Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life (14 page)

Before biology class started, I noticed Brandon was kind of staring at me, but I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or not. Lately, it seemed like whenever I looked at
HIM
, he was looking at
ME
.

But then we both would look away and pretend like we WEREN’T really looking at each other.

Well, today he actually smiled at me and said, “So, which cell cycle would you rather study? Mitosis or meiosis?”

I smiled back and kind of shrugged my shoulders because actually, I HATED both of them EQUALLY. And I was afraid that anything I said would probably make me look like a BIGGER idiot than he already thought I was.

But the main reason I couldn’t talk to Brandon was because I was suffering from a very severe and debilitating case of RCS, or Roller-Coaster Syndrome. Studies show that it mainly attacks

girls between the ages of eight and sixteen.

The symptoms are difficult to describe, but whenever Brandon talks to me, my stomach feels like I’m dropping nine hundred feet at eighty miles per hour. Simply calling it “butterflies” is a common and dangerous misdiagnosis.

Suddenly, and without warning, I feel compelled to throw my hands up in the air (like I just don’t care) and scream…

“WHEEEEEE!”

Then my day got even BETTER! While I was working in the library, Brandon came in to return a book called
Photography and You
. I was just sitting there, doodling a few tattoo designs for Chloe and Zoey, when he leaned across the counter and peeked at my notebook.

“Now
that
is good! I didn’t know you were an artist!”

I looked around to see who he was talking to. Then, I totally freaked out when I realized he was actually talking to ME! I could hardly BREATHE.

“Thanks, but it’s no big deal. I’ve been going to art camp like forever. And last summer, I got practically a million mosquito bites and wow, did they ever itch!!” I babbled like an idiot.

“Well, one thing is for sure, you definitely got skillz!”

Brandon’s hair was hanging in his eyes again as he smiled and kind of leaned in even closer to look
at my sketches. I thought I was going to DIE! He smelled like Snuggle fabric softener, Axe body spray, and…red licorice?!

I couldn’t stop blushing, and there was no way I could draw with him watching me like that. I started feeling that roller-coaster thing all over again…WHEEEEE!

Suddenly Brandon’s eyes seemed to twinkle with excitement.

“Hey! Are you entering the avant-garde art competition? I’ll be covering it for the newspaper.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking about it. But everyone is saying MacKenzie’s fashion illustrations are going to win this year. So I dunno…”

“MacKenzie?! Are you kidding? You have more talent in your smallest burp than she has in her entire body. I’m serious! You know that, right?”

I could NOT believe Brandon actually said that! It
was so rude. So wickedly funny. So…TRUE!

We both laughed really hard. I didn’t know he had such a wacky sense of humor.

Soon, Chloe and Zoey came staggering up to the front desk, each loaded down with a stack of books that needed to be put away.

When they saw us, their mouths dropped open.

They looked at me, then at Brandon, then at me again. Then at Brandon. Then back at me. Then Brandon. Then me. Then Brandon again.

This went on like FOREVER!

They were gawking at us like we were a new animal exhibit at the zoo or something.

It was SO embarrassing!

Brandon’s smile went slightly crooked, but otherwise, he acted coolly nonchalant about the whole thing.

“HEY, GET A LOAD OF THOSE TWO! IT MUST BE MATING SEASON OR SOMETHING…”

“Hey, Chloe! Hey, Zoey!” he said.

But they were so shocked, they didn’t even answer him.

“Well, I better get back to class. See you later, Nikki.” Then he strolled out the door and disappeared into the hall.

Chloe and Zoey made a big deal over Brandon talking to me like that and started nagging me to admit he was my secret crush.

After I made them both pinkie swear not to tell anyone, I told them about how Brandon had helped me up after Jessica tripped me in the cafeteria a couple of weeks ago.

Then I grabbed my backpack and unzipped the cute little pocket in the front and showed them The Napkin.

At first they just stared at it in awe. But soon they were teasing me and giggling like two kindergarteners. “Brandon and Nikki sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

I told them to shut up before someone overheard them and it got out all over the school.

Chloe insisted that I keep The Napkin for the rest of my life, because there was a chance that Brandon and I could accidentally meet up on some exotic,
romantic island twenty years from now. She said it could happen just like it did in those chick flicks at the movie theater.

MY BEST FRIEND’S NAPKIN (SLEEPLESS IN SAN DIEGO)

Directed by Chloe Christina Garcia

BRANDON: I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room and be hopelessly drawn to your brains and beauty! It almost seems that we’ve met before. Perhaps in another place…another time…another life…!

ME: Alas! Allergy season is upon us. Please! Take this most cherished napkin from my very heart-wrenching, mysterious past. And do with it…what you must!!

ME: What a powerful sneeze you have! It is aptly captured in this delicate napkin of forgotten love…now merely a disposable tissue drenched in lost and shattered dreams!

BRANDON: Hark! Do mine eyes deceive me?! I’d recognize OUR napkin in even the darkest of murky depths! My joy and passion overwhelm me!

BRANDON: Is it really you? My beloved, Nikki! Finally, I’ve found my TRUE LOVE! Will you MARRY ME?!

THE END

I told Chloe her story was really sweet and romantic. But if the napkin was really dripping with snot and Brandon proposed on the spot like that, MY story would probably have a different ending.