her. She caught her breath. He was so handsome! The gray
formal attire set off his dark good looks and he could have been a
prince in this fairy tale setting. Her knees shook as she took the
stairs slowly, bringing him ever closer. His deep brown eyes never left
her, and if she hadn't known better she would have been sure that they
were the eyes of a man looking at the woman he loved.
Mark, also dressed in gray, stepped forward and offered
his arm to Janice as she reached the floor. Karen's green eyes held
Shane's, and even through her mistiness she could see the open
admiration he made no attempt to conceal. When she reached the last
step he stopped her for a moment, took her pale face in his hands, and
his lips touched hers with a brief tenderness.
She wished she could cling to him, but the moment was gone
almost before it began, and he offered her his arm as they followed
Mark and Janice into the crowded, flower-banked living room, where the
judge waited behind the improvised altar.
The ceremony was short and with surprising suddenness the
vows were said, the rings exchanged, and she was in Shane's arms. This
time the kiss was mainly for the audience, warm and gentle but with
little depth.
She stood in the receiving line for what seemed like
hours. Shane introduced her to each of his two hundred guests and her
hand hurt from being shaken, her body felt battered from being hugged,
and her feet were aching in her new white satin shoes. The bar was
doing a great business and the buffet tables were loaded with food.
Tables and chairs had been set up all over the house, since the air
corning off the ocean was a little nippy for outdoor eating, and the
roar of conversation and merriment almost drowned out the orchestra.
At first Shane kept Karen with him as they roamed from
table to table accepting toasts and being proper hosts. Except for
Karen's wedding gown, they could have been hosting almost any type of
party. As the afternoon lengthened into evening Shane got caught up in
business discussions and let her wander off alone. She found a seat in
the corner of the living room, half hidden by stands of flowers, and
collapsed into it. All these people seemed to be having a marvelous
time at her wedding—she wondered why she wasn't. She was
exhausted, her head ached, and the only person she knew in this mob
besides Shane and the servants was Mark, and Mark was avoiding her.
She wished now that she had agreed to the European
honeymoon Shane had suggested. At least they would be alone by now even
if only on a plane. She'd had the quaint idea that it would be more
romantic to stay here in Shane's luxurious home, where they could have
privacy and get to know each other. Ha! Shane was as elusive as the fog
that so often shrouded the coastline in the evenings and early
mornings. Just when she thought she could reach out and grab hold of
him he wasn't really there at all.
She'd married a man that she didn't even know—a
rich, handsome, generous stranger. Now what was she going to do? In a
few hours, when he remembered he'd married her, he would take her
upstairs and do his best to get her pregnant. Is that all their wedding
night would mean to him? The making of a baby? He knew she was a
virgin, but would he remember and be gentle, considerate, or would he
think of nothing but his own satisfaction? He'd seldom even kissed her
in the past two weeks—maybe he would ignore her tonight, too.
Was he having such a good time with his guests that he'd forget his
duties as a husband?
Karen jumped to her feet and moved around, trying to
outdistance her thoughts. What was the matter with her? She loved
Shane, she wanted to go to bed with him, so why did the very thought of
his lovemaking make her break out in a cold panic?
She stood in front of the glass wall looking out into the
lighted gardens. There were people wandering around out there as well
as in the house. Would they never give up and go away? She glanced at
her watch. Ten o'clock. Eight hours since she and Shane had repeated
their wedding vows. She hadn't seen Shane for several hours, but it did
seem as if the crowd was thinning out a little. She'd caught snatches
of conversation all evening and knew some of the guests were going on
to nightclubs on the peninsula while others would return to the Bay
Area.