Take What You Want (8 page)

“
I'm
glad you were able to work things out with Dagger,” Chase
finally said.

Alex
looked up at Chase and smiled warmly. “Lesson learned,”
he said. “I'll be a lot more careful who I spend my time with
from now on.”

Alex moved to the outside
grilling station and ignited the burners, then reached below to the
mini refrigerator unit and pulled out a platter with two huge
porterhouse steaks marinating in a sauce that made Chase hum his
appreciation.

“
Smell
good from over there?” Alex asked with a smile in his voice.

Chase nervously stood up and
approached Alex at the grill. He watched him setting things up;
making sure the spices he'd need were handy and the utensils ready,
too.

“
Can
I do anything to help?” Chase asked.

“
Nope,”
Alex said. “You're my guest and you're supposed to relax.”
Alex ran an appreciative eye over Chase from head to toe.
“Although, you don't look relaxed. Do you need another drink?”

“
I'm
already feeling the first one,” Chase said. “Are you
trying to get me drunk?”

“
Would
being drunk relax you?” Alex asked.

Chase turned away. “I
don't know.”

Alex stretched around
Chase's waist to grab the long-handled tongs to set the steaks onto
the hot grill. The back of his hand dragged across Chase's hip and
Chase flinched. Alex steadied him by touching both his hips; sinking
the pads of his fingers into him.

“
Sorry
about that,” Alex said into the bend of Chase's neck.

Chase rubbed at his forehead
and grinned. The spark of heat he felt from Alex's touch had him
coming unglued. He was sweating and Alex looked annoyingly composed,
like this was nothing for him. In truth, it probably wasn't anything
out of the ordinary for Alex. He probably hit on men all the time
and watching Chase squirm from his overt flirting was most likely
nothing more than entertainment for him.

This
was
flirting, wasn't it? Chase shook off the thought and saw Alex lay
the steaks across the hot grates. The sizzling sound coming from the
searing meat and the aromas of herbs and spices that followed were
wonderful. It made his mouth water. Chase watched the steaks
cooking for a long moment until Alex broke his trance.

“
Does
your girlfriend know about you?” Alex asked.

“
She
knows I'm having dinner with you,” Chase said.

Alex
ran a hand over the neatly trimmed hair on his chin. He seemed to be
wrestling with his words and now he was the one who seemed
uncomfortable. He used the tongs to flip the steaks, then glanced at
Chase. “I think you know what I mean, Chase. My gaydar
certainly isn't a hundred percent, but it's usually pretty damn
accurate.”

Chase walked back to the
table and reached for his drink. He emptied the glass in one long
swallow, then took the pitcher and refilled it.

“
So,
does she know?” Alex asked again, looking over his shoulder at
Chase.

Another
awkward silence settled between them. Chase kept his back to Alex,
as he swirled the slushy cocktail around in his glass.

“
Am
I crossing a line by asking, Chase? If so, then tell me to mind my
own fucking business and I'll let it go.”

Chase
gave Alex a weak nod. “We've talked a little bit about it.”
My God, had he just admitted the biggest secret of his life –
out loud, and to a man he hardly knew? He felt dizzy and knew the
alcohol couldn't be blamed for it

Alex
came back to the table. He refilled his own glass and stood next to
Chase, close enough their arms almost touched. Chase could feel the
heat of the man seeping into him; igniting tiny fires beneath his
skin.

“
Have
you ever acted on it?” Alex asked in a soft voice.

“
No,”
Chase said. He answered the question much quicker and louder than he
probably should have because it came off sounding more like he was
downplaying the idea of it, as if it repulsed him.

“
Hey,
I'm certainly not judging,” Alex said. “I'd be
congratulating you if you'd said yes.”

“
It'll
never happen,” Chase said, and shook his head.

“
But,
you're curious about it, aren't you?” Alex asked.

Chase
looked at him; frustration furrowed the space between his eyebrows.
He was beginning to think his decision to have dinner with Alex was a
very bad idea. He started pondering different ways he could politely
bow out of their evening and go back to his cottage where it was
quiet – and
safe
.
Maybe if Danni called he could use that excuse to go home? But,
what would he be going home to, he asked himself, to spend the next
several hours alone with his thoughts? That was a hell he really
didn't need.

“
Hey,
I don't mean to pry into your private shit, Chase,” Alex said.
“But, I've been where you are. I know all about the inner
struggles and the sleepless nights; the boners that won't go away no
matter how many times you fuck your girlfriend.” Alex chuckled
at his last comment, then got serious again. “I've often
wondered if acknowledging my bi-side might've been easier if I'd had
someone to talk to back then, you know, someone to help me figure
things out.” Alex looked at Chase and waited for Chase's eyes
to lift. “If you need to talk, I'm happy to listen,”
Alex said with sincerity. He walked to the grill carrying his drink
with him and set it on the counter-top. He adjusted the steaks again
and looked back at Chase, still staring at his drink.

“
Can
I ask how long you've been … curious?” Alex asked.

Chase raised the glass to
his lips and took another gulp from it. “Long as I can
remember.”

