TakeItOff (5 page)

Afterward, we all climb in the bus and start the drive to
the next town. We pull over at an all-night truck stop cafe. We count all our
tips to see who did best and talk about the show and girls during dinner.
Someone holds up his drink and says, “Good show, everybody!” We all cheer to
another good show. “Great fuckin’ night,” I say with a grin. I can’t wait ‘til
tomorrow’s show.

Birthdays at the Club

Every dancer gets to celebrate his birthday at the club. If
his birthday falls during the slow season, he will pick a spring or summer
Saturday night on which to celebrate. The club is usually decked out with party
favors provided by either the dancer or his customers. This is a big night for
the dancer, usually his biggest money night of the year. It’s customary for
every dancer in the house to come on main stage and tip the birthday boy during
his prime-time act. Twenty dollars is the norm, one hundred dollars if it’s a
good buddy. By the time the birthday boy is done with his birthday set, the
stage coordinator has to bring a broom to sweep up the money. The dancer takes
many shots on the stage, and if the dancer is smart, he tells the guys in
advance to bring shots of water or juice. The normal stage set is fifteen to
twenty minutes, but on a birthday set, it can last forty-five minutes to an
hour. The dancer also gets to choose when he wants to go up. There is a list in
back that tells each dancer when they are going up. The better guys are placed
strategically on the list so they can go onstage when more women can see them
and watch their acts. If the birthday boy isn’t one of the top dogs and usually
doesn’t go up during prime time, he will get to on his birthday.

The Customer/Stripper Relationship

There are four broad types of women who frequent a male
strip bar.

Special Event Party Girl
: A girl who attends the club
for her or her friend’s birthday or bachelorette party.

Serious Party Girl
: She’s single and ready to have
fun.

“I Hate Strip Clubs” Girl
: Her friends usually have
to drag this girl to the club. She will let you know really fast that she hates
the club and thinks male dancing is stupid. These girls can be turned around,
and some end up having a great time.

The Regular
: You know how you have the same crowd at
your local watering hole? Well, same applies here. Only they are women. This is
where you get into the whole dancer/customer relationship.

We have a saying throughout the business: “You fuck your
customer, you fuck your money!” Now, this doesn’t mean it never happens,
because it does, depending on the dancer, but it is not the norm. The dancers
who do cross that line are usually the ones who party more and are single. They
are also the ones who don’t have their shit together. We’ve met a lot of those
cats, but that’s another chapter.

The regulars are very important in making a steady income
during the weekdays. If you took out the regulars on the weekdays, there would
be many days a dancer would pay to work. Even if they only get one dance per
week, it adds up, in dollars and cents. You feel better if you can take care of
the tip-out early in the week, allowing you to make more money during the
weekend. A hundred dollars is the Mason–Dixon line for us on the weekdays. Yeah,
that’s why the smart ones learn to work the system and set up roadshows on the
weekdays, only working the club on the weekends

Some regulars go a little bit overboard in expressing their
attachment to a particular dancer. A lot of girls get tattoos of a dancer,
either his name or a symbol he uses. For example, our trunks are handmade and
guys will sometimes put a Nike swoosh on it or a Superman symbol. Sometimes a
customer will expect too much of a dancer’s time outside of work. That’s when
he will find creative ways to avoid talking to her so much.

One trick I used often when I didn’t have time to talk to a
customer was changing my voice to sound like I was a construction worker. I got
this idea when I was running my construction company one day. I didn’t have
time to answer a client’s call, so I handed my phone to one of my workers, who
was from Mexico. He answered, said I was at lunch and had left my phone with
him. He knew I didn’t like talking to her so as a joke on me, he said how much
I liked her, thought she was pretty and loved talking to her. The next day she
came to the club and really hooked me up. She said, “I didn’t know you thought
I was so pretty.” She was so happy, and I realized what a great idea this was.
I honed my accent and started answering my phone saying I was him. When a
client identified herself, I would say, “Oh is this the pretty girl he talks
about all the time?” After a short conversation she would think I was the
sweetest guy in the world and the money would roll in!

Many of the women who come in the club assume we are having
sex with just about every woman who tips us. In reality, it’s much better to
take that customer/dancer relationship to the friend zone. Believe it or not, I’ve
seen many cases where the girl chases the guy, gets the guy and then moves on.
Boys aren’t the only ones who do that. Our world is almost completely flipped
from reality. Whenever a tipper starts to get too aggressive about going out on
a date, you are about to lose her. If you can manage to take her to the friend
zone, you might keep her for a long time. I’ve seen many ex-dancers continue
friendships after the dance years are over. Usually these women will still give
them money too. As “friends”, dancers will meet up with them and have dinner
and a movie. Or just lunch.

Not all the dancers will hang out with their customers. The
ones who are in relationships usually don’t, and this is a barrier to their
ability to make more money. I am a relationship type of guy, so I found other
ways outside the club to make money. Roadshows and strip-o-grams helped quite a
bit.

