Sweaters & Cigarettes (43 page)

Theo nods and gives him a quick
kiss in return.

"Sounds like a plan."

They get up from the ground and
make their way inside, Theo glancing back, only to see the backyard's tranquil
look completely destroyed from their past hour or so of actual
playing
.
And in the middle of the mayhem stands the snowman, quickly getting another
thin coat of snow, which keeps falling from the sky.

It's only when Theo actually starts
taking his jacket off, that he notices just how cold he is. He wasn't exactly
dressed for playing in the snow, and neither was Max, so they're both
half-shivering by the time they've gotten everything off. And it seems that the
snow on them has melted into their shirts and jeans, and into their shoes, and
Theo pulls Max to him to rub his hands against his cold upper arms.

"Come on," he says, both
of them shivering a bit. "Let's get warmed up."

The quickest and best way to get
warmed up is to get the wet clothes off, so they end up stripping down to their
underwear and hanging the wet clothes in the bathroom, before Theo digs through
his closet for anything that Max could borrow. He ends up handing him a dark
green Henley (one of his favorites), and Max takes it.

"Thanks," he says, eyeing
it a bit warily.

"Yeah," Theo says,
sounding a little self-conscious. "Don't have much to choose from, I'm
afraid."

Max cocks his head, as if to say
that it's fine, and Theo gets out a pair of black sweatpants, as well. He and
Max are very nearly the same height, and they're both in pretty good shape, but
where Theo has a slightly stockier build, Max is a bit more toned and slim,
which means that most of Theo's clothes will probably be a little too big for
him, anyway. So it doesn't really matter what he picks out.

"It's perfect," Max says,
with a small smirk, putting the sweatpants on. Theo is a little sad, as usual,
to see those tattoos covered up, as Max puts on the sweater, but he knows he
and Max are both too cold to walk around half-naked, right now.

Theo puts on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt,
with a hoodie over it, and as they both make their way into the kitchen to make
some coffee, he can't help but eye Max up and down. He can't help it, because
honestly, this is the first time he has seen him wear any other color than
black.

Max notices, and as they sit at the
kitchen table, he narrows his eyes at Theo, while holding a hot cup of coffee
in his hands.

"What?" he says, and Theo
half-shrugs.

"Nothing," he says,
taking a sip of the beverage. "It looks good on you."

It's true, the dark green Henley
does look good on him. Maybe it's just the dark shade of the color, an easy
transition from black, but it really does suit him.

Max glances down at himself.

"Yeah," he mutters,
tugging at the shirt a little. "Too much color, though. Not sure how to
feel about that."

Theo raises his eyebrows, and
nudges Max's foot with his own, under the table.

"Well, maybe we should take it
off, then," he suggests, a little surprised at his own words, and judging
from Max's expression when he looks up at him, he is, too.

"Yeah," he says, voice
dropping a little. "Maybe we should."

It's only a matter of minutes,
before they're back in Theo's room, grabbing and kissing, all warmed up and
therefore all for taking their clothes off. And it's only a matter of moments,
before they're in Theo's bed, Max's borrowed Henley tossed to the floor, along
with Theo's hoodie. Max straddles him, as Theo lies on his back, and Theo
helpfully arches up a little, to make it easier for Max to pull his t-shirt off,
before Max takes both Theo's hands in his own and presses them down into the
mattress.

Theo is vaguely, happily aware of
the dark leather bracelet around Max's wrist, the one with the black, imprinted
wings, and the way his own ring feels on his finger. It's weird, really, how
happy those details make him, and he kisses Max even deeper, wanting him even
closer. This is all that matters.

"We should have sex," Max
suddenly says, sounding breathless and almost comically eager, and Theo just
blinks up at him.

"Yeah," he says after a
moment, nodding, extremely aware of how both he and Max are already hard.
"We should."

Max hums in approval, kissing him
again, and Theo shivers, as those hands smooth down over his chest.

"Do you have...?" Max
murmurs, trailing off, and Theo is about to say
yes
, before he realizes
something.

No
, he doesn't. He doesn't have any lube, and he doesn't
have any condoms. He's just so used to being at Max's place, where that stuff
always seems to be readily available, that it hasn't even occurred to him that
he doesn't actually have any, himself.

So, Theo somewhat awkwardly hums
against Max's mouth, in a hesitant sound, calling for his attention, and Max
pulls away a little.

"What?" he asks, and Theo
cocks his head a bit, making Max frown. Theo answers him, feeling weirdly
embarrassed.

"I, uh..." Theo says,
glancing at the nightstand, for some reason. "I don't have any."

"You're kidding." Max
sounds disappointed, more than anything, and Theo looks up at him, shrugging.

"Why would I have any?"
he asks, and Max shrugs back.

"I don't know," he says.
"Why
wouldn't
you have any?"

Theo frowns at him, with a
are
you kidding me
-look on his face.

"This may have slipped your
mind," he says, with a surprising amount of sarcasm, "but I was a
virgin, until pretty recently. I haven't exactly needed it, before."

Max looks like he's about to say
something, but then catches himself, thinks about it, and then cocks his head.

"Fair enough," he says,
before sighing.

"Well, don't you have
any?" Theo asks, and Max looks at him.

"I don't exactly carry that
stuff around," he says, but Theo just raises his eyebrows, pointedly.

"You did, the first
time," he retorts, and Max makes a vague, non-committal gesture.

"Well, yeah," he admits.
"But I had
been
carrying it around for a while, already. I haven't
exactly refilled my wallet-supply."

He says that last part with some
amount of sarcasm, and Theo feels a slight twinge of jealousy, for some reason.