“
Is
your girl okay with it?”

“
I
don't know,” Chase said. “The one conversation we had
was brief and then she flew to Colorado.”

“
This
just happened?” Alex asked.

“
Yeah,
she caught me on the computer last week,” Chase said. He
winced after the words left his mouth.

Alex
smiled. “Ahhh, watching gay porn,” he said. “The
internet is a wonderful playground for the curious – and for
those of us that are well beyond the curious stage, too.”

Chase laughed, and for the
first time since he arrived, he began to relax.

“
Steaks
are done,” Alex said. “I'll go get the salad and we can
eat.”

Alex disappeared into the
house and returned with the salad bowl and two baked potatoes. Chase
helped him arrange the food on the table and the two of them began
eating. Chase cut into his steak and moaned his appreciation.

“
This
is absolute perfection,” Chase said, slowly chewing the bite he
had in his mouth.

“
I
wasn't lying when I said I could grill a decent steak,” Alex
said. He finished his salad and spooned more onto his plate,
drizzling dressing over the greens. He took a few bites and
swallowed, then slid back in his chair; folding his hands in his lap.
“I should have acted on the fantasy sooner than I did, but I
was scared of getting caught,” Alex said. “I wasted a
lot of time and needlessly stressed myself out.”

“
How
old were you?” Chase asked in a low voice.

“
I
kissed a guy when I was a junior in high school and thought it was
pretty cool, but then I ignored the urge to do it again for years.
Repression like that isn't healthy.”

“
Is
that your best advice?” Chase asked. He tried to smile, but
the emotion didn't reach his eyes.

Alex nodded. “I've
got all kinds of wisdom for you, if you're interested.”

“
What
made you finally … act on it?” Chase asked.

“
Really
wanna to know?” Alex asked, his lips lifting in a playful grin.

“
Yeah,
I think I do,” Chase said.

“
I
was too drunk to worry about what anyone thought,” Alex said.
“It was early on in the band history and one night after a show
we all went back to our hotel suite to party. There must have been
about twenty of us, guys and girls, and everyone is getting
shitfaced, and I mean
shitfaced
.
Then the girls started taking off their clothes and that's when
things took a nose dive on the debauchery scale. It turned into an
orgy, with one large, tangled mass of flesh writhing on the floor,
the couches, any surface you could fuck on, and it was being used.
After a while, I passed out on the floor and woke up later when I
felt a hand stroking my cock. I opened my eyes and realized it was a
guy that worked on our road crew – a guy I sort of had a
thing
for, so this turn of events didn't upset me too much. It took me a
minute to realize he wasn't jerking me by mistake and so I happily
went with it. We stayed on the floor for a while and then found an
empty bedroom in the back of the suite to finish what we started.
After that, I never looked back. I liked what I liked and I made no
apologies for it, but I've always done my best to live my life in
private, until recently. My close friends knew I was bi and others
like Dagger did, too, because he's also into dudes, but other than
that, I kept that part of my life behind closed doors.”

“
That's
a good story,” Chase said. He cut another piece of steak and
put it into his mouth.

“
How
long have you been with Danni?” Alex asked.

“
Over
four years.”

“
There's
a lot of history between you, two,” Alex said. “Do you
love her?”

“
Of
course,” Chase said. “She has everything I ever wanted.”

“
Except
a dick,” Alex said.

Chase nearly choked on his
food, managed to swallow it, then washed it down with more of his
margarita. “I'm glad you find humor in this,” he said.

“
Just
so we're clear, I'm not laughing at you,” Alex said. “Our
lives are very similar, Chase. I'm proof you can figure out a way to
make it work and survive.”

“
How
do you see our lives being similar?” Chase laughed. “Is
it because Danni and I host regular weekend orgies?”

“
If
you do, I want an invite to the next one,” Alex said. “I'll
even bring the lube.”

“
How
generous of you,” Chase said, his face starting to ache from
all the smiling. He finished his steak and potato and pushed the
plate in front of him. He rubbed his over-stuffed stomach. The
feeling of fullness went beyond the food. It was Alex and the warmth
of camaraderie that hung between them, like they shared something no
one else could possibly understand. It wasn't until Alex asked the
question that he realized he was staring at him.

“
Do
any of your friends know?” Alex asked.

The
sound of Alex's voice drew Chase out of his trance. He pulled in a
long breath. “That sort of information doesn't sit well with
most men,” Chase said. “My friends would probably run me
off the island if they knew.”

“
It's
disturbing to think opinions like that still exist in this day and
age,” Alex said. “I'm sorry you've had no one to confide
in before now. I know from experience what a difficult secret this
is to live with.”

Chase shrugged. “It
doesn't bother me.”

“
I
think it does,” Alex said. “I think it bothers you a
lot, and that's why you don't want anyone to know.” Alex
drained his drink and set the glass down on the table in front of his
empty plate. “Fear can suffocate you, Chase, and prevent you
from living.”

“
I
am
living life,” Chase said. “Danni and I are getting
married next year and I'm happy. What more is there?”