Having been both single and in a relationship while
stripping, I saw the difference. When a dancer is single and on the prowl
trying to get laid, he can’t help but make money. The women sense it. It must
be chemical. When you are in a relationship, the job can be very draining
mentally. Having to deal with women coming on to you when you don’t want them
is tiring.

How to Seduce a Dancer

First of all, tip him! It’s not just about the money; it’s
about respect too. He is at work, after all. Would you tip a waiter? Also, it’s
fine to tip other dancers, but don’t get a lap dance from them. A dancer wants
to feel just as special to you as you are to him.

Humor is always a plus. Eye contact is one of the best and most
intimate ways to let him know you are interested.

Here is what
not
to do if you want to date that
stripper!

First of all, don’t ask if he’s gay! Not that there’s
anything wrong with being gay, but we get that question all the time, and it
gets old fast.

Don’t say, “Work for this dollar.” We immediately think you
are cheap. Really!? It’s a dollar. I’m mostly naked, and all I’m worth is a
dollar!?

Don’t flirt with other dancers. In this business, we meet a
lot of flakes, so don’t be one. You have developed something of a relationship
with him so standard rules now apply.

Don’t be a stalker. Following a dancer around the club while
he’s trying to work is very bad.

Don’t befriend his customers so you can get information
about him.

Don’t become a regular. He needs some space. Be cool and understanding
about his job.

Don’t pressure him to hang out after work. If he wants to,
he will ask you.

Don’t ever pull down a dancer’s pants. He is probably limp
and not exactly hanging well. This can hurt his money for the night, either
because he gets mad or the other women are not tipping him because they already
saw him naked.

Don’t say “I’ve spent all my money on you” if you haven’t.
He knows exactly how much money you’ve spent.

Don’t brag about money and not throw down. The biggest
tipper I’ve ever had told me she was just a secretary and then proceeded to
give me three hundred dollars for five minutes. That was just the first of many
tips.

Don’t make the club your reality show. Many of the regulars
like to talk and tell all the new customers who is who and who did what.

Don’t hang out at the main stage forever after he has taken
your tip. He knows you are trying to mark your territory by hanging there with
no money, and there is a line of girls who are waiting to tip him. He also
knows that if you’re too territorial, other girls will stop tipping him.

If you are dating him, don’t let everyone know. It will kill
his money! Keep cool and enjoy the ride.

Don’t play games. He has too many options. He is used to
girls lying and playing games, and he gets enough of that at work.

Don’t ask what his real name is at work. We are not
ourselves at work; we become our alter egos. This question makes us feel
mortal.

Don’t tell him you’re pregnant if you’re not! (Yes, this
happens.)

Don’t use fingernails! It hurts us and we don’t want
fingernail marks on us. It’s bad for business!

If you notice, the list of do’s is really short and the list
of don’ts is really long. The reason? We are guys. We are simple in what it
takes for us to like you. However, there’s a laundry list of things not to do
because we are complex at the same time. LOL!

Chapter Five: Tricks and Tools of the Trade

Size Matters

Our trunks are designed to make us look well hung, but
through the years we have been dancing, ninety-six percent of the guys never
stuffed their undies to make their junk look bigger. It’s too risky because in
our business, you can pretty much see everything anyway, and girls will always
try to pull your pants down to reveal the goods. If that happened and everyone
saw that your pants were stuffed, your career would be over.

One time we saw a guy with his back to us, unwrapping
something from around his cock area. When he was asked what it was, he said it
was an Ace bandage. When someone asked, “What the hell is wrong with your dick that
you need an Ace bandage?” he openly and shamelessly admitted he wrapped it
around his cock to make it look bigger. Other than that, what you see is
usually what you get.

There is one trick some guys use called “tying off”, in
which a cock pump is used to get it hard, and then you tie a string around it
to hold the blood in it.

Tying off can present dangers and lead to some pretty funny
mishaps. In one club where all the dancers were using the tie-off method, one guy
had his cock pumped to the max right in front of everyone. Then his friend
walked by and said, “Man, go somewhere else to do that.” He slapped the hose on
top of the pump. Apparently, this is a bad thing to do when the pump is at max
pressure because it tore a small incision in the guy’s dick, and the suction
filled the pump with blood in a split second. It looked as if his dick
exploded. You can imagine the terror in his eyes when he saw that. You would
have thought he won the lottery when he pulled it out and only saw a tiny cut.

Luckily, at the clubs where we worked, nobody did tying off,
and we weren’t required to do it. We even made a rule for out-of-town guys—no
tying off, period.

An Interview with Ourselves about Steroids

Q: Do male strippers use steroids?

A: Great question! Yes.

Q: Do they
all
use steroids?

A: No.

Q: Would they look good without steroids?

A: Yes, just not as hard or big but still way above the
normal guy. Dancers know that the steroids are only part of the equation, actually,
the smallest and only unnecessary part. The two larger parts are nutrition and
exercise, and there is no substitute for those. Not all dancers use steroids,
but all successful dancers eat well and hit the gym regularly.

Q: When they take steroids, do they inject them or take
pills?