"Why not?" he asks, and
Max glances away.

"Because I haven't needed
to," he says, referring to him previously being
prepared
for such
situations, in lack of a better word. "Not since I met you."

"But you used to?" Theo
says, despite himself, and Max looks at him. He looks oddly uncomfortable, all
of a sudden, and Theo
knows
that he's not comfortable talking about
this.

"Maybe," he says.
"Yeah."

"Like... A lot?"

Max sighs, sounding almost
frustrated, along with that uncharacteristic discomfort.

"Do we really have to talk
about this, right now?" he says, and Theo, due to some kind of masochistic
curiosity, doesn't take the out that Max is giving him.

"I'm just asking," he
says instead, and Max sighs heavily, before pulling back and sitting up
straight, still straddling Theo.

"Fine," he says,
reluctantly, eyes on Theo. "Yes. Happy?"

No
, Theo wants to say. No, he's not happy. Actually,
Max's reply does nothing but make that involuntary twinge of jealousy suddenly
grow ten times bigger and stab Theo right in the gut, and he swallows hard. He
has managed to ignore it for weeks and weeks, but it's kind of hard to, when
it's unintentionally thrown in your face, over and over again. Max's mother's
reaction to her son's relationship didn't exactly help, or the general reaction
from his parents; they figured that Theo was
just another guy,
after
all.

But Theo nods. And neither of them
says a word for what feels like several, long seconds.

"Why would you ask that?"
Max eventually says, not sounding the least bit accusing or hurt. He just
sounds a little confused, and Theo glances away, somehow unable to look right
at him.

"I don't know," he
mutters, suddenly feeling oddly exposed and uncomfortable and ridiculous, and
as if Max notices, he sighs softly. He leans down and places his elbows on
either side of Theo, against the bed.

"Hey," he says gently,
using one hand to trail his fingers along Theo's hairline, very tenderly.
"You know that doesn't matter, right?"

Theo looks back at him then, and
those blue eyes look almost sad.

"I know," Theo says, his
voice almost a whisper, and Max just looks at him for a few moments.

"I haven't exactly been
good," he says quietly, trying to sound light and joking, but only coming
off as sad, which he seems to notice. "And yes, I have been with other
guys. Other... people, actually."

He glances away, and Theo vaguely
remembers that conversation they had on Max's roof, so long ago, when Max
mentioned how Beth was into him.  And when it came to whether or not he
swung that way, he said he
had tried it, once or twice,
but that it
wasn't his thing. At the time, he didn't seem too bothered about telling Theo
stuff like that, and Theo was barely jealous, because he figured that Max
wasn't his, anyway, and never would be.

This time, though, it's different.
This time, Max looks almost ashamed, ashamed about being with people that
weren't
Theo, guys or not, and suddenly, it makes Theo feel sad.

"I know that," he says,
and Max looks back at him, almost hesitantly. "And no, it doesn't
matter."

He takes a breath.

"I just used to feel like you
wouldn't want me," he admits, "because I wasn't...
experienced
."

He quirks a tiny smile at the use
of the word, one which Max tentatively mirrors.

"And sometimes, I guess I just
forget that just because you were my first, doesn't mean I was yours."
Theo swallows. "By far."

Max sighs softly, that sad look
mingling with one of pure, adoring affection, now.

"You are my first,
though," he says, smoothing his fingers over Theo's hair. "In every
way that counts."

He gives him a soft kiss.

"I've never been with anyone like
you, before," he says. "No one's ever treated me the way you do. And
I've never felt as good about myself, like I do with you."

He cocks his head a little, as
though aware of how cheesy and chick-flicky this all sounds.

"So yeah," he says,
"I've had sex before. Lots, actually. But none of them were you."

He looks at Theo pointedly, and
that look somehow completely negates the heavy, jealous pain that Theo feels in
his chest at those words, and his discomfort slowly evaporates.

"And I wasn't in a very good
place, when all that went down," Max admits, a bit more somber. "I'd
like to erase some of it, if I could. It wasn't good for me."

He just looks at Theo, then,
scanning his face with that dark blue gaze, somehow avoiding his eyes.

"You're good for me."

Theo doesn't immediately respond.
He knows that only a couple of weeks ago, he would have had a harder time
dealing with this, but now, somehow, with everything that's happened, he
doesn't. And especially after what Max told him earlier, about him moving,
which he really doesn't want to think about more than necessary.

Max waits for a moment, before
giving Theo a slightly anxious, soft look.

"Okay?" he says,
tentatively, almost with some hesitation, and Theo nods.

"Yeah," he says, and he
means it. "It's okay."

As if to enforce his words, he
reaches up to press his lips against Max's, and Max almost immediately melts
against him, in a slow, hot kiss. It's almost as if it makes every doubt in
Theo's mind evaporate, and he slowly smoothes his hands up along Max's back.

Then, out of nowhere, he remembers
something.

"Wait a minute," he says,
and Max pulls away, confused. He almost looks the tiniest bit worried, like
he's afraid Theo might have changed his mind.

"What?" he asks, and Theo
nudges him slightly, making him climb off of him.

"I might actually have
some," Theo says with a sigh, and he gets out of bed and makes his way
over to his schoolbag, which is lying on the floor by his desk.

Max waits, as Theo digs through the
bag to find what he's looking for, and when he does, he silently thanks Cassie
for somehow being psychic and simply
knowing
he would need this in the
near future. He takes a single-use packet of lube in his hand and tosses it
over at the bed, and Max catches it effortlessly. He looks down at it, raising
his eyebrows, and he gives his boyfriend a pointed look. Theo feels his face
heat up, for some reason, like he's embarrassed.