A: Both.

Making Love with Your Eyes

For me, one of the best parts of being a male exotic dancer
is the love and affection thrown at me on a regular basis. Our culture seems to
focus on making women feel sexy, but in my world, the guys get to be sexy and
feel sexy—and we are happy to spread that feeling around. When a man is getting
all that attention and admiration from women, he feels not so much obligated,
but motivated, to give it back tenfold. Seducing a woman with only your eyes is
a skill that is not easily learned, but it really helps onstage. Most women
will sit in their chairs forever before getting up to tip. Eye contact and a
warm smile are the best lures. They make a big, muscular, good-looking man seem
down to earth and approachable. Most women feel that the guys are out of their
league so you have to help them loosen up and feel more confident.

Each woman needs to feel as if she’s the only girl out of
all the girls in the room, better yet the only girl in the world. She will be
nervous at first, but if you break your attention from the crowd for even a
couple of seconds and focus on her, she will feel welcome to approach you.
Sometimes, while onstage during my performance, I will look at a girl I’m
attracted to and say hi. She can’t hear me over the crowd, but she will be able
read my lips. I follow that with a quick smile and she knows that, out of that
packed crowd of women, I chose her. She now will probably come to my stage and
tip me, maybe run her hand down my chest and abs. If I see that look of “wow”
in her eyes, I will pull her in close and compliment her. Something quick and
to the point, like “You’re so pretty” or “Come find me later.” After I’m done
onstage, I will immediately write my personal number on my business card and
secretly give it to her as I walk by her table.

A woman once told me, “These guys get even more attractive
after you talk to them.” So a conversation is necessary as soon as you get a
chance. I never talk about myself. I always keep the focus on the woman.
Everyone wants to think they can capture your interest. I say something like, “So
what do you do for fun?” or “Tell me something interesting about yourself.”
These questions will also give you future date ideas. Honesty has always worked
best for me if I want to date a woman I meet at the club. But if I’m just
working for tips, I can’t always be completely honest. For example, if I’m
dating a girl and a customer asks if I’m single, I have to lie. If she knows I’m
seeing someone else, the spell is broken. It’s all about making a woman feel
sexy and special and creating a sexual charge for her. Nothing kills that
faster for a woman than thinking you are in love with another woman.

One guy always said, “Nineteen is my favorite age. Why?
Because a nineteen-year-old is old enough to do what she wants and young enough
to be dumb enough to do it.” We had an ongoing joke over the years, around
March, April and May, when these really hot girls who had just turned eighteen
would start showing up at the club in droves. I would always joke with them
that we were going to prom together. It broke the ice and a scared newbie
became another score.

The Acts

Lots of acts have been around for years. Some acts are
choreographed and require dance skills, and others are simple and undemanding.
How do we get them? We buy some, and some are handed down. Some are made up
from current songs or movies. The rookies usually are given an old, crappy act
to start with. A dancer must try out a few acts before getting a true feel for
what he can do and what he is comfortable with.

One of the old standbys, especially for guys who can’t
dance, is the bed act. A bed is set up in the middle of the stage, and a girl who
has paid for the stage dance is placed on the bed and under the sheets. The bed
is covered in red silk sheets. There are red curtains in the background, and
the dancer is wearing a red silk robe. He basically comes out to a slow song
and acts very seductive until he takes off the robe, exposing the fact that he is
wearing nothing but boxers. At this point, he climbs under the sheets with the
girl, takes off his boxers and shows the crowd before throwing them behind the
stage.

At this point, everyone in the audience thinks he is naked under
the sheets, but really he is wearing a thong. At the end of the act, after a
little grinding under the sheets, he pops his head out from under the sheets
and puffs on a cigarette. The act is basic and requires no talent, but it’s one
of the crowd favorites.

There are acts that require three to eight guys onstage,
dancing in choreographed steps. These acts are the high-octane kind that get
the crowd loud and rowdy.

Of course you have your doctor, military, cop and
firefighter acts. These are the same from club to club with a little variation
that each dancer has added. This could be from the way he dances to his song
choices.

Of course, in Texas, you’ve gotta have a cowboy, a big
cowboy. Normally, the cowboy acts are simple. A few country songs and a cowboy
hat comprise the whole act for some cowboys. For the better ones, actual choreographed
dances are used.

Our acts and costumes are designed to create a fantasy for
women. A comedian best summed up the difference between men’s and women’s
fantasies with this story.

“I went to a men’s club with my wife last week. We made an
agreement that if she went with me, I would go with her to a ladies’ club. We
got to the men’s club first, and we sat down. I watched beautiful woman after
beautiful woman walk onstage with barely anything on and just strut her stuff.
Every guy in the house was excited and fantasized about them. Then we went to a
ladies’ club, and my wife went crazy every time a dancer walked onto the stage.
These guys were fully dressed! Cop, doctor, fireman, Marine, the list just goes
on and on! I realized in that moment that a man’s fantasy is to be with a
beautiful naked woman and a woman’s fantasy is to be with a man who has a good
job